Thursday, February 7, 2008

Letters to the drop off zone

Dear lady in the green mini van,
In the future, would you please make sure that all of your children have their back packs filled, coats on, notes signed, and hair combed BEFORE you leave for school? Please realize that there are about 20 cars behind you waiting to drop our kids off at school while we are ever so patiently waiting for you to take care of the items mentioned above.
Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Signed,
The mom waiting behind you.

Dear daughter of the lady in the green mini van,
Your hair looks fine. GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!
Signed,
Still waiting

Dear guy in the little blue sports car,
Did you not notice how your wheels were spinning on the icy street?
Did you not notice the slight hill leading down to the drop off zone?
Did you not realize that if the streets are icy, chances are the hill going down to the drop off zone might be icy also?
Are you aware that when you drive faster while turning into the drop off zone, that your chances of sliding increase?
Did you know that when you make a sharp turn in a speeding sports car on an icy hill, it will sometimes slide sideways, and if there is another car parked in the drop off zone, chances are the cute little sports car will run into it?
Do you think that maybe if you were not talking on your cell phone, you may have noticed the above mentioned conditions?
Do you now realize that driving a cute little (now dented) sports car on a snowy day is probably not a very good idea?

I hope you have insurance.

Signed,
Witness to an accident.

Dear lady in the white Explorer,
I realize that your cute little kindergartener probably would love to have you walk her to her classroom, but do you really think it's a good idea to park in the drop off zone, get out of your car, and walk her to the school? Do you realize the traffic back up you are causing?? Do you see all of the signs that say "No parking in the drop off zone, driver must stay with car"?
In the future, please park in the parking lot. This is what they built it for.
Signed,
Slightly annoyed mom.

Dear lady in the gray Suburban,
Are you serious?? Do you really think that you can turn left onto that busy street?? Can you see that none of the cars on the road are moving? Do you know why? It is because they are all lined up waiting to turn left into the same drop off zone that you are trying to exit. Do you realize that they aren't going anywhere until you move out of the way?

TURN RIGHT AND GO AROUND THE BLOCK!!!

Signed,
Yes, I do have all day to sit here and wait for you to turn =P

Dear Max,
I realize that Mommy said it was O.K. to bring the cow flashlight with you while we took the kids to school, however, at the time, I thought that the batteries were dead, and I had no idea that I would be listening to it moo all the way to school and back home. Please understand that Mr. Cow flashlight may be taking a vacation for a few days, and will be unavailable for your listening pleasure.
Signed,
Your loving Moom,........er..........I mean Mom

Dear husband,
Thank you so much for replacing the batteries in Max's cow flashlight.
Signed,
Your loving wife

Dear television weather man,
O.K. Enough already.
Seriously.
I admit the snow was kind of fun at first, you know, around Christmas time when all the pretty lights made it glitter.
I also realize that the ski resorts are very happy with all the snow, and also the skiers, however,
I don't ski.
I know, I know, we're in a drought...........blah, blah, blah.................we really need the water...............blah, blah, blah.............
I have a solution that will make everyone happy. If you could please arrange it so that the snow falls only in the mountains, and on the grass, not on the streets, parking lots, school drop off zones, and my driveway, it would be greatly appreciated.
Oh yea, and while you're at it, if you could do something about the freezing temperatures, I would appreciate that also.
My feet have not been warm since September.
Signed,
Frozen feet.

Dear school secretary,
Thank you so much for the lovely phone call this morning. I do so enjoy our frequent conversations.
Yes, I am aware that one or more of my children were late for school. We actually got to the school on time, however, after waiting in line at the drop off zone (behind the lady who was waiting for her lovely daughter to finish her morning grooming routine, the lady who parked the car, got out and walked her kid into school, and the crazy cell phone/dented sports car guy), it took a while for my children got out of the car, and I can see how they might have been a few minutes late.
Thank you so much for your suggestion that we leave our home a few minutes earlier, so we don't get stuck in the drop off zone. Perhaps on your way to school in the morning, you can stop by our house and drag them out of bed yourself. Maybe they will listen to you.
Signed,
I have caller ID, and I know how to use it.

Dear leftover Halloween candy that I just found in my closet,
Do you know how much I needed you today? You cannot begin to fathom the joy I felt in my heart as I saw you sitting there, alone, forgotten, ready to fill my life with your chocolaty goodness. I realize that I might have seemed a little desperate as I ripped open your bag and began grabbing at your peanut butter cups. They are my favorite. At some point during the day, I promise to relieve you of your Almond Joys, and peanut M&Ms.
I am so ashamed that I was unaware of your presence, however, I vow to make it up to you by spending the day with you and my other friend, 6 pack of Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper.
Oh the fun we will have!
If there is any of you left at the end of the day, I will use you as incentive for my children to get their homework done.
Thak you so much for the joy you have brought into my life on such a dreary day.
I love you.
Signed,
Your currently over/caffienated friend

Dear children,
How would you feel about walking to school from now on?????
Signed
Your loving (I really need a vacation) Mom



30 comments:

Irene said...

So funny. Well, maybe it wasn't funny at the time, but very funny now.

Yes, it sounds like mom really needs a well deserved vacation. I myself am hoping for a little mom-time this weekend. It has been a very looonnnngggg time.

Lola...again said...

Dear Jill,
Thank you for writing all of those letters. I've been meaning to write them myself..but i was waiting behind the Mom that stays in th drop off lane to watch her daughter walk through the school doors (even though there is no possible way for her to get lost between the SUV, and the door)
You have freed up enough time for me to secretly eat the rest of the cake (I conveniently hid) and a 12 pack of diet coke!
Signed, your friend in the drop off zone!

utmomof5 said...

Were you at my kids school this morning? I think I will print those off and pass them out in our drop off zone. Apprantly the big sign telling them not to leave their cars is not working!!
Truely enough with the snow!!!

Christina

Pappy Yokum said...

Great letters! I especially like the one to the leftover Halloween candy. I would assume that leftover Halloween candy is generally a fairytale around your house so the only explanation can be that it was a miracle! Now, don't you feel even better?

Angie said...

LOL! Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper - YUMMY! Anyway, I hope you feel better getting all this off your chest. Maybe next time you can stamp and address them, too, if you get up the courage
KEEP BELIEVING

Lois said...

Nigel and I were giggling up a storm at this post. Nigel is good and makes the kids walk to school. When I'm home, I drive them to school, but I either park in the parking lot and walk them in or drop them off (though sometimes I have to get out of the car only because our passenger door doesn't open from the inside). You still have CHOCOLATE Halloween candy left? All we have is Dum-Dums and candy canes left. Yuck.

Dawn said...

These letters are so funny- I can relate so well to all of them. These are all common problems so I like Christina's idea of printing off your letters and passing them out to similar offenders!

melissious said...

Dear consciencious letter writer,
Thank you so much for your letter. I sincerely apologize for holding up the drop zone. I really meant to shove them out of my moving car the second we got to the curb. However, I dragged them out of bed just in time to make it out the door. While eating their pop-tarts in the car, they managed to stuff a portion of them actually INTO their mouths, while the remains were deposited on four faces, smeared into four sets of clean clothes, and distributed through four heads of freshly combed hair. Therefore, when I finally pulled into the school parking lot, while I sincerely would have LOVED to push them out of the still-moving car and continued on to a few hours of peace & quiet, I had to re-wash, re-brush, and re-clothe four wiggling, whining, screaming children.
I have cc'd the school secretary and the rest of the carpool on this (if they happen to be reading your blog, that is)
Sincerely,
Frazzled Carpooler in Front of You

Jen said...

Dear Jill,

I loved these letters. You could write a book called The Thursday Letters. It would be way better than some old love letter mush.

Respeck,

Jen

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Oh, I am really jealous of your finding that Halloween candy!

Am'n2deep said...

Oh Dear Blessed, Blessed Bus Driver,
Thank you for risking your sanity to drive a bus full of Jr. High adolescents for not near enough compensation I'm sure.
Sincerely,
A Very Grateful Mom

Dear Daughter's Best Friend's Mom,
Thanks for dropping by each morning on your way to work to take our girls to school. I hereby give my permission for you to drop them off anywhere near the school that is not in the drop-off zone so you won't be late...
Have a Great Day,
Your Daughter's Best Friend's Mom
**********

I'm very glad you have such great taste for Halloween candy! Sounds like it was well deserved!!

Sue said...

Hee hee hee - I loved this post. AMEN to everything. AMEN!!!!

b. said...

Funny Funny Jill!

Can I co-sign your letter to the Weatherman?

Jessica G. said...

Dontcha just love finding leftover candy stashed somewhere? It's like your own personal treasure hunt but instead of making you rich, it makes you hyper.
I fear the drop-off zone...one more year to go!

Jules said...

Hey Jill,

I loved reading your post. So funny and I'm still smiling - you lead such an exciting life. But I'm sending hugs too, because you sound a bit frazzled. : )

I used to be one of those to wait... and wait... and wait... in the hurryhurrymovefaster car lines - well, I did it only once since there were FOUR MILLION CARS in front me.

Now I park and -run like a maniac 'cause we're always late - ahem - walk them sedately to the gate.

Here's hoping that tomorrow will be better/faster/less exciting? for you.

Marilyn said...

I loved this post, and today I am giving thanks that I live in a snow-free city and I have kids who can drive!

Lucy said...

After working for 20+ years in a school office, I can see that the drop off zone is a nightmare for every school in the nation. And I don't care how close they live to the school, they will still drive them if they live next door. I know, I know, I know.

I also was a school secretary for that long thus realizing what goes on outside. But...I also know the other side of the situations from the 'inside'.

I was hard to please anyone or everyone. But it was the most fun job I ever had. I loved it.

Motorcycle Grandma said...

This is funny stuff. I'm years past the school drop-off zone stuff. Thank goodness. However, I've been known (in the past) to leave notes on the car windshields of stupid, clueless people. One was to the guy in a parking lot who totally blocked my access to my driver's side. I had to get in through the passenger side and crawl over. Another note was to the mother who pulled up next to me in a parking lot. I gave her a piece of my mind about driving around with her many kids not in carseats and/or seat belts.

P.S. Thanks for commenting on my blog. Nice to have you visit.

JustRandi said...

So funny! I swear I could have written most of those myself. Only they wouldn't have been nearly as funny!
You rock!

Kellan said...

I got a kick out of each and everyone of these great letters!! I loved the cow flash light story - HA! And the bag of candy in your closet story - HA! All funny! Thanks for the laughs - great post.

Nice to see you today. Have a great weekend and see you soon. Kellan

Holly said...

very funny stuff!

whirligigdaisy said...

Funny letters. How about one for the lady at the bank drive-up who didn't have the deposit slip filled out and the lady behind her finished before her and then was stuck there until she was done. Oh wait. That was me. Oops. Maybe no letter necessary. Already got sworn at and flipped off.

Heidi said...

You crack me up, Jill.

None of mine are old enough to "drop-off". I have to walk them into their preschool.

I generally have the worst personal hygiene of any mother there.

Lucille said...

Dear Jill,

Thank you for saying what we all are thinking! You made my morning brighter with your wit - LOVE it!

Signed,

An appreciative mom!

Badness Jones said...

That was the funniest post I've read in ages. Thank you for helping to keep me out of the fridge. I needed the distraction today. Funny....all of those drivers have kids at my daughter's school too!

Melissa said...

Move here. We don't have snow. We do have people drop their kids off in golf carts though... which is why my son rides his scooter to school. Have you ever seen how fast those golf carts CAN'T go??

Anonymous said...

Dear Mom,
Please don't make me walk to school my legs are tired. (Been doing to many jumps in ballet class.) I love you and your blog rocks. PEACE OUT!

dishes and laundry said...

Hilarious - I think we drop our kids off at the same school. It's a wonder that kids aren't hit every single day. We have parents stopping in the drive-thru lane and let their kids out to walk THROUGH the cars in the drop-off lane. And I'm talking tiny little kids that are hard to see! Crazy!

I nearly cried over your letter to the found Halloween candy. No such luck for me.

C.J. said...

Dear Mom,
Are you going to buy another bag of chocolate? If you are please, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!! let me eat half of it!!!!! I won't get sick I promise. At the klondike derby I went to a few weeks ago, I ate most of the chocolate you donated, and I DIDN'T GET SICK!!!!!!!!!!! I also want you to know it's not my fault that you're sewing stuff together wrong!! So remember that, and don't forget to let me eat at least half the next bag of chocolate you buy.
Signed,
I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear People,
Check out the Apple Obsessed post! You can get to it by clicking on the link above that says C.J.
Signed,
Buy a Mac!!!!!

Damama T said...

I'm literally crying over here reading that hilarious description of so many of my mornings so many years ago! It is so wonderful to see it put into words. And put so eloquently! AND SO BLASTED ACCURATELY! Well - I didn't have the snow to contend with - but the stupid people.. OH YEAH - you nailed 'em! Thanks for the laugh!