Facebook fury!

OK, so Facebook has disabled my account for "security" reasons.

They are now holding my account hostage until I give them my phone number.

I don't want to give them my phone number. We have an unpublished number and they have not earned the right to have my cell phone number. (this number reserved for good friends)

They want to call or text me with a code to use to log back on. (so giving them a fake number is out)

They tell me they need my number to confirm that it's really me logging in, however, I've never given them my number, so how do they know that the number I give them is really mine? How could they possibly know whether or not it's me or just some other strange person pretending to be me, giving them a phone number to access my account.

Facebook is stupid.*

Anyone know of a way I can get around this?

*And when I say that Facebook is stupid, that does not in any way mean that I don't want to regain access to my account.

Wearing red high heels doesn't automatically make you patriotic

This post should have been written several weeks ago, but it wasn't so just deal with it :)

On the fourth of July, we took the kids to a local minor league baseball game because they were going to have fireworks at the end of the game, and it had been a while since we had taken the kids to see fireworks (other than the ones we would do in our driveway)

We had some pretty good seats, front row, just behind the visiting team's bullpen. We sat and enjoyed most of the game, the weather was perfect, the kettle corn delicious, and the home team was winning.

Around the end of the 6th inning a couple walked toward us. The girl was wobbling along in super high red heels, denim daisy duke shorts and a super tight tank top. She stopped in front of us, put one hand on her hip and wiggled two fake fingernail-tipped fingers at me and Max, and said "WE are sitting there!"

I thought this was really strange, because, obviously, I was sitting there and so was Max, while she was standing in front of us with a really big attitude.....

Her date leaned toward her and said, "No, we're on the row behind them."

She pulled a face and then strutted past us.

Her date looked quite embarrassed and apologized to us as he followed her.

She sat in the seat directly behind us and her date told her that she needed to slide one more seat over. "WHY, aren't these our seats either?" the lady sitting next to her had her toddler daughter on her lap and said "Actually, that's our seat, but she probably won't be sitting in it, she wants to sit on my lap, so you can stay there if you want"

The girl (we'll call her "Ditsy") then made a very loud comment about how stupid the music was, because back when she worked at this ball park as a teenager, they only played awesome music.

Ditsy then told her date that she needed a beer. He said "We just sat down, I'll go get you one when this inning is over." The lady on the other side of them overheard this and told them that they usually stopped selling beer after the seventh inning, so they might want to go get it now.

For the next half inning, the game was quite enjoyable, without the running commentary of Ditsy, however, when they came back, it started up again.

"Here, she said to the lady next to them, I hope you like Budweiser!" and she thrust a large glass of beer toward her.

"Oh........ummmm...I don't drink."

Ditsy turned to her date and said "SEE! I TOLD YOU SHE DIDN'T DRINK!" then she sat down and proceeded to start drinking her beer.

The non drinking lady next to her turned out to be quite a loyal fan of the home team. She was able to tell us all about the players and kept Ditsy informed on all the rules of the game.

(which seemed strange to me since she had worked there for several years as a teenager, in fact, to hear Ditsy tell about that time, she practically ran the place)

Just then, a foul ball was hit in our direction.

"OH LOOK!" yelled Ditsy "It's a FLY BALL!"

"Actually" said Baseball fan lady (from now on referred to as BFL)"It's a foul ball"

"Fly ball, foul ball, same thing!"

"No" corrected BFL "They are not the same thing, a foul ball is when it goes out of bounds and is out of play."

Ditsy (who has now finished about half of her beer) says "Whatever...." then she says "You know, I really HATE BASEBALL! It's so boring, I never liked watching the games when I worked here."

Just then, a batter hit a line drive to the pitcher, who threw the ball to first base, and the batter was out.

The crowd cheered and Ditsy needed to know what happened. BFL said "They threw him out at first!"

'WHAT? THEY THREW MUD ON FIRST? WHY WOULD THEY THROW MUD ON FIRST? THAT'S STUPID!"

BFL then had to explain to her what happened, and that the batter was now out and would no longer be running around the bases, to which Ditsy replied "I HATE BASEBALL!"

Since we were sitting right by the visiting team's bullpen, we were able to watch the pitcher warming up. He was doing various stretches and Ditsy said "WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING WITH HIS ARMS?

BFL then had to explain to her about how he was warming up his muscles so he could throw the ball better and have a lower chance of injury, to which Ditsy replied "I HATE BASEBALL!"

BFL continued conversations with Ditsy, explaining to her everything that was happening and at one point after a certain exciting play, Ditsy was screaming "What happened? What happened?" and after BFL explained it to her she said "That's why I HATE BASEBALL because the ball goes so fast I can't see where it's going!"

Then Ditsy started to talk about herself "I'm just finishing up my degree in public relations!" she excitedly told BFL who asked her what kind of work she planned on doing after graduating. "Well." said Ditsy "Believe it or not, I'm thinking about going to LAW SCHOOL!"

Then turning back to the game she said "I HATE BASEBALL!"

Finally, the end of the game came, (along with the end of Ditsy's beer, and I suspect a good amount of the extra beer...) the home team won, and everyone in the general admission seats in the grass on the other side of the outfield needed to move onto the playing field because the fireworks were being launched too close to where they were sitting. This took quite a while to get everyone moved, and Ditsy spent the whole time rambling on about herself.

When everyone was seated safely on the field and the lights went out for the fireworks, Ditsy leaned over to her date and loudly whispered "I HAVE TO PEE!" He said "The fireworks are starting now, can't you wait until they're over? (Obviously, they had only come for the fireworks, there's no way they came to watch the game because remember, she HATES BASEBALL)

"HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THEM TO BE OVER?" She asked her date.

BFL leaned over and said "They put on one of the best firework displays in the city, it could be 30-40 minutes long."

"I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!" Ditsy said, then proceeded to climb over the family next to them and teeter up the stairs, going as fast as she could with her knees stuck together, just as the fireworks were starting.

She wasn't gone long (or at least long enough.......) and returned to her seat and grabbed the glass with the remaining beer in it.

She watched the fireworks and continued to drink the beer, and then started using some rather foul language, which could still be heard quite clearly over the loud booms of the fireworks (fortunately, after the first firework, Max climbed into my lap, closed his eyes and covered his ears and missed her language)

The lady with the toddler must have glared at her because then I heard Ditsy say "IF YOU WANT US TO BE QUIET, JUST TELL US! DON'T KEEP LOOKING AT US! WE DON'T HAVE KIDS!"

I have no idea what not having kids had to do with anything, but I guess it seemed like an important point to Ditsy, who then continued with her profane language.

The young mom must have looked at her again because then Ditsy said.....

"STOP LOOKING AT US! IF YOU LOOK AT US AGAIN I'M GOING TO THROW BEER IN YOUR FACE!!! DO YOU WANT BEER IN YOUR FACE? LOOK AT US AGAIN AND I'LL THROW IT IN YOUR FACE!!

Nobody dared look at her after that.

The fireworks ended, and everyone cleared out of the stands.

When we left, I saw Ditsy waiting for her date, outside of the men's restroom, chugging what was left of the beer.

I only hope she didn't drive home.....

Stolen identity

Many years ago, we bought a few magazine subscriptions from one of the neighborhood kids.
(darn fundraisers)

We decided to try an experiment, and instead of using our own names for the subscription, we decided to use the names of our mother's dogs. We wanted to see how many places the magazines would sell our information to.

The two magazines were now coming to our home under the names of:

"Bubbles" Smith for the fashion type magazine

and

"Pepper" Smith for the business type magazine

(there wasn't a great selection of magazines and we wanted to help the kid out so we just randomly picked two.)

It wasn't long before Bubbles was getting all sorts of clothing, makeup and jewelry catalogs and advertisements. Pepper was getting quite a bit of mail too, mostly offers for other magazines and publications with a business type theme.

We were amazed at the amount of businesses that now had "Bubbles" and "Pepper" on their mailing lists.

Unfortunately, during this time, poor Pepper met an untimely demise and departed this world for her new life in doggie heaven.

And then it came.

In the mail was a letter addressed to "Pepper Smith" from Who's Who magazine.

We were so excited, because it seems that Pepper had made it big in the business scene! Who's who magazine wanted to feature an article about Pepper in an upcoming issue! They pointed out what a good networking tool this would be for Pepper, and how it could potentially help her in her career in business.

So we filled out the application.

Full name of company: Terrier yard excavation and fertilization, a division of Pepper inc.
Hours of Operation: 24/7

When, where and how was your business started? The business was started in the back yard of my home soon after I came to live here. I just went outside and felt the need to fertilize the corner by the fence, and then I saw an area of grass near the back door that needed a big hole dug in it.

Give a brief history of the founder(s) and how he/she/they came to start the business. The business was founded when the owner saw me in a big cardboard box in front of the grocery store. She picked me above all of my siblings. She brought me home and fed me and let me out in the back yard. The rest is history.

Describe the services or products your business offers, emphasizing the one(s) you consider most important. I offer fertilization of the yard. I do have certain favorite spots that I like to frequent, but occasionally, I like to shake things up a bit and leave a deposit somewhere out of the ordinary, just so I can keep management on their toes. Or scraping it off their toes as the case may be.
While the fertilization side of the company, is certainly important, I do put a good deal of time and effort into our excavation division. This work is certainly more strenuous and time consuming. I dig. It's what I do. Sometimes I dig to bury things to be retrieved at a later date, and sometimes I just dig to dig.

Who owns and operates the business today? My owner owns the business, however, the day to day operations are strictly up to me.

Describe any major events that have changed your business in a dramatic way (obstacles overcome, important developments, etc). I had really wanted to open a branch office at a different location, but when I started to dig a hole under the fence, it was soon filled up, and reinforced with chicken wire. It was soon after that when I had quite a setback with my health. Apparently I needed surgery. I had a difficult time recovering, and wasn't able to do any yard excavation for a while. The fertilization division was still operating fully, however, the quality of my work just wasn't the same for quite a while. It was around that time that I lost my desire to open the branch office. Moving outside the fence just didn't seem as important to me anymore.

Describe the relevant staff and/or management who runs the business There's the owner, and that kid with the shovel that comes outside occasionally and picks up the old deposits. He has a pretty bad attitude about it most of the time. I think he might just be working at this job until he can find something different.

Give your company mission statement and explain how it impacts the day-to-day operations I strive to make large and plentiful deposits, dig the biggest holes and make the most noise. Poop more, dig deeper and bark louder.

What is the #1 distinction that sets your business apart from the competition? This is my yard, my domain, my territory. There is no competition. (Except for the stupid cat that sits on the fence, just out of my reach)

How would you explain your philosophy of business to someone you'd just met? I feel that the things I do for my business are things that I would be doing anyway, I should do it the best I can.

Describe any relevant information about your business's community involvement/commitment to social responsibility. I don't have any.

What happened on the day you remember as your best (so far) in this business? Describe the accomplishment (so far) in your business of which you are most proud. Give one fact, anecdote, story or other piece of information not already covered here that may prove interesting for a story. I would have to say that my best day ever was when someone in the house didn't like what they were eating for dinner and fed it to me under the table. I'm not sure what it was, but a while later, I really needed to make some deposits. I was let outside and made a record number of deposits in a short amount of time. My production was at an all time high! It was almost like I couldn't stop myself! I was so proud of my work that I rolled all over the lawn in excitement. I wanted to share my success with the upper management so I went inside to show them my accomplishments, and before they knew what had happened, I shook with joy, spraying the deposits around the room, then ran and jumped on my favorite spot on the couch.

It was a day that will not soon be forgotten.

Other Comments? Nope.

So there you have it, the Who's Who magazine interview with a dog.

I can hardly wait until the next issue comes out!

Things that really bug me

Things that really bug me.

1. Orange construction cones in long lines on the road, causing me to merge into the other lane of traffic.

2. People who completely ignore the signs telling us that everyone will be needing to merge into the other lane of traffic, and speed forward in the lane being eliminated and expect the people at the front of the line (who merged back when they were supposed to) to let them butt in front of everyone else who knew enough to merge back when the traffic was actually moving, thus causing the traffic to move even slower. (because apparently, wherever they need to go is WAY more important than where everyone else needs to go) (and they're stupid)

3. People who let the rude people from #2 in front of them.

4. Getting past all of the construction cones only to discover that there is no construction happening anywhere.


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The best compliment that I have received this week.

"I like these cookies, they taste like clay, but better than clay."

Wordless Wednesday

Overreacting over an inch?

Warning: Rant ahead.

Yesterday I wanted to make Brielle a new workout outfit. She wanted matching leggings and a top, so we went to our local fabric store to buy some black spandex fabric.

I arrived at the store with my 40% off coupon, which was a good thing because the fabric was several dollars more per yard than the other fabric store that I frequent.

We took the bolt of fabric to the cutting table, took a number and patiently waited for our turn.
I should have known that something was up when the lady in front of me finished and rolled her eyes at me as she walked away from the cut table.

When our number was called, I stepped up to the table, handed the bolt to the girl and asked for two yards.

She looked at the bolt and said "I'm not sure if there's that much here" then she unrolled all of the fabric and started to measure it. She seemed to be having great difficulty deciding which end of the fabric to start measuring from. She finally decided on an end to start with and tried to line it up with the yardstick.
I immediately noticed that the edge of the fabric had been previously cut at an angle, and she was measuring from the longest edge of the fabric. I pointed this out to her, and she tried several times to straighten the edge, she was about to trim it even and then decided that it wasn't that uneven (which it was)
She continued to struggle with measuring the fabric, complaining that the spandex just wouldn't cooperate, and finally measured the two yards and there was just barely an inch of fabric left over.
She asked another employee what she should do with this remaining inch of fabric.

"You can offer to sell it to her for 50% off."

She turned to me and asked if I wanted to buy the remaining inch of fabric for half price. I stood there dumbfounded and said "You're really going to cut that off?"

She looked at me with a straight face and said "Yes, unless you want to buy it. We will give it to you for half price."

Then I said "ARE YOU SERIOUS? I have NEVER been to a fabric store where they were this close on measurement and haven't just included the extra inch or two."
She replied "I'm sorry, this is my first day here and I'm just doing what I was told to do."
Then the older lady chimed in "We need to come out even on our measuring. it needs to be exact because sometimes they measure the fabric at the checkstand and we need to be correct."If you want to buy the extra fabric, we will sell it to you for half price."

I then pointed out to the older lady that the edge of the fabric had been cut unevenly on an angle to start with and the girl jumped in and said "It was only a quarter of an inch and I already gave that to you!"
I knew for sure that this wasn't true because I had watched her measure from the very edge of the fabric.

By now I was fuming. "What on earth are you going to do with one inch of fabric?!!! You can't do anything with one inch of fabric. You're only going to throw it away, I can't believe that you are really going to cut that off!"

"If you want it" said the older lady "we would need to charge you for it. If they measure it at the checkstand, the numbers need to add up."

I couldn't believe what she was saying. Never in my life have I seen them measure fabric at the checkstand at this particular fabric/craft store.

So I told her to go ahead and cut off the inch.

She trimmed off the inch (with much difficulty, I might add) handed me the fabric and told me to have a nice day.

I went to the checkstand and paid for my fabric. Nobody measured the fabric again. I kind of wished that I had because when I got home, I measured the fabric and it was one inch short.

I measured it again, it was still one inch short.

I measured it a third time. You guessed it, One. Inch. Short.

This was spandex fabric and I think she might have stretched it a bit as she was measuring it, either that or the yardstick on the cutting table is short.

Over the years, I have spent literally thousands of dollars on fabric at this particular fabric store. I have been buying fabric there for over 20 years!

Tomorrow I will call the manager. Do you think I should ask her to refund the money they overcharged me on that inch of fabric that I didn't get.




This really happened, I only wish I was making it up.

Because I'm SO grateful

Dear lady who volunteers in my daughter's class,
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to come and teach the children about politics.
I would, however, be most grateful if you would only teach the children about the political system, and leave your personal opinions to yourself.
While I agree that it is a good thing for the children to know various things about each of the candidates, from what I hear, you said wonderful, glowing things about one candidate, while getting in nasty little jabs at the other.
I'm sure you felt very proud of yourself at the end of the discussion when all of the children said that they would all vote for your candidate. Why would they do anything different when you portrayed him as a superhero and his opponent as the village idiot.
I honestly don't care which candidate you support, I just feel that in this situation you should give each candidate an equal amount of praise, and let the children decide for themselves.
A public school classroom is not a place to recruit junior members of your political party.
Thank you.
Signed,
A really annoyed mom.
P.S. Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow morning with signs for the other candidate scattered throughout your yard.




Dear seller on eBay,
Thank you so much for your email reminding me to pay for the item that I won. I apologize, but I don't seem to remember even bidding on that item, and quite frankly, I can't imagine what I was thinking when I bid on it mostly because a 50 acre island in the South Pacific is very large, and I'm sure I wouldn't be able to fit it in the basement with the rest of the junk that I've bought on eBay.
Due to the fact you sent me that reminder and threatened to give me negative feedback and turn me in as a non-paying bidder, I will go ahead and pay for the item. I don't exactly have the money right now, but if you could be patient, any day now I should be receiving a large sum of money from a Nigerian Prince and will be able to pay you in full.
It was so nice of you to include all of those links in your email which led me directly to the eBay sign in page where I could enter all of my personal information so it would be easier for me to pay.
Thank you.
Signed,
Do you really think I'm that gullible? Seriously? A 50 acre island in the South Pacific????
P.S. Just so you know, eBay does not seem to have any record of this transaction, and you are listed as "no longer a registered user" You might want to check into that, I'm sure it's just a computer glitch somewhere in the eBay system.
P.P.S. Does the island have it's own airport?




Dear guy on the freeway,
I'm so sorry that we were in your way earlier today when you suddenly decided to change lanes. You see, we were unaware that you were changing lanes until AFTER you nearly ran into the front of our car.
Might I suggest that when wanting to change lanes that you use your signal before you do. Please understand that if you use the turning signal after you finish changing lanes it doesn't really count.
I'm sure that you didn't see our large SUV there because you were concentrating on the stack of papers that you were holding on the front of the steering wheel while talking on your cell phone.
I'm sorry that we interrupted your obviously very important phone call.
Signed,
PULL OF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!




Dear Max,
Please stop asking me what "those" are. Please stop poking them and asking "What those are?"
Especially when we are waiting in the long check-out line at the grocery store.
You know darn well what "those" are, I fed you with them for two years!
Signed,
Your no longer lactating mom.

Nutrition is SO overrated

Overheard yesterday at the Rec center.........

Mom #1: "I must really save a lot of money on food."

Mom #2: "Why do you say that?"

Mom #1: "Because I'm really thin and I don't eat very much."

Mom #2: "Oh, I don't eat much either, in fact, I don't really like to eat. My husband really likes to eat, and it drives me crazy."

I'm thinking these ladies have never heard of chocolate.

Letters to the drop off zone

Dear lady in the green mini van,
In the future, would you please make sure that all of your children have their back packs filled, coats on, notes signed, and hair combed BEFORE you leave for school? Please realize that there are about 20 cars behind you waiting to drop our kids off at school while we are ever so patiently waiting for you to take care of the items mentioned above.
Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Signed,
The mom waiting behind you.

Dear daughter of the lady in the green mini van,
Your hair looks fine. GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!
Signed,
Still waiting

Dear guy in the little blue sports car,
Did you not notice how your wheels were spinning on the icy street?
Did you not notice the slight hill leading down to the drop off zone?
Did you not realize that if the streets are icy, chances are the hill going down to the drop off zone might be icy also?
Are you aware that when you drive faster while turning into the drop off zone, that your chances of sliding increase?
Did you know that when you make a sharp turn in a speeding sports car on an icy hill, it will sometimes slide sideways, and if there is another car parked in the drop off zone, chances are the cute little sports car will run into it?
Do you think that maybe if you were not talking on your cell phone, you may have noticed the above mentioned conditions?
Do you now realize that driving a cute little (now dented) sports car on a snowy day is probably not a very good idea?

I hope you have insurance.

Signed,
Witness to an accident.

Dear lady in the white Explorer,
I realize that your cute little kindergartener probably would love to have you walk her to her classroom, but do you really think it's a good idea to park in the drop off zone, get out of your car, and walk her to the school? Do you realize the traffic back up you are causing?? Do you see all of the signs that say "No parking in the drop off zone, driver must stay with car"?
In the future, please park in the parking lot. This is what they built it for.
Signed,
Slightly annoyed mom.

Dear lady in the gray Suburban,
Are you serious?? Do you really think that you can turn left onto that busy street?? Can you see that none of the cars on the road are moving? Do you know why? It is because they are all lined up waiting to turn left into the same drop off zone that you are trying to exit. Do you realize that they aren't going anywhere until you move out of the way?

TURN RIGHT AND GO AROUND THE BLOCK!!!

Signed,
Yes, I do have all day to sit here and wait for you to turn =P

Dear Max,
I realize that Mommy said it was O.K. to bring the cow flashlight with you while we took the kids to school, however, at the time, I thought that the batteries were dead, and I had no idea that I would be listening to it moo all the way to school and back home. Please understand that Mr. Cow flashlight may be taking a vacation for a few days, and will be unavailable for your listening pleasure.
Signed,
Your loving Moom,........er..........I mean Mom

Dear husband,
Thank you so much for replacing the batteries in Max's cow flashlight.
Signed,
Your loving wife

Dear television weather man,
O.K. Enough already.
Seriously.
I admit the snow was kind of fun at first, you know, around Christmas time when all the pretty lights made it glitter.
I also realize that the ski resorts are very happy with all the snow, and also the skiers, however,
I don't ski.
I know, I know, we're in a drought...........blah, blah, blah.................we really need the water...............blah, blah, blah.............
I have a solution that will make everyone happy. If you could please arrange it so that the snow falls only in the mountains, and on the grass, not on the streets, parking lots, school drop off zones, and my driveway, it would be greatly appreciated.
Oh yea, and while you're at it, if you could do something about the freezing temperatures, I would appreciate that also.
My feet have not been warm since September.
Signed,
Frozen feet.

Dear school secretary,
Thank you so much for the lovely phone call this morning. I do so enjoy our frequent conversations.
Yes, I am aware that one or more of my children were late for school. We actually got to the school on time, however, after waiting in line at the drop off zone (behind the lady who was waiting for her lovely daughter to finish her morning grooming routine, the lady who parked the car, got out and walked her kid into school, and the crazy cell phone/dented sports car guy), it took a while for my children got out of the car, and I can see how they might have been a few minutes late.
Thank you so much for your suggestion that we leave our home a few minutes earlier, so we don't get stuck in the drop off zone. Perhaps on your way to school in the morning, you can stop by our house and drag them out of bed yourself. Maybe they will listen to you.
Signed,
I have caller ID, and I know how to use it.

Dear leftover Halloween candy that I just found in my closet,
Do you know how much I needed you today? You cannot begin to fathom the joy I felt in my heart as I saw you sitting there, alone, forgotten, ready to fill my life with your chocolaty goodness. I realize that I might have seemed a little desperate as I ripped open your bag and began grabbing at your peanut butter cups. They are my favorite. At some point during the day, I promise to relieve you of your Almond Joys, and peanut M&Ms.
I am so ashamed that I was unaware of your presence, however, I vow to make it up to you by spending the day with you and my other friend, 6 pack of Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper.

Oh the fun we will have!
If there is any of you left at the end of the day, I will use you as incentive for my children to get their homework done.
Thak you so much for the joy you have brought into my life on such a dreary day.
I love you.
Signed,
Your currently over/caffienated friend

Dear children,
How would you feel about walking to school from now on?????
Signed
Your loving (I really need a vacation) Mom