The happiest place on earth?

Last week we returned from our family vacation to the Magic Kingdom. The last time we went there, Max was only 2, and doesn't remember anything (except refusing to ride Dumbo after standing in line for 45 minutes)
This time, Max turned out to be quite the little daredevil, he wanted to ride all of the rides. His favorite ride turned out to be Space mountain, however, he still wanted me to ride with him so I could hold his hand.
He really didn't like any of the rides where he got wet. Splash Mountain is my all time favorite ride, and I really wanted a photo of the look on Max's face so we sat him in the very front. I completely forgot how wet the front seat passenger would get.
Max was not amused.
And as for those stupid ride photos, why do they all make me look 40 lbs heavier than I think I am?
Stupid cameras.

The best quote of the day came from Max, after a mix up on the seating for Space Mountain. He wanted to sit in the front seat with his dad, but at the last second, he got confused, switched seats with his sister and ended up sitting in the second row. To say that the kid was furious would be an understatement. We argued with him for a while, trying to make him understand that HE was the one that switched seats (he got turned around and misunderstood where everyone would be sitting) but he kept blaming everyone else for him not being able to sit in front. Finally he looks at all of us, throws up his hands and says "EVERYONE SAYS THIS IS THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH, BUT IT REALLY ISN'T!!!"

While we were passing one of the shops in Adventureland, we saw a huge pile of pillow pets, Minnie mouse, Stitch, Goofy, Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh and Max's favorite Perry the Platypus.

Max had brought his birthday money and he had just enough to buy the Perry the Platypus Pillow Pet. (I dare you to say that ten times really fast) (No, seriously, go ahead, I'll wait.........)

We convinced him that we should come back at the end of the day so we didn't have to carry Perry around with us all day.
That evening, after watching "The World of Color" in California Adventure (really awesome show! I highly recommend seeing it. I spent the whole time trying to figure out how they did that) we made our way back to Disneyland to purchase Perry, and Brielle wanted to buy a Minnie Mouse pillow pet for herself.
We stopped at the Emporium near the entrance and got Minnie, but they didn't have any Perry's. In fact, the guy working there said he didn't think they even made them.
We made a mad dash back to the shop in Adventureland. We saw a kid walking around the store holding a Perry the Platypus pillow pet. I couldn't see any more so I asked the clerk. Apparently the other kid had bought the last one.
I asked the clerk if she knew of anywhere else they might have one. I even picked up Max and told the lady to look at his sad face.
She made a few phone calls, and there were none to be found.

Max was very sad that night, Brielle had Minnie, but there was no Perry for Max.

Riding back to the hotel on the shuttle, Max fell asleep. Max did not wake up to walk into the hotel. I guided the sleepwalking Max into the hotel while CJ video taped him stumbling around. The hotel staff got quite a kick out of him as he tried to lay down on the floor while we were waiting for the elevator, then he tried to lay down on the elevator floor, then the floor in front of our room door.
When we got inside our room, he finally ended up landing with his top half on the bed, and his feet still on the floor. He slept this way for about a half hour until we took pity on him and put him in his pajamas.

The next day we went to the beach. At first the kids weren't too excited, but when it was time to leave, we couldn't get them out of there. Aaron LOVES the water. I think if we lived there, he would become a surfer. While we were there, Max needed to use the restroom, so we had CJ take him to the restrooms back by the parking lot. They had been gone quite a while, and I was starting to get worried, so I called CJ on his cell phone. I got no answer. A few minutes later I tried again, still no answer. Finally, my husband went looking for them, soon they showed up, CJ had miscalculated and went the wrong direction.
He had also left his cell phone in the car.

That night we attended an Anaheim Angels baseball game. Our hotel was close enough that we just walked to the stadium. As we walked in the gates, we all got a Hula Dancer doll. Aaron immediately turned around and asked me if he could sell his on eBay. My first thought was that we now had a bunch more crap to stuff in the car on our way home.

The next day we went back to Disneyland. We got up super duper early and made it there in time for the special early entrance. We went straight to Space Mountain and Max got to ride in the front :)
As we were passing one of the shops in Tomorrowland, I looked in and saw three Perry the Platypus Pillow Pets on the shelf! Max grabbed one and we bought it immediately. I learned that the store would hold Perry for us until it was time for us to leave.

Win, win!

We spent the rest of the day riding as many rides as we could before it got too crowded. At one point we split up, I took the older boys on Splash Mountain, and Brielle took Max on Thunder Mountain Railroad, while hubby hung out on a bench, waiting for all of us.
We got back to the bench, but Brielle and Max were nowhere to be seen. We waited for quite a while, then I went looking for them. (sound familiar) Due to a miscommunication, they went to the wrong bench and got lost.
Brielle felt really bad, and CJ tried to console her by saying how much worst it was when he and Max were lost. They argued for several minutes about which one had the worst experience getting lost, when Max looks at both of them and says "HEY! I got lost TWICE!!"


By about 7:00 that night, we decided we were all Disneyed out and decided it was time to leave. We went and picked up Max's Perry, bought a bunch of suckers for souvenirs and took the shuttle back to the hotel.
We still hadn't eaten dinner, so we found the nearest Spaghetti Factory and went there. It was after 9:00 when we got there so we were all tired and hungry. About halfway through his mad-n-cheese, Max snuggled up against me and fell asleep.
We now have video of him sleepwalking out of the restaurant, and back into the hotel.

The front desk staff were quite entertained.

Our last day in California, we went to Pasadena because CJ wanted to visit Caltech. I can't believe that our kid is old enough for us to start visiting Colleges.

That afternoon we went to the beach again. Again, Aaron spent his time diving into the waves. We had to keep telling him not to swim too far out because he was making me nervous.
I told Max he should really go put his feet in the water. A few minutes later, he came back soaking wet, with sand covering the entire front of his body. Apparently, a wave hit him, and knocked him over.
Max shook the sand off of his arms and said "I WOULD LIKE THE BEACH MUCH BETTER IF THERE WASN'T ANY WATER!"

Poor Max.

We did have a great vacation. We also got to visit my husband's family who lives in the area. The kids got to pick lemons from the trees in their back yard (they have lemon trees in their back yard!!)
and make fresh strawberry lemonade! The family all commented on how tall all of the kids are, and on how much Max looks like his grandpa :)

How many family members does it take to pull out the wiggly tooth of a very whiny six year old?

Three.

#1 to tie the string around his tooth and the other end of the string to the door.

#2 to hold the kid's head still.

#3 to slam the door.

Yes, Max has lost his first tooth! (or had it forcibly removed.............)

It was most definitely ready to come out, the new tooth has already popped through. Now if we can just trick him into letting us tie the string around the other loose tooth.

The reason why someone in our family will be getting an entire case of scotch tape for Christmas.

Today the kids were making ornaments to decorate the new Christmas tree that we got for our kitchen. (What, don't you have a tree in your kitchen?) (OK, so I may or may not have purchased the tree as incentive* for the kids to do something that I wanted them to do) (and I like having a tree** in the kitchen) I had planned to decorate the tree with chili peppers or something like that, but today the offspring*** were too excited and decided to take matters into their hands and use a case of printer paper to make ornaments for the new tree.

They made tons of snowflakes, a big paper chain and a really cool star for the top.

Max is an amazing kid, if he has access to a bunch of paper, scissors, tape, crayons and a stapler, there is no limit to what this kid can create.

Earlier today, Max was working on a new creation for the tree when it appeared that he needed some tape. He asked everyone if we knew where the tape was.

Due to the fact that Max is generally the only one who uses tape, none of the rest of us knew where it was.

I even checked in my super secret tape hiding place, and there wasn't any tape there. (apparently, Max discovered my super secret tape hiding place)

Max was continually growing more agitated, and kept asking us where the tape was. (because everyone knows that asking someone the same thing over and over and over will make them know the answer)

"Where is the tape?"

"Who hid the tape?"

"Why won't anybody help me find the tape?"

"Why am I the only one looking for the tape?"

And finally.........

"IT'S NOT FAIR THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE LOOKING FOR THE TAPE!!!"

I calmly suggested that he look in his room because he WAS the last one to use the tape.

"IT'S NOT IN MY ROOM!!! SOMEBODY TOOK IT!! I NEED THE TAPE!! WHY ISN'T ANYBODY HELPING ME LOOK FOR THE TAPE? IT'S NOT FAIR THAT NOBODY IS HELPING ME LOOK FOR THE TAPE!! WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS ............

Then he spotted the tape sitting on the kitchen table right next to where he was standing. "Oh there it is." he said simply, then grabbed it and walked away.

Here is what the tree looked like when the kids were finished. I actually like it! (The huge decorations kind of cover the fact that the tree is incredibly scrawny) The big square snowflakes were made by Max.

*Some people prefer to call it bribery, however, I feel that bribery is such an ugly word.

Bribery is when someone says "I'll give this to you if you do something for me" and incentive is when someone says "Do this for me, and I will give you this"

See, completely different.

**And I use the term "tree" very loosely. It was $20 at Wal Mart

***The boys actually wanted to drape the tree with cords and cables from multiple electronic devices.

Top ten things overheard when I was playing Mario Cart on the Wii with my kids

#10. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

#9. "HEY! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! WHY ARE YOU GOING THE WRONG WAY!!"

#8. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

#7. "WHERE IN THE HECK IS THE B BUTTON? I CAN'T FIND THE B BUTTON!!!"

#6. "TURN AROUND MOM! YOU'RE STILL GOING THE WRONG WAY!!"

#5. "WHY DO YOU KEEP DRIVING ON THE GRASS?"

#4. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

#3. "YOU FELL OFF THE TRACK AGAIN?? WHY DO YOU KEEP FALLING OFF THE TRACK???"

#2. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"

And the #1 thing overheard when I was playing Mario cart on the Wii with my kids...........

"This is what happens when you try to teach stuff to old people."

Angry feet

This morning started out like any other morning. I woke up the older kids* then dragged Max out of bed.
Max is not a morning person (a trait he inherited from me) and I stood him up on the floor, holding on to him until his eyes opened a bit, and he stopped swaying.

"I'm awake mom" he croaked, then stumbled off to the bathroom.

I went back downstairs to wake up the other kids again (apparently they aren't morning people either) and when I came upstairs, Max was sitting on his bedroom floor, staring into space.

"Are you playing with your blocks instead of getting dressed?" I asked.

"No!" he growled, jumping up and grabbing his school pants.

Ten minutes later, I went back into his room to check on his progress.
He was now wearing pants, and holding a shirt.

Progress!

When I came back ten minutes later, his shirt was on and he was holding one of his tennis shoes.

"I can't find the other shoe!"

I helped him look all over his floor, behind his door (a favorite hiding place for his shoes) and under the blankets on his bed. (9 times out of 10 this is where we find his shoes) (seriously)

We couldn't find his other shoe.

I sent him to the kitchen to start eating his freshly toasted frozen waffle, and I continued to look for his other shoe.

Logically, I thought that it would probably be somewhere near the place where he found the other shoe, I looked under all of his block piles, behind the door again, in between all of his stuffed animals.......
I even looked under his pillow (remembering that time when I was Max's age and didn't want to go to school, so I hid my shoes under my pillow)

The shoe was nowhere to be found!

The time was getting late, so I grabbed his church shoes and brought them out to the kitchen.

"Sorry Max, I couldn't find your other shoe, you'll have to wear these."

"BUT NONE OF THE OTHER KIDS WEAR THEIR CHURCH SHOES TO SCHOOL!!"

The shoes are brown, and perfectly acceptable to wear to school. I pointed this out to him as I removed his one tennis shoe.

I looked up to see his arms folded across his chest in defiance, and he was wearing his angry eyes.

He refused to put the shoes on, so I put them on his feet for him. He spread his toes as wide as he could, just to make it as difficult as possible.

Fortunately, after raising his older brother, I knew how to deal with the uncooperative toes and still managed to get the shoes on, with Max giving me the evil eye the entire time.

"Oh yeah!" he growled "well then I just won't eat!" and he refused to eat any more of the waffle.

I guess he showed me.

And then I put his jacket on him, handed him his backpack, and he walked to the car...........very slowly........

Because, apparently, church shoes are incapable of moving as fast as tennis shoes.


When he gets home, I'm going to tell him that Naughty Bird ate his shoe.



* OK, CJ woke me up first so I could take him to school at 7:00, otherwise I would probably still be sleeping.....

Fool me once?

Today Brielle was trying to play a trick on Max. She told him to say "fork" ten times really fast.

Max said "Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork."

Then she told him to say "fork" five times, really fast.

Max said "Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork."

Next, she told him to say "fork" really fast two times.

Max said "Fork, fork."

Then one time, really fast."

"FORK"

Then she told him to say "fork, r e a l l y s l o w............"

"Fffffffffffoooooooorrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkk."

Next, Brielle was ready for the punchline, and asked Max "What do you eat your soup with?"

Without hesitation, Max said "CRACKERS!!"

********************************************

Do you remember several years back when Max would use the word "also" at least three times in every sentence?

Do you remember how sad we were when he grew out of this adorable habit?

Well, never fear! Max has a new phrase! He begins EVERY sentence with..

"Well......... it's just that......."

Max: "Well, it's just that Aaron was being mean to me!"

Me: "What is he doing to be mean?"

Max: "Well, it's just that he won't let me play on the Wii!"

Me: "I told him to turn it off because it's time for bed."

Max: "Well, it's just that he turned it off and I didn't get to win!"

Aaron: "I let you finish the game first, mom told me to turn it off."

Max: "Well, it's just that I didn't win the game and I wanted to play it again until I won!"

Me: "It's bedtime, you've had plenty of time to play."

Max: "Well, it's just that I DIDN'T WIN AND I NEED TO WIN BEFORE I STOP PLAYING!"

Me: " NO, It's time to get your pajamas on."

Max: "Well, it's just that I don't know where my pajamas are!"

Me: "I washed them, they're in the dryer."

Max "Well, it's just that they shouldn't be in the dryer, they should be in my room!"

Me: "You could take them out of the dryer and put them in your room."

Max: "Well, it's just that I don't want to do that, I want to play the Wii!"

The saga of the Naughty imaginary animals part 1 - How Naughty Bird became Naughty

Recently, I realized that there has been so much going on in our house concerning Max's imaginary pets "Naughty Bird" and "Naughty Reindeer" and I haven't written about any of it, mostly, because it's so complicated......

It all started last year, we went on vacation to the Grand Canyon, and while we were there, Max said that Naughty Bird wouldn't be coming home with us because he would be staying at the Grand Canyon.

Our family rejoiced.

Unfortunately, Naughty Bird found his way home, and returned to his awful ways of making messes and preventing Max from doing things that I asked him to do.

Me: "Max, it's bedtime, please get your pajamas on."

Max: "I CAN'T GET MY PAJAMAS ON BECAUSE NAUGHTY BIRD WON'T LET ME!!"

Then he would try to get up, but to no avail because Naughty Bird was holding him down.

I was quite displeased that the stupid bird had found his way home. We had spent a peaceful few months without the foul fowl and now he was back, causing problems again.

After a few days of this, I asked Max why Naughty Bird was so incredibly naughty.

Max thought for a moment and then said "Because he touched a fewton."

"What's a fewton?" I asked.

"A fewton is this thing that has a bunch of brown triangles on it and it's inside the speakers of the television."

(Yes, I'm every bit as confused as you are)

So for the next few days, any time we walked near the television, Max would freak out "NO! NO! don't get too close to the TV! You might touch the bad fewton and then you'll be naughty like Naughty Bird!!"

We lived in fear daily of accidentally touching the bad fewton.

One day, Max came up to me smiling ear to ear and said "Naughty Bird isn't naughty anymore!"

"Wow! What happened"

He then brought a piece of paper from behind his back. Max had made brightly colored shapes all over it.

"Naughty Bird touched the good fewton, and it turned him to be good!"

Then he very carefully sat it on the floor and said "I have to be very careful that I don't touch the good fewton very much, because it might make me TOO good!"

After that, Max made multiple good fewtons and laid them all over the floor in every room of our house. Heaven forbid anyone accidentally step on one, because Max would totally come unglued. I guess he felt we were in danger of being "TOO good"

Come back tomorrow and hear about the day that Naughty Reindeer arrived.

Duh!!!

Brielle went to girls camp last week. On the last day, they woke the girls up at 2:00 a.m. and they hiked to the top of the mountain to watch the sun rise.
Brielle was telling us how cool it was to watch the sun rise from the mountain top when Max said (in his most condescending voice)


"Brielle, the sun doesn't RISE, the earth is SPINNING!!"

Why can't they just get along?

This week our two oldest kids are away at camp. You would think that this would have cut the amount of fighting and teasing in half, but instead, the other two have really bumped it up so that the noise level in the house is still pretty much the same as when CJ and Brielle are at home.

For example......

Yesterday morning, I heard Max screaming so loud that I thought he had lost a limb. He came running into the kitchen, sobbing so hard that I couldn't understand anything he said.
I finally got him calmed down enough to understand, in between the screaming and sobbing, that Aaron had done something to him.

"AARON....... HURT........HEAD! ......THREW THEM AT ME!!!

I looked all over his head, trying to see any visible marks, but couldn't find any. Max continued to cry.

Just then, Aaron walked in the room with a smirk on his face.

"What did you throw at him?" I demanded.

He burst out laughing and told me what he threw at Max. Are you ready for this? Do you want to know what he threw at him to make him so upset?






Imaginary bricks and bolders.

Yes, Max was crying because Aaron had pretended to throw invisible, imaginary bricks and boulders at him.

Safety rule #1 - Do not run around with a garbage can over your head

I took Brielle, Aaron and Max to IKEA today. The boys saw some garbage cans for $1.99 and decided that they each needed a garbage can for their rooms.

As soon as we got home and brought our purchases in the house, they created a new game called "Put the garbage can over your head and walk around bumping into things."

I warned them that this could be potentially dangerous and they should take the garbage cans off of their heads before someone got hurt.

I mentioned this several times.

They ignored me, and this game was great fun until Max bumped into Aaron and he fell over.

"HEY! THAT HURTED!" He screamed as he sat on the floor rubbing his head.

I pointed out to him that this was the very reason that I suggested that they not play this game, but naturally, a few minutes later, they had the garbage cans back on their heads, bumping into things again.

Soon they had another collision, this time sending Aaron's can off of his head and landing on my bare foot.

"OUCH!" I yelled.

Max looked at me and said calmly "Um.....yeah.......I bet that really hurted."

Max and the big, sweaty guy

Tonight we went to a wedding reception for the son of a neighbor.
As we waited in the incredibly long line to greet the happy couple, we heard rumors of ice cream as refreshments.
The children were elated..........except for Max. He doesn't like ice cream, because apparently, it's too cold.
After we made our way through the reception line, the kids made a mad dash to the ice cream table.
I will say that we were not disappointed :0)
Chocolate dipped waffle bowls, brownies, caramel, chocolate and marshmallow topping (which I need to say was like creamy clouds made of sugar, sent down from heaven to rest upon my ice cream) various fresh fruits, crushed candy bars, chopped nuts, sprinkles and pink m&ms adorned the table.
Max still insisted that he didn't want ice cream, however, once he saw the brownies, he got very excited.
"I want a brownie! I want a brownie!" He jumped up and down until he got his hands on the plate with the brownie.

Then he saw the ice cream.

The lady serving the ice cream asked him if she could put some on his plate. He hesitated until Brielle said "You know, Max, the ice cream has been sitting out for a while and it's melted a little bit, so it won't be super cold."
This was all it took to convince him and he eagerly handed his plate to the lady who put a Max sized scoop..............

right on top of his brownie.

I knew that this would be trouble, especially with the whole "my food can't be touching, even a little bit" phase that he's been going through lately.

Surprisingly, Max didn't even flinch, and we walked outside to a table in the garden area of the reception center.

We sat down and slid Max's chair up to the table. He picked up his spoon and then it started.

"Hey. I didn't want the ice cream on top of the brownie."

He was uncharacteristically calm about the whole situation. I suggested that we just scoop the ice cream off of the brownie, and he happily agreed.

Then he looked at the brownie.

"Hey, there's still some ice cream on top. I don't want it there."

The already soft ice cream had melted a bit and left a puddle on top of the brownie. I scraped it off the best I could, but there was still some ice cream residue remaining.

My husband said "It's just the same as when you dunk your cookies in milk before you eat them. Go ahead and eat it, it'll taste good."

Max eyed the brownie suspiciously. "I dunk cookies in milk not brownies." Then he picked up his spoon and looked over the entire brownie, trying to find a place to dig in.

Again, I was a bit confused by his calm demeanor.

He finally looked up at me and said "Can I just pick it up with my hand and eat it?"
I told him that would be fine, so he picked up the brownie and "HEY THERE'S ICE CREAM ON THE BOTTOM OF MY BROWNIE!"

Yes, I knew we were headed for a meltdown, and it happened. I took the brownie, looked at the bottom of it, and sure enough, the bottom corner had some ice cream soaked into it. I turned the brownie around and handed it back to him. "Here buddy, just eat the other side, OK?"
He must have been really hungry because he did just that, and finished off the entire brownie, ice cream sludge and all.
I returned to my ice cream (remember, little clouds of marshmallow heaven mixed with chocolate sauce and crushed candy bars........) when Max looked at the melting scoop of ice cream on his plate.
"I don't want to eat this. Do I have to eat this?" he asked.
Almost as if they had rehearsed it, Brielle and Aaron said in unison "I'LL EAT HIS ICE CREAM"
He slid the plate over to them and they proceeded to attack the scoop seeing who could get the most of it first.
I leaned over to my husband and said "Apparently, I haven't actually fed them for like a week." (sidenote, I have fed them for the last week, I just haven't fed them ice cream)
As soon as Aaron finished of the bigger portion of the scoop, he started to shiver. It seems that the combination of eating his ice cream and Max's ice cream, plus being outside in the shade made him shiver uncontrollably.

Teeth were chattering.

This was really strange, because Aaron isn't usually a kid that gets cold easily. He's always the first one to declare that "Sure it's snowing outside, but it's really not that cold, I'm pretty sure I don't need a coat."
Brielle made some comment about how strange it was that he was cold because he's usually kind of sweaty, and then it happened. Max started singing.......

"He's big, he's sweaty, he's a guy, he's big sweaty guy!!"

We all looked at him, because this was kind of random. He must have enjoyed the attention because he sang it again.

"He's big, he's sweaty, he's a guy, he's big sweaty guy!!

This time we laughed, so you guessed it, he continued with his song, only louder.

"HE'S BIG, HE'S SWEATY, HE'S A GUY!
HE'S BIG, SWEATY GUY!!

Then again.

"HE'S BIG, HE'S SWEATY, HE'S A GUY!
HE'S BIG, SWEATY GUY!!!!"

So by now, people are staring. (You know, you'd think I'd be used to this by now.......)

At this point, we just picked him up and hauled him out to the car and we went home.

The problem is that now, I can't get the stupid song out of my head, so here it is, for your listening pleasure (or torture, you decide) Bill Nye and the Sweaty Guy song.








Is it just me, or does big, sweaty guy look a lot like an old version of Mario Lopez?

Back pain explained

Last week as we were walking into the store, Max would stop, put his feet together then jump over the crack in the sidewalk. He did this over every. Single. Crack.
It was kind of cute, but then he did it again when we walked out of the store.
As we were walking along, he said "See mom, I'm being really careful not to step on the cracks so your back doesn't break!" I thanked him for being so considerate then he looked at me with a gleam in his eye, giggled, then went ahead and stepped on a crack.
This morning I was walking across the kitchen floor when Max starts yelling "NO MOM! Don't step on the cracks, or grandma's back will get hurted!" then he proceeded to tiptoe his way over the 12" square tiles on the kitchen floor.
I spent the better part of the next 30 minutes explaining to him the difference between cracks and grout lines.

Purple teeth and ............."other" purple stuff

Max is very serious about his dental hygiene. Especially since one of the kids told him that if he didn't brush his teeth that they would turn yellow, and if he still didn't brush them they would turn green and if he still didn't brush them they would turn black and fall out of his head.

Like he really needed one more thing to stress over.

For the last few weeks, all the kids needed to do to get Max to leave the room was to say "Hey Max, your teeth are looking a little bit green, have you brushed them recently?" And Max would run to the bathroom screaming "THEY'RE GREEN! MY TEETH ARE GREEN! I NEED TO BRUSH THEM RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY TURN BLACK AND FALL OUT OF MY HEAD!!"

The only problem with Max's teeth brushing (or is it tooth brushing? I'm not sure which it should be. Pretend I got it right OK?) is that he is unable to use toothpaste. He just can't seem to brush his teeth without swallowing the toothpaste. I have tried on many occasions to teach him how to brush and spit out the toothpaste, but this is how it usually goes.

Me: "OK, I'm just going to put a little bit of toothpaste on the brush. Brush your teeth then spit out the paste."

Max: (brush...brush...brush.....)

Me: "OK Max, time to spit, lean over the sink and spit out the toothpaste."

Max: (GULP.....spit)

We've tried this multiple times, and it always ends up the same, so he just doesn't use the toothpaste.

This morning, Brielle, Aaron and Max had their check up at the dentist. Max was beside himself with excitement. He set out his clothes before he went to sleep so that he could be ready on time.

About 10 minutes before my alarm went off this morning, I woke up to Max poking my arm. I opened one eye and told him to go get dressed, thinking that I could buy myself another ten minutes of sleep, but no such luck, he was already dressed and ready to go to the dentist.

So I sent him downstairs to wake up the other kids :0)

When we got to the dentist, we learned that Max's teeth are perfect, however, Brielle and Aaron's teeth.............

Did I mention that Max's teeth are perfect?

Let's just say that Aaron is no longer allowed to eat Milk Duds.

As we left the dentist's office, they had a large jar of disclosing tablets (those fun little tablets that stick to the plaque on your teeth and turn it purple so that you can see how well you are brushing) with a sign that said to take them home and try them. Aaron grabbed a few and brought them home.

Max could hardly wait to try the tablets. We told him that if he would eat ALL of his dinner, there would be more stuff on his teeth to turn purple. (just one more tactic that we have used in an effort to get him to eat)

After dinner, Aaron and Max disappeared into the bathroom to turn their teeth purple.

A few minutes later I heard Aaron saying "Did you swallow the tablet? Max, did you swallow it? Try to spit out the tablet, did you swallow it? You weren't supposed to do that!"

I went in to see what was going on, and found Max standing next to the sink, frowning, mouth closed tightly with purple oozing from his mouth.

Aaron said "Mom, I think he swallowed the tablet, and there was a sign on the jar that said that you weren't supposed to swallow them!"

Max was then unsuccessfully trying to spit in the sink, he kept going GULP....spit, GULP.....spit.

He just didn't get it.

I asked him what happened to the tablet and he said "I swawwowed it."

I immediately went and googled "disclosing tablets" to see what was going to happen to my little boy.

The first thing I learned was that they weren't recommended for children under age six because they might swallow the tablets.

Really?

As it turns out, the tablets aren't toxic, they will just travel through his body and possibly dye stuff purple along the way.

However, there might be an ingredient in them that is sometimes used as a baby laxative. The site where I found this information basically said that the tablets were harmless, but you should stay home near the bathroom.

Did I mention that it dyes things purple?????

I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Breakfast, take two!

Yesterday morning when Max woke up he immediately came into the kitchen and asked me for his breakfast. I told him that he could have his breakfast as soon as he got dressed and he said "OK mom, but you should fix my breakfast while I'm getting dressed."

He walked into his room and I continued doing whatever it was that I was doing at the time. I didn't fix his breakfast because I had no idea how long it was going to take him to get dressed, and after that toasted frozen waffle gets cold, Max won't touch it.

Just a few minutes later, Max came walking back into the kitchen, fully dressed.

"Where's my breakfast? You were supposed to fix my breakfast while I was getting dressed so I could have it when I came out,"

I said "I didn't fix it yet because I didn't want it to get cold."

Then he threw his arms in the air, turned around, stomped back into his room and said.......

WELL THEN LET'S JUST TRY IT AGAIN!"

Just so you know, Max did not get his breakfast until after he apologized to me for being rude, and then asking for a waffle nicely, using the word "please." (and I may or may not have required him to say "Please dear mother")

Point well taken

We've recently discovered that Max has an extreme fondness for hot chocolate. Last year we tried to give him some, but he saw the other kids stirring theirs with a spoon and he decided that he wanted to stir it too, but since he had the coordination of a three year it became very messy and we decided that he shouldn't have any more.

This year, Brielle discovered the magic known as the straw. Max will sit and sip his hot (it's actually just barely warm) chocolate through the straw.

He loves it!

We've also discovered that the kid will do anything for hot chocolate.

ANYTHING!

And yes, I'm going to use that little piece of information for as long as it lasts.

Last night I told Max that if he went and got his pajamas on right then, I would give him a cup of hot chocolate.

He was very excited and ran into his room.

A while later, I heard him playing in his room and walked in to find him still in his clothes, and his pajamas still sitting empty on his bed.

"Hey" I said "I thought you were going to put your pajamas on?"

He smiles at me and says "I'm going to do it in a minute."

A while later, I went back to see him still playing with his blocks.

"Max, it's almost your bedtime, please get your pajamas on!"

"OK mom, I'm doing it in a minute."

After about 20 minutes, he came walking into the family room, still dressed in his clothes.

I said "Max, go get your pajamas on now!"

He went back into his room and emerged a while later wearing his pajamas. "I'm ready for my hot chocolate now."

"No Max, I said you could have hot chocolate if you got in your pajamas quickly, but it took you a long time."

"But I said I would do it in a minute!"

"You took way more than a minute, a minute is only a short amount of time."

And then he says to me,

"When YOU say "in a minute," it always takes a really long time!"

Point well taken.

(Don't you hate it when things that you say to your kids come back later to bite you in the butt?)

Max quote of the day:

"If it gets snow on it, does garbage change to garbage juice?"

An illness of convenience

Max was quite sick this weekend. Monday I took him to the doctor and we got him fixed up with some medication so he could get better.

Sunday and Monday all he wanted to do was sit on my lap and play with my hair, or snuggle next to me on the couch and play with my hair. The poor kid was so miserable, there wasn't much that would console him.

Max isn't much of an eater as it is, but when he was sick, he didn't want to eat anything at all. I brought him whatever I could think of for him to snack on and kept his water bottle filled because he was thirsty.

Yesterday morning when he woke up, he was feeling much better. He was still too sick to go to school, but he was walking around and talking, and he was able to fill his water bottle and put it in the refrigerator by himself.

This morning when Max woke up he walked into the kitchen sat down at the table and said,

"Yesterday I was feelin' better, but today I'm sick again."

He looked and sounded OK to me. I got him a waffle (I even toasted it first!) and brought him his water bottle. He took his medicine then said "Here's my water, you can put it back in the fridge now."

Max was sitting at the end of the table that was closer to the refrigerator, and I was busy doing something so I told him "Go ahead and put it in the fridge yourself."

He then whines and says "BUT SICK PEOPLE CAN'T PUT THINGS BACK IN REFRIGERATORS!"

Apparently he really enjoyed having me wait on him for a few days when he could hardly get up off the couch. I wasn't going to go along with this when he was perfectly capable of putting the water away without my help.

ME: "You are not so sick that you can't walk over to the fridge and put that away."

Max: "No! Sick people can't do that. You need to do it for me."

Me: "No Max, you can do it."

Max: "PLEASE GO PUT MY WATER IN THE FRIDGE!!"

Me: "The fridge is not that far away, you can do it."

Max: "BUT I SAID PLEASE! I can't do it, I'm sick again today."

Me: "OK, so don't put it in the fridge, it can just sit on the table."

Max: "But I like my water cold!"

Then he got off of the chair and sat the water bottle in front of me on the table.

"Here mom, I'll put it here so it's easier for you to put it away." Then he walked into his room.

I left the bottle sitting on the table.

Later in the afternoon, when we came home from picking up the kids from school, Max walked in the house, saw the water sitting on the table and said "Hey mom, you forgot to put my water away."

I told him that I did NOT forget to do it. He then put it away.

A while later, Brielle started to make cookies. We were snacking on the dough when Max came over to the kitchen counter and asked me "What are you guys doing?"

Me: "We're making cookies." as I ate a spoonful of dough.

Max: "Can I have some?"

Me: "No Max, I'm so sorry, you can't have any. Sick people can't eat cookie dough."

Max looked at me and says "Well, I think I'm feeling better now."

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I've put up the most annoying Christmas song poll on my sidebar. Vote early and vote often.

How I lied to Max about the cookies

And now, the rest of the story..............

When Max asked what happened to the cookies, I knew that if I told him the truth that he would be really mad at me.

I thought fast. CJ wasn't home to defend himself so I told Max that CJ was the one that ate all the cookies.

Max's cute little face turned red, he lifted his arms in the air, threw his head back and yelled to the ceiling,

CJ

IS

A

REALLY

REALLY

BAD

GUY!!!!

Sure I felt kind of bad about it for a while, but I was mostly just glad that he wasn't mad at me. I would have made him some more cookies right then, but we were out of oats and the mixer bowl was dirty, and quite frankly, I wasn't really hungry for cookies anymore anyway.

CJ is in the kitchen right now, making another batch of no bake cookies. This time, I will be sure to save some for Max.

So anyway, those of you who guessed #4 on yesterday's post should be very proud of yourselves. Yes, I blamed the whole thing on CJ.

Unfortunately, I didn't think of blaming Naughty Bird, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit until I was writing the post last night. I wish I had thought of telling him that his imaginary naughty pets had eaten the cookies just to see his reaction.

I will remember the naughty trio the next time I need to shift the blame elsewhere. I mean, if Max can use them as an excuse for everything, why couldn't I?"

I was asked to give our recipe for no bake cookies, here it is.

2 Cups sugar

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup cocoa

Beat these ingredients together for a few minutes then pour over

3 cups oats

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup coconut

1/2 cup chopped nuts

Mix together then drop with a spoon onto wax paper and let them sit for a while. (Ours never last long enough to see how long it takes to set up) They will be gooey.

CJ said that he's going to put this next batch in the fridge to see if they set faster.

This is the official recipe, however, my kids don't like coconut and nuts (weird, I know) so we make them without, and just use more oats.

Also, I don't always use the vanilla, and it's OK without.

What do YOU think happened?

Last night, Max wasn't feeling well. He fell asleep on the couch, then he threw up.

On the couch.

(I just have to say that when choosing a couch, leather is the way to go. The clean up is so much easier than on fabric upholstery)

I gave Max a bath and put his pajamas on him. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "I think I eated too much and it gave me a tummy egg."

"It gave you a tummy ache," I told him "the word is ache"

"NO! It's EGG! It has an "E" in it! It's a tummy EGG!"

Meanwhile, CJ was making some no bake cookies. These are a favorite of ours, and one of the few foods that Max will eat.

Naturally, Max wanted some cookies, but me, being the mean mom that I am, wouldn't let him have any cookies because he just threw up, and I thought the cookie wouldn't sit well in his stomach.

Instead of a cookie, I fed him some crackers then put him to bed.

This morning, my husband took the older boys with him to get run some errands. I slept in a while and when I got up and went into the kitchen, there were only 6 cookies left. I ate three cookies and Brielle ate three.

A while later, Max came walking out into the kitchen. I asked him how he was feeling and he said that he was feeling better and that he was really hungry.

Then he looked on top of the counter and said,

"Hey, where are the cookies? I wanted to eat some cookies!"

What do you think I did?

1) I apologized to him and told him that we had just eaten the last of the cookies.

2) I told him that cookies were bad for him and that he shouldn't be eating them anyway, then fed him a healthy breakfast.

3) I told him that there were never any cookies, he must have dreamed that we made cookies.

4) I told him that CJ ate them all.

5) I told him that flying monkeys came in through our chimney in the middle of the night and took the cookies to throw at people (or other monkeys) that they didn't like.

6) I said that Naughty Bird, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit took them.

Leave your guess in the comments.

Or you can tell me what you would have done.

A Saturday with Max

Today, my husband wanted to paint our fence because it might be the last day of the year with good weather. Yesterday, he and Aaron went to Home Depot, bought all the supplies, and this morning, they started painting.

Max wanted to be outside with the guys. We told him he could watch, but he was not to get in the way, and he should not touch the fence.

We have one of those white childproof doorknob covers on the inside of the door that leads from our kitchen to the garage. We do this to keep Max from going in the garage. We have a very good reason for this.
One day when Aaron was three, we heard the garage door opening, then ran to the garage to discover him sitting in the front seat of the van. He had just opened the garage door by pushing the opener in the van, and he had the keys in the ignition, just ready to go for a drive. (I'm really glad we caught him before he started the car and put it into gear, if he had gone forward, he would have ended up in our family room, neutral, he would have rolled down the driveway and ended up on the neighbor's lawn and reverse, he would have backed across our circle and ended up in our other neighbor's living room)
Anyway, ever since then, we have kept the door from being opened by small children.

Today, after Max had watched the painting for a while, he came running in the house and yelled,

"MOM! MOM! DON'T LOOK OUTSIDE! OUR TREE IS NAKED!"

Apparently, the tree in our front yard has lost all of it's leaves, and Max felt that it was inappropriate to look at it with no leaves.
Then I had to stop what I was doing and open the door so he could go back outside.
A while later, Max came running in the door again.

"MOM! MOM! CAN I RIDE MY BIKE!"

I told him he could if he stayed in the driveway, then I had to stop what I was doing to let him out again.
Next he came running in the house with his helmet on his head.

"I can't get my helmet buckled up!"

So I untangled the straps and hooked them up for him, then let him out the door again.
About 20 minutes passed when he came running back in the house "MOM! I'm done riding my bike and I can't get my helmet off!"

I unhooked his helmet then opened the door for him again.

I didn't see him for a while until he came running in the house again, this time he was waving his hand around in a panic, and was very close to tears.

"I NEED TO WASH MY HAND! I NEED TO WASH MY HAND!"

I ask him why he needs to wash his hand and he starts crying "I have paint (sob) on my finger!" (sob, sniff)
I looked at his hand and sure enough, there was a spot of white paint on the end of his finger. "Did you touch the fence?" I ask.
"Yes" he admits, with a big tear running down his face.

I sent him into the bathroom to wash his hand then I went outside and asked my husband what happened, he had no idea, so I told him what Max had just done, and he laughed. "We kept telling him not to touch the fence, I guess he went ahead and did it then realized that he was going to get caught when we saw the paint on his hand."

So Max was freaking out and trying to cover up so nobody would know that he had disobeyed.
Sneaky kid.

I was getting tired of having to stop what I was doing every few minutes to let him out, so I went ahead and took the doorknob cover off the door so Max could come and go as he wanted to.
Max was so excited about his new found freedom that he kept going in the house, then back out to the garage, back in the house, out to the garage again, in the house......................

You get the picture.

After this went on for a while, I got a great idea. Since this was probably going to be the last warm day of the year, why not just put the Christmas lights up!

Now I know that there will be some of you that will criticize me for wanting to do this, especially after yesterday's post where I blast Sears for playing Christmas music this early in the year, but for these people, I will point out the following.
1) I am not playing Christmas music. (Except any Christmas songs by Britney Spears, because, seriously, nothing puts me in the Christmas mood more hearing Britney sing The little drummer boy. If only she would record her own version of Christmas Shoes..............) (that one is for you Kristina)
2) We won't actually be turning on the lights until Thanksgiving.
3) If you had the choice of putting up lights when it's 60 degrees outside or waiting until it's like 32 degrees and snowing, which would you choose?

I thought so.

Anyway, I went outside and suggested to my husband that we put up the lights today and he thought it was a great idea! (not really, but let's just pretend he did)
I came back inside and it wasn't long before Max came running in the house again.

"Mom! We need to take down our scarecrows, Halloween is over!"

I told him that scarecrows can be Thanksgiving decorations too and that we would leave them out for a few more weeks.
Then he went back outside.
A few minutes later, Max came running in again.

"MOM! MOM! Isn't Thanksgiving the next holiday? Doesn't Thanksgiving come before Christmas?"

I tell him yes, then he goes back outside.
Almost immediately he comes back in the house, and in his best I'm tattling to get somebody in trouble voice, he says,

"MOM! Is it OK for Dad and CJ to be putting the Christmas lights on the house?!?"

"Yes Max, I asked them to do that today."

"BUT YOU SAID THAT THANKSGIVING IS THE NEXT HOLIDAY, NOT CHRISTMAS!"

I told him not to worry because we wouldn't be plugging them in until after Thanksgiving.

This seemed to satisfy him for a while.

After the lights got put up (Thank you, Honey!) (Not that my husband will see that, because he doesn't read my blog) Max put the doorknob lock back on the door, DH took the boys out for pizza and I took Brielle to do some shopping.

When we all got back home, Max climbed in my lap, gave me a hug and said "I missed you Mom."
Oh how sweet!
Then I smelled his breath.

He had some of the worst garlic breath that a four year old can have.
"EEEEEWWWWWWW Max! How much pizza did you eat? You're breath smells awful!"
Then he proceeded to breathe in my face, in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter.

Apparently, it's funny to gross out your mother, so funny in fact, that CJ and Aaron tried breathing in my face too. They ganged up on me, all sending garlic fumes towards my nose at the same time...............

I'm just telling you right now, it's. NOT. Funny.

I grabbed Brielle, and we left to run a few more errands.

When we got back home, it was time for Max to get in his pajamas. This is something that this kid drags out as long as he can. He wants me to help him, but he's 4 1/2 years old, plenty old enough to put on his pajamas himself. We finally get him to go into his room to get ready for bed, then I hear,

"MOM! I CAN'T FIND ANY PAJAMAS! WHERE ARE MY PAJAMAS?!?!"

I yell to him that they are in the dryer.

Then Max comes running into the family room wearing nothing but his socks.

CJ screams.

Brielle screams.

Aaron screams.

Max SCREAMS! (while streaking across the room)


Aaron says "Dude, go get some pants on."

Then Max runs through the kitchen and into the laundry room.
Moments later, he streaks back through the family room, holding his pajamas above his head, causing everyone to scream again.

He was in his room for a while when he calls to me,

"MOM! I FORGOT TO GO POTTY! CAN I GO POTTY?"

I wonder why he feels like he needs to ask me first, then I tell him that it's probably a pretty good idea to go potty.

Then he comes running through the family room again, still swinging free, wearing only socks.

Everyone screams as he runs into the bathroom by the laundry room.

When he comes out of the bathroom, I ask him "Why didn't you just use the bathroom at the end of the hall by your room?"
He looks at me blankly, then giggles "Oh, I forgot about that one."

He runs through the family room to his bedroom, causing everyone to scream again.

He finally comes out of his room with his pajamas on, by then, everyone else is in their pajamas so I tell him it's time for him to go to bed.

He looks puzzled and says "But we didn't eat dinner. What are we going to have for dinner?"

When my husband and the boys went for their pizza, it was late afternoon, around 4:30. I told Max that he already had pizza for dinner.

"That wasn't dinner, that was LUNCH!"

So I made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and put him to bed. As I tucked him in, I kissed him on the cheek and said "Good night sweetie" and he said "Tomorrow when I get up you need to say to me "Good Day"
I told him that I would say "Good Morning" to him when he wakes up.
"NO! I not did say for you to say good morning, I want for you to tell to me Good Day!"

"OK Max, I'll say Buenos Dias."

"No, Good day!"

"Bonjour?"

No! Good. Day!"

"OK Max, Good Day."

"No, TOMORROW is Good Day, tonight is Good Night."



I can hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings ;0)

Halloween

Good news!

Max has finally decided what to be for Halloween.



"SUPER MAX!"



And yes, you must yell when you say that.



For two whole days he has said that he will be Super Max. As we were discussing this yesterday, I told him that I would make him a really neat costume. There would be a cape and a mask and tights...................



"NO! I don't want to wear those!"



"You don't want to wear what?' I ask.



"NO TIGHTS!" he says.



So then I ask him "Do you even know what tights are?"



He looks at me blankly and says "what are they?"











Yesterday, we went to Wal Mart and while we were there we looked at all of the Halloween decorations and some of the costumes.

Max saw a Pirate costume.

Today he says he wants to be a pirate. I got excited "Oh Max, I can make you the cutest pirate costume! You can have red velvet jacket, I can make you some boot s to go over your shoes and you can have a parrot on your shoulder and an eye patch, and a really cool sword..............



He looks at me like I'm crazy and says "I didn't want one like that, I wanted one that you buy at the store."



Then I explained to him that in our family I always make the costumes. Yes I know I'm insane, my kid wants a $14 store bought costume and I'm going to force him to wear something that I've made.

I've always made my kid's costumes and I'm just worried that someday, Max will look back at the Halloween pictures and wonder why he was the only one who didn't get a costume made by mom. By the way I look at it, I'm just saving him a few years of therapy.





I think I might have convinced CJ to dress up for Halloween. Due to the fact that he is 14 and looks 17, he won't be going out collecting candy, but instead he will be staying home passing out candy, and he might have figured out that since me and DH will be taking Max trick or treating, then he will be home by himself.



Just him and the big bucket of candy.



I told him if he dressed up, he could enjoy some of that candy.

I will be putting together a really cool vampire costume for him.

*********************************************



Question of the day.

Chimichangas. Finger food or not?


Please leave your answer in the comments. I'm having a bit of a disagreement with my greasy fingered children.