Showing posts with label disasters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disasters. Show all posts

Friday, February 17, 2012

Excuse me while I go purchase some additional home owner's insurance

Aaron's favorite television show is Mythbusters.

He loves to watch how they scientifically try to prove or confirm whether or not a myth is truth, however, I think his favorite part is watching how they blow up stuff if it doesn't blow up in the first place.

He once told me that this was a good show for him to watch because he can let someone else experiment, and he can still see whether or not something works (and he won't have to try to blow it up himself)

I do like how they begin every show saying "Don't try this at home" (However, Aaron has changed that phrase to "Don't try this at home, go to a friends house.")

It never really occurred to me to be worried about his fascination with this show until one day when he came up to me and said "Hey mom, can you get me some liquid nitrogen?"

Say what?

Liquid nitrogen?

My response, naturally was "NO!"

Then a few days later, he asked me if I could get him some lithium. And an incinerator.

(again NO!)

Last week we were trying to clean a spill off of the stove. I'm not sure what it was, but it was burnt on pretty good. Aaron said "Hey! I know what would clean that stuff off of the stove!"
"OK, what?' I asked.
"Sulfuric acid! Of course I would have to wear a bio hazard suit and there probably wouldn't be much of the stove left when I'm finished, but it would definitely get rid of that burnt stuff!"

No Aaron, I will not get you any sulfuric acid.

Then yesterday he came up to me really excited and asked if I knew of any way he could earn forty dollars.

"Forty dollars is a lot of money" I told him "Why do you need forty dollars?"

"Well, I found something really cool on Amazon and I want to buy it!"

He's really into electronics, and it's not unusual for him to find some sort of cable or memory stick or other computer accessory that he wants, so I just assumed that it would be something like that, so I was very surprised when he told me what he wants to buy on Amazon for forty dollars.

Are you ready for this?

Uranium ore.

That's right, believe it or not, you can purchase a chunk of uranium ore on Amazon for $40.00

Naturally, I told him "NO!" to which he replied..............


"But it's radioactive AND explosive!!"












Monday, January 10, 2011

Games children play

We got the kids a Wii for Christmas, and it has provided them hours and hours of entertainment and distraction from homework and chores.

The children have come up with a new game of their own! This seems to be their favorite game, and if I had known earlier how well they played this game and how much they enjoy this game, we might not have bothered with the Wii.

What game is this you ask? I will tell you that it requires much skill, a steady hand and an eye for balancing things.

It is the ever popular game called The Stacking Game!

I'm sure you are just dying to know how to play this game aren't you?

Well, here's how to play!!!

The object of the game is to see how much garbage can be stacked in the garbage can and/or how many dirty dishes can be stacked in the sink before someone else takes out the garbage and/or loads the dishwasher!!

Hours and hours of fun for all!!!

I have to admit that at times it can be quite suspenseful, watching the garbage bag stretch almost to the point of breaking, and seeing the precariously placed glass on top of the stack of tupperware, wondering what the last item placed on the pile will be to finally make it topple.......

I am amazed at how good the offspring are at playing this particular game!

There's got to be some sort of career out there where they can use this amazing skill. Someday I hope it will make them all rich and/or famous!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Purple teeth and ............."other" purple stuff

Max is very serious about his dental hygiene. Especially since one of the kids told him that if he didn't brush his teeth that they would turn yellow, and if he still didn't brush them they would turn green and if he still didn't brush them they would turn black and fall out of his head.

Like he really needed one more thing to stress over.

For the last few weeks, all the kids needed to do to get Max to leave the room was to say "Hey Max, your teeth are looking a little bit green, have you brushed them recently?" And Max would run to the bathroom screaming "THEY'RE GREEN! MY TEETH ARE GREEN! I NEED TO BRUSH THEM RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY TURN BLACK AND FALL OUT OF MY HEAD!!"

The only problem with Max's teeth brushing (or is it tooth brushing? I'm not sure which it should be. Pretend I got it right OK?) is that he is unable to use toothpaste. He just can't seem to brush his teeth without swallowing the toothpaste. I have tried on many occasions to teach him how to brush and spit out the toothpaste, but this is how it usually goes.

Me: "OK, I'm just going to put a little bit of toothpaste on the brush. Brush your teeth then spit out the paste."
Max: (brush...brush...brush.....)
Me: "OK Max, time to spit, lean over the sink and spit out the toothpaste."
Max: (GULP.....spit)

We've tried this multiple times, and it always ends up the same, so he just doesn't use the toothpaste.

This morning, Brielle, Aaron and Max had their check up at the dentist. Max was beside himself with excitement. He set out his clothes before he went to sleep so that he could be ready on time.
About 10 minutes before my alarm went off this morning, I woke up to Max poking my arm. I opened one eye and told him to go get dressed, thinking that I could buy myself another ten minutes of sleep, but no such luck, he was already dressed and ready to go to the dentist.

So I sent him downstairs to wake up the other kids :0)

When we got to the dentist, we learned that Max's teeth are perfect, however, Brielle and Aaron's teeth.............

Did I mention that Max's teeth are perfect?

Let's just say that Aaron is no longer allowed to eat Milk Duds.

As we left the dentist's office, they had a large jar of disclosing tablets (those fun little tablets that stick to the plaque on your teeth and turn it purple so that you can see how well you are brushing) with a sign that said to take them home and try them. Aaron grabbed a few and brought them home.

Max could hardly wait to try the tablets. We told him that if he would eat ALL of his dinner, there would be more stuff on his teeth to turn purple. (just one more tactic that we have used in an effort to get him to eat)

After dinner, Aaron and Max disappeared into the bathroom to turn their teeth purple.

A few minutes later I heard Aaron saying "Did you swallow the tablet? Max, did you swallow it? Try to spit out the tablet, did you swallow it? You weren't supposed to do that!"
I went in to see what was going on, and found Max standing next to the sink, frowning, mouth closed tightly with purple oozing from his mouth.
Aaron said "Mom, I think he swallowed the tablet, and there was a sign on the jar that said that you weren't supposed to swallow them!"
Max was then unsuccessfully trying to spit in the sink, he kept going GULP....spit, GULP.....spit.

He just didn't get it.

I asked him what happened to the tablet and he said "I swawwowed it."

I immediately went and googled "disclosing tablets" to see what was going to happen to my little boy.
The first thing I learned was that they weren't recommended for children under age six because they might swallow the tablets.

Really?

As it turns out, the tablets aren't toxic, they will just travel through his body and possibly dye stuff purple along the way.
However, there might be an ingredient in them that is sometimes used as a baby laxative. The site where I found this information basically said that the tablets were harmless, but you should stay home near the bathroom.

Did I mention that it dyes things purple?????


I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.


Saturday, January 16, 2010

Walking across the carpet, feeling the water squish between my toes....

Alternate title "I love the smell of rain in the basement in the morning"
or
"Does anyone have any hip waders I can borrow?"

First of all, I want to thank all of the de lurkers who left me comments yesterday. If you didn't see, I have some pretty famous people reading my blog. Mario Lopez wants to show me his pecs and I got a marriage proposal from Orlando Bloom.

Sorry Orlando, I'm already taken, and besides, my husband is like 3 feet taller than you.

The comments on my last post really made my day!! I learned a few things too, like who General Larry Platt is, and why he left the comment about pants on the ground. Unfortunately, we missed that part of American Idol. I did manage to find a clip on Youtube, and it was really funny!

Max saw it too.
Max has been singing the "pants on the ground" song, All. Day. Long.

He does the dance too.

I can't get the song out of my head.

Thanks A BUNCH to whoever left that comment.

Seriously folks, I don't think I've ever laughed that hard while reading my comment box. I might just decide to make "leave a random comment as a famous person" day a regular feature here. (besides, I didn't get any comments from Tiger Woods, and I really thought he might stop by.....)
Thanks for De-lurking and commenting!!


OK, now back to our regularly scheduled whiny post.

This week we had a flood in our basement. I have to tell you that having my husband wake me up at 5:00 a.m. to tell me that we were having an emergency is really not my favorite way to start the day, because;
#1. I'm just not a morning person.
#2. Nobody likes to see water pouring out of their basement ceiling at any time of the day.
#3. Did I mention that this was at five o'stinking clock in the a.m. and I'm not a morning person?

So, the first thing I do is think of the children, sleeping soundly in their beds, just down the hallway from our new indoor swimming pool. I didn't think that it was fair of them to miss out on all of the fun, so naturally, I went and kindly woke them up by yelling "HEY GUYS, THE BASEMENT IS FLOODING! GET UP AND HELP!!"

My husband had already turned off the source of the water and we started hauling things out of the family room. The best part was how we were in the process of cleaning out and rearranging the storage room, so half of the contents of the storage room were in the family room, right under the waterfall.

AWESOME!

We spent the morning hauling our soggy belongings out of the flood zone and mopping and moving furniture.
The professional clean up guys came and ripped up the carpet, tore open the bulging ceiling (causing one guy to get an unexpected dousing) and vacuuming up water.
We now have a grundle of industrial sized fans scattered throughout our kitchen, laundry room and basement, running 24 hours a day, drying out our house.
They are loud, and they are freaking out Max. We told him not to go near the fans, because we like all of his cute little fingers to stay on his hands, but then he saw Brielle and Aaron touch a fan and he says to me "They touched the fan, and they still have ALL OF THEIR FINGERS!"
Actually, he won't go anywhere near the fans, he has spent the last several days in his room. We've been delivering his meals to him.
The fans are loud.
The fans are driving me batty!

Sure I could have a really bad attitude about this whole thing, however, I've decided that I'm going to look on the bright side.

So here it is, the TOP TEN BEST THINGS ABOUT HAVING MY BASEMENT FLOOD!

#10. I finally have something to blog about!

#9. The basement family room is finally clean!! (and when I say "clean" I mean that the only things there are the fans drying the walls, ceiling and bookshelves and the videos on the bookshelves) (Yes, we still have videos, we are that old)

#8. We hadn't taken our Christmas decorations back downstairs yet, so none of them got soaked, and now we get to enjoy them for a few more days! (Hey, don't judge us, we're just extra festive around here)

#7. We have raised the thermostat to a balmy 78 degrees to help the walls dry out faster. When I stand in the kitchen with the gale force winds from the fans blowing through my hair, if I close my eyes, I can almost imagine being on vacation on some tropical island somewhere. Or standing on the bow of a cruise ship in the Caribbean........Not that I need a vacation or anything.

#6. In order to fit the fan in the laundry room, we had to disconnect and move the washer and dryer, so I don't have to worry about doing laundry for a few days! However, Max is down to one last pair of clean underwear, and we won't be able to wash again until Monday. Sunday will be interesting.

#5. The treadmill is now stashed behind a bunch of stuff, so I have an actual legitimate reason not to use it!

#4. Due to the loudness of the fans, the children are unable to hear each other, and this has cut down on the fighting. Or maybe they're still fighting and I just can't hear them, either way, it's still good, right?

#3. Naughty bird, naughty frog, naughty rabbit and naughty reindeer are afraid of the fans too, and have made themselves scarce (Have I told you about naughty Reindeer? He showed up around Christmastime, and believe me, he's been a barrel of laughs! We can't seem to get him to go back to the North Pole where he belongs, but I'm thinking that Santa doesn't want him there either)

#2. I got to spend the day with my husband because he stayed home from work to clean up the mess!

And the number one best thing about having our basement flood.....

(drumroll please)

NEW CARPET!!!

So Join me in the following weeks for our new adventure "Shopping for carpet with Jill who can't make up her mind about what kind to get!!"

(Maybe I'll just put the choices up on the sidebar for everyone to vote on so I don't actually have to make a decision)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm either crazy or stupid, you decide.

Today I went to Costco and Wal Mart.

The day before Thanksgiving.

I couldn't believe how many people were there. I had planned on getting to Costco right when they opened at 10:00, but we didn't get there until after 11:00. By then it was really crowded, but it was still too early for them to be handing out samples, so I didn't even get lunch out of the trip.

The one thing I noticed at both stores was how many older people there were shopping today. I have never seen that many silver haired couples walking the isles of Costco, or that many cruising through the isles of Wal Mart in those little motorized shopping scooters.
Now don't get me wrong, I love older people, I have a great respect for them and I plan on becoming one someday, I just got a kick out of the sheer number of them I saw out shopping for Thanksgiving dinner.

As I was driving home from this shopping trip, my husband called me. I was telling him about all of the senior citizens I saw shopping and then I noticed that the car in front of me was going about 23 miles per hour in a 45 zone. As I looked closer, I could see that the car was being driven by an elderly gentleman who could barely see over the wheel.

In other news, after today, I have decided to do all of my Christmas shopping online.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Cleanliness is next to impossible

Today I came to the most horrible realization that I need to clean my office.

I work from home and I'm lucky enough to have a room of my own to work in. (unlike our last house where I worked on the kitchen table, but my stuff was spread out all over the living room and kitchen)
My goal for the week is to organize my work space. I think I will be able to think better and therefore work better. The biggest problem is that the only time the mess bothers me is when I'm working, but then I don't have time to do anything about it because, I'm working, and then when I'm not working, it doesn't really bother me because I'm not in my office and I forget. (well, I don't really forget, but it does slide down a few notches on my list of priorities)

Honestly, I would love to get everything organized............if it wasn't so darn much work!

A few days ago, one of the offspring took it upon himself to rearrange a stack of papers on my computer desk. (thanks a bunch kiddo) the problem being that he didn't take the whole stack at once, but in different chunks, mixing the papers up as he went along. I think some of them may have even fallen behind the desk.
Last night, I spent nearly an hour re-sorting these papers into more sub categories of piles.

I left the room for a minute and when I came back, another child was sitting in my computer chair. On top of two stacks of papers, which will now need to be re-sorted again.
I need to get a new chair. The arms on the chair are cracked and keep pinching my elbows whenever I lean my arms on them, and there seems to be a little sensor in the seat of the chair. This sensor detects when I'm sitting down to work and sends signals to the children. They then need me to do something immediately.
There is another sensor in the chair that tells the kids when I leave the chair, then they slide right into the chair to use the computer.
It would be great if they were using it for some educational purpose, however, as of late, their favorite thing to do is to go to YouTube and watch videos of some guy putting cell phones in a blender and blending them.
I told Aaron that he really shouldn't be watching these because I didn't want him getting any ideas, and he said "If I watch it on YouTube, and see what happens, then I don't need to try it myself.

Oh how I wish that 6 years ago someone would have filmed themselves flushing various items down the toilet so Aaron wouldn't have felt the need to try that himself.

Do you have any idea how much it costs when the plumber has to remove your toilet from the floor to remove items that didn't flush all the way down?
Well, I know what it costs to have TWO toilets removed on the same day because both of them were hopelessly clogged by unflushable items.
Were you aware that plumbers don't give you any sort of a discount for stuff like that?

Anyway, back to my messy office. Max came in my office while I was sorting.
"Whatcha doin' mom?"
"I'm cleaning my office."
"Oh."
Then he left only to return with a garbage bag.
"I'm going to help you clean!"
Which would have been great, but Max thinks that any piece of paper that isn't blank is garbage (unless it has original artwork by him) The only paper worth saving is blank paper that that can potentially be drawn on.
Here's the deal, there was no way that I was going to let my 4 year old son clean my office. The kid loves the shredder.

I finally gave up for the night. I will start again today.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Yikes!!!!


Guess what I found?









(sigh)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

OUCH!!!

Today, started out as a really nice day.
It lasted that way until about 8:00 pm when Max accidentally head butted me right in the mouth giving me a swollen lip.
Then within a few minutes, another one of my children (who prefers to remain nameless) accidentally knocked this off the doorway just as I was walking through it.




It landed right on top of my head!

THIS REALLY HURT!

I'm pretty sure I have a skull fracture. I think my family needs to wait on me and bring me food all weekend.
What do you think?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The reason why I feel like beating my head against a wall. Again and again and again and again.........

So, as it turns out, due to some strange things going on with his teeth, CJ needs to have some surgery done.

When we first met with the oral surgeon in December, he hadn't seen the x rays yet (I think the office may have lost them) and they couldn't find the letter sent to him by our dentist. He spoke in general terms about what would need to be done, and said he would request another x ray from our dentist and call me in a few days. He felt that we could schedule the surgery for spring break.
Several weeks later I still haven't heard from him, so I call the office to check on things. About an hour later, the doctor himself calls me. He has just looked at the x ray (? just looked at it?) and feels like this really can't wait until spring break, and we should have the surgery right away.
I speak with the office staff who gets us on the schedule as soon as possible which ends up being 4 weeks later.

That would be 28 days. (remember this number)

I assume everything is OK, and we make arrangements for the surgery to be Feb 20.
Last week, I get a call from the office telling me what the estimate for the surgery will be, what our insurance will cover and how much we sill have to pay. At the time I received the call, I was half asleep, dealing with a super nasty headache and the numbers didn't really sink in until DH came home and I told him about the call.
The numbers were all wrong, because we knew darn well that our insurance would cover more than what the office girl said.

DH called our insurance. They had no record of anything being submitted for an estimate or pre approval from their office.

I called the Oral surgeon's office the next day.
Me: "We spoke with our insurance because we're pretty sure that they will cover more than you quoted, but they couldn't tell us anything for sure because they've never received anything from your office."
Office girl: "Yes, we submitted that. We just fax it in, and they fax us back a copy of your benefits and we figure it out."
Me: "They have no record of that."
OG: "Well, I can submit it again"
Me: "Please do that."

The next day, we call the insurance. Still no record of anything being sent. We also learn that we need to get a pre authorization before the surgery.

I call the office again.
Me: "Our insurance still hasn't received anything from you, and we need to get pre authorized before the surgery."
OG: "Well, it says right here that it was sent."
Me: "Well, they still don't have any record of it."
OG: "I can send a pre estimate, do you want me to do that?"
Me: "YES!"
Because basically, that was what was supposed to have been sent in the first place. (and what I thought had been sent)

This week. Insurance still doesn't have any record of anything being sent.

I call the office. Again.
Me: "Our insurance still doesn't have anything from you. Did you send the pre estimate?"
OG: "Yes, but we haven't received anything back."
Me: "We also need to get pre authorization before the surgery. It's scheduled for this Friday. That's only three days away."
OG: "Hmmm........I guess what I can do is call the insurance company and give them the dental codes over the phone."
Me: (sarcastically in my head "could you really?")
Me: (out loud) "Yes, that would be great. Please do that."
OG: "I'll do that and call you back."

The next day, she calls me back.
OG: "I just spoke with your insurance, and got the pre authorization over the phone."
Me: "Great!"
OG: "And your insurance won't cover any of the anesthesia."
Me: "According to what I just read in our benefits, our insurance will cover 80% of anesthesia."
OG: (giggling) "Well, that's kind of tricky. They might cover it, and they might not. It just depends on whether or not they find it dentally necessary."
Me: "My son is 6 feet tall and nearly a black belt in karate. I'm pretty sure the doctor will want him asleep for this, because if he's awake, he might fight back."
(and just between us, I've met the doctor, and I'm pretty sure CJ could take him)
OG: "Well, they also said they won't cover the rest of the surgery until they see the x rays."

WHAT????

OK, the surgery is in two days, and she's just now finding out that they need to send x rays to the insurance?

Seriously?

This doctor is a preferred provider with our insurance. One would think that the office staff would know the insurance policies.

YA THINK???

So today we call the insurance and find out that they do indeed need to see the x rays before approving the surgery, and it may take up to 20 days after receiving the x ray to approve the surgery.

Which is tomorrow.

We call the office. They are sending the x rays today.

Now if you do the math, I scheduled this surgery 4 weeks ago, plenty of time to send x rays and allow for the 20 day approval time from the insurance.

I just called to cancel the surgery for tomorrow. OG was annoyed. Especially when I asked her WHY the x rays hadn't been sent earlier.
OG: "Well, sometimes they don't require it."

YOU ARE A PREFERRED PROVIDER THROUGH OUR INSURANCE COMPANY!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF THE BENEFITS, AND YOU SHOULD KNOW WHEN THEY REQUIRE X RAYS!!!


So, I just rescheduled the surgery.


For March.


Spring break.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Bad hair! Bad, bad, hair!

I'm having a bad hair day.

Wait................. make that a bad hair month.

Last month, I got a haircut, and while I wasn't thrilled with the way it was styled when I left the salon, I was sure that when I got home, I would be able to fix it the way I like, because I always do that.

No dice.

No matter what I did, I couldn't get it to look right.

Now, first of all, I do need to tell you that I LOVE my hairdresser. She usually does a great job. She is cute and bubbly, and it's so much fun to sit and chat with her while she fixes my hair. I actually look forward to getting my hair cut.

I have very few hairdressers in my history. When I was a teenager, I had very long hair, and would just go to our neighbor (who had a salon in her basement) every once in a while to have it trimmed.
Next, I went to a friend of my mom's (who had a salon in her basement) Every time I would go there, she would tell me that "Men don't like women with long hair" and she would try to talk me into cutting it all off. "No" I would always say "I just want a trim."
At one point, I decided that I wanted a perm, and asked her if she would be willing to perm my long hair. She said "Yes, but I would need to take a few inches off the bottom first."

Okay, I could deal with a "few" inches.

Apparently, her idea of "a few" and mine were totally different. I was thinking 3", maybe 4" at the most, but she ended up cutting off about 10" and then the with my hair being curly, it shortened it even more. The length of my hair, which previously had been about 4" past my waistline, was now somewhere in between my shoulder blades.

I was livid!

Needless to say, I never went back to her!

(There. That's a rant that I've been waiting to get off my chest for a few decades)

My next hairdresser was WONDERFUL. Everything I ever wanted in a hairdresser. She made suggestions, but always did exactly what I wanted. She recommended that I cut my hair shorter, but waited until I was ready. She fixed my hair for over 15 years.

Then she quit. Something about wanting to stay home with her son or something. Now, while I totally understand where she's coming from, and I also realize that being home with her son was much more important to her than making sure my hair looked nice, I was not happy about having to find a new hairdresser.

A friend recommended someone she knew and so I went to her. This lady always did a fabulous job on my hair, but we had absolutely nothing in common. She didn't have kids, and I didn't have dogs, so there wasn't much common ground to talk about except the weather, and seriously, how long can you stretch out that conversation?
She was also very busy (because she really is that good) so it was hard to get an appointment with her at a time that was convenient for me to schedule a babysitter for my kids. Of course I could try and make an appointment weeks in advance, but let's face it, I'm incapable of thinking that far ahead.

Next was my current hairdresser. She has always done a great job, so this cut was kind of strange. I always like my hair to curl under, but for the last several weeks, nothing I do will make my hair curl under.

So today, I gave up.

Maybe if I can't get it to curl under, I can try curling it so that it flips up. Maybe that was the look that my hairdresser was going for. I curled my hair so that it flipped up, and when I looked in the mirror, I remembered why I don't like to fix my hair this way.

This is what my hair looked like.



















Yeah, I think I need to get another appointment to get my hair cut.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

61 bits of wisdom

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to meet some fellow bloggers. I had so much fun, we ate, we laughed, we gave awards, we laughed some more, we watched a small dragon dive headfirst into a cup of butter...............
(Hopefully, someone will post a photo of that)
Anyway, Thanks ladies! It was a great day, it will be fun to get together again sometime!

I've had a few people ask me what's wrong with CJ's teeth.
Basically, He's 12 1/2 and his 12 year molars are nowhere near growing in. After two sets of x-rays, it was determined that they were indeed growing, however, none of them are actually growing in the correct direction. One is even growing directly towards one of his wisdom teeth.
Tomorrow I need to get an appointment for the orthodontist, and our dentist mentioned that we might need to get the oral surgeon involved.

Great.

True to form, CJ is blaming me for the whole situation.
"See mom, I told you we should have gone in earlier for that follow up appointment at the orthodontist!"
We are about a year overdue for his check up. He has had his braces off for almost 4 years, and I'm supposed to take him in for an evaluation every now and then.

So basically I'm a bad mom.

Never mind that there would be no way that the orthodontist could have seen this coming a year ago.
The dentist assured me that it would not have made any difference if the orthodontist had seen him earlier, and it is NOT MY FAULT!
(Neener neener to you CJ!)
Feeling the need to blame someone for the problem with his teeth, we have decided to blame my brother.
If any of you have any suggestions on a good way that we can make my brother responsible for this mess, I'm listening.

One thing I have learned from being a parent is that my kids will always find some way to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in their lives.

Here are 61 other things that I have learned since I have become a mom.

1. It IS possible for a two year old to memorize three ENTIRE episodes of Spongebob. (Does that make me a bad mom?)
2. A band-aid will make a bruise feel better.
3. Whenever you really do need a band-aid, they will be all gone.
4. A two year old can get the lid off of a huge, brand new Costco bottle of shampoo, and dump it all down the drain without making a single sound.
5. Your child who will always eat ANYTHING will suddenly decide that lasagna is "yucky" while you are visiting your inlaws, and your MIL has spent the entire day making homemade lasagna.
6. If you decide to go ahead and get the really expensive front row seats for the circus, so your two year old can see everything up close, he will fall asleep in the first ten minutes, and miss the whole thing.
7. No matter where you hide your make up, it will never be safe from your toddler.
8. Two year old girls believe that mascara goes directly on their cheeks, eyeliner on their lips, and lipstick is to be firmly twisted inside the cap.
9. It is possible to get nail polish out of hair.
10. The worse the word your child has learned, the more likely he is to use it during a quiet moment in church. (In my defense, he learned the word from a neighbor and made up a little song with it. Sang it in church, he did)
11. Macaroni is flammable.
12. As soon as you take your sick, feverish, limp and listless child to the doctor, the fever will disappear, and the child will run around the waiting room at full speed.
13. Even if you are positive that your baby does not know how to drink from a straw, they will figure it out if you let them chew on the straw in your Diet Coke, and you won't notice until almost half of it is gone.
14. Caffeine will keep babies awake.
15. WD 40 removes crayon from walls.
16. Tape will not fix broken crayons.
17. Tape will not fix broken crackers.
18. A toddler does not understand that tape will not fix broken crayons or crackers.
19. You will always be out of tape.
20. Babies do not like it when you are wearing a clean shirt.
21. A child can survive indefinitely eating nothing but mac-n-cheese.
22. If a child leans on the screen door long enough, it WILL break, and you will spend the next 3 hours in the emergency room getting his chin stitched up.
23. If you leave a toddler alone just long enough to go to the bathroom, he will climb on the kitchen table, and fall off, and you will spent the next two hours going to the doctor to get the gash in his ear glued back together.
24. If you have toys scattered all over the floor, and you buy a nice toybox to put all the toys in, the kids will take all the toys out of the toybox and scatter them on the floor, so they can play IN the toybox.
25. Even if you feed your kids a full seven course meal right before you take them to grandma's house, as soon as they walk in the door, they will be hungry.
26. Grandma will always feed the kids anything they want.
27. Even though the diaper box says "Up to 10 pounds" the diaper won't really hold that much poop.
28. It's not a good idea to wash disposable diapers.
29. If you do accidentally wash a disposable diaper, it takes forever to get all of the little gel pieces off of the clothes, and out of the washer.
30. Polly Pocket shoes are edible.
31. Bananas don't flush.
32. Polly Pocket clothes do.
33. Toothbrushes flush just far enough that you can't reach in and pull them out, but not so far that they won't cause the toilet to clog.
34. It costs over $200.00 for a plumber to come in and remove two toilets from the floor, and retrieve the toothbrushes.
35. Toddlers don't really care where a toothbrush has been.
36. A sequin can make it all the way through a child's digestive system.
37. Even if a child swears that they have no homework, they usually do.
38. If you think that a child might have homework, look in the cabinet under the bathroom sink, or under the cushions on the couch, you will probably find it there.
39. Spend the extra money for the leather seats in your car. It's so much easier to clean up if you have kids who are prone to carsickness.
40. Always travel with a bucket, a roll of paper towels, and a can of Lysol.
41. If you give your children Benadryl because your doctor recommends it for carsickness, it will just make them throw up purple.
42. Apparently, I don't know anything.
43. A twelve year old boy can eat an entire pizza.
44. It's always my fault when someone can't find their shoes.
45. Children really like to play with the controls on the refrigerator, so your lettuce will always be frozen.
46. After your child gets himself a popcicle always check the freezer in the garage to make sure the door is closed so it won't stay open all night, and you lose a freezer full of frozen food.
47. You will never know where all of your pens are.
48. While potty training, a child can sit on the potty for an hour and nothing will happen until 5 minutes after you put a diaper back on him.
49. Floods happen.
50. Butter isn't just for eating.
51. A toddler considers themselves fully dressed if they are wearing nothing but a hat, gloves and cowboy boots.
52. Toddlers like to undress themselves pretty much anywhere.
53. It is possible for a four year old to trash your internet off of your computer.
54. Four year olds think it's funny to watch mommy scream because they have trashed the internet from the computer.
55. Computer passwords are a good thing.
56. Kid's safety scissors can cut more than you might think.
57. Never leave any important documents where a toddler can get to them.
58. Toddlers love paper shredders.
59. No matter how many times you put your books away in the bookshelves, five minutes later, they will be all over the floor.
60. If you just got new tile, and you haven't sealed the grout yet, and a child gets tired of his grape popcicle, and puts it in a cup, the popcicle will melt, the cup will spill onto the unsealed grout, and it will leave a stain.
61. No matter what I have learned from having my kids, I wouldn't trade them for anything!!

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(Yes, my kids read my blog)