Thou shalt not whine

Never a dull moment

2012-01-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

Max came into my office while I was working and started making a very annoying noise.

When I asked him to please stop, he said "I'll stop if you say a big word"

So naturally I said......

"A big word"

"No!" he replied, "I meant a big word like discombobulated or something like that!"

Discombobulated?

???????????????

Last night, Aaron showed me a picture he had created on the computer.

(chocolate + mom = happy mom)

What can I say, my kid understands me.

I told him that he should add some Diet Dr Pepper, because combined with chocolate, that would make me even happier!

A few minutes later, he comes back with this.

I'm not sure if the addition of the delicious diet drink made me insanely happy, or just insane. It certainly appeared to have caused me to lose a bit of hair.

I told him that it would be awesome if he could give me a little more hair and while he was at it, he could give me a nice pair of shoes.

Yep, that's much better :)

What a difference a day makes, just 24 little hours........

2012-01-13T22:24:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week Max decided to make himself a 3 year calendar. He stapled about 36 pieces of paper together, and has spent the last few days drawing grids on the papers and filling in the days of the month.

Max was very upset about the fact that June only has 30 days, he feels that it should have 31 days.

In his calendar, he went ahead and gave June 31 days, because apparently, he does control the universe.

This wasn't much of a problem for him until he got to the end of December and discovered that he only had room for 30 days.

He informed me that now December will only have 30 days. (again, supreme controller of the universe)

This is actually a very big problem for me because December 31st is our wedding anniversary, and I'm not about to give that up. Next December we will have been married 20 years, so to get rid of the 31st this year would be unacceptable.

Max, being the clever little manipulator that he is, had an argument ready for me.

"If we take away the day in December and use it in June, we'll have an extra day of summer vacation!"

I have to admit, he almost got me with that argument. I love summer! An extra day in June would be lovely.

We were about to give Max a very long explanation of the reasons why we couldn't create June 31st, but we decided against it because we realized that it would be much easier just to add the extra day in June than it would be to listen to Max whine about having to erase and re write all of the numbers on his calendar.

Is everyone on board with this? June 31! Mark it on your calendar.

Perhaps we should make it into some sort of holiday so we don't need to go to work that day.

He also said that February 29th should be called Farch because it is half of February and half of March.

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Bonus!!

A completely random comment I heard by one of my children today.....

"Ask her to log in one more time and I'll show you my toenail!"

I'm going to assume it would have made more sense if I had heard the whole conversation.

I want my two dollars!!!

2012-01-11T12:03:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, the kids will find free games or Apps online, but will want to purchase the full version so I will go ahead and buy the game or app for them, then they will give me the cash.

Last night, Max mentioned that he didn't have any money left in his piggy bank.

"What about the two dollars that the tooth fairy brought you for your teeth? I asked.

"I gave those to Aaron."

I look at Aaron who is trying not to smile.

"Why did you give Aaron two dollars?"

"Well......" Max replied "I was playing this game called "Hit Aaron with a box" and Aaron said that if I decided to play the free version that I could only throw the box at him three times, but if I bought the full version I could throw the box at him more times and Aaron said that the full version costed two dollars, so I bought it!"

Aaron is now hiding under the kitchen table.

I tell Aaron to give Max his two dollars.

"But he bought the game! He gave me the money!"

"Give it back!"

"NO! He paid me for the game, hew WANTED to give me the money!

"Aaron, give him his two dollars!!"

Just then, Brielle jumped in and said "Hey Max, can I borrow your "Hit Aaron" game?"

Max said yes and so Brielle threw the box* at Aaron. Then she picked it up and threw it at him again. And again.

And again......

I think I'm going to create a game called "Stop people from throwing boxes at Aaron." The full version will be $3.00.

*It was a very small, empty box. It hardly left a mark.

Give or take a few hundred.........

2012-01-07T00:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight when my husband and I got home from our weekly Friday night date, we found Max, sitting at my computer, taking pictures of himself in Photo Booth.

I asked him who taught him how to use the program and he told me that he had figured it out by himself.

He was making up all sorts of faces and poses as the camera clicked multiple pictures of him.

After a while, my husband said "Hey Max, that's enough. All of those pictures are taking up a lot of memory on the computer, you've taken about 30 or 40 pictures."

Max looked closely at the screen then turned around and said "No Dad, it's more like 623!"

My obligitory New Year's resolution post

2012-01-02T23:55:00.000-08:00

OK, here's the deal.

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions.

There! I said it! I won't do it!

Mostly because I don't believe in starting on something where I know I will fail.

Yes, I would like to lose weight. Yes, I would like to be more organized. There are so many areas in my life where I could improve..................

But the simple truth is that there is something that works much better than stating a general goal on January first.

Would you like to know what it is?

A deadline!

Because nothing is more motivating for weight loss than a High School Reunion.

As it turns out, my High School reunion was last year, and I didn't go to it anyway, so by the way I look at it, I can push this weight loss thing back another 3 or 4 years.

Or better yet, I can just forget about the weight loss, have plastic surgery to look like that one really stuck up girl, then go to the reunion and tell everyone that I'm her.

Actually, as far as New Year's resolutions go, if I'm forced to come up with something, I think I might make the same ones that I came up with a few years ago.

1. Shave my legs.
2. Put my ironing board away.
3. Attend more blogger lunches.

Bonus for me, because my ironing board is currently stashed nicely behind the door of the laundry room :)

Happy New Year!!!

It's a Christmas shopping miracle!! (Miracle #2 if you're keeping count)

2011-12-21T12:40:00.000-08:00

Our three youngest kids started Christmas break this week, so today I took them to Costco to load up on the samples so I wouldn't need to feed them lunch. (seriously, they had a sample of the best clam chowder!)

I also planned to buy a few Christmas gifts while we were there, specifically two movies that I was looking for, and I knew that Costco would most likely have the best price for them.

When we first walked in the store we went directly to the DVD section, and we split up to look for the two movies.

We thoroughly scoured the shelves, looking for the two DVDs then finally came to the conclusion that Costco just didn't sell these two movies.

We walked through the store and completed the rest of our shopping. (and samples, we tried every one of the samples) I was disappointed that we hadn't found the movies because now I would need to stop at yet another store on the way home.

As we headed toward the check stand, I remembered that we needed Oreos. (what, you don't ever have a situation where you NEED Oreos?)

We wove through the different aisles and dodged the many overfilled shopping carts until we found the Oreos.

We put two boxes in our cart. (Hey, I said we needed them)

As we turned around to go to the Check stand, Brielle noticed something on top of some boxes of granola bars.

"Hey mom, look! Isn't that one of the movies that we were looking for?"

Sure enough, sitting right there was the first movie.

I picked it up and inspected it in disbelief, then I noticed another movie just a little farther back on the granola bars. I turned it over, and it was the second movie we were looking for!

(You just got tingles going down your spine, didn't you?)

I was in disbelief. I even dragged the kids back to look through the DVDs one more time, just to see where we had missed the movies, but we couldn't find any more of them, anywhere.

It seems that we found (and purchased) the last two of those movies in the store.

It's a Christmas shopping miracle!!

It's a Christmas chocolate candy miracle!!!!

2011-12-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

Last night I opened the kitchen closet and sitting there right in plain sight, and at my eye level, was an unopened package of Cadbury Christmas candy! (solid milk chocolate in a candy shell, to be exact)

Here's the deal, I don't remember buying it (seriously, as if I would forget buying chocolate) and no one else will admit to putting it there.

I do believe in Santa Claus!!

How many family members does it take to pull out the wiggly tooth of a very whiny six year old?

2011-12-12T06:59:00.000-08:00

Three.

#1 to tie the string around his tooth and the other end of the string to the door.

#2 to hold the kid's head still.

#3 to slam the door.

Yes, Max has lost his first tooth! (or had it forcibly removed.............)

It was most definitely ready to come out, the new tooth has already popped through. Now if we can just trick him into letting us tie the string around the other loose tooth.

The reason why someone in our family will be getting an entire case of scotch tape for Christmas.

2011-12-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

Today the kids were making ornaments to decorate the new Christmas tree that we got for our kitchen. (What, don't you have a tree in your kitchen?) (OK, so I may or may not have purchased the tree as incentive* for the kids to do something that I wanted them to do) (and I like having a tree** in the kitchen) I had planned to decorate the tree with chili peppers or something like that, but today the offspring*** were too excited and decided to take matters into their hands and use a case of printer paper to make ornaments for the new tree.

They made tons of snowflakes, a big paper chain and a really cool star for the top.

Max is an amazing kid, if he has access to a bunch of paper, scissors, tape, crayons and a stapler, there is no limit to what this kid can create.

Earlier today, Max was working on a new creation for the tree when it appeared that he needed some tape. He asked everyone if we knew where the tape was.

Due to the fact that Max is generally the only one who uses tape, none of the rest of us knew where it was.

I even checked in my super secret tape hiding place, and there wasn't any tape there. (apparently, Max discovered my super secret tape hiding place)

Max was continually growing more agitated, and kept asking us where the tape was. (because everyone knows that asking someone the same thing over and over and over will make them know the answer)

"Where is the tape?"

"Who hid the tape?"

"Why won't anybody help me find the tape?"

"Why am I the only one looking for the tape?"

And finally.........

"IT'S NOT FAIR THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE LOOKING FOR THE TAPE!!!"

I calmly suggested that he look in his room because he WAS the last one to use the tape.

"IT'S NOT IN MY ROOM!!! SOMEBODY TOOK IT!! I NEED THE TAPE!! WHY ISN'T ANYBODY HELPING ME LOOK FOR THE TAPE? IT'S NOT FAIR THAT NOBODY IS HELPING ME LOOK FOR THE TAPE!! WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS ............

Then he spotted the tape sitting on the kitchen table right next to where he was standing. "Oh there it is." he said simply, then grabbed it and walked away.

Here is what the tree looked like when the kids were finished. I actually like it! (The huge decorations kind of cover the fact that the tree is incredibly scrawny) The big square snowflakes were made by Max.

*Some people prefer to call it bribery, however, I feel that bribery is such an ugly word.

Bribery is when someone says "I'll give this to you if you do something for me" and incentive is when someone says "Do this for me, and I will give you this"

See, completely different.

**And I use the term "tree" very loosely. It was $20 at Wal Mart

***The boys actually wanted to drape the tree with cords and cables from multiple electronic devices.

Things I learned at church today

2011-11-27T23:18:00.000-08:00

Last night we got a phone call asking if we could substitute teach Max's Primary (Sunday school) class today because his regular teachers were sick.

I've heard it said that the person who teaches the lesson usually learns more than the ones being taught.

This is true, today I learned several interesting things from this group of six year olds.

Things I learned at church today

#1 Ashley's little sister likes to stick her hands in the toilet.

#2 Jeremy's little brother has eaten poop.

#3. Brinley's baby sister is turing one next week, and her mom is pregnant.

Spam spies?

2011-11-17T09:20:00.000-08:00

I have been getting emails from Groupon for a while now.

I can't remember if I actually signed up to get these, of if they got my email address by less ethical ways, either way, I've been getting at least one email a day from Groupon.

At first, they were offering me deals on things such as salon services, massages, weekend getaway packages at nice hotels. They also told me about discounts I could get at nice restaurants, flower shops and theaters.

A few weeks ago, I started to notice a trend in the type of deals being offered to me.

First I received several offers for a discount on lipo/laser treatments.

Next, they sent me offers for a discount on teeth whitening.

At first I didn't think much of it, but then over the next week, I recieved offers for laser hair removal, Botox, Microdermabrasion, sunless tanning and yoga classes.*

I began to wonder if someone from Groupon was stalking me..........

I really began to worry when they suggested I get a good deal on their carpet shampooing and house cleaning services.

Have Groupon spies been in my home???

I really hope that they haven't been spying on me, especially after getting the email, letting me know of the great deal I can get on"colon hydrotherapy."

*I'm choosing to be offended.

Halloween recap

2011-11-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

This year Halloween was a little different because my kids school had all of their Halloween festivities on Friday :0)

Usually this would mean that I would be staying up late, working on costumes Thursday night instead of the night before Halloween, however, CJ is too old to go Trick-or-treating (plus, at 6'4" he looks even older than 16) Brielle wasn't allowed to wear a costume for school, and Max decided to use one of CJ's old costumes.

This meant that I only had to make one costume!!

I was excited about this, because Aaron's costume would be super easy. (I may or may not have thrown it together Friday morning)

Apparently, it was also super difficult to understand. No one in our neighborhood could figure out what he was.

Here it is, can anyone guess what his costume is?

I will be quite impressed by the first person who guesses correctly.

Max's costume was perfect for him because...

1) It's his favorite food

2) It was already made and I didn't have to do anything.

3) It was padded so every time he tripped (because the costume was a little big on him) the padding would break his fall.

There is a hole for his face, however, he was being shy.

CJ stayed home and handed out candy. I wanted him to dress as a vampire, but he was being a bit of a party pooper.

He also handed out too much candy* because we ran out!**

The best part of the evening was when we had one piece of candy left and Max waited at the door to pass out the last piece.

A large group of kids came to the door and Max waved around the package of Whoppers and said "ONLY ONE OF YOU IS GETTING CANDY!!" He dropped the candy in the bucket of the little girl at the front of the group, then turned the candy bowl upside down "SEE! IT'S ALL GONE!" Then closed the door.

Due to the fact that I didn't need to make costumes yesterday, I was able to make some treats. A friend posted the link to this recipe for pumpkin muffins on Facebook, and I knew I had all of the ingredients,*** so I decided to make them.

They are FABULOUS! Pumpkin with cream cheese filling! MMMMM!

They were really good! They even looked good, and with my track record of making really ugly food, I felt that this was an accomplishment.

I didn't realize until last night that I accidentally put twice as much pumpkin in the recipe than it called for. I guess I just assumed that I should use a large can instead of a smaller one. They were really moist and delicious, so I think I'll double the pumpkin every time I make them.

I do have on bit of helpful advice if you decide to make these delicious muffins. When you are mixing the pumpkin/sugar/eggs on low speed in your electric mixer, be sure that when you turn the mixer off, you actually turn it off and don't accidentally turn it on high.

You will end up with pumpkin all over yourself and almost everything in your kitchen.

Trust me on this one.

*We had more kids come to our house this year than ever before. I think this was due to the really nice weather and the dozens of carloads of kids being brought to our neighborhood from who knows where. Apparently, when a few of the neighbors start handing out full size candy bars, and word gets around.

**The candy I don't like ran out. The bag of Three Musketeers was left untouched in the kitchen.

***Not really, I ended up going to the store halfway through making these to get salt, pumpkin pie spice and powdered sugar.

Quite possibly the best Max quote EVER!

2011-09-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my husband was teasing Max, and he asked him if he had a girlfriend.

Max grinned and said "I like Kate!"

When I commented that he was a little too young to have a girlfriend he said........

"Look, if I don't start meeting girls now, I'm going to live in this house FOREVER!"

If yoga people can't cough, can they sing and dance at Wal Mart?

2011-09-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

Max has spent the last three weeks in first grade, and appears to be doing just fine. I kept trying to convince him that he was going to miss me too much and I should come with him to school, but he is quite sure that I shouldn't be there.

I even offered to join him for lunch and stay for the second half of the day but he appears to be adamantly against me doing that.
He is even opposed to me standing outside and watching him through the windows.

Deep down I think he really misses me.

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Just out of curiosity, how long do you usually wave your hand in front of the towel dispenser in a public restroom before realizing that it isn't automatic and you actually need to turn the handle to get the towel out?

Not that I've ever done that.

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Earlier today I found Aaron in the kitchen holding a funnel with a balloon attached to it. He hid behind the counter and filled the balloon with flour.

He was dissapointed that he wasn't able to fill the balloon completely, but then he got a wicked grin on his face and said "Hey, I bet if I filled up a few hundred of these, sat them on the lawn then run over them with the mower, it would make a HUGE MESS!"

This is the same child who came up to me a few months ago and asked me if I could get him some liquid nitrogen.*

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Over the last few weeks, I have found a need to outlaw unnecessary sounds in our house. It's amazing how many sounds are made around here for apparently no reason whatsoever.

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Last night while the kids were finishing up with their homework, I laid on the couch and must have fallen asleep and dreamed that Aaron was in a yoga class because when he coughed loudly and woke me up, I yelled at him "YOGA PEOPLE DON'T COUGH!"**

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For some strange reason, I usually end up at Wal Mart every Saturday night with anywhere from one to four kids.
Saturday night at the Wal Mart is an interesting experience. During the shopping, Aaron generally spends his time dancing around, trying to get caught on the security cameras and having his picture posted on People of Walmart dot com.***
There is usually at least one motor home camped out in the parking lot, sometimes more. It's fun to watch how these campers make themselves at home there, we've even seen some set up a barbecue and patio furniture next to their RV.

Last Saturday night was a little bit special, however, because as we had finished our shopping experience and left the building, we were greeted by this.****

*Yes, he sometimes frightens me.

**Hey, you weren't there, it made perfectly good sense before I woke up completely.

***What can I say, at least he has a goal.

****I'm not even sure that they were all playing the same song.

Top two Max quotes of the week

2011-08-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

Max: "Last year I was in Kindergarten and I didn't have a life. This year I'm in first grade and I have a life."

Me: "What is different this year?

Max: "Well, last year all I did was play Mario Kart, this year I go to school all day and play Mario Kart."

Me:" Max, You are so cute!"

Max: "NO I'm am not cute! Boys don't want to be cute, they want to be HOT! I'm HOT not cute!!"

Cheaters never win........or do they?

2011-08-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

Mario Kart is a favorite Wii game at our house, Max has become an expert at maneuvering through all of the different tracks.

We recently set up the Wii so it will connect to the internet, and one benefit of this is that the kids are able to play Mario Kart online and race against people all over the world. It's been fun to see all of the places where the other players are from.

Last week, Aaron discovered a way to cheat and win every time he races. I asked him if he really felt OK doing this, and he said that from now on he would only do this at night when all of the other racers are from Japan.*

Tonight, Max was about to enter a race online, and asked Aaron how to cheat so he could win.

Brielle said "Max, you shouldn't cheat, that isn't very nice. Think about it, what would Jesus do?"

Max replies................... "Is Jesus Japanese?"

*Not sure why this would make cheating OK.

Edited to add: I just asked Aaron why cheating would be OK if the other players are from Japan, and he said that if he cheated and those he beat created an angry mob to come and beat him up, it should take a lot longer for the angry mob to get here from Japan than it would if it was an angry mob from around here.

And the award for the most creative excuse of the week goes to........

2011-08-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

Me: "Aaron, go clean out your closet."

Aaron: "I can't."

Me: "And why can't you?"

Aaron: ....................

Me: ????

Aaron: "Frogs. There are frogs in my closet."

Me: "Frogs?"

Aaron: "Yes, frogs, and they're jumping around."

Me: ?????

Aaron: "They're jumping around all over my closet.........and....um..... they're poison dart frogs."

Me: "Poison dart frogs?"

Aaron: "Yes, I can't clean out my closet because there are poison dart frogs hopping around in my closet, but don't go and look because they will shoot poisoned darts at you and the poison will go into your body and make your arm fall off."

Me: "Aaron!"

Aaron: "What mom."

Me: "Go clean out your closet!"

Wearing red high heels doesn't automatically make you patriotic

2011-07-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

This post should have been written several weeks ago, but it wasn't so just deal with it :)

On the fourth of July, we took the kids to a local minor league baseball game because they were going to have fireworks at the end of the game, and it had been a while since we had taken the kids to see fireworks (other than the ones we would do in our driveway)

We had some pretty good seats, front row, just behind the visiting team's bullpen. We sat and enjoyed most of the game, the weather was perfect, the kettle corn delicious, and the home team was winning.

Around the end of the 6th inning a couple walked toward us. The girl was wobbling along in super high red heels, denim daisy duke shorts and a super tight tank top. She stopped in front of us, put one hand on her hip and wiggled two fake fingernail-tipped fingers at me and Max, and said "WE are sitting there!"

I thought this was really strange, because, obviously, I was sitting there and so was Max, while she was standing in front of us with a really big attitude.....

Her date leaned toward her and said, "No, we're on the row behind them."

She pulled a face and then strutted past us.

Her date looked quite embarrassed and apologized to us as he followed her.

She sat in the seat directly behind us and her date told her that she needed to slide one more seat over. "WHY, aren't these our seats either?" the lady sitting next to her had her toddler daughter on her lap and said "Actually, that's our seat, but she probably won't be sitting in it, she wants to sit on my lap, so you can stay there if you want"

The girl (we'll call her "Ditsy") then made a very loud comment about how stupid the music was, because back when she worked at this ball park as a teenager, they only played awesome music.

Ditsy then told her date that she needed a beer. He said "We just sat down, I'll go get you one when this inning is over." The lady on the other side of them overheard this and told them that they usually stopped selling beer after the seventh inning, so they might want to go get it now.

For the next half inning, the game was quite enjoyable, without the running commentary of Ditsy, however, when they came back, it started up again.

"Here, she said to the lady next to them, I hope you like Budweiser!" and she thrust a large glass of beer toward her.

"Oh........ummmm...I don't drink."

Ditsy turned to her date and said "SEE! I TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T DRINK!" then she sat down and proceeded to start drinking her beer.

The non drinking lady next to her turned out to be quite a loyal fan of the home team. She was able to tell us all about the players and kept Ditsy informed on all the rules of the game.

(which seemed strange to me since she had worked there for several years as a teenager, in fact, to hear Ditsy tell about that time, she practically ran the place)

Just then, a foul ball was hit in our direction.

"OH LOOK!" yelled Ditsy "It's a FLY BALL!"

"Actually" said Baseball fan lady (from now on referred to as BFL)"It's a foul ball"

"Fly ball, foul ball, same thing!"

"No" corrected BFL "They are not the same thing, a foul ball is when it goes out of bounds and is out of play."

Ditsy (who has now finished about half of her beer) says "Whatever...." then she says "You know, I really HATE BASEBALL! It's so boring, I never liked watching the games when I worked here."

Just then, a batter hit a line drive to the pitcher, who threw the ball to first base, and the batter was out.

The crowd cheered and Ditsy needed to know what happened. BFL said "They threw him out at first!"

'WHAT? THEY THREW MUD ON FIRST? WHY WOULD THEY THROW MUD ON FIRST? THAT'S STUPID!"

BFL then had to explain to her what happened, and that the batter was now out and would no longer be running around the bases, to which Ditsy replied "I HATE BASEBALL!"

Since we were sitting right by the visiting team's bullpen, we were able to watch the pitcher warming up. He was doing various stretches and Ditsy said "WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING WITH HIS ARMS?

BFL then had to explain to her about how he was warming up his muscles so he could throw the ball better and have a lower chance of injury, to which Ditsy replied "I HATE BASEBALL!"

BFL continued conversations with Ditsy, explaining to her everything that was happening and at one point after a certain exciting play, Ditsy was screaming "What happened? What happened?" and after BFL explained it to her she said "That's why I HATE BASEBALL because the ball goes so fast I can't see where it's going!"

Then Ditsy started to talk about herself "I'm just finishing up my degree in public relations!" she excitedly told BFL who asked her what kind of work she planned on doing after graduating. "Well." said Ditsy "Believe it or not, I'm thinking about going to LAW SCHOOL!"

Then turning back to the game she said "I HATE BASEBALL!"

Finally, the end of the game came, (along with the end of Ditsy's beer, and I suspect a good amount of the extra beer...) the home team won, and everyone in the general admission seats in the grass on the other side of the outfield needed to move onto the playing field because the fireworks were being launched too close to where they were sitting. This took quite a while to get everyone moved, and Ditsy spent the whole time rambling on about herself.

When everyone was seated safely on the field and the lights went out for the fireworks, Ditsy leaned over to her date and loudly whispered "I HAVE TO PEE!" He said "The fireworks are starting now, can't you wait until they're over? (Obviously, they had only come for the fireworks, there's no way they came to watch the game because remember, she HATES BASEBALL)

"HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THEM TO BE OVER?" She asked her date.

BFL leaned over and said "They put on one of the best firework displays in the city, it could be 30-40 minutes long."

"I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!" Ditsy said, then proceeded to climb over the family next to them and teeter up the stairs, going as fast as she could with her knees stuck together, just as the fireworks were starting.

She wasn't gone long (or at least long enough.......) and returned to her seat and grabbed the glass with the remaining beer in it.

She watched the fireworks and continued to drink the beer, and then started using some rather foul language, which could still be heard quite clearly over the loud booms of the fireworks (fortunately, after the first firework, Max climbed into my lap, closed his eyes and covered his ears and missed her language)

The lady with the toddler must have glared at her because then I heard Ditsy say "IF YOU WANT US TO BE QUIET, JUST TELL US! DON'T KEEP LOOKING AT US! WE DON'T HAVE KIDS!"

I have no idea what not having kids had to do with anything, but I guess it seemed like an important point to Ditsy, who then continued with her profane language.

The young mom must have looked at her again because then Ditsy said.....

"STOP LOOKING AT US! IF YOU LOOK AT US AGAIN I'M GOING TO THROW BEER IN YOUR FACE!!! DO YOU WANT BEER IN YOUR FACE? LOOK AT US AGAIN AND I'LL THROW IT IN YOUR FACE!!

Nobody dared look at her after that.

The fireworks ended, and everyone cleared out of the stands.

When we left, I saw Ditsy waiting for her date, outside of the men's restroom, chugging what was left of the beer.

I only hope she didn't drive home.....

Truth in advertising? Bait and switch? Just plain not paying attention? First day on the job?

2011-07-02T14:30:00.001-07:00

This is what I ordered.......

(the one on the bottom left, the hot fudge sundae shake)

And this is what I got.

Top ten things overheard from untalented people on America's Got talent (and any other reality talent contests on television)

2011-06-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

10. My grandmother thinks I'm really talented.

9. I want this more than anyone else!

8. I've been working for this my whole life!

7. This means more to me than anything!

6. This is what I was born to do!

5. This is all I've ever wanted to do for my whole life!

4. This is my destiny! I've wanted this my whole life!

3. I've sacrificed so much, I've wanted this my whole life!

2. I've had this dream for as long as I can remember!

1. PLEASE!! JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE! I'VE WANTED THIS MY WHOLE LIFE! I WANT THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING! PLEASE! LET ME TRY IT AGAIN! I WANT THIS MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE!!!

Slow news day.....

2011-06-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much to blog about the last few days, so here's a post I wrote several years ago.

*****************************************************************

61 bits of wisdom

One thing I have learned from being a parent is that my kids will always find some way to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in their lives.

Here are 61 other things that I have learned since I have become a mom.

1. It IS possible for a two year old to memorize three ENTIRE episodes of Spongebob. (Does that make me a bad mom?)
2. A band-aid will make a bruise feel better.
3. Whenever you really do need a band-aid, they will be all gone.
4. A two year old can get the lid off of a huge, brand new Costco bottle of shampoo, and dump it all down the drain without making a single sound.
5. Your child who will always eat ANYTHING will suddenly decide that lasagna is "yucky" while you are visiting your inlaws, and your MIL has spent the entire day making homemade lasagna.
6. If you decide to go ahead and get the really expensive front row seats for the circus, so your two year old can see everything up close, he will fall asleep in the first ten minutes, and miss the whole thing.
7. No matter where you hide your make up, it will never be safe from your toddler.
8. Two year old girls believe that mascara goes directly on their cheeks, eyeliner on their lips, and lipstick is to be firmly twisted inside the cap.
9. It is possible to get nail polish out of hair.
10. The worse the word your child has learned, the more likely he is to use it during a quiet moment in church. (In my defense, he learned the word from a neighbor and made up a little song with it. Sang it in church, he did)
11. Macaroni is flammable.
12. As soon as you take your sick, feverish, limp and listless child to the doctor, the fever will disappear, and the child will run around the waiting room at full speed.
13. Even if you are positive that your baby does not know how to drink from a straw, they will figure it out if you let them chew on the straw in your Diet Coke, and you won't notice until almost half of it is gone.
14. Caffeine will keep babies awake.
15. WD 40 removes crayon from walls.
16. Tape will not fix broken crayons.
17. Tape will not fix broken crackers.
18. A toddler does not understand that tape will not fix broken crayons or crackers.
19. You will always be out of tape.
20. Babies do not like it when you are wearing a clean shirt.
21. A child can survive indefinitely eating nothing but mac-n-cheese.
22. If a child leans on the screen door long enough, it WILL break, and you will spend the next 3 hours in the emergency room getting his chin stitched up.
23. If you leave a toddler alone just long enough to go to the bathroom, he will climb on the kitchen table, and fall off, and you will spent the next two hours going to the doctor to get the gash in his ear glued back together.
24. If you have toys scattered all over the floor, and you buy a nice toybox to put all the toys in, the kids will take all the toys out of the toybox and scatter them on the floor, so they can play IN the toybox.
25. Even if you feed your kids a full seven course meal right before you take them to grandma's house, as soon as they walk in the door, they will be hungry.
26. Grandma will always feed the kids anything they want.
27. Even though the diaper box says "Up to 10 pounds" the diaper won't really hold that much poop.
28. It's not a good idea to wash disposable diapers.
29. If you do accidentally wash a disposable diaper, it takes forever to get all of the little gel pieces off of the clothes, and out of the washer.
30. Polly Pocket shoes are edible.
31. Bananas don't flush.
32. Polly Pocket clothes do.
33. Toothbrushes flush just far enough that you can't reach in and pull them out, but not so far that they won't cause the toilet to clog.
34. It costs over $200.00 for a plumber to come in and remove two toilets from the floor, and retrieve the toothbrushes.
35. Toddlers don't really care where a toothbrush has been.
36. A sequin can make it all the way through a child's digestive system.
37. Even if a child swears that they have no homework, they usually do.
38. If you think that a child might have homework, look in the cabinet under the bathroom sink, or under the cushions on the couch, you will probably find it there.
39. Spend the extra money for the leather seats in your car. It's so much easier to clean up if you have kids who are prone to carsickness.
40. Always travel with a bucket, a roll of paper towels, and a can of Lysol.
41. If you give your children Benadryl because your doctor recommends it for carsickness, it will just make them throw up purple.
42. Apparently, I don't know anything.
43. A twelve year old boy can eat an entire pizza.
44. It's always my fault when someone can't find their shoes.
45. Children really like to play with the controls on the refrigerator, so your lettuce will always be frozen.
46. After your child gets himself a popcicle always check the freezer in the garage to make sure the door is closed so it won't stay open all night, and you lose a freezer full of frozen food.
47. You will never know where all of your pens are.
48. While potty training, a child can sit on the potty for an hour and nothing will happen until 5 minutes after you put a diaper back on him.
49. Floods happen.
50. Butter isn't just for eating.
51. A toddler considers themselves fully dressed if they are wearing nothing but a hat, gloves and cowboy boots.
52. Toddlers like to undress themselves pretty much anywhere.
53. It is possible for a four year old to trash your internet off of your computer.
54. Four year olds think it's funny to watch mommy scream because they have trashed the internet from the computer.
55. Computer passwords are a good thing.
56. Kid's safety scissors can cut more than you might think.
57. Never leave any important documents where a toddler can get to them.
58. Toddlers love paper shredders.
59. No matter how many times you put your books away in the bookshelves, five minutes later, they will be all over the floor.
60. If you just got new tile, and you haven't sealed the grout yet, and a child gets tired of his grape popcicle, and puts it in a cup, the popcicle will melt, the cup will spill onto the unsealed grout, and it will leave a stain.
61. No matter what I have learned from having my kids, I wouldn't trade them for anything!!

***************************************************************************

My kids are older now, and over the last few years they've taught me many more little bits of wisdom. Tune in next time to see what they are.

A teenager's guide to Facebook

2011-06-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

Dear average teenager,

So your parents have finally relented and allowed you to have your own facebook page.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Now that you have joined all of your friends in the online world, there are many things you should know to enhance your social networking experience. Here is a checklist of things that teenagers must use when posting on Facebook.

Item #1 pictures:

Here is a list of pictures that you will be required to post on Facebook. (Should be taken in the bathroom mirror if at all possible)

1. Picture of yourself sticking your lips out like you are trying to imitate a duck. (This may be misinterpreted as making a kissy face, however, I think that "duck lips" is a more accurate description of the appearance one gives while making this face)

A variation of this photo would be to have yourself, along with one or more of your friends making this same face.

You must also include several shots of you (alone and with your friends) making this face and the peace sign at the same time.

Extra points if you are taking this picture with all of you in the bathroom mirror.

2. Picture of you making a funny face. Sneering is the most popular, however sticking out your tongue is a close second.

3. Multiple pictures of you and your friends making funny faces with the camera mere inches from your face. This one might be difficult to do in the bathroom mirror. These photos should be altered with different effects in photoshop and posted with every single effect that you can find. Please post as many of these as possible, because they are awesome.

4. Close up photo of you bending over in a low necked shirt. At least one of these should be taken with "duck lips"

Item #2. Posting:

1. Leave random song lyrics as your status at least 4 times a week.

2. Never spell out entire words. Shorten everything. Never type out the word "you" when "u" gets the point across.

3. When updating your status, be sure to be as cryptic as possible. The less that your friends understand your status update, the more likely they are to leave multiple comments, and text you to see what's going on.
Remember, it's all about the attention you can get.

4. It is required that you have frequent conversations on FB with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Be as sickeningly sweet as possible. For example:

Your status: (Insert name) Loves her/his sweetheart XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

comment: (Insert name of BF/GF) I love u 2!!

you: cant wate 2 c u!

comment: (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) kiss kiss kiss!!!

5. Be sure to keep up with your relationship status on an hourly basis, going from "single" to "in a relationship" to "it's complicated" to back to "in a relationship" and back to "single" multiple times a day."

6. At least once a week, post about how much you hate your life, so your friends will comment on how great you are.

7. Friends. Remember, the goal of Facebook is to collect as many friends as possible. It doesn't matter if you really know the people on your friends list, it's the number that matters. The more the better.

Besides, with all of the personal information that you are posting, don't you want as many people as possible to know about it?

8. Quizzes and videos, link to as many as possible! (Virusus, shmirusus, clicking on random links has never been absolutely proven to cause a virus to infect your computer)

9. Be sure to let everyone know where you are and where you are going at all times!

10. Spelling. It doesn't really matter how you spell stuff. Words such at "their, they're and there are all very interchangeable.

11. It's quite acceptable to have private conversations with your friends on Facebook. Remember, even though whatever you write is posted to your wall, it doesn't always mean that the person from school that you are talking about will ever see it, right?

Good luck young teenager! Also remember to post and tag the most embarrassing pictures of your friends that you can find!!

(I'm pretty sure that college admittance committees, future employers and parents will never see anything you have posted on Facebook)

Contest winner!! And the new business I am starting so my kids will have something to do this summer besides play the Wii

2011-05-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

The object found in the backseat of my car was....

drumroll please...............................

ONE HALF OF AN EGG SALAD SANDWICH!!!!

The winner is M-cat who guessed

"A stale pb&j from 2007 that now resembles more like mold with some brown and purple mixed in. "

Even though she didn't guess the correct kind of sandwich, she did mention mold, so she is the winner!!

I'm so glad I thought of this contest, at first I was just going to glue googly eyes on the furry sandwich and sell it on eBay as some exotic pet, but after the overwhelming response I received* it gave me an idea for a new business!

I will send moldy food to anyone you would like! (or dislike, as the case may be)

I figure this is a win/win thing for me because I haven't cleaned out my refrigerator for a while, and my kids need something to do this summer. What better thing than to have them clean all of the leftovers out of the fridge, gift wrap them and package them up to be shipped to unsuspecting people!

You have several different options for shipping.

FedEx overnight/second or third day delivery - for emergencies
USPS priority/or flat rate box - not as much of an emergency, but the best value for your dollar. (Those flat rate boxes will ship up to 70 lbs for one low price!!**)
Slow boat to China - When it doesn't need to be there immediately, but the extra time will allow it to become even more disgusting.

You know that co-worker who annoys you, send them a slice of what is almost still distinguishable as lasagna!
Or the person who gossiped about you, send them a bag of liquefied lettuce!
The neighbor who's stupid dog barks all night long? Send them a package of moldy hot dogs!!***
Just think of the possibilities if you could just learn the address of that guy that cut you off on the freeway!!

Act now, and send in an order before all of the good stuff is taken!!!!!

My kids are going to love this idea!****

*not really.
**I know that you do need to declare if you are shipping hazardous substances, I'm not really sure how you would classify moldy food.
***Allow up to three weeks for special orders.
****Not really.

It's a contest!!! AND A GIVEAWAY!!!!!

2011-05-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I discovered the object that was making that funky smell in my car.

If you can guess what it is and how long it's been there you'll win!!!!!!

The winner will receive the object, gift wrapped and sent to the enemy of their choice.

Leave your guesses in the comments.

I will also answer yes or no questions in the comments :)

Top ten things overheard when I was playing Mario Cart on the Wii with my kids

2011-05-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

#10. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

#9. "HEY! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! WHY ARE YOU GOING THE WRONG WAY!!"

#8. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

#7. "WHERE IN THE HECK IS THE B BUTTON? I CAN'T FIND THE B BUTTON!!!"

#6. "TURN AROUND MOM! YOU'RE STILL GOING THE WRONG WAY!!"

#5. "WHY DO YOU KEEP DRIVING ON THE GRASS?"

#4. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

#3. "YOU FELL OFF THE TRACK AGAIN?? WHY DO YOU KEEP FALLING OFF THE TRACK???"

#2. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

And the #1 thing overheard when I was playing Mario cart on the Wii with my kids...........

"This is what happens when you try to teach stuff to old people."

Angry feet

2011-05-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

This morning started out like any other morning. I woke up the older kids* then dragged Max out of bed.
Max is not a morning person (a trait he inherited from me) and I stood him up on the floor, holding on to him until his eyes opened a bit, and he stopped swaying.

"I'm awake mom" he croaked, then stumbled off to the bathroom.

I went back downstairs to wake up the other kids again (apparently they aren't morning people either) and when I came upstairs, Max was sitting on his bedroom floor, staring into space.

"Are you playing with your blocks instead of getting dressed?" I asked.

"No!" he growled, jumping up and grabbing his school pants.

Ten minutes later, I went back into his room to check on his progress.
He was now wearing pants, and holding a shirt.

Progress!

When I came back ten minutes later, his shirt was on and he was holding one of his tennis shoes.

"I can't find the other shoe!"

I helped him look all over his floor, behind his door (a favorite hiding place for his shoes) and under the blankets on his bed. (9 times out of 10 this is where we find his shoes) (seriously)

We couldn't find his other shoe.

I sent him to the kitchen to start eating his freshly toasted frozen waffle, and I continued to look for his other shoe.

Logically, I thought that it would probably be somewhere near the place where he found the other shoe, I looked under all of his block piles, behind the door again, in between all of his stuffed animals.......
I even looked under his pillow (remembering that time when I was Max's age and didn't want to go to school, so I hid my shoes under my pillow)

The shoe was nowhere to be found!

The time was getting late, so I grabbed his church shoes and brought them out to the kitchen.

"Sorry Max, I couldn't find your other shoe, you'll have to wear these."

"BUT NONE OF THE OTHER KIDS WEAR THEIR CHURCH SHOES TO SCHOOL!!"

The shoes are brown, and perfectly acceptable to wear to school. I pointed this out to him as I removed his one tennis shoe.

I looked up to see his arms folded across his chest in defiance, and he was wearing his angry eyes.

He refused to put the shoes on, so I put them on his feet for him. He spread his toes as wide as he could, just to make it as difficult as possible.

Fortunately, after raising his older brother, I knew how to deal with the uncooperative toes and still managed to get the shoes on, with Max giving me the evil eye the entire time.

"Oh yeah!" he growled "well then I just won't eat!" and he refused to eat any more of the waffle.

I guess he showed me.

And then I put his jacket on him, handed him his backpack, and he walked to the car...........very slowly........

Because, apparently, church shoes are incapable of moving as fast as tennis shoes.

When he gets home, I'm going to tell him that Naughty Bird ate his shoe.

* OK, CJ woke me up first so I could take him to school at 7:00, otherwise I would probably still be sleeping.....

Too many video games?

2011-05-03T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I asked Max for a kiss on the cheek. As he leaned over to kiss me, I turned my head and planted one right on his lips.

He wiped off his mouth and said "OK mom, let's try it again!"

He tried to kiss my cheek, but again, I quickly turned my head and kissed his lips.

Frustrated, he said "Again, try it again!"

The third time, he was a little quicker, and I kissed his chin, then he said "OK, score for level 1, mom, 200, Max 100. Begin level 2, double points, and GO!"

When friends stop being friends

2011-04-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

It's happened folks, I've recently discovered that I have been de-friended on Facebook.

I wouldn't have even known it, until I got a little suggestion that I add someone to my friends list, that was already on my friend list.

I laughed when I saw this, because, seriously, she's already on my friend list, and we've been friends IRL since first grade!

So, I clicked on her profile link, and I no longer have access to all of her information.

"This is strange" I thought "It must be some mistake!"

I looked at her friend list and I was not there!

It's true, I have been officially defriended.

Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do? Was it because I continually ignored her requests to join her in Farmville, Mafia wars and all of the other games she invited me to play?
Was it because I never clicked on the link to find out what questions she answered about me?
Was it because I didn't come to her (fill in any multi-level-marketing company) party when she advertized it on Facebook and begged everyone to attend?
Was it because I never included a profile picture of myself, so she just had to look at that creepy sillouette whenever I made a comment?

What would make a person purposely eliminate someone from their list of friends.

I was rather perplexed.

I decided that she probably just left her computer logged on to Facebook, and her cat defriended me.

Stupid cat.

Then other friends from my list started appearing in the "friend suggestions" page on Facebook. Three of them to be exact, and I'm pretty sure that at least one of them does not have a cat, (and I doubt that dogs have that kind of dexterity)

Now I'm wondering what is the proper protocol for this type of situation. Here are my ideas.

1) Act completely oblivious to the fact that they have purposley eliminated me from thier friend list, and send a friend request to them. (multiple times if necessary)

2) Sit in front of the computer, staring at the friend list that I'm not on, and feel bad.

3) Go out for ice cream.

Your suggestions (and friend requests) would be appreciated.

The event which caused me to realize that I should never again consult my five year old son for fashion advice

2011-03-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

Max has an incredible memory.
He is able to memorize and recall many things. This would be a skill that would prove to be rather useful in school, unfortunately, Max prefers to use this talent to memorize lines from his favorite movies. (sometimes it seems like he memorizes the whole movie....)

Last week I needed to go shopping to find a dress for a semi formal event that I will be attending. Now let me tell you that Max HATES shopping. If we have been in a store more than five minutes, he begins to whine....."Mommmmmm!* You're taking too long!"** Then proceeds to drag himself around behind me, making himself look as miserable as possible.

You get the picture.

I knew that I would need to take Max with me to the dress store, so before we went, I stopped to get Max his favorite lunch at McDonalds. He ate all of his food, and seemed quite happy. He hardly even flinched when I told him that we were going dress shopping.

As we were walking into the store I heard him mumbling "Can we order a pizza? No, you just ate lunch. Can we get stuffed crust? OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! Stuffed crust!"
I was about to tell him that I wasn't going to get him a pizza because he had just eaten lunch, but then I realized that he was reciting a scene from his current favorite movie "Despicable me"

I didn't think much of it, and we continued through the store, grabbing an armful of dresses for me to try on, with Max following behind me, whining about the fact that I was "taking too long, why are you taking so long mom? We've been here for-ev-errrrrrr!" then throwing in a few random scenes from the movie. I finally decided I was ready to go to the fitting rooms.

Max is too old to go inside the room with me, but too young to be left outside, so I took him in the fitting room, and he decided just to turn around and keep his nose in the corner while I was changing.
I tried on several dresses, but I didn't really like any of them. I finally tried one on that I liked, but it was a little tight. I asked Max "Hey buddy, what do you think? Does this dress look nice?"
Max turned around and looked at me. He paused, then he lifted his eyebrows, tilted his head and smiled so I thought he was going to say I looked nice, or that he liked the dress, and he said........

"OOOOOOOOHHHH! Stuffed crust!!"

*I've always been amazed at how Max can take the one syllable word "Mom" and turn it into 3 or 4 syllables.

**Max has not yet learned his father's technique to put a quick end to a miserable shopping trip. All he has to do is say "Just buy both of them*** and let's go."

***This works wonderfully for ME when I can't decide between two pairs of shoes, two purses, two dresses, two coats..........

Fool me once?

2011-02-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

Today Brielle was trying to play a trick on Max. She told him to say "fork" ten times really fast.

Max said "Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork."

Then she told him to say "fork" five times, really fast.

Max said "Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork."

Next, she told him to say "fork" really fast two times.

Max said "Fork, fork."

Then one time, really fast."

"FORK"

Then she told him to say "fork, r e a l l y s l o w............"

"Fffffffffffoooooooorrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkk."

Next, Brielle was ready for the punchline, and asked Max "What do you eat your soup with?"

Without hesitation, Max said "CRACKERS!!"

********************************************

Do you remember several years back when Max would use the word "also" at least three times in every sentence?

Do you remember how sad we were when he grew out of this adorable habit?

Well, never fear! Max has a new phrase! He begins EVERY sentence with..

"Well......... it's just that......."

Max: "Well, it's just that Aaron was being mean to me!"

Me: "What is he doing to be mean?"

Max: "Well, it's just that he won't let me play on the Wii!"

Me: "I told him to turn it off because it's time for bed."

Max: "Well, it's just that he turned it off and I didn't get to win!"

Aaron: "I let you finish the game first, mom told me to turn it off."

Max: "Well, it's just that I didn't win the game and I wanted to play it again until I won!"

Me: "It's bedtime, you've had plenty of time to play."

Max: "Well, it's just that I DIDN'T WIN AND I NEED TO WIN BEFORE I STOP PLAYING!"

Me: " NO, It's time to get your pajamas on."

Max: "Well, it's just that I don't know where my pajamas are!"

Me: "I washed them, they're in the dryer."

Max "Well, it's just that they shouldn't be in the dryer, they should be in my room!"

Me: "You could take them out of the dryer and put them in your room."

Max: "Well, it's just that I don't want to do that, I want to play the Wii!"

But tell me, Max, how do you REALLY feel about the snow?

2011-02-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

We got hit with a snowstorm this afternoon.
As we were driving home in the storm Max says "I have 200 reasons why I don't like snow......

#1. Because it's cold.
#2. I don't like it.
#3. I don't like it.
#4. I don't like it.
#5. I don't like it.
#6. I don't like it.
#7. I don't like it.
And the rest are "I don't like it."

Video Vednesday

2011-02-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

The reason why I'm going to stock up on Clorox wipes

2011-01-25T08:34:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a local talk show on the radio and the host asked if you have ever wanted to let a friend listen to something on your iPod, but since you don't have any speakers, you have to both lean over next to the iPod, or each use one ear bud, something that looks strange and is uncomfortable (remember that phrase "looks strange, and is uncomfortable")

He said that you really don't need to do that because everyone is carrying a speaker with them at all times!

Naturally I was intrigued, so I continued listening.

Apparently, if you take the ear buds from your iPod, and shove each one up one of your nostrils, then open your mouth and close off your throat, like you're swallowing, the sound bounces around in your nasal cavity and is amplified as it comes out of your mouth!

Yes, I know that you are thinking "Wow! That is the coolest thing I've ever heard of!" (You're certainly NOT thinking that you would look strange and be uncomfortable)

Naturally, I mentioned this to my kids, and naturally, they decided to try this.

It really worked.

Now, it wasn't really loud, or at least not nearly as loud as my kids can be on their own, however, it was really funny to see Aaron with his earbuds (I refused to let him use mine) shoved up his nose, and music coming out of his mouth.

It also looked strange and uncomfortable.

Several hours later he came up to me and was complaining that his nose hurt and he couldn't figure out why........

Because I like it when my food stares back at me

2011-01-19T11:54:00.000-08:00

A few days ago at lunchtime, Max asked me if he could have a corn dog. I was right in the middle of something, so I told him that if he would wait patiently for a few minutes, I would fix him a corn dog.

"Waiting patiently" to Max sometimes goes something like........

"MOM! MOM! I'M STARVING! I NEED A CORN DOG! I NEED A CORN DOG! PLEASE! PLEEEAAAASSSEEEE CAN YOU FIX ME A CORN DOG?!?! MOM! MOM ! MOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!"

You get the picture.

Since I was still at a point in my project that I just couldn't drop everything to go and feed a corn dog to my "starving" child, I asked CJ to fix it for him.

He agreed to help, and I thought that the matter was taken care of.

Until several minutes later when Max came back into the room, sobbing, with CJ following.

"Mom" CJ complained "I fixed him a corn dog and now he's refusing to eat it!"

"Why?" I asked.

"He says it's because it doesn't look like a person!"

Max calmed down enough to agree.

I looked at CJ and said "Seriously? What's wrong with you? You made a corn dog and it doesn't look like a person?"

Max said "NO! He didn't make it look like a person!"

CJ shook his head at Max and said "Max, corn dogs don't look like people, they look like corn dogs!"

So I had to leave my project and fix the corn dog so that Max would eat it.

NATIONAL DE-LURKING DAY!!

2011-01-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

It has just been brought to my attention that today is National De-Lurking day!

What is that you might ask?

It's when all of the people who lurk (read but don't comment) are encouraged to leave a comment.

Last year on this day, I had some of the best comments ever!

I also used my stat counter to get information to call out one of my readers who never commented. (I may have mentioned where they lived and their occupation) They commented, but have never been back.
To this person, I apologize, I didn't mean to drive you away. (not that they will see this, because as mentioned before, they haven't been back) (sigh)

Last year was so fun because I encouraged everyone to leave a comment as their favorite famous person! (Mostly so it would look like famous people were reading my blog)

I also suggested that if you couldn't think of anything to say, to just leave a really random comment such as......

"The moldy bird flies at midnight"
"Purple porcupines with rabies attack me in my sleep!"
"Target hates me!!"

Some of my favorite comments were;

Sarah Palin said...
WOW! You are amazingly funny! Your so lucky you have such creative kids. The crazy imagination leads to wonderful stories and memories. ~~~~In the 1800's, 'pants' was a dirty word in England

Barack Obama said...
I wanted to say that you have a fine blog, a bold blog, that tells the world what fine people Americans are. You are an outstanding example of the kind of person we should all seek to be. This is why I'm giving you my Nobel Peace Prize. You are that important.

George of the Jungle said...
You make me laugh. Max makes me laugh more.---It is against the law in Georgia to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole. So what am I supposed to tie the giraffe to, I ask you?

Anderson Cooper said...
The dolphin is in the washing machine, I repeat, the dolphin is in the washing machine.

To whoever left that Anderson Cooper comment, just so you know, "The dolphin is in the washing machine" has become a favorite phrase at our house.

What can I say, we're a little strange around here.

Back to the whole de-lurking thing, leave a random comment as your favorite (or least favorite) famous person.

It's like all they ever do at school is sit around watching videos on YouTube.....

2011-01-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

One of my kids brought this gem home today. Apparently, their teacher showed it to them in class.

I know there was some educational subject she was trying to teach, however, I can't figure out what.

It is really funny, it made me laugh, and I was in a grumpy mood.

The next thing I'm going to do is get Max to tell a story and we can make a video out of it.

Now all I need to do is figure out a way to make a really authentic looking "Naughty Bird" costume.......

Games children play

2011-01-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

We got the kids a Wii for Christmas, and it has provided them hours and hours of entertainment and distraction from homework and chores.

The children have come up with a new game of their own! This seems to be their favorite game, and if I had known earlier how well they played this game and how much they enjoy this game, we might not have bothered with the Wii.

What game is this you ask? I will tell you that it requires much skill, a steady hand and an eye for balancing things.

It is the ever popular game called The Stacking Game!

I'm sure you are just dying to know how to play this game aren't you?

Well, here's how to play!!!

The object of the game is to see how much garbage can be stacked in the garbage can and/or how many dirty dishes can be stacked in the sink before someone else takes out the garbage and/or loads the dishwasher!!

Hours and hours of fun for all!!!

I have to admit that at times it can be quite suspenseful, watching the garbage bag stretch almost to the point of breaking, and seeing the precariously placed glass on top of the stack of tupperware, wondering what the last item placed on the pile will be to finally make it topple.......

I am amazed at how good the offspring are at playing this particular game!

There's got to be some sort of career out there where they can use this amazing skill. Someday I hope it will make them all rich and/or famous!

A weighty issue

2011-01-02T22:49:00.000-08:00

Every year at Christmas time, I will make a 5 pound batch of fudge, give most of it away, (OK, some of it) and I will gain 10 pounds.

This year, I didn't make any fudge, nor did we get any treats from the neighbors, and I gained 5 pounds.

If tomorrow, I make 10 pounds of fudge, give away 8 pounds to the neighbors, will I lose 2 pounds, or will the neighbors just think I'm strange?

Or, if I make 15 pounds of fudge, give away 12, will I gain 3 pounds, have the neighbors think I'm strange and spend the next few weeks on the treadmill while watching re-runs of The Biggest Loser.

Or, should I just get myself a big bowl of ice cream (with homemade fudge sauce) sit in my comfortable chair and eat it while watching The Biggest Loser.

Will Jillian scream at me through my television?

If I sent her 15 pounds of fudge, would she shut up?

What do you think?

The mystery of the Christmas Eve ghost dog

2010-12-31T10:13:00.000-08:00

Every year at Christmas, especially when we are up very late on Christmas Eve we hope that our children will let us sleep in a bit on Christmas morning.

This, however, has rarely been the case.

For example, the year when Brielle was 5. I woke up Christmas morning around 4:45 because the light from the living room was shining down the hall into our bedroom. Knowing that we had most definitely turned the light off, I got up to see Brielle dancing around the living room in her new pink bathrobe, with all of her other Christmas gifts scattered around the living room.....

She had obviously been awake for quite a while.

This year, however, was different. My husband woke me up at 7:00 to tell me that the kids were ready to see their Christmas gifts. Fortunately, he was awake when the kids came upstairs, and made them sit in the family room until I got up. I was very surprised that we needed to wake up Max also, because he had been so excited the night before, and had even gone to bed really early so that Santa could come to our house without fear of being caught by him.

As the kids were opening their gifts, I thanked them for letting us sleep past 5:00 and Brielle told me this story.

"Mom, I actually woke up really early this morning, around 4:00. I layed in bed, trying to go back to sleep until about 4:30, when I decided that I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up and opened my bedroom door, and I heard what sounded like a really big dog panting loudly in the hallway, so I hurried and slammed my door, jumped back in my bed, pulled the blankets over my head and stayed there until 7:00."

We don't nor have we ever had a dog, so I was trying to think of what could have been making this noise when CJ said "Really? I heard that same noise several years ago on Christmas morning when I was about to get up really early!"

So there you have it. It seems that we have some sort of ghost dog that shows up early Christmas morning, to scare our children back into their beds so that we can get a little sleep.

Now the question, why?

My older kids have a theory that the previous owners had a dog that died on Christmas, and he comes back every year at this time.
Max thinks that Santa was still in the house.

What do you think it could be?

My obligatory after Christmas post

2010-12-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

Yes, Christmas is over in the house of whine.

I'll just give you a recap of the last few weeks.

We had a late start on decorating this year, due to the amount of work that I had, combined with school concerts, parties and three days spent at the middle school helping the Career Technology Education teacher try and teach four classes of 7th graders how to sew.......

I think my favorite kid was the one who screamed from across the classroom "I KILLED IT! I KILLED THE SEWING MACHINE! I REALLY DID! I KILLED IT!"
I went over to investigate the potential death of one of the rather new sewing machines, only to find that the thread was tangled into the bobbin case.
"You didn't kill it," I explained to the frantic kid "the thread is just tangled, I can fix it in no time."
"I didn't kill it?" he asked. (almost sounding disappointed)
"No" I said as I started clipping the thread. I soon discovered that the thread was knotted a bit more than it originally appeared. When frantic kid saw this, he slapped his forehead and started yelling again "SEE! I KNEW I KILLED IT! I REALLY KILLED IT! I KILLED THE SEWING MACHINE!"
He continued yelling this even after I fixed it. I have a sneaky suspicion that he didn't really want to learn how to sew.
The kids were making fleece hats. It was a very simple pattern and many of them finished their project quickly (however, many more of them did NOT finish quickly, however, I'm leaving that subject alone)
I had just finished fixing tangled thread in one machine and was walking across the room to fix yet another tangled thread situation (seriously, I have never seen so much tangled thread in my life!) when I saw a kid struggling to pull a white hat on his head. He pulled it down past his chin, which was OK because he had cut eye holes to see through.
"Look! I made a ski mask!"
He had indeed made himself a ski mask. One with eye holes in the front to see out of, and also eye holes in the back.
I asked him if he had cut the other eye holes for the eyes in the back of his head. He quickly felt the back of his head and said "OH NO! I guess I probably should have only cut holes in one side of the hat.
Then he caught sight of his reflection in the window. He gasped.

He was wearing what looked like a pointed white hood with eyeholes.

"Wow, I probably shouldn't have made this hat white." he said.
I agreed.

Then he took it off and threw it away.

I did survive the week of sewing education, and some kids even learned a few things :0)

And I learned that no matter how many times I reminded the kids to put the presser foot down before sewing, they still would still forget and I would end up fixing yet another tangled mess of thread........

We managed to get all of our house festively decorated a good 6 days before Christmas!

The shopping, however, was a different story.

I still had some things to buy on Christmas Eve, and headed to the store to purchase them, however, when I saw the parking lot at the grocery store, I had second thoughts. I noticed that the parking lot at Walgreens was much less crowded, and thought to myself that surely, Walgreens would have that last item that I needed, so I foolishly went for the easy parking.
No, Walgreens didn't have the item that I was looking for, I did, however, still manage to spend $23.82 on a bunch of stuff that I didn't go there to buy.

All day on Christmas Eve, Max was really struggling to contain his emotions. The excitement of the day was just too much for him, and he fought with his siblings multiple times. We had to remind him that Santa was still watching him, and even threatened to send Santa an email.
CJ finally pulled up the NORAD website so that Max could see that Santa was on his way, so he better straighten up.
It worked, mostly because Max spent the rest of the day in front of the computer, watching the updates from Santa's sleigh.

Max was ready to unwrap his new pajamas and go to bed at 6:00, however, being the meanie that I am, I insisted that he eat dinner with the family first. He did refuse dessert, and got in his jammies and went to bed early.
I guess he can't misbehave if he's asleep.

Christmas morning came, and Santa brought Max a Fisher Price camcorder (which he asked for) and a wooden train set. He played with the train set for 3 solid hours.

He used the tracks to build an amazingly accurate model of his favorite freeway interchange.

This year, we chipped in with Grandma and Grandpa and bought the kids a Wii.
Apparently, according to one of our children, we are now officially a part of the human race, due to the fact that up until Christmas morning we were the only family in our children's group of friends who did not have a Wii.

The kids played on the Wii for the majority of the day.

Sunday, none of them could move their right arms.

As it turns out, Max is really quite good at the Wii games. He has skunked his siblings multiple times. In bowling he gets mostly strikes and spares, and he is dominant in the sword fighting.

It's a good thing that Max seems to excel at the games, because as we are discovering, he is not very good at losing.

Too cool for drool?

2010-12-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

Today I scooped up Max, gave him a great big sloppy wet kiss on his cheek then sat him down.

"NO MOM!!" he complained as he wiped off his cheek "You can't kiss my cheeks, you can only kiss cheeks on NOT cool people and I am a COOL PEOPLE!!"

Do you want to see a real live video of Max???

2010-12-09T23:20:00.000-08:00

Remember my friend who is trying to get this really awesome blogging job?

She made it to the final round of voting, and today is the last day to vote!

I am asking you to click on the cute little link below and vote for her (it's a total of two clicks, how hard can that be?) (I'm quite sure that I've done way more clicking than that just in shopping online for the last few days, and voting for Debbie won't cost you any $$$ or run up any charges on your credit card)

"Cute little link"

"What's in it for you?" you ask?

Well, I'll tell you what's in it for you. If Debbie wins this whole shebang, I will post actual video of Max singing and doing an interpretive dance.

At the same time!

SERIOUSLY, HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE????

This is video yet to be filmed, so song requests may be made, however, yesterday I did find out that he knows the words to "Poker Face" and "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga.

I blame Brielle for Max learning these lyrics, however, I have a sneaky suspicion that if I ask her if she's the one responsible that she will just blame the whole thing on Naughty Bird or Naughty Reindeer. (both of whom would be appearing in the video along with Max)

Vote, then come back to tell me you voted, (which I guess would technically be a third click) then give me your song suggestions for Max's online video debut when Debbie wins.

(This may cost me dearly in the bribery department because Max is now 5 and will no longer do anything for nothing)

School Christmas program tutorial

2010-11-30T17:59:00.000-08:00

Caution, major rant ahead.

It's that time of year when parents (and grandparents, and some very dedicated aunts and uncles) have the opportunity to attend various holiday themed programs at the schools of the children in their lives.

Having four children, we have had the opportunity to attend several such events over the years. The music and other performances are wonderful, however, due to our experiences, I have compiled a list of things to remember while attending such events.

Seating

If you are saving seats for some late arriving loved ones, please make sure that they are actually planning on attending, and that they know where you are. When there is standing room only at the back of the auditorium, it's rather annoying to see you saving 8 seats for people who never show up.

Also, your two year old/purse/coat can probably sit on your lap. There are sill people standing at the back.

When the director of the event asks you to scoot in to provide more room for those who are still standing, pick up your darn purse and coat and slide over!

Noise

While I'm sure that your young child is really enjoying that noisy toy that you brought to keep them entertained, the rest of us are not, especially when your child starts banging the toy on the metal chair.

When the director of the event stands and asks everyone to quiet down, please, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

When your two young children start fighting and yelling at each other, disturbing people in every direction, please, don't ignore them, or laugh at their antics. When the lady sitting next to me tires of giving you the evil eye in hopes that you will get the hint and quiet or remove your children and finally says to your children "Please be quiet, we didn't come to hear you, we came to hear the kids sing" don't act all offended and irritated. Please, quiet and/or remove your children.

When your child's class is finished, and the next class begins, please realize that the parents of the next group will probably want to listen to their kids too. Be considerate.

Videotaping and photography

If you are filming the program, please do not stand up in the middle of the row. Please move to the side or the back. There may be someone behind you who is filming, or just wishes to see their child. Remember, you make a better door than a window as no one can actually see through you. If you choose to ignore this bit of advice, please, at least stand still so the person who might be filming behind you can see their child without having to dance back and forth and jump up and down. I will not treasure the video of the back of your head as much as I would a video of my child.

Please, remember that your younger child is not transparent either. Please do not let them stand on their chair. They aren't looking at the performance anyway, they are faced backwards, waving to all of the people who's view they are blocking.

If you see someone videotaping, please walk behind them, if you are unable to do this, either wait until they are finished filming, or if you walk in front of them, ducking to avoid blocking the view, please duck low enough that you are actually below their camera lens, otherwise, they will just get a video of you kind of ducking while walking in front of their camera. Again, I will not treasure the video of you imitating the hunchback of Notre Dame.

If everyone follows these common sense suggestions, we can all enjoy our children's Christmas programs!

And if everyone doesn't follow the above advice, I will go ahead and post all the video that I have of the back of peoples heads and the ducking hunchbacks.

Thank you.

You probably shouldn't read this post if you have a sensitive gag reflex.

2010-11-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

Last night our three oldest kids were sick. They pretty much took turns running to the bathroom to throw up. At some point during the night, they started keeping score.
Brielle was the winner for frequency, and CJ felt that he should be the winner for volume.

Aren't they just so cute?

This morning I didn't make any of them go to school (wasn't that nice of me?) I think Max might have been feeling well enough to go to school, but after his weekend of sickness, I didn't want to take any chances and let him stay home too.
They all spent the entire day sleeping, so it was like they weren't even home.

Finally, tonight, they seem to be feeling better. It looks like whatever this sickness is, it will be short lived.
Unfortunately, some of the kids "didn't have time" this weekend to do homework that was actually due today, and they want to stay home tomorrow too.

Nice try kids, because during the FOUR DAY WEEKEND you certainly didn't have any time at all to do homework, especially with all of that movie watching that you did.

So now, as I type this, there is some serious homework doing going on.

Wish them luck, I'm going to bed.

Strangers in the night.........

2010-11-28T21:07:00.000-08:00

Earlier today we saw a commercial for "Skating with the stars" * and we began discussing** the show.
While we might have many things that bug us about the show, we also talked about how there's no way that we're going to miss it.
Max listened to this conversation then said "OK, we can watch it, but let's just keep it really a secret. If someone comes to our door while it's on, we will just hurry and change the channel before we open the door, and if we leave the house while it's on, we should change the channel before we turn off the TV in case someone breaks into our house and turns on the TV, so they won't know that we've been watching it."

In other news, the kids are sick. Max started it yesterday, and in the last hour, Brielle and Aaron have proven to me that they are sick enough to let them stay home from school tomorrow.

I wondered out loud where they might have picked up this illness when Max says "I think it was some guy that came into our house while we were sleeping and coughed on us so we would all get sick."***

With this subject of people coming into our house without us knowing about it, I'm beginning to think that Max might be having a bit of anxiety about a certain "Jolly Old Elf"coming into our Christmas Eve. We've already freaked him out by telling him that Santa is watching him and knows everything that he does so he better be good, but now he's worrying about random strangers breaking into our house to make us sick or to judge our television viewing habits.....

CJ just informed me that he's starting to feel sick too.

I guess if they all stay home from school tomorrow, I can sleep in, right?

* "Stars?" seriously, I don't even know who most of them are.
** Might have been mocking more than discussing.
*** If this is the case, I certainly hope that this spreader of disease didn't come near me, however, with all 4 of the kids sick, it's just a matter of time anyway, right.

HEY! Don't forget the popcorn!

2010-11-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving afternoon, we decided to go see the new movie MEGMIND.

When we got to the theater, all the shows were sold out. (OK, they weren't actually sold out, there were a few seats available on the very front row on the side, and ever since the last time I sat there for a movie, I refuse to ever sit there again because my neck hurt on one side for a week)

The kids were all very disappointed that we weren't going to see a movie, so I suggested that we stop at Blockbuster and rent a few. When we got there, they had a sale on previously viewed movies, so we bought a few of them.

We've spent a fun weekend watching movies, yesterday we even dug out the Christmas movies. We watched "Home Alone" but Max really liked "A Christmas story" His favorite part is where the kid gets his tongue stuck on the flagpole.

We still need to watch all of the classics that were my favorites when I was a kid like "Santa Claus is coming to town" and "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer"(Not to be confused with Naughty Reindeer) Also, it's been forever since I saw the Charlie Brown Christmas special.

I plan on getting "White Christmas" for the kids to watch, and I've also heard that "Elf" is really good.

What are your favorite Christmas movies? Which ones would you suggest I get for the kids to watch.

These are a few of my least favorite things

2010-11-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

#1. Traffic
#2. Crowds
#3. Freezing
#4. Getting up at the butt crack of dawn to go and deal with #1, #2 and #3.

No, I didn't go shopping this morning, I slept in until 9:00 a.m.

Sleeping in is one of my favorite things :0)

Picky is as picky does

2010-11-25T23:16:00.000-08:00

Max isn't a big eater. He is very picky and will only eat a few different things.
For the last few years, the only thing that Max ate at Thanksgiving dinner was a roll. (no butter)

Last week I made mashed potatoes for dinner (or mashapatoes as they are referred to at our house)
I asked Max to just try one bite. I told him that if he didn't like them he didn't need to eat the rest of them.

Much to my surprise, Max took a bite.

His eyebrows popped up and he had a delighted smile on his face.

"HEY!" he exclaimed "These really taste yummy!"

Then he proceeded to eat all that I put on his plate, and a second helping.

After this incident, I had great hopes that Max would eat more than just his usual roll for Thanksgiving dinner. I spent the week talking to him about just trying one bite of everything on the table, and he actually agreed.
When it came time to eat dinner today, I asked Max what he wanted to eat and he said "I'm going to try everything on the table REMEMBER???"

I carefully put a small amount of everything on his plate. Turkey (Naughty Turkey, actually, Max and Aaron stuck him in the oven this morning, and he had been cooking all day) ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, corn, green bean casserole.....

Max looked carefully over everything on his plate, took one small bite of mashed potatoes, then proceeded to eat a roll and nothing else.

Oh well, maybe next year.

The saga of the Naughty imaginary animals part 3: Naughty bird, now you see him, now you don't, now you do......

2010-11-24T23:35:00.000-08:00

For part 1 go here.

For part 2 go here.

A few weeks ago, Max was sitting on the family room floor building something spectacular with his blocks when I asked him to go wash his hands for dinner.

He pretended to try to stand up, then fell back to the floor, sighed and said "I can't get up, Naughty Bird is holding me down and won't let me go wash my hands." Then he went back to playing with his blocks.

Daddy told Max that he really needed to go wash his hands and Max repeated "Naughty Bird won't let me!"

My husband walked over to Max, picked up Naughty Bird, opened the back door and threw him out.

Max stared for a moment then said "No Dad, Naughty Bird is still here. He died and now he is a ghost, so you can't pick him up because your hands will go right through him."
Then he went back to playing with the blocks.

I went over to Max and said "If Naughty Bird is a ghost, then he can't hold you down and make you do things, right?"

Max looked a little surprised, then got up of the floor and went to wash his hands for dinner.

Unfortunately a few days later, Max informed me that Naughty Bird had "Magically" come back to life and wasn't a ghost any more.

Awesome.

You'll never guess who showed up a few days ago.

"Naughty Turkey"

Fortunately, Aaron cleverly explained to Max that tomorrow we would be eating Naughty Turkey, so hopefully we won't be seeing much of that critter anymore.

The saga of the Naughty imaginary animals part 2: The arrival of Naughty Reindeer

2010-11-23T23:40:00.000-08:00

For part 1 go here. If you haven't read that one, this one won't make much sense.

I can't really remember the exact day that Naughty Reindeer showed up, all I remember is that it was last year about a month before Christmas.

Naughty Reindeer made Naughty Bird look like an amateur troublemaker.

This stupid reindeer seemed to have the run of the house and had the power to make Max do whatever he wanted him to. He was responsible for Max not being able to do good things like get his pajamas on, brush his teeth and flush the toilet. (for some reason, Naughty Reindeer was very much against the flushing of the toilet) and he was also responsible for things such as leaving the crayons out, knocking over block towers and scattering game and puzzle pieces all over the floor.

By this time, we had good Fewtons all over the floors in every room in our house, but apparently, the Naughty Reindeer was able to avoid them. (and when I say every room, I mean EVERY ROOM. One of the kids started scanning and printing copies of the original Fewton so Max could have more of them without having to draw and color each one individually, making it MUCH EASIER AND FASTER to make enough Fewtons to fill our house)

At that time, Max seemed to have given up the idea that NR would touch a good Fewton and become good, (and start flushing, because seriously, that whole not flushing thing was a big issue for me) So he started to make some new Fewtons.

SNAPPY Fewtons.

All Naughty Reindeer had to do was be close to the snappy fewton and the little tiny pinchers on the side would SNAP and Naughty Reindeer would be caught and Max could then force him to touch a good fewton.
Unfortunately, these did not work either, and we were now stuck with having to avoid stepping on the regular Good Fewtons, and avoiding the Snappy Fewtons so that we wouldn't have our toes snapped off.

Meanwhile, Naughty Reindeer was still up to no good.

Finally, one of the older kids had reached their limit.

"Max, isn't there any other way we can get rid of the Naughty Reindeer besides the Fewtons?"

He thought for a moment and said "Yes, we should call the Naughty Reindeer eating cats to come and get him.

Naughty Reindeer eating cats????

Yes, apparently, there are cats who like to dine on Naughty Reindeers, and as luck would have it, they live downtown and are just a phone call away.

CJ grabbed the telephone and made a call to the NRECs, and within minutes, the doorbell was ringing*

CJ answered the door.

"Hello! Are you the Naughty Reindeer eating Cats?? Thank you so much for coming!" he lifted the heavy imaginary reindeer and tossed him out the door into the eagerly awaiting arms (paws?) of the Naughty Reindeer eating cats.
"Thank you very much for coming. Have a nice day!" Then he slammed the front door and turned around to see the confused (and slightly shocked) look on Max's face.

Eventually, Naughty Reindeer managed to find his way back to our house and he brought friends, more Naughty Reindeer, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit.

And apparently, that whole Good Fewton thing doesn't last, because Naughty Bird became naughty again too.

Join us next time for part 3. The demise of Naughty Bird.

*Aaron may or may not have gone out the back door and around to the front door to ring the doorbell.

The saga of the Naughty imaginary animals part 1 - How Naughty Bird became Naughty

2010-11-22T23:47:00.000-08:00

Recently, I realized that there has been so much going on in our house concerning Max's imaginary pets "Naughty Bird" and "Naughty Reindeer" and I haven't written about any of it, mostly, because it's so complicated......

It all started last year, we went on vacation to the Grand Canyon, and while we were there, Max said that Naughty Bird wouldn't be coming home with us because he would be staying at the Grand Canyon.

Our family rejoiced.

Unfortunately, Naughty Bird found his way home, and returned to his awful ways of making messes and preventing Max from doing things that I asked him to do.

Me: "Max, it's bedtime, please get your pajamas on."

Max: "I CAN'T GET MY PAJAMAS ON BECAUSE NAUGHTY BIRD WON'T LET ME!!"

Then he would try to get up, but to no avail because Naughty Bird was holding him down.

I was quite displeased that the stupid bird had found his way home. We had spent a peaceful few months without the foul fowl and now he was back, causing problems again.

After a few days of this, I asked Max why Naughty Bird was so incredibly naughty.

Max thought for a moment and then said "Because he touched a fewton."

"What's a fewton?" I asked.

"A fewton is this thing that has a bunch of brown triangles on it and it's inside the speakers of the television."

(Yes, I'm every bit as confused as you are)

So for the next few days, any time we walked near the television, Max would freak out "NO! NO! don't get too close to the TV! You might touch the bad fewton and then you'll be naughty like Naughty Bird!!"

We lived in fear daily of accidentally touching the bad fewton.

One day, Max came up to me smiling ear to ear and said "Naughty Bird isn't naughty anymore!"

"Wow! What happened"

He then brought a piece of paper from behind his back. Max had made brightly colored shapes all over it.

"Naughty Bird touched the good fewton, and it turned him to be good!"

Then he very carefully sat it on the floor and said "I have to be very careful that I don't touch the good fewton very much, because it might make me TOO good!"

After that, Max made multiple good fewtons and laid them all over the floor in every room of our house. Heaven forbid anyone accidentally step on one, because Max would totally come unglued. I guess he felt we were in danger of being "TOO good"

Come back tomorrow and hear about the day that Naughty Reindeer arrived.

No, I'm not addicted, why do you ask?

2010-11-21T21:36:00.000-08:00

Due to the massive amounts of snow that fell last night, we ended up without power for most of the day.

Things that don't work without electricity.......

1. Internet
2. Television
3. Radio
4. Bathroom light
5. Internet
6. Hot Glue gun
7. Microwave
8. Internet
9. Electronic piano
10. Popcorn maker
11. Computer
12. DVD player
13. Internet
14. The automatic ice and water in the refrigerator door
15. Storage room light
16. Internet
17. Kitchen Aid mixer
18. Dishwasher
19. Washing machine
20. Internet
21. Cordless phones
22. Alarm clock
23. Sewing machine
24. Oven
25. Furnace
27. Internet
28. INTERNET
29. INTERNET!!!!!!

Cloudy with a chance of tantrums

2010-11-20T23:49:00.000-08:00

OK, it's official, I'm sick.

Earlier today I wrote on facebook that I would like to find the person who gave me this virus and poke them in the eye with a sharp stick.
As my head becomes increasingly congested, that stick is getting sharper and sharper.

In other news, apparently, I underestimated just how serious Max is about disliking the snow. Remember the other day when he heard the "Let it snow" song on the radio and yelled "I DON'T WANT IT TO LET IT SNOW!!""
That was nothing compared to the rant he went on earlier tonight when he saw the snow falling.

He stood in front of the window and yelled and yelled at the snow to stop falling, (because apparently he has that type of power) then he started crying, threw his arms in the air and yelled "THIS IS DEFINITELY WRONG AND IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW!!"

It's going to be a long winter.

Fashion Sheep

2010-11-19T23:45:00.000-08:00

This is a post that I wrote when I guess posted on another blog several years ago. It has never been published on my blog, so it might be new to you.

I was watching a local daytime talk show a few months ago, and one of their guests for the day was a lady who they referred to as a "fashion expert." She was there to tell us all about the new fashion trends.
Just the day before, this fashion expert (we'll call her Laverne) had gone through the closet of one of the ladies hosting the show, (Let's call her Shirley) and removed a large stack of clothes, and brought them to the television studio, and picked through them on live television.
She told Shirley that her that her clothes were out of style, and she just couldn't wear them anymore.

Shirley was shocked "But I love those clothes!" she protested.
"No" Laverne told her, picking up a really cute skirt "Nobody wears skirts that length anymore."
Shirley: But that's my favorite skirt! It's so comfortable, and it looks so cute with that pink blouse that I you told me to buy."
Laverne: No, I'm sorry, it's got to go. You really shouldn't even have this in your closet, it's quite dated.
Shirley: But I just bought it last summer!
No, it's just not in style anymore. You can't be seen in it. Donate it to charity.

Laverne went on to pick apart this poor lady's wardrobe. There was something wrong with everything.

Laverne: You really need to get rid of this suit also. The color is all wrong. This year turquoise is the hot color. Everybody will be wearing turquoise.
Shirley: I thought that gray was the hot color this year. Just a few months ago, you told me to buy everything gray.
Laverne: No, not anymore. Turquoise is now the hot color. Nobody will be wearing gray this year, everybody will be wearing turquoise!

I really felt sorry for this television host, and if I was anywhere near the size she is, I would have gladly offered to take the clothes off her hands. They were darn cute.

My question, where does this "fashion expert" lady get all this information, and why does her opinion matter so much?
Who is it in the big scheme of things that decides what's "in" and what's "out" as far as fashion trends go? Who is it that decides what does and does not look good? Why do we all need to follow what they decide?

This past winter, we were just leaving a movie theater, and a group of teenage girls came running in the door. Outside it was snowing heavily, and quite cold. These teenagers were all wearing shorts, flip flops and hoodies. The girls were all huddled together shivering, goose bumps all over their bare legs, and complaining about how cold they were.

Hello! McFly! Put some clothes on!

I would really like to know which girl in the group decided that it would be cute to wear shorts and flip flops in sub freezing temperatures, and why the other girls in the group were compelled to follow her. I wonder what would have happened if one of the girls had rebelled and worn, oh I don't know, maybe A COAT! Would she have been shunned from the group and not allowed to participate in the group activity? Would the other girls have left her alone, and then made fun of her saying how stupid she looked in her warm clothes while they stand shivering in the snow?

Why are we all such a bunch of "fashion sheep?"

What do you think, are you more likely to buy something you like that is comfortable, or something that someone else has decided looks good?

(Of course, this post doesn't apply to shoes, because most fabulous shoes just can't be comfortable;0)

The doctor is in!

2010-11-18T22:54:00.000-08:00

Dr Pepper's a drink I adore,
full of bubbles and fizzles galore.
Better than Coke, Sprite or Squirt,
and it keeps me alert.
Now I think I'll go get me some more.

:0)

The missing link???

2010-11-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

Tonight our doorbell rang and when we answered it, there was no one there.

Until the big gorilla jumped out from around the side of the house, waved his arms around, screamed, then jumped into a waiting car and sped away.

About 20 minutes later, the above scenario was repeated.

The boys filled a big bucket of water and sat it by the front door, just in case he came back, because gorillas ringing on doorbells after dark deserve a big dousing of water.

They never did come back a third time, so CJ and Aaron went looking for them, accompanied by the huge, bright green paper mache' alien head from CJ's Halloween costume a few years back.

Never a dull moment.

*********************

Today as we were driving in the car, we were listening to Christmas music, and I was singing along to "Let it snow" when Max said "THEY KEEP SAYING LET IT SNOW BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO LET IT SNOW!!!"

********************

Best quote of the day by Aaron "So basically, calories make stuff taste good!"

********************

Max: "Today friend Hunter poked my friend Garrett in the eye!"
Me: "Oh, that's too bad, I'm sure it was just an accident."
Max: "No it wasn't an accident, he meant to do it!"
Me: "Well why would he do that?'
Max: "Because he's mean."
Me: "Do you ever play with Hunter?"
Max: "No!"
Me: "Why not?"
Max: "Because he's MEAN!!"

*************************

I just realized that it's Wednesday, unfortunately, the day is almost over, so just for this week, Word Verification Wednesday will be changed to Word Verification Wednesday/Thursday!

Here's how to play:

1. go to the comment box.
2. look at the stupid word verification code.
3. come up with a (hopefully funny) definition and leave it as a comment.
4. refresh the page and play as often as you wish.

It's a way to make typing in the Word Verification code just a little less annoying.

All I want for Christmas is free shipping. And clean socks.

2010-11-16T22:48:00.000-08:00

I've got a huge work project that I am working on that will keep me super busy for the next three weeks, so last week I decided to get a jump on things and do some Christmas shopping before I got too busy. I also wanted to get a few things before everything gets sold out.

Unfortunately, the only think I've been able to get is annoyed.

Why is it that a company can't just let you know how much the shipping will be without you creating an account and/or logging in with all of your personal information?
Why can't they just give me an estimate?
Often, the price of shipping is the deciding factor on purchasing an item at one site instead of another.
Shopping from home is supposed to be easier, isn't it?
(and I guess that technically, it is easier than driving to several different stores to compare prices on the same item, but still.........)

I don't want to have an account at every website I visit, besides, I can't remember that many different usernames and passwords. (no, I won't use the same one at each site. I'm just paranoid that way) Plus, I just don't want to give my personal information to a site if I don't end up buying anything from them.

So, long story short, I haven't bought anything. (which actually has turned out to be a good thing, because one kid keeps changing his mind about what he wants)

So much for getting it done early.

In other news, the kids have figured out a way to make some of the more annoying Christmas songs more enjoyable. (did you notice how I didn't say less annoying)

They have been rewriting the lyrics.

Imagine all of us in the car singing ..............

"Last Christmas, I gave you my socks,
but the very next day, you threw them away.
This year to save you some tears,
I'll wash them before I wrap them."

Yes, I know it doesn't rhyme, however, every time we sing it, Max bursts into a fit of giggles.

And now you'll be singing the same thing whenever you hear that song too.

You're welcome.

Because it's "cool" to have frostbite (pun intended)

2010-11-15T22:36:00.000-08:00

Why do teenagers think that they don't need to wear coats in the winter?

Please discuss.

The reason that I am currently really annoyed with Naughty Reindeer

2010-11-14T20:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was trying to get Max's backpack ready for school tomorrow and I couldn't find his homework, so I asked Max where it was.

"Naughty Reindeer throwed it away. It's at the dump."

I asked him why Naughty Reindeer would do such a terrible thing like that and he said "Because he didn't like the way I did my homework. Even though I wrote really nice letters, Naughty Reindeer didn't like them and so he throwed it away."

Stupid imaginary reindeer.

Fortunately, Brielle was able to find his homework AND his library book which needs to be turned in tomorrow.

"Eventually" The Wal Mart edition

2010-11-13T21:35:00.000-08:00

Today I was trying to think of something I could write about for my obligatory NaBloPoMo post, and I couldn't come up with any great ideas, so I did what anyone would do in my situation, and took all four kids with me to Wal Mart at 9:30 on a Saturday night.

So many things to write about...................

We arrived at the Mart of Wal in good spirits. Everyone was happy, everyone was behaving. We went over all of our "goin' to the Wal Mart" rules, the most important of which was "DO NOT ASK ME TO BUY YOU ANYTHING!!"

Because I was in a festive mood, the first place we headed to was the Christmas decorations. We spent some time sniffing the cinnamon scented pine cones.

At least three of them asked me to buy them. (Yes, apparently they have very short memories because we had just gone over that rule less than two minutes ago.)

We had already decided to get new Christmas lights this year, so we looked through all of the aisles of decorations, but couldn't find them. We must have walked down every aisle three times and every time we passed the pine cones we would take a whiff of their lovely cinnamony smell and at least one child would ask if I would buy them.

Just as we had given up on finding the lights, we walked past the door to the outside garden stuff area and there they were!
I could see the lights we were interested in, unfortunately a couple was standing right in front of them, and not wanting to be rude, I decided to wait until they were finished with their very involved discussion on which lights to get so I could leisurely study the lights and decide which ones to get myself.
We wandered around for a while, and FINALLY the couple took a step to the left and I sent Aaron in to grab several boxes of lights before the people moved again.

Next, we needed butter, so naturally we went to the toy department. Actually, it was on the way, and there were a few toys I wanted to check out for Max. We looked all through the toy aisles and couldn't find either toy!

So we went to the freezer section and got some ice cream.

During this time, I had completely given up on the children actually following the "don't ask me for anything" rule but instead discovered a very useful word.

"Eventually"

This is how it works.

Offspring: "Hey mom! can we get one of these?"
Me: "Not right now."
Offspring: "Well when can we get one?"
Me: "Eventually."

It's great! No exact time is given, eventually can be pretty much an infinite amount of time.

So "eventually" we will be getting the cinnamon pine cones, caramel vanilla marshmallows, cherry chocolates, egg nog, chocolate milk, sugar cookies, different sugar cookies, and a gingerbread house kit."

Eventually.

Anyway.......

Next we went to get some honey. While I was studying the different types of honey (bear bottle vs plain bottle) I noticed that the children were dancing in the aisle. Well, Brielle was dancing, (practicing double pirouettes) however, the boys were doing something which looked a bit more like they were being attacked by an angry swarm of bees.

Suddenly, Aaron stopped dancing and looked at the ceiling.
"DARN!" He said "I can't see any security cameras that could be filming us!"

The boys stopped dancing and we moved on to the produce department because we needed celery. I asked Aaron to get me a plastic bag.
He tore the bag off of the roll, shook it to open it, then proceeded to do an interpretive dance with the plastic bag.
It's a parachute........ it's a bird,..........it's a butterfly..............it's a parachute again....

I assured him that the security cameras had probably picked up on that one.

"When we get home, can we look on peopleofwalmart.com to see if they've posted it there yet?

Next we got some bananas, and Aaron was thrilled because he was able to do the plastic produce bag dance again.

We continued shopping until we only had one item left on our list.

Crazy glue.

Now, logically, where do you think you would find crazy glue in Wal Mart. I assumed that it would be in the school supplies, however, after covering about half of the store, we finally found it in the craft department.
Seriously, who on earth would think of putting the glue in the craft department?

Here's a question. Why won't Wal Mart open a few more checkstands? There were three open, and each one had a long line of people waiting to get out. I chose the shortest line only to discover the lady in front of us had a cart clear full of stuff, and her daughter was still bringing more stuff.

Now, after the long wait in line, we will "eventually" be getting some king sized Reese's peanut butter cups, a moon pie, beef jerkey, Dr. Pepper flavored chapstick and an umbrella.

Aaron asked for one of those new fangled tongue cleaners. "Hey mom! It says it cures bad breath!"
"Yes, but you have to actually use it to make it get rid of the bad breath."
"Seriously? You have to use it for it to work??"

At least he is well versed in sarcasm.

Just before we finally got up to the checkstand, a new cashier came on duty. She must have just barely come on shift because she was cheerful and coherant. ( possibly just a little too cheerful)

"Hello! Welcome to Wal Mart Miss!" (yes, she called me "Miss" she should probably have her eyes checked as I am well into "M'am" territory")

Then she asked me my favorite question to be asked by a cashier.

"Didja find everything OK?

"No" I said, "We had to look really hard to find something.

"OH NO! Can I get someone to get it for you? What was it you were looking for?"

"Crazy glue, I just wasn't sure where to look for it"

"OH NO! Was there anyone around to help you? I'm so sorry! They should put it somewhere easier to find! I'm really sorry? Is there anything we can do to make it easier to find next time? They should really do something about that! I'm so, so sorry! Is there anything I can do for you right now to make the situation better?"

"No thanks" I said "We found it.............eventually."

Oh, well that changes everything.....

2010-11-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

This week at Brielle's Young Women's activity, the girls learned how to make their own pajama pants.
We went to the fabric store, and after looking at what seemed like every bolt of fabric, Brielle found some blue fleece with cute little pink pigs all over it.

Brielle loves pigs.

She made the pajama pants and they turned out really cute! She comes home from school and immediately changes into them. (and I can't blame her, because they look really soft and comfortable)

Tonight Brielle was attending the birthday party of her friend Audree. She was struggling to think of a present to get her, and I suggested that she make her a pair of pajama pants.
She LOVED the idea, and so off we went to the fabric store.

Again.

She found a cute print with yellow rubber ducks all over it.

As we were looking at the fleece I decided that I wanted to make myself a pair of pajama pants too, so I started looking for a print that I liked.
Brielle really got into this, and was suggesting the most bizarre prints. Bright neon tie dye fabric, bright red with big Christmas lights and big colorful crayons on a black background..........

She was really enjoying herself while thinking of me wearing pajamas made out of these fabrics.

Until I said "Just remember dear, that these pajamas will be what I will be wearing when I drop you off at school in the morning."

She paused, then disappeared around the corner. She returned and handed me a bolt of plain, dark purple fleece.

"Here mom, this is perfect!!"

Question for the day

2010-11-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

I can't think of anything to write about today (or more specifically, something I can write about in the amount of time that I have to write a post today) So I'm just going to ask a question.

If you had two round trip tickets to fly to anywhere in the country, where would you go, and why?

It's WEDNESDAY and you know what that means??

2010-11-10T05:03:00.000-08:00

It's Wednesday, and combined with the fact that I can't think of anything worth writing about, and that I might be trying to avoid doing that load of dishes in the sink, I have decided to bring back everyone's favorite game......

WORD VERIFICATION WEDNESDAY!!

Now, if you're new around here, this is how it works.

1. go to the comment box.
2. look at the stupid word verification code.
3. come up with a (hopefully funny) definition and leave it as a comment.
4. refresh the page and play as often as you wish.

Now with every good game must come some rules.

1. Please remember that my kids read my blog. Nothing rude, crude or unrefined.

2. Originally, I did not allow commenters to mock the other commenters, however, people whined and so I lifted that rule and then nobody mocked anyone anyway. I'm not sure why I even brought this up. If you feel the need to mock anyone, go ahead and mock the celebrity of your choice. If you manage to use the word verification code in the celebrity mocking, extra points will be awarded.

3. Remember, this is not a competition, but an exhibition. Please no wagering.

Here are some examples from previous Word Verification Wednesdays, submitted by my very clever readers.............

Regulsat: Describes the people who ALWAYS have to sit it the same regular spot at church.

hadsamb: A dyslexic, depressed baby sheep.

carcuse: It's a phrase that means...you are blaming your car for it.

cheds: "What's the matter with dis chihuahua? It CHEDS!! Chihuahuas aren't supposed to CHED!!"

Gasce - a fancy way to say you just farted.

dionsubi - if Brad Pitt and Madonna ever adopt a child together, I bet that would be his name.

Ratophy: When a Rat loses its muscle tone.

Pariti, the italian accent word for party in english.

Tulingal: someone who talks excessively!

cramiler: a person who squishes lots of things into her closet and also runs a mile every day

Inessess - Max speak for business as in "It is also none of your inessess."

Copap--when you and a girl friend have your GYN appointments together!

Now it's your turn, play as often as you wish!

Quick Quotes.

2010-11-09T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today Brielle was quite distressed because she witnessed two 9th graders "making out" in the hall at school.
Upon further investigation, she told me that they were just hugging.

Yesterday, upon seeing the snow on the ground, Aaron said "Well, at least now the radio station can play the Christmas music legally."

Tonight Max told me that I was "the most good person ever."

I think he wants something.

And that concludes my post for today, thus fulfilling my obligation to post every day for NaBloPoMo.
Tune in for tomorrow's post, I promise it will be better, I'm bringing back everyone's favorite* blog game "Word verification Wednesday!"

*OK, so maybe it's not everyone's favorite game, but there are two or three people that seem to enjoy it.

Random stuff.....

2010-11-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

I remember reading the drivers education manual when I got my drivers license. I don't seem to remember the section that says that when you see someone in the next lane signaling to get into your lane, that you should speed up as fast as you can because apparently, it's against the law in this state to let someone get in front of you.

Did I miss this in the manual, or did they change it?

****************************************

I'm getting sick. I mentioned this to Max this morning, and then later when I asked him for a hug, he wouldn't come near me because "I CAN'T HUG YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE GERMS!!"

This afternoon I had to lie to my little guy and tell him I felt better, just so I could get a hug.

I will say that after getting a big Max hug, I did feel a bit better.

******************************************

I picked up the kids from school today because the weather was rainy and cold. I had a few errands to run, and I made them come with me.

After a trip to the bank and to the library (to return an overdue DVD so we don't have to fund an entire new wing of the library with our overdue fees) we were headed home when Brielle mentioned that a hot apple pie from McDonald's would sure be nice right about then.

It sounded like a pretty good idea to me too, but knowing that Max doesn't like the hot apple pies, I wasn't sure how he would react to us getting a treat and not getting one for him, so I asked "Max, do you want an apple pie from McDonald's?" you know, just in case he changed his mind about liking them.

He said no.

"Would you be sad if we all got hot apple pies?"

Much to my surprise, he said yes.

Then Aaron (sensing that there was danger of him not getting a hot apple pie) asked Max "Would you be sad if we all got hot apple pies and you didn't have to eat one?" and Max replied "No, I would be very happy if you all had them!"

Seriously, how cute is that?

I pulled into the McDonald's that was just up the street, bought 4 hot apple pies for me and the three older kids, and chocolate chip cookies for Max.

Faux facial hair

2010-11-07T22:59:00.000-08:00

This afternoon Brielle came into the room and was sporting a lovely new villain type mustache, obviously drawn on with a magic marker.
I laughed, because this was funny, then asked her if she was sure that she had used a washable marker.
"Yes, it's washable, I mean, at least I think it's washable, I hope I didn't accidentally use the sharpie."
I asked, "So how would you feel if it turns out to be permanent, and you have to go to school looking like that?"
She laughed and said she wouldn't care.
A few minutes later, Max showed up wearing the exact same mustache.
"Max, why did you let your sister draw on your face?"
Max giggled.
"What if it's permanent? You could look like that forever."
He thought for a moment, then looked at himself in the mirror. He must have liked what he saw, because he left it there.
About an hour later, he came and told me that he was tired of the mustache and wanted it off.
I told him to get a washcloth, get it wet and use some soap to get it off.
He came back in the room a few minutes later with a marker streaked washcloth, and the mustache smeared onto his cheeks.
"Did you use any soap?" I asked.
"NO!, I couldn't find it! There isn't any!"
I tried to get it wiped off as good as I could with the non soapy wet washcloth, but then the doorbell rang, it was my mom who was coming over to have dinner with us.

After we were finished eating, we sat around the table and talked. Brielle was being her normal talkative self, and was discussing some very important pre teenage subject, when I finally said to her "You know, I'm having a very hard time taking you seriously right now."
She looked surprised and asked why?
"Mostly because of that silly mustache you still have on."

She laughed "Oh, I forgot about that!" Then continued on with her conversation.

Several times through the evening, I reminded her about the mustache. Apparently she kept forgetting about it, and it just didn't seem to bother her.

Later tonight, she tried unsuccessfully to remove the marker with the wet washcloth. She was getting quite frustrated, because it just wasn't coming off.

I finally stepped in and used some soap on the washcloth, and amazingly enough, the marker came right off.

Imagine that. Soap.

I used it on Max's face too. Max is now mustache free.

p.s. Remember to vote for Crash :0)

Look out! We're going to CRASH!

2010-11-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

My Friend Crash is in the running to get this sweet new job, only she needs our votes to get into the final round.

She's a fabulous writer, cute as a button, and it would be really cool if she won!

Why should you vote for her, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you why!

Top Ten reasons why you should vote for Crash

#10 She is in tune with the Universe.

#9 When she wins, she will buy everyone a pony.*

#8 Even though she believes in unicorns and glitter, she isn't annoying like Flo from the Progressive commercials.

#7 She cares about our fiber.

#6 When she wins, there's a pretty good chance that she won't increase the national debt.

#5 She is a better dancer than Bristol Palin.

#4. If you don't vote for her, Max will send Naughty bird, Naughty frog, Naughty Rabbit AND Naughty Reindeer to live at your house.

#3. When she wins, we can all say that we knew her back before she was all famous.

#2 She has AWESOME footwear.

#1. Vote for Crash, and your wildest dreams will come true!

Please click on the button above and vote for her! It's super easy! Only two clicks, then come back and tell me that you voted, so I don't have to send all of the naughty animals to your house.

You can vote once a day, every day for the next 5 days. If she is in the top 20, then she will make it to the final round, and that would be so awesome!

Some have said that you can vote once a day from every computer, or phone, or iPod or whatever, but it might be one vote per IP address, in which case, I will be driving around town, using the free Wi Fi from every public library, Starbucks and Burger King I can find.

Remember, vote early, vote often, tell your friends to vote too.

Thanks a bunch!!!!

*I didn't actually check with her on this one, however, I'm sure that she'll follow through.........OK, maybe not really sure, but I think that she would really like to buy everyone a pony, but then again, maybe not, perhaps she doesn't like ponies, but you'll have to ask her, because she's the one that would be buying the ponies (or not) and I really don't have any clue where she would buy that many ponies in the first place, and can you just imagine what a mess they would make in her back yard while they wait for you to come and pick them up? Yes, you would have to pick up your own pony yourself. WHAT? you don't think you should have to pick up the pony yourself? HEY, the pony is free (or at least relatively so, considering that you will need to vote for her every day for the next five days, but really, how hard is it to click on a link and then click one more time to vote for her) the least you could do is pick up your free pony yourself!
I mean if she actually does buy the ponies, and like I said, I didn't actually ask her if she would be doing this.

Maybe she will just bake you a cake, she does deliver cakes.

What's the problem?

2010-11-05T23:24:00.000-07:00

For the last few days, Aaron has spent his time tormenting Max.

Day 1

Max came up to me sobbing.
Me: "What's wrong?"
Max: (between sobs)"Aaron said that I'm in his tummy!"
Me: "Well, are you?"
Max: "No."
Me: "Then what's the problem?"

Max calms down and walks away.

Day 2

Max comes up to me sobbing.

Me: "What's wrong?"
Max: (between sobs) Aaron took my nose!"
Me: "Feel your face, is your nose there?"
Max: (feels his face) my nose is here"
Me: "Then what's the problem?"

Max calms down and walks away

Day 3

Max comes up to me sobbing.
Max: "Aaron says he's going to take my eyeballs!"
Me: "Do you really think he can do that?"
Max: "No."
Me: "Then what's the problem?"
Max calms down and walks away.

Day 4

Max comes up to me sobbing
Max: "Mom! Aaron said I set off the alarm and the police are here to get me!"
Me: "Did you hear the alarm?"
Max: "No."
Me: "Are the police here?"
Max: "No."
Me: "Then what's the problem?"

Max calms down and walks away.

I'm beginning to think that Aaron's sense of humor combined with Max's imagination and gullibility are the problem.

Maybe you should re-check the math on that

2010-11-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is a post I just found in my drafts folder. When I wrote it, Aaron refused to let me publish it, however, today he said it would be OK.
All he asked was that I make sure that everyone knows that this happened last year.

I love the fact that my kid's teachers require them to read a certain amount of time each day.
(I don't ever remember this being a requirement when I was their age, not that it would have been a problem, because I usually spent a great deal of time with my nose in a book.)

Our kids do read the amount of time that they are supposed to, and sometimes more. The problem that I have is having to record the amount of time they spend reading.
For some reason, this simple act of writing down the amount of minutes read each day is something that nobody in our house is able to accomplish. (myself included)

We have tried everything, charts, timers, and even just writing the numbers down on the big dry erase board in the kitchen.

It appears that we are "reading minute recording impaired." (RMRI)

Last week Aaron came to me and said that he needed to turn in a reading log for the last several weeks. He wondered how much I thought he had read during that time, as if I would remember that sort of information.
I came up with a great idea. I asked him to bring me the books that he has read in the last two weeks.
Next I timed how long it took him to read one page, and told him to times that number by the number of pages he read, and that would tell us how many minutes he had read.

He thought this was a great idea, and he went in the other room with the books and the timer.
A while later, he came and asked me to sign a slip of paper. On the paper was written;

Aaron's reading minutes
112,037

"Here mom" he said "I figured out how many minutes I read, and I need you to sign the note so I can hand it in to my teacher."

I looked at the number he had written. It looked a little high. He HAD recently been reading much more than he had previously, however, I knew there was no way that in the last 2-3 weeks, he had read for well over 100 thousand minutes.

I told him to go and divide that number by 60 to see how many actual hours that added up to.

1,867 hours

Then I told him to divide that number by 24 to see how many days that would take.

77

Which would mean that he would of had to be reading for the last 11 weeks non stop to read that many minutes.

I am very sure that he didn't read for 77 days straight, in the last two weeks.

Some things are just more difficult for some people

2010-11-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

Due to the lack of content in my brain combined with the late hour, and the need for me to post something before the clock strikes midnight and my computer turns back into a pumpkin, I will post for you, a picture.

Leave me your favorite blonde joke in the comments.

Or any joke.

Unless you don't want to, then fine! Don't.

If you prefer, you may mock your least favorite celebrity.

This totally counts as a post, doesn't it?

Things I don't get

2010-11-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Justin Beiber's hair

Boots worn with shorts

Caffeine free Diet Coke (What's the point?)

Chocolate covered raisins (seriously, WHY do people do this to perfectly good chocolate)

Farmville

Celebrities that believe that their popularity makes them above the law.

Kathie Lee Gifford

Really BIG tires on tiny little trucks

Vannah White

Proving to myself and everyone else just how insane I really am

2010-11-01T23:42:00.000-07:00

Alternate post titles..........

"Because apparently, I don't have enough to do"

"Thirty days of drivel"

"nablopowhatintheheckwasIthinkingmo"

Yes, for the third year in a row, I have signed up for Na Blo Po Mo.

I have recently started on a work project that is the largest that I have ever done. The due date to have everything finished is the end of November, so I decided that I needed to write every day to have a little balance in my life.
I suppose I could have just washed the dishes instead, but after much careful thought* I decided that writing a post every day for a month would be better for my mental state.

*Ok, and by "careful thought" I mean I looked at the sink full of dishes, then turned the laptop the other direction so I couldn't see the dishes anymore.

Out of sight, out of mind, right?

So now my biggest problem is coming up with stuff to write about for 30 days. I have quite a few posts in my drafts folder, but for some reason, I just can't seem to finish them. I'm sure that Facebook has had nothing to do with this.

Side note: I tried to log on to Blogger three times before I realized that I was using my Facebook password instead of my Blogger password.

Another side note: If you are writing something on Facebook that you don't want someone to read (who just happens to be one of your FB friends) DO NOT WRITE IT ON FACEBOOK!
I recently read a conversation between two of my "Facebook friends" that I'm pretty sure they didn't intend for me to see. Nothing bad, just some information that they omitted in previous face to face in real life conversations.
Seriously people, WE CAN READ EVERYTHING THAT YOU POST ON YOUR WALL!

Rant over.

Halloween was fun. Brielle dressed as a cute witch, Max was the cutest Oompa Loompa that you've ever seen, Aaron was dressed as a food fight, and I wore the same costume that I do every year and dressed as a sleep deprived mom who stayed up all night finishing her kids costumes so they could wear them in the school costume parade.
(I actually did wear a costume when we went to the neighborhood pre trick or treating dinner. I went dressed as the underside of a restaurant table) (I wadded up pieces of pink felt and attached them to the front of my sweatshirt) (gum)

I will post pictures of the costumes as soon as we figure out how to get the pictures into the computer. Apparently, my camera and my computer are no longer on speaking terms, and the teenager is at this very minute going to great lengths and spending large amounts of time working on it to get the pictures transferred.

Either that or he's taking a nap.

Hey, I just had an idea!

I can have you vote on what you would like me to write about!

1. The new adventures of Naughty Bird (Yes, the stupid bird is back)
2. Halloween - The Oompa Loompa with an attitude
3. Max and the imaginary races

Leave your vote in the comments.

Leave your vote in the comment section

Would you like some fries with your Snickers bar?

2010-10-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Here's a question.
What is the age at which your kids stop trick or treating?

CJ's last year was two years ago when he was in 7th grade. He hadn't really planned on trick or treating that year until he found out on Halloween night that some of his friends were going and he decided to go with them.
Since he hadn't planned on going, he didn't have a costume ready, so while the rest of us were at the neighborhood "pre-trick or treating pot luck dinner" he was home, improvising a costume for himself.
He took the huge alien head from one of his old costumes, and tied it to the iPod costume that he had worn the year before.
He went as an "iAlien"

This year will be Brielle's last year. In our neighborhood, 13 seems to be the age where the kids stop going out to collect candy on Halloween.

Does it bother you when older kids come to your door? Teenagers? Adults?

I remember quite a few years ago when a couple showed up at our door with their 2 month old baby dressed as a cat. The parents each had a trick or treat bag.

What kind of candy do you hand out?

Some of our neighbors really go all out for the trick or treaters. One older couple down the street from us has their house fully decorated for Halloween. She dresses as a witch and he dresses as a vampire, and not only do they hand out candy, but they have hot cider and donuts available for everyone.
Another one of our other neighbors always hands out full sized candy bars, and some give out juice boxes.
I think my favorite was the time the dental hygienist down the street handed out toothbrushes.

A friend of mine really doesn't like it when teenagers come to their door on Halloween, and she has come up with a great solution.
All year long, her family saves up all of the ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, Arby's and Horsey sauce packets that they get at any fast food restaurants that they go to, then on Halloween night, when an older teenager comes trick or treating to their door, they very stealthly give them a ketchup packet instead of candy.
She told me how one year, the Sunday after Halloween she was walking in the hallway at church and overheard a conversation between some teenagers. One of them said "I couldn't believe it, somebody gave me ketchup in my candy bag!"

What are your plans for Halloween?

What are your kids dressing up as?

Max wants to be and Oompa Loompa, but I can't find a green wig. We do, however, have an Elvis wig, so I'm trying to talk him into being "Elvis-loompa"

He's not buying it.

Cold showers, experimental fudge, illegal drugs, the evils of texting, and other random stuff.......

2010-10-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently, my theory is true about our appliances signing a suicide pact earlier this year.

Today we came home from church to find that our water heater was leaking and had caused a small flood in the basement. (Fortunately, we caught it before the water got too far.......)

Here's the dead appliance list for this year.

Oven/stove

Dishwasher

Disposal

Refrigerator*

Water heater

*I don't think I blogged about the refrigerator. It stopped working a few months ago, but it wasn't very eventful because it didn't cause a flood, just slushy popcicles.

When we first discovered the water leaking, we turned off the main water valve, and told the kids not to use any water until we turned off the water to the water heater then turned the main water back on.

Max has been freaking out all evening because he isn't sure whether or not he should flush.

Super.

We finally get him to actually start flushing the toilets, and now after not being able to flush for an hour, he's back to not flushing again.

No matter how many times we tell him it's OK to flush, he still won't and also when he turned on the bathroom faucet, it made a spitting sound, so..............

"AND NOW I CAN'T WASH MY HANDS BECAUSE THE WATER IS MAKING A FUNNY NOISE!!!!"

So now, we won't have hot water until we get the darn water heater replaced.

And the noisy fans are back.

**********************************

I just made fudge, except instead of putting chocolate in it, I used vanilla and root beer extract. It was quite good! (and I say "was" because the teenager ate all of it)

**********************************

Tonight I explained to my pre teen daughter that she is required to actually speak full words instead of text speak.

Yes, I will be insisting that she speak the words "I don't know" and "be right back" instead of IDK and BRB.

We thought that not having texting on our phones would avoid such nonsense, but alas, the teenagers are now so lazy that they can't speak full words, and must speak in texting shorthand.

LOL!

*********************************

This past week was red ribbon week at our elementary school. They had an assembly where they discussed the dangers of taking drugs.

All weekend, Max has been coming up to us at random times and saying "HEY! DON'T TAKE DRUGS!!"

*********************************

I just checked on the homework that Max is doing (What? Doesn't your kindergartener work on their homework Sunday night??) (shut up)

He was doing a worksheet where there are pictures, and he is supposed to say what the picture is, then write down the first letter of the word.

For some reason, he had written numbers under all of the pictures instead of letters.

I took the paper and studied it closer. Under the ant, Max wrote a 6, under the octopus he wrote 8, the goat, table, dinosaur, cat and elephant, he wrote 4s.......

He was writing the number of legs on the object in the picture instead of the first letter of the word.

There were other pictures too, the dress had a 2 under it (someone wearing a dress would have two legs?) the house had one, the fish had 3, the ladder had 8.

I counted the steps on the ladder, and sure enough, there were 8.

I showed Max that he was doing the paper wrong, and he laughed and said "I guess my teacher probably won't like it like this!"

Then he flipped his pencil around and started erasing..........

The day the music died

2010-10-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

Last week we were cleaning out the toybox and found an old friend.

It was a musical stuffed animal that my mom bought for CJ when he was a baby. He was the first grandchild, so all he had to do was look in the direction of the stuffed animal on the shelf at the store, and grandma had to buy it for him.

Max hadn't seen this toy for a long time and really enjoyed pressing on it's paw so that its cheeks would light up in time with the electronic chirps, clicks and beeps playing two different Easter songs.

He played with this toy for hours.

At one point, the music became slow and distorted. We were delighted with the thought that the batteries might be running out, but alas, the stupid toy came back to life.

Max named his new friend "Music Bear"

Yes, I am perfectly aware that this stuffed animal is not a bear, but is indeed a rabbit. We pointed this out to Max, to whom it hadn't even considered the possibility that "Music bear" was not a bear.

He was actually quite offended when we revealed this bit of information to him.

Max continued to refer to the rabbit as "Music Bear" but then finally saw the light, and changed his name to "Music Bunny Bear"

(we may or may not have teased him A BIT about calling the rabbit a bear)

Then a few days ago, (after a strangely quiet afternoon) I saw Max's Elmo blanket laying in the middle of the floor with a lump under it. I asked Max to please put his blanket away before someone tripped on it.

He said "I can't, Music Bunny Bear is under the blanket. He died and I had to bury him"

So now we seem to be stuck with a dead musical stuffed animal "buried" in our family room. The biggest problem is that it's right in front of the TV where everyone walks. In fact, if you accidentally step on the lump, Music Bunny Bear seems to come back to life and you can see the faint glow of the red lights inside of his cheeks light up to the muffled sound of his music.

Then we get to deal with Max the Mortician yelling at us to stay off of Music Bunny Bear.

I do find it quite amusing that he buried the bunny under the blanket where Elmo is laughing. Do you think his choice has anything to do with the time I did this?

I think somebody wants a really good Christmas present

2010-10-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

Max: "Mom, how much do you love me?"

Me: "I love you more than anything!"

Max: "No, what number do you love me?"

Me: "I love you one million, billion, trillion, gazillion.......... times infinity!"

Max: "Well, I love YOU one more than that!"

The most interesting (and useless) thing I have learned this week

2010-09-29T16:02:00.001-07:00

Were you aware that ear wax glows under an ultraviolet light?

Letters to the universe

2010-09-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Stupid cold,
I realize that no time is the perfect time for me to be sick, however, now is really not a good time for me.
Just wondering if we could reschedule this whole sore throat, runny nose, headache, coughing thing for another time.
Please let me know what time would work best for you so that I can arrange to be out of town and miss your visit completely.

Signed,
Seriously, I don't have time for this

Dear manufacturers of Mucinex,

First off, I would like to say how much I enjoy your product, it does what you say it will do, and to some extent, has offered me some relief from the symptoms of this stupid cold that I have not been enjoying for the last while.

Last week, I went to purchase a new package of Mucinex, when I discovered that not only do you have a regular strength, but now an extra strength!

I almost bought the extra strength because anything extra strength has got to be better than regular, right?

Upon further reading of the label, I discovered that your "extra strength" actually had twice the amount of active ingredients in each capsule, but you could only take 2 doses a day, whereas the regular strength has half the ingredients but you can take 4 doses a day.

Extra strength = 1200 mg per capsule x 2 doses per day.............total 2400 mg.

Regular strength= 600 mg per capsule x 4 doses per day..........total 2400 mg.

?????

Seriously? Who do you think you're fooling?

Signed,

The consumer who will continue to buy the less expensive regular strength.

Dear Lady sitting across from us at the restaurant,

Even though your bra straps are beige, we can still see them because you are wearing a halter top.

Seriously, you are not fooling anyone.

Signed,

The Fashion Police.

Dear Department of Transportation,

Why are you digging up all of the roads that I drive on?

Signed,

Late for everything due to the amount of road construction everywhere I go.

Dear middle aged man who just cut me off on the freeway,

Are you aware that the cute little red convertible that you are driving doesn't hide the fact that you are bald?

And fat.

Signed,
Not impressed

Dear Justin Bieber's hairstylist,

Stop that! Please!

Perhaps your talents would be better used on old fat men trying to hide their bald spots, in fact, the other day I was nearly hit on the road by a guy that could have used your services.

Signed,
Step away from the hair dryer!

Dear Diet Dr. Pepper,

You are awesome!

Signed,

Your jittery friend.

You can't carve zucchini into Jack-O-lanterns

2010-09-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

Remember earlier this summer when we planted our garden?

We weeded, we tilled the ground, we planted various kinds of seeds.........

One of my kids planted an entire row of zucchini?

I mocked said child, and teased them mercilessly about the number of zucchini that we would be blessed with, and the number of creative ways that I would be cooking said zucchini, and how sick we would be of eating zucchini and that we would probably be finding a myriad of other non food uses for all of that zucchini that would be overtaking not only the garden area but our entire back yard.........

Well guess what?

None of the zucchini plants grew.

Zero.

Zip.

Nada.

Before you start thinking that maybe one or more of the children had something to do with this, I will add that none of the seeds that we planted in this area of the garden actually grew.

The entire middle section of the garden was completely bare.

I thought that maybe there had been something wrong with the seeds, so I went out and bought some healthy pepper plants and planted them in that area, however, within a day or two, they were completely dead.

The weeds, however, seem to be thriving.

I felt really bad about this, we planted a gazillion seeds in hopes that we might get a few plants. In that plot, we planted zucchini, yellow squash, cucumbers, bell peppers, and jalapeno peppers, and none of them grew. I was beginning to feel like a gardening failure.

Fortunately, on either side of this barren patch of land (barren except for the stupid weeds which seem to be growing quite well, thank you) we did have some gardening success.

The cute little pea plants were growing!

Or at least they were until I sent one of the offspring out to weed the garden, then the pea plants just disappeared.

This kid felt really bad when they realized what they had done.

Wait, come to think of it, this particular child has never liked peas.

?????

There were also two cute little lettuce plants that sprouted up, or at least we thought that they were lettuce until they started getting really tall and began to resemble weeds.

On the other side of the garden, the pumpkin plants were beginning to grow. 5 cute little pumpkin plants had sprouted and seemed to be doing OK.

Fast forward to today, we now have 5 very large pumpkin plants, (one vine is over 15 feet long!) and so far it looks like we'll have a several pumpkins!

We were hoping to grow enough so that the kids could each carve one for Halloween, and so far it looks like they'll each get at least one.

I'm hoping that next year we might be able to grow something that we can actually eat.

Max the future architect?

2010-09-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

Max is an interesting kid. (probably an understatement)

Wherever we go, he observes everything closely, and then when he gets home, he builds whatever he saw with his Duplo blocks.

You wouldn't think that Duplo blocks would be that versatile, but I have to tell you, it's amazing what that kid can build with those brightly colored, chunky blocks.

Take last week for example, in the last 7 days, he has built the following.

1. A very accurate model of his school, he even included the playground. (He built this so his pet imaginary birds would have a place to go to school, unfortunately, naughty bird wasn't in the mood for school, and knocked it over)

2. A model of the ice skating rink, complete with bleachers and a garage for the zamboni. He built this in the very center of his room and instructed us not to step in the middle because the ice was very slippery and we might fall.

3. The high school football field, including both the bleachers where we sat at the first of the game,* and the ones we moved to after we decided that we didn't like sitting in the visiting team's section due to the fact that we were the only ones cheering when our team made a touchdown. (one of MANY touchdowns I might add)

He did not, however, build any cheerleaders, which surprised me slightly, because they were jumping around right in front of us the whole first half. This however is the subject of a post that I was going to write, but have decided against, due to the fact that I might offend someone who knows the exceedingly cheerful cheerleader (from the visiting team) that I was itching to mock.

4. The big inflatable slides from the company picnic.

He built a remarkable likeness of these slides. When he went to bed that night, I noticed that he had knocked them down. A while after he got up the next morning, he had me come into his room to see the slides. Apparently, he had taken the air out of them before he went to bed because it was night and nobody would be using them, but now that it was day, he had put the air back in them. Sure enough, he had rebuilt (reinflated) the slides.

5. The Bingham Copper mine.

We took a family field trip to see the mine. It's the largest open pit mine in the world, and can be seen from space.

When Brielle heard that we were going to the mine, her first comment was "I don't think that Max has enough blocks for that one."

Sure enough, when we got home, Max headed straight to his room and built his rendition of the mine.

6. The new SUPER car wash we took the car through to after visiting the mine.

There are few things in life that Max enjoys more than going through a car wash, and this one didn't disappoint. It's the kind that has multiple brushes and waxes and foam, and then to top it off, UNLIMITED time for the vacuum.

He built a copy of the car wash, and cleaned many of his toy cars.

7. On labor day, we took the kids to a local burger joint downtown, then made a trip to the cemetery to visit some family grave sites.

Today I could hear Max building something with his blocks so I went in to see what he was doing. He had made neat little rows of blocks, some in small towers, and some taller towers.

"Look Mom" he said "I made a garden of for dead people!"

* I don't really like football, we actually went to see the marching band at halftime, because CJ is in the band, and because they are awesome.

Stupid virus!

2010-09-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

All summer long, everyone in our house was healthy.

Extremely healthy!

School started a few weeks ago, and now we're all coughing, and sniffing and sneezing.

Coincidence?

:0(

First day of Kindergarten (and other random stuff)

2010-09-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

Last week was Max's first day of Kindergarten. 15 minutes before my alarm went off I woke up to Max's face, just inches from mine.........

"Hey mom! I'm awake now and I'm going to get dressed really fast so I can be ready for school!"

3.2 seconds later, he was back, completely dressed in his new school clothes.

"I'm ready to go now! Come on mom! Let's go! It's time for school!"

I talked him into waking up his siblings, who unfortunately, did not share his enthusiasm.

An hour later, I dropped the kids off at school. Max was so excited, he didn't even look back to wave at me.

3 hours later, I picked him up. As soon as he got in the car he said "Mom, I DIDN'T miss you, and I don't think you missed me either."

He was wrong. (I'm pretty sure he missed me)

------------------------

Yesterday I got an email from Twitter telling me that I had 5 new direct messages. It had a convenient link for me to click on so that I could sign in.

The funny thing is that I don't have a Twitter account.

------------------------

Yesterday a song came the radio and my kids freaked out "NO! NO! Turn it off, I can't stand this song!"

"Why?" I asked, don't you like the girl singing it?"

"It's not a girl!" they yelled, "It's Justin Beiber!"

The perfect storm.....

2010-08-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

"Sure, I can have that project finished for you. I'll have it ready for you to pick up at 3:30."

"You'll be able to deliver the new refrigerator today? GREAT! Yes, 3:30 will be fine."

"You don't have anyone to tend the girls for an hour this afternoon? Sure, I would love to watch them! I'll see you at 3:30."

Max, the king of Kindergarten

2010-08-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

Max just went to bed. (by 9:30! High fives everybody!) He is SO excited to start school tomorrow that he got ready for bed the first time I asked him.

He even took a bath!

Woo Hoo!!!

However, he is really worried about something.

Yesterday I asked him if he was excited for school to start, and he showed me how excited he was by smiling as big as his face would let him.

Then I gave him the news that caused him to worry.

"Max, I think you're going to miss me while you're at school."

He rolled his eyes.

"In fact, I think you're going to miss me so much that I should probably just come with you."

He shook his head "No Mom, the only grown ups there will be the teachers."

"Oh, I'm sure they won't mind, I'll be very quiet."

"No Mom, there won't be enough chairs there. You won't have a place to sit."

I thought for a moment then said "I know! I can sit on your chair, and you can sit on my lap!"

"No Mom, the chairs are too little!"

"OK, then maybe I can bring one of our folding chairs and just sit next to you."

"NO MOM! You can't come to school with me!"

"Max, I really think that you're going to miss me too much. I need to come with you."

Then he says "You should just drive me to school and drop me off at the front doors with the kids and I will walk in by myself!"

"I don't know," I said "What if I drive you to school, drop you off at the front doors, then park in the parking lot and walk in the school?"

Then he got a little testy.

"Look mom, HERE'S THE DEAL! You will drive me to the school and DROP ME OFF at the front doors, then you will GO HOME!!"

While he was saying this, he waved his arms around kind of like one of those guys who directs the airplanes to the gates. All he needed was the big flashlights. I might have snickered a bit, because really, it was funny.

Then he says "Look, I'm SERIOUS, see, I'm wearing my SERIOUS FACE!"

And he was indeed wearing his serious face, although in my opinion, it looked a little bit more like his "I just smelled something bad face"

"Hmmm" I said "So exactly what do you think I should do when I get home? I'll be there all by myself."

Max told me that I should get some work done.

"No, I think I should probably take a nap."

"Mom!" he said with a big sigh, obviously trying to hide his exasperation "You can't go back to sleep after you drop us off, because then you will just dream about missing me."

So then I asked him if it would be OK if I just stood outside and watched him through the window of his classroom.

He shook his head and walked away.

That kid is seriously going to miss me.

I'm too tired to come up with a title for this very short post

2010-08-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

Best kid question of the week (by Max)

"What would be more dangerouser, if all the houses fell apart, or if the earth broke?"

Best kid quote of the week (by Aaron)

"HEY MOM! COME AND WATCH ME CLEAN THE BASEBOARDS!"

And yes, the baseboards are shiny clean :0)

Hi, my name is Jill and I'm sleep deprived

2010-08-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

I am not a morning person.

I have decided that the only sleep that really counts for me is what I get after 5:00 a.m.
My husband, on the other hand, is quite the morning person, he wakes up on his own around 5:00 a.m. and is actually awake!
This is a strange phenomenon to me, because my mom raised us to be night owls, she liked to stay up late, and let us stay up late too.
I remember one time in high school when on the first day of class one of the teachers had us fill out a "get to know you" questionnaire, then we went around the classroom, and everyone read their papers.
One of the questions was "What is your favorite TV show?"
Nearly everyone in the class said that M.A.S.H. was their favorite show (one of the local TV stations was airing it about 4 times a day at that time) but I answered "Late night with David Letterman"
The teacher looked at me in shock and said "YOU'RE UP THAT LATE???"

Honestly, it didn't seem that strange to me, at that time, Dave came on at midnight, and watching his show was what kept me awake long enough to do my homework.

Anyway.......

School started this week for Brielle and Aaron, (who I have decided are not morning people either) (pretty sure it's genetic) (from my side of the family, obviously)
The problem is that my alarm goes off at 7:00 a.m. (and again at 7:10. 7:20, 7:30..........) and I wake them up again, and again and again.

It would probably be easier to wake them up if they weren't awake so late at night, however, my husband doesn't get home until nearly 7:00 p.m. and after we eat dinner, watch the current reality show on TV, make the kids do the homework that they didn't seem to remember they had several hours earlier, make lunches for the next day and wrestle Max into his pajamas, it's usually after 11.

Max will be starting kindergarten next week, and get this......................

I SIGNED HIM UP FOR MORNING KINDERGARTEN!!!!!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?????

I had very logical reasons for doing this (I won't go into detail, just be assured that I did) the problem is that he likes to sleep in until 10:00 or later.

School starts at 8:30.

I've had discussions with him about how he needs to go to bed earlier because it will be hard for him to wake up for school if he's up too late and he agrees with me until it's actually time to get the pajamas on.

He is the master of stalling.

So this week, we decided to have him go to bed a little bit earlier each night, to get him used to it before school starts. We had good intentions, but as it's turned out, he's actually ended up going to bed a little bit later each night.

This is going to be a long year.

p.s. I told Max that after taking them to school, I would come home and take a nap. He told me that I couldn't do that, because I would dream about missing him.

Duh!!!

2010-08-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

Brielle went to girls camp last week. On the last day, they woke the girls up at 2:00 a.m. and they hiked to the top of the mountain to watch the sun rise.
Brielle was telling us how cool it was to watch the sun rise from the mountain top when Max said (in his most condescending voice)

"Brielle, the sun doesn't RISE, the earth is SPINNING!!"

The unfortunate fate of my future grandchildren

2010-08-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago at dinner, Max didn't want to eat any of the food I had fixed. One of the kids told him that he needed to eat vegetables so he could grow, but Max still didn't want any.

"Max, if you don't eat healthy food, you won't grow any bigger, you want to get taller, don't you?"

Max rolled his eyes and said "Yes, I want to grow bigger so I can be a dad!"

I asked him how many kids he wanted to have and he said he wanted to have 5 kids.

"What are you going to name them?" Brielle asked, and Max replied "I'm going to name one of them Human."

"Human???" we all questioned in unison.

"Yes" Max said, "Human Chen. I'm going to name one of my kids Human Chen."

Why can't they just get along?

2010-07-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

This week our two oldest kids are away at camp. You would think that this would have cut the amount of fighting and teasing in half, but instead, the other two have really bumped it up so that the noise level in the house is still pretty much the same as when CJ and Brielle are at home.

For example......

Yesterday morning, I heard Max screaming so loud that I thought he had lost a limb. He came running into the kitchen, sobbing so hard that I couldn't understand anything he said.
I finally got him calmed down enough to understand, in between the screaming and sobbing, that Aaron had done something to him.

"AARON....... HURT........HEAD! ......THREW THEM AT ME!!!

I looked all over his head, trying to see any visible marks, but couldn't find any. Max continued to cry.

Just then, Aaron walked in the room with a smirk on his face.

"What did you throw at him?" I demanded.

He burst out laughing and told me what he threw at Max. Are you ready for this? Do you want to know what he threw at him to make him so upset?

Imaginary bricks and bolders.

Yes, Max was crying because Aaron had pretended to throw invisible, imaginary bricks and boulders at him.

I'm so glad that my blog can be of service to those searching for help with thier potty training dilemas

2010-07-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

Today I looked at my stat counter and discovered that the #1 google search term leading people to my blog is........

"Potty training quotes"

I was amazed at how many people were searching for quotes about potty training, and every one of them ended up reading this post.

Go ahead and click on the link, the post was from two years ago. It was Max at his finest.

Family vacation - PART ONE

2010-07-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

I was going to start with day one, but as it is with every vacation, the stress begins the day before with the preparations for the trip.
As it turned out, I still had several projects that I needed to finish for work before we strapped everyone into the vehicle and headed out to visit the grandparents.
I analyzed the situation and decided that if I worked all day and all night, I would be finished with my work and packed just in time to leave and my husband's goal time of 6:00 a.m.

Poor Husband. Every trip, he sets a time that he would like to leave, and we never leave when he wants to. We knew ahead of time that we would be making the 10 hour (drive time) trip in one day so we would need to leave early. As of Thursday afternoon, I was still on track to be ready to leave on time, but I neglected to remember that things never go smoothly, so naturally, my first work project took much longer than anticipated.

As we were eating dinner, I made a schedule in my head and realized that even if things went incredibly smoothly, we still would not be leaving on time.

Just then, a disagreement of some sort broke out between the children, so my husband took the opportunity to start singing "Love at home" above the arguing.

Unfortunately, this never stops the kids from arguing, but instead irritates them further, which caused my then-borderline headache to start on it's journey to full blown headache.
I looked at my husband and said, "Tomorrow morning, we're not going to be able to leave when you want to. When you're walking around at 7:00 a.m. all stressed out that we haven't left yet, do you want me to sing something to irritate you?"

He said that would be fine.

Then CJ says "Hey I know, I'll start singing "There is beauty all around when we're STILL AT HOME!"

(isn't he just precious?)

I then continued with my work projects which of course all took longer than expected.
All of the kids decided that they would stay up all night with me to help with the packing so I could get my work done. My husband went to sleep, because he is the designated vacation driver. (mostly because I always stay up the night before we leave.......)

After a while, Max says "So when dad is asleep now and we're all staying awake, he's stealing our sleep, but tomorrow when dad is awake and driving, we'll all be asleep and then we'll be stealing his sleep, right?"

Then he promptly fell asleep on the couch.

I put a blanket over him and we continued with our preparations. I let him sleep there and he woke up just before the sun came up, and was totally convinced that he had just "taken a little nap" and not slept a full 7 hours.

Already too long story short, I finished the last of my work at 9:00.
I showered, packed my stuff, helped jam everything into the back of the car, stopped at FedEx to ship the projects I just finished, we filled the gas tank and got on the freeway at 10:45.

11:30 we realized that we left the laptop sitting on the kitchen table.
No, we didn't go back for it.

Things that should exist, but haven't been invented yet

2010-07-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

1. Self cleaning kitchen floors.

2. Seat belts for children at restaurants.

(Yes, I'm talking to you, little league baseball team who ate in the same restaurant that we did, and sat the kids at their own table near us while the parents enjoyed a lovely meal at a table of their own, away from said children (and when I say "sat" I mean that each of the kids technically had their own chair, even though they didn't really use it to sit in)

3. Self cleaning bathrooms.

My place of honor as Max's favorite

2010-07-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

Warning, potty talk ahead.

Seriously, if you continue to read, remember that I warned you.

This morning I met a friend for breakfast. I had a lovely time and enjoyed a much needed interaction with an adult human of the female kind.

As I was leaving the restaurant, I called home to make sure that the kids were doing OK.

CJ answered the phone.

Me: "How are things?"

CJ: "Fine?"

Me: "Is everyone awake?" (I left while they were all still sleeping)

CJ: "Yes"

Me: "What's Max doing?"

CJ: "I don't know, but he's been in the bathroom for over an hour."

Me: "Is he OK?"

CJ: "I don't know."

Me: "Can you check?"

CJ: "OK."

I hear him walk through the house to the bathroom and knock on the door.

CJ: "HEY MAX! ARE YOU OK?"

Max: "YES!"

CJ: "He's OK."

Me:" What's he doing?"

CJ: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Max: "NOTHING."

CJ: "He says he's not doing anything."

I was convinced that everything was OK, so I continued home.

A little while later when I walked in the door, CJ said "We figured out why Max has been in the bathroom for so long. He's been waiting for you to come home so you could wipe him."

I asked him why nobody else had helped him out with his situation and CJ said "He wouldn't let us help him, he only wanted you to do it."

Isn't that terrific? I am Max's official butt wiper.

I'm not sure if I should feel privileged or annoyed.

I walked in the bathroom and told Max that I needed to take Brielle to her friend's house, then I needed to go to the bank and after that, I would be going to the grocery store, and when I had finished all of my errands, I would come home and wipe his butt.

Get this..................He was willing to wait.

No, I didn't make him wait, mostly because I didn't want the toilet seat to leave a permanent impression on his backside.

Also, I realize that you are now going to tell me that Max is old enough to be taking care of this issue on his own, however, you don't do his laundry.

Overlooked and offended?

2010-07-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Max did something clever/funny/adorable. My first reaction was "Hey, I'm going to write about that on my blog!"

One of the other children (I forget which one) said "Why do you only write about Max? You never write about us!"

So I pointed out a few things.

#1. Max does some pretty darn adorable stuff. They did cute stuff when they were his age too but, alas, I didn't have a blog then and that was a really long time ago, and I can't really remember all the cute stuff that they did.

#2. They don't like it when I write about stuff they do that I find amusing, mostly because if I find it amusing, it's probably something potentially embarrassing for them.

Even though I explained the situation thoroughly, they still felt rather put out that I haven't written about them in a while.

Today, something funny happened with one of the kids and I really wanted to blog about it because, seriously, it was darn funny.

The child involved freaked out and said there was no way that they would be OK with me blogging about this particular situation. The freaking out was so intense, that I'm not even able to say on my blog which of my offspring was involved.

However, nothing was said about Facebook..............

Starring Max as Peter Pan

2010-06-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight's dinner conversation.

Me: "Hey Max, would you like some corn?"
Max: "No, thank you."
Aaron: "But corn will make you grow taller."
Max: "I don't want to get taller."
Brielle: "But if you don't get taller, you won't be able to drive a car, or go to college, get a job and your own house........."
Max: "No, I don't want to grow up. I love mom SO MUCH that I want to be 5 FOREVER!"

Help solve the mystery

2010-06-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

Last night around 9:00 p.m. our doorbell rang.
When we got to the door, there was no one there, however, three notes were left between the door and the screen door.

Note #1 said

What's your secret?

Note #2 said

I know you are in the witness protection program

And note #3 said

I know you are Aliens.

What do you think it all means?
Why was there no punctuation used on note #2?
Why does the note writer think that they know so much about us?
Why did they use three pieces of paper when they could have fit everything they needed to say onto one?
Why is this the most interesting thing I can find to blog about?

Why?

Why?

WHY?

Any of your ideas would be appreciated. Leave me a comment.

Thank you.

And just for the record, we are not Aliens, nor are we in the witness protection program. (Not that I would admit it if we were, because that would kind of defeat the purpose of the witness protection program now wouldn't it.)
(But we're really not.)

And the only secret that we might have would be that great big flying saucer in our shed, but I didn't tell you anything about it, mkay?

Things that are not awesome - Grocery store edition

2010-06-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

I discovered at 10:15 p.m. that we needed a few things from the grocery store. "No problem" I thought, I'll just make a quick trip over to our closest store, they're open until 11:00.

I walk quickly through the store, trying to find the things on my list. Unfortunately, the grocery geniuses had recently decided that all of the merchandise was in the wrong place and had moved everything around.

I search every isle trying to find the items that I came for, and finally just settled on the most crucial of groceries because I couldn't find where they put the other stuff.

Then I happily walked off to the check out stands only to discover that they close the regular check outs at 10:30. It was 10:45.

Now the only option for me was the self check out.

I loathe self check out.

Seriously, I really, really intensely dislike having to scan my own groceries.
Since this now was my only choice, combined with the fact that we really needed milk, I decided to just suck it up and deal with the stupid self check out.

I waited in line with the other people who were grumbling about the stupid self check out, and watched while the one and only worker assigned to the self check out ran back and forth between the 4 different stations, resetting the machines, deleting things that scanned twice, figuring out how to scan stuff that wouldn't scan...............

It seemed to me that if the store were just to have this same guy open a regular check stand, that everyone would have made it out of the store much faster.

FINALLY, it was my turn.
I took the first item out of my cart, scanned it then put it in the bag.
I took the second item out of the cart, scanned it then put it in the bag.

So far so good. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

I scanned a gallon of milk, however, I didn't think it should be put in a bag, so I returned it to the shopping cart.

The stupid self checkout machine started beeping at me "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!"

Only there really wasn't room to place the gallon of milk in the stupid bagging area. I found a spot very near the edge of the platform to sit it in so that the stupid self check out machine would stop yelling at me.
The next problem was that I was buying three gallons of milk. There was no way that I could fit two more gallons of milk in the stupid bagging area.
But I had me an idea!

I scanned the second gallon of milk but instead of trying to find room in the stupid bagging area, I put it back in the cart and lifted up the first gallon of milk then sat it back down.
I was feeling rather clever until "DO NOT REMOVE ITEMS FROM THE BAGGING AREA! PLACE THE SCANNED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!!!"

I must have looked like I was going to cry because the employee assigned to the self check out came over, scanned the remaining milk, typed some special code into the stupid machine then put the milk (all three gallons) into my cart.

I thanked him, then picked up the tomatoes from my cart.

Were you aware that tomatoes come without a bar code?

I was standing there, wondering what I should do, listening to the stupid machine tell me to "SCAN NEXT ITEM OR PROCEED TO CHECK OUT!! SCAN NEXT ITEM OR PROCEED TO CHECK OUT!! SCAN NEXT ITEM OR PROCEED TO CHECK OUT!!"

I finally figured out that I needed to indicate that I was buying produce, then place the tomatoes on the stupid self check out scanner to be weighed. Easy enough, but then it asked me what kind of produce it was.
Stupid machine, they're tomatoes.
A screen came up with all sorts of different produce. I scrolled my way through all of the fruits and vegetables until I found the tomatoes.

Do you have any idea how many different varieties of tomatoes there are?
I was pretty sure that the store didn't stock even half of the different tomatoes that were shown on the stupid machine.

I kept looking through the tomato pictures, trying to find a picture that looked like my tomatoes, or just trying to remember what the sign said about the tomatoes that I was trying so desperately to purchase........

Self check out employee guy came over and typed in his magic words until my tomatoes showed up on the screen and the stupid self check out machine was able to charge me the correct amount.
Self check out employee guy then needed to go rescue a teenager who was attempting to buy a candy bar, but his stupid self check out machine wouldn't scan the candy bar.

That's right folks, ONE candy bar, and the kid couldn't get it to work because the stupid EVIL self check out machine didn't recognize the item.

I picked up the tomatoes and put them in my cart........returned them to the stupid bagging area so the stupid, evil self check out machine would stop yelling at me again.

I finally got to the last item in my shopping cart. It was a small pan of brownies from the clearance area of the bakery. (Hey, I said that I only got the most crucial groceries)

I scanned the brownies, which had been marked down from $5.00 to $2.00, and much to my dismay, the stupid, evil self check out machine charged me full price!!!

Now, I was beyond angry. As much as I love brownies, there was NO WAY that I was going to pay $5.00 for them when they were marked $2.00!
If I had been using a regular HUMAN cashier, they would have picked up on that and fixed it even before there was a problem.
Fortunately, the self check out employee guy came to my rescue once again (I did have to wait for him to help another teenager who was buying a bottle of Gatorade) I explained to SCOEG that my brownies should have only been $2.00. This time he typed something into the computer on is desk, and magically, it changed the price on my screen.

I had finally scanned all of my items, so I proceeded to check out. Eventually, I made the stupid, evil self check out machine understand that I wanted to pay with a debit card, then made the payment and left as quickly as I could. (following the instructions of the self check out to "REMOVE ALL ITEMS FROM THE BAGGING AREA!")

I'm pretty sure that from now on, if it's past 10:30, I will drive across town to the Wal Mart so that I can have the option of NOT using self check out if I so wish.
Plus I'll get the added bonus of seeing the peOple of Wal Mart, which is something that I don't usually get to see at our local grocery store.
Another thing that will not be seen at our local store would be the grown woman, yelling at the stupid self check out machine "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF TOMATOES THESE ARE! I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN! I CAN'T PUT THAT MILK IN THE BAGGING AREA, THERE ISN'T ROOM! I'M SCANNING AND SCANNING THIS ITEM, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE IT? THE BROWNIES ARE MARKED DOWN TO $2.00!! I REPEAT, THE BROWINES ARE MARKED DOWN TO $2.00!!
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOT TO TAKE THE ITEMS FROM THE BAGGING AREA? JUST 20 SECONDS AGO YOU TOLD ME TO PUT THEM THERE!!!!!"

Apparently, I really am that clueless and pathetic - garden edition

2010-06-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

The good news is that there's a bunch of plants growing in our garden!!

The bad news is that we're not really sure which are the ones we planted and which ones are the weeds.
Today, we* will bring pictures of cucumber, pumpkin, watermelon, pepper and zucchini plants out to our garden with us and pull out everything that doesn't look like the pictures.

*And when I say "we" I most likely just mean "me", because so far this year, the kids haven't been incredibly helpful with the whole "helping with the garden" thing. For example, yesterday I asked one of my offspring to go and water the garden, and said offspring replied "Um, I don't know how to do that."

So today, I will also be teaching the children how to spray water on dirt.

Actually, to be fair, the kids did help with the planting of the garden. They had input on the buying of the seeds, and they did some of the planting.
In retrospect, I probably should have done a better job of supervising the planting because they planted an entire row of zucchini.

The kids said that this would be OK because they really like zucchini............

Yes, I can hear you all laughing through the computer.

I plan on using this as an example of how they should believe what I tell them. Hopefully later this summer/fall, when we have so many zucchinis that we have to start storing them in the kids rooms, they might get a clue and understand that I might occasionally know what I'm talking about.

Does zucchini freeze well?

Do you know why it's so important to lock your car doors at church during the summer time?
It's because if you leave them unlocked, when church is over, you will find your car full of zucchini.

Yesterday I had a friend tell me that I can give her any extra zucchini that we have, I don't really think she has a clue to what she might have coming.

I can see it now, zucchini bread, zucchini brownies, zucchini pancakes, zucchini pudding, zucchini ice cream.......

I bet you can't wait to see all of the creative uses we find for zucchini!

You know, if you type the word zucchini enough times, it starts to look funny.

In my pretty garden

2010-06-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Pulled weeds.

Can't move arms.

Stupid weeds.

Stupid, stupid weeds.

Safety rule #1 - Do not run around with a garbage can over your head

2010-06-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

I took Brielle, Aaron and Max to IKEA today. The boys saw some garbage cans for $1.99 and decided that they each needed a garbage can for their rooms.

As soon as we got home and brought our purchases in the house, they created a new game called "Put the garbage can over your head and walk around bumping into things."

I warned them that this could be potentially dangerous and they should take the garbage cans off of their heads before someone got hurt.

I mentioned this several times.

They ignored me, and this game was great fun until Max bumped into Aaron and he fell over.

"HEY! THAT HURTED!" He screamed as he sat on the floor rubbing his head.

I pointed out to him that this was the very reason that I suggested that they not play this game, but naturally, a few minutes later, they had the garbage cans back on their heads, bumping into things again.

Soon they had another collision, this time sending Aaron's can off of his head and landing on my bare foot.

"OUCH!" I yelled.

Max looked at me and said calmly "Um.....yeah.......I bet that really hurted."