A weighty issue

Every year at Christmas time, I will make a 5 pound batch of fudge, give most of it away, (OK, some of it) and I will gain 10 pounds.

This year, I didn't make any fudge, nor did we get any treats from the neighbors, and I gained 5 pounds.

If tomorrow, I make 10 pounds of fudge, give away 8 pounds to the neighbors, will I lose 2 pounds, or will the neighbors just think I'm strange?

Or, if I make 15 pounds of fudge, give away 12, will I gain 3 pounds, have the neighbors think I'm strange and spend the next few weeks on the treadmill while watching re-runs of The Biggest Loser.

Or, should I just get myself a big bowl of ice cream (with homemade fudge sauce) sit in my comfortable chair and eat it while watching The Biggest Loser.

Will Jillian scream at me through my television?

If I sent her 15 pounds of fudge, would she shut up?


What do you think?

Max and the big, sweaty guy

Tonight we went to a wedding reception for the son of a neighbor.
As we waited in the incredibly long line to greet the happy couple, we heard rumors of ice cream as refreshments.
The children were elated..........except for Max. He doesn't like ice cream, because apparently, it's too cold.
After we made our way through the reception line, the kids made a mad dash to the ice cream table.
I will say that we were not disappointed :0)
Chocolate dipped waffle bowls, brownies, caramel, chocolate and marshmallow topping (which I need to say was like creamy clouds made of sugar, sent down from heaven to rest upon my ice cream) various fresh fruits, crushed candy bars, chopped nuts, sprinkles and pink m&ms adorned the table.
Max still insisted that he didn't want ice cream, however, once he saw the brownies, he got very excited.
"I want a brownie! I want a brownie!" He jumped up and down until he got his hands on the plate with the brownie.

Then he saw the ice cream.

The lady serving the ice cream asked him if she could put some on his plate. He hesitated until Brielle said "You know, Max, the ice cream has been sitting out for a while and it's melted a little bit, so it won't be super cold."
This was all it took to convince him and he eagerly handed his plate to the lady who put a Max sized scoop..............

right on top of his brownie.

I knew that this would be trouble, especially with the whole "my food can't be touching, even a little bit" phase that he's been going through lately.

Surprisingly, Max didn't even flinch, and we walked outside to a table in the garden area of the reception center.

We sat down and slid Max's chair up to the table. He picked up his spoon and then it started.

"Hey. I didn't want the ice cream on top of the brownie."

He was uncharacteristically calm about the whole situation. I suggested that we just scoop the ice cream off of the brownie, and he happily agreed.

Then he looked at the brownie.

"Hey, there's still some ice cream on top. I don't want it there."

The already soft ice cream had melted a bit and left a puddle on top of the brownie. I scraped it off the best I could, but there was still some ice cream residue remaining.

My husband said "It's just the same as when you dunk your cookies in milk before you eat them. Go ahead and eat it, it'll taste good."

Max eyed the brownie suspiciously. "I dunk cookies in milk not brownies." Then he picked up his spoon and looked over the entire brownie, trying to find a place to dig in.

Again, I was a bit confused by his calm demeanor.

He finally looked up at me and said "Can I just pick it up with my hand and eat it?"
I told him that would be fine, so he picked up the brownie and "HEY THERE'S ICE CREAM ON THE BOTTOM OF MY BROWNIE!"

Yes, I knew we were headed for a meltdown, and it happened. I took the brownie, looked at the bottom of it, and sure enough, the bottom corner had some ice cream soaked into it. I turned the brownie around and handed it back to him. "Here buddy, just eat the other side, OK?"
He must have been really hungry because he did just that, and finished off the entire brownie, ice cream sludge and all.
I returned to my ice cream (remember, little clouds of marshmallow heaven mixed with chocolate sauce and crushed candy bars........) when Max looked at the melting scoop of ice cream on his plate.
"I don't want to eat this. Do I have to eat this?" he asked.
Almost as if they had rehearsed it, Brielle and Aaron said in unison "I'LL EAT HIS ICE CREAM"
He slid the plate over to them and they proceeded to attack the scoop seeing who could get the most of it first.
I leaned over to my husband and said "Apparently, I haven't actually fed them for like a week." (sidenote, I have fed them for the last week, I just haven't fed them ice cream)
As soon as Aaron finished of the bigger portion of the scoop, he started to shiver. It seems that the combination of eating his ice cream and Max's ice cream, plus being outside in the shade made him shiver uncontrollably.

Teeth were chattering.

This was really strange, because Aaron isn't usually a kid that gets cold easily. He's always the first one to declare that "Sure it's snowing outside, but it's really not that cold, I'm pretty sure I don't need a coat."
Brielle made some comment about how strange it was that he was cold because he's usually kind of sweaty, and then it happened. Max started singing.......

"He's big, he's sweaty, he's a guy, he's big sweaty guy!!"

We all looked at him, because this was kind of random. He must have enjoyed the attention because he sang it again.

"He's big, he's sweaty, he's a guy, he's big sweaty guy!!

This time we laughed, so you guessed it, he continued with his song, only louder.

"HE'S BIG, HE'S SWEATY, HE'S A GUY!
HE'S BIG, SWEATY GUY!!

Then again.

"HE'S BIG, HE'S SWEATY, HE'S A GUY!
HE'S BIG, SWEATY GUY!!!!"

So by now, people are staring. (You know, you'd think I'd be used to this by now.......)

At this point, we just picked him up and hauled him out to the car and we went home.

The problem is that now, I can't get the stupid song out of my head, so here it is, for your listening pleasure (or torture, you decide) Bill Nye and the Sweaty Guy song.








Is it just me, or does big, sweaty guy look a lot like an old version of Mario Lopez?

Now that Halloween is over...............

Dear children,
It has come to my attention that you received quite a bit of candy from trick or treating last night. It is now time for you to pay your "candy tax" for this year.

Taxes will be as follows:
ALL of the Three Musketeers.
1/2 of all Reese's peanut butter cups
1/2 of Hershey bars, or if you wish, you may substitute Milky Way bars.
In addition, any Butterfingers or Almond Joys donated to me will receive a tax credit.
If you do not like nuts, I will just assume that you will be handing over the peanut M&Ms. No tax credit will be given for these, however, they most likely will put me in a better mood, which is always beneficial to you.

You may feel that these taxes are unfair, but let me point out that I did sacrifice many hours of my own sleep to make your costumes, and the cuteness of said costumes most likely earned you extra candy at certain houses. (I know this to be true after one neighbor gave Max three big handfuls of candy while saying "You're just so cute that I think you should have extra candy!)

Thank you,
Mom


************************************************************

Yes, I'm still here. Miraculously enough, Brielle was the only one in our house to get sick with the flu. I've been so busy with work that I kept saying that I didn't have time to get sick until November 1st. (which would be today.........)

So far I'm feeling OK. Except for this stupid cough that I have developed over the last few hours.

I have signed up for NaBloPoMo, so I will be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day..........


Also, last night, one of my kids received a candy bar "Snickers CHARGED"
It has caffeine in it.
:0D
I've never been a big fan of the Snickers bar, however, I may just have to rethink this.

Would you like some candy little girl?

Last night after dinner, I was in the kitchen working diligently on what turned out to be an unfortunate series of cooking disasters. (more on that later, right now, the disappointment is too fresh, and it might take a day or two to see any humor in the situation) (but seriously, my mom is a FABULOUS cook. She makes all sorts of candy, fudge, cookies, you name it, mom makes it and it always turns out great. What I want to know is why that "Holiday treat making" gene didn't get passed on to me?) (and whoever the wise guy was who said that my mini muffin pan had a non stick coating on it is pure evil in my book. If it really was non stick, then things shouldn't stick to it, right? You shouldn't need to use a fork/spoon/jackhammer to get the stuff to come out of the pan, mangling the treat beyond recognition)

Anyway................

I'm in the kitchen working, my hands are messy, and the doorbell rings. I start to quickly wash my hands so I can answer the door, but Brielle and Aaron beat me to it. They came into the kitchen with a bag full of chocolates and said "Look! Sweets!"
"Oh how nice!" I said, because I really love it when someone delivers chocolate to my front door, "Who brought it?"

The kids looked at each other, then back at me and said "I don't know."

"Did you recognize this person at all?"

Brielle answered "Well, it was an older man. He looked like someone who might sit on the back row at church."
"Was it Brother Parker?"
"No, this guy was shorter and younger."
I couldn't think of anyone else fitting that description. "So does he always sit on the back row?" I asked.
"No" Brielle said "I didn't say that he sat on the back row at church, I said that he looked like someone who might sit on the back row at church."

(OK, that really cleared it up)

She went on to give more of a description, about 60 years old, kind of short blondish/brownish hair, glasses, drives a Honda, had a lady waiting for him in the car (whom she might or might not have recognized, she wasn't sure)...................but we still couldn't figure out who it was that brought us the candy.

So basically, our daughter is taking candy from strangers.

Of course that didn't stop us from eating the candy. (again, chocolate brought directly to the front door, like I'm not going to eat that?)

It's been 24 hours and we're all still alive and healthy.

And Brielle is not allowed to answer the door by herself anymore.




P.S. I'm cooking a turkey tomorrow. I've never cooked a turkey before. Please cross your fingers and wish me luck that my recent string of culinary disasters will come to an end before I get this bird in the oven.

Here comes the fudge! Here comes the fudge!

Due to the overwhelming, nearly unanimous vote in the comments for my last post, I made the fudge.
Some of you asked me to take pictures and give the recipe. Being nice like I am, I will do just that!

First of all you take 4 and 1/2 cups of sugar and mix in 4 Tablespoons cocoa.
The recipe doesn't say to mix the sugar and the cocoa first, so I suppose that you could just throw all of the ingredients in together and mix them up if that's really the way you like to do things, however, I find that if you do it my way, it's easier to get the clumps out of the cocoa.


(Please take note of how ambidextrous I am being. I am stirring with my right hand while taking a picture with my left. Please be impressed, I am right handed, and this was not as easy as it looks) (and yeah, I realize that I probably spelled that word wrong. It's 11:52 p.m. right now, and I'm just too darn tired to look it up to see how to spell it correctly, so please just deal with it. )


Next, mix in one large can of evaporated milk and one cube of margerine. Please note, I prefer butter, because it just tastes better. I guess that you could use margerine, but then your fudge won't taste as good as mine and you might have self esteem issues.


Due to the fact that I have one child that thinks that she doesn't like nuts, I've decided to be ultra cool mom, and make some fudge with nuts, and some without. See the cute little divider that I cleverly made out of the left over tin foil from my foil hats that I will be selling in my Esty shop. You know, the ones that will prevent the mind controlling electromagnetic waves from getting to your brain.
Pre order them now. They will make great Christmas gifts! I can monogram them too, but that will add an extra week to the production time.


Back to the fudge. Heat and boil it 7-8 minutes, stirring constantly. I boiled this for 8 minutes, and I probably should have stopped at 7.


Now this part is very important. Listen carefully.

When stirring your fudge DO NOT SCRAPE THE SIDE OF THE PAN!!!!!

Don't ask me why, I think it's supposed to keep it from going grainy, and help it to have a nice smooth texture. I learned this from a friend of mine whose husband is a Chef at the Lion House, so she should know what she's talking about.

(If you'll notice in this picture I've completely given up on trying to stir with my right hand while taking pictures with my left. After I nearly dropped the camera into the boiling hot fudge, I decided that I should probably hold the camera in my right hand, Besides, the camera strap kept getting in the picture and it was really stressing me out.)


After boiling for 7-8 minutes (again, I think I boiled it too long) Remove from the heat and stir in 1 cup of chocolate chips.

This is where everything went HORRIBLY WRONG, because in the recipe, I had written 1-2 bag of chocolate chips which I took to mean between one and two bags of chocolate chips which really seemed like a lot to me so I just dumped in one bag. Apparently, I should have trusted my instincts because after talking to my mom today, it was supposed to be 1/2 of a bag, or approximately 1 cup.

NOT THE ENTIRE BAG OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS!!!




Anyway, at this point, instead of the chips melting nicely and the fudge turning creamy and smooth, the chocolate chips stuck together and the fudge got REALLY stiff and hard to stir.
I finally got all the chips melted into the mixture, but I still had a 16 ounce bag of mini marshmallows to stir in to the fudge!!!
(also, I took some time out to snap a quick picture of the chocolate chips to show you what they look like before they are all melted. Those few seconds might have cost me dearly)

At this point, I enlisted the help of my very strong hubby who put on the oven mitts and held on to the hot pan while I dumped the marshmallows in the fudge and started stirring.

And stirring.......



and stirring.......



and stirring.

Eventually, I got the darn marshmallows all mixed in but it was still kind of lumpy. (Sorry I didn't have any pictures of this part, but I was stirring with both hands while DH was holding the pan still, and quite frankly, I was getting a little onery about the whole thing)

I dumped some of the fudge in the pan, then added 1 cup of chopped pecans to the rest and stirred some more...........


(Now if I were Kristina, I might have thrown in a jar of bacon bits too)
Then I dumped the rest into the other side of the pan.


The pan was very heavy. Aaron was taking the pictures at this point. I had to use both hands. Notice the blue oven mitts? They are the ones featured here.


So, I'm not sure if it was because I cooked the fudge too long, or if it was because I used too many chocolate chips, but the fudge just didn't turn out as good as usual.



OK *Mary* you might have been right about what you said about fudge in your comment on my last post.

In a last act of desperation, I tried to smooth it out, thinking that it might actually look better.

Left side no nuts, right side nuts.

Let's just pretend that it looks like that because the lighting is bad, OK?


Now it should be common knowledge that anything left sticking to the inside of the pan belongs to the person who made it.

And I'm pretty sure that this part doesn't have any calories in it either.


Now here's a nice tasty chunk-o-fudge!! No comments *Mary* I promise it tasted really good.

Here is the finished product on a plate. Delicious!!!

While it was still warm, it was nice and creamy, but by morning, I was chipping it apart with a knife. But as I said before, it smelled good and it tasted good, and quite frankly, it was my reason for getting out of bed this morning.

And the kids liked it. In fact, they may or may not have had it for breakfast.



And I may or may not have used it as bribery incentive for Max to get dressed today.

And to clean up his toys.

And to stop whining.

And to sing my favorite songs.

Actually, I was feeling a bit like I was raising a trained seal.

"Here Max" as I'm holding the fudge over his head "sing a song for mommy! Come on Max, sing. Sing! SING!"

And then about 100 times today I got to hear him say "I ALSO DO NEED SOME MORE OF DAT STUFF!!"


My conclusion on the fudge. I should have only used one half of a bag of chocolate chips, and only boiled it for 7 minutes.

Still, it did satisfy my chocolate craving............

(and no, I didn't weigh myself to see how much weight I might have gained.)

I will now give you the recipe as long as you don't tell my mom that I gave it to you.


Fudge recipe

4 1/2 cups sugar
4 Tablespoons cocoa
1 cube margerine or butter (USE BUTTER!)
1 large can of evaporated milk

Heat and boil 7-8 minutes (7!) stirring constantly!
Remove from heat and stir in 1/2 bag of chocolate chips
Stir in 1 pint of marshmallow creme OR one 16 ounce bag of mini marshmallows.

Stir until dissolved
(or until your husband gets tired of holding the pan so you can stir with both hands)

Add one cup of chopped nuts then stir until creamy.

Variation on this recipe- leave out cocoa, use white chocolate chips, and add almond flavoring after it has boiled.

The trouble with fudge

So,
I'm sitting here, valiantly fighting the urge to go and make myself a great big batch of fudge.

Homemade fudge with pecans.

My mom's recipe. So good!

"So what's the dilema?" you ask? "What's wrong with fudge especially if it's your mom's super-de-duper delicious recipe?"

Well, I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's magical fudge. It's addictive.
It's impossible to just eat one piece!

And did I mention how wonderfully delicious it is?

Did I also mention that I've been craving chocolate all weekend? And not just my ordinary chocolate cravings that can be satisfied by chocolate chips.

NO!

It's a "I need to have chocolate in the form of fudge!!" sort of craving.

The recipe makes five pounds of fudge.

FIVE POUNDS!!

This is the fudge that I make and give to the neighbors for Christmas. Only, the neighbors don't get all of it.

Here's a question. I always make a five pound batch of fudge, and I never eat the whole five pounds. (shut up, I seriously couldn't eat ALL of the fudge) Why do I gain TEN pounds every time I make a batch of fudge?
I think that's proof that the fudge has some magical properties to it.

What I don't understand is why something that tastes so absolutely good can be so bad for me.

Somehow, it just seems so wrong.

Maybe I could market it as "Magical fudge, feed it to your skinny enemies!"

I really like that idea, because if I manage to make everyone around me fatter, it would totally make ME look thinner wouldn't it?

Seriously, you would think that the Diet Dr. Pepper I drink with the fudge would somehow cancel out the calories and carbs and everything else.

I'm rambling, I know.

I'll put it up to a vote. Leave me a comment telling me whether or not I should make the fudge and why. Somehow, leaving it up to mycyber BFFs will make me feel less irresponsible.

p.s. In a chocolate craving moment of weakness, I bought a bag of Hershey's kisses. We discovered that Max will do pretty much anything to get a chocolate kiss.
ANYTHING!!
This information will come in handy at a future time, I'm sure.
Mwhahahahahah!

Anticipation...................

(If that title makes you think about ketchup, then I have a pretty good idea of how old you are)

I'm waiting.

My palms are sweaty.

I'm even trembling a bit.


One hour and three minutes left to go.

My heart rate increases every time I think about it.

I have to be ready.


I'm SO nervous!! Why do I get so nervous every time I do this???


I'm a wreck. I've been pacing around the house all morning long.

Waiting.



Hoping.




Trying not to get my hopes up.


But I can't help but daydream about what might happen. I'm hoping that I'm just fast enough and lucky enough to make this thing happen.

But, the waiting is killing me.


And if I get my hopes up, and then things don't work out..............................


No, I don't want to think about it.

I can't think about it. It makes me crazy.




CRAZY I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!




I've been doing what I do best when I'm under stress.



Eating.



Unfortunately, I finished off all the chocolate in the house yesterday, and so the only food choices that I have left are healthy things such as carrot sticks and wheat bread.

What I would give for a dove bar right about now.

With nuts.

Or better yet, a great big slab of Costco chocolate cake.

Or even better than that, a big slab of Cheesecake Factory white chocolate caramel macadamia nut cheesecake.

Yes, I think that would do it.

Maybe I could cover it with chocolate too.



55 minutes and 42 seconds to go.


Now I'm shaking. My pulse rate has gone up. I'm thinking that this should count as some sort of cardio workout or something.

I hope I don't pass out, because then I might miss it.


I briefly thought about having a Cherry vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper, but with my current heart rate, I think the last thing I need is a can of caffeine.

Waiting.



Waiting..........



Waiting....................



Thinking about what I will need to do. If I do it too soon, I could miss out. Too late, and I could miss it completely.


You would think that for as many times as I have been through this, that I would get used to this, that I wouldn't get as nervous.

Experience doesn't help. It just makes me more aware of what I must do, and of what can go wrong.

I'm very nervous.


Now, don't get me wrong, if I miss out on this, it won't ruin my life or anything, but it will probably ruin my day. And quite possibly my weekend too.

And I really want to have a good weekend.


I've been trying to do some work while I'm waiting, but I can't concentrate.

I have to be ready.

I've been distracted before, and like an hour later, I realize that I missed the whole thing.


I couldn't handle it if that happened this time.



I need to be ready.



42 minutes and 1 second.




I wish my hands would stop shaking.




Oh, this is ridiculous!!!! Why do I get like this?????




35 minutes and 9 seconds left.



I need to go walk around a bit.


I'm back.


27 minutes and 52 seconds.



Go ahead, guess.


Guess what I'm waiting for.



Only those who have previously gone through this experience will truly understand.



This is exhausting. When this is over I'm going to need a nap.


So, have you guessed what I'm doing?

Do you know what I'm waiting for???

Would you care to guess, or should I tell you.




21 minutes and 53 seconds.


Wish me luck.

If you chance to meet a frown............

Max: "Mom, I want a frownie."
Me: "Why Max, are you sad?"
Max "No, I want a frownie. Please I can have a frownie?"

I frown at Max.

Max: "Mom, please! Pretty please with sugar on top! I can have a frownie?"

Me: "A what?"

Max : "A frownie! A frownie! (jumping up and down) "Please-a-please-a-please-a-please, I also do need a frownie!"

Me: "OK Max, let's see you frown."
Max: "No! I also not frown! I also want a frownie!!"

Me: (singing) "If you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down" (I pick up Max and turn him upside down) "and smile that frown away"

Max: "NO! I NOT BE UPSIDE DOWN! I BE UPSIDE UP! MAKE ME UPSIDE UP!!"
I turn him over and stand him on his feet.

Max: "I also do need a frownie."
Me: "Max, honey, I don't know what you're talking about."

Max takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen and points to these........................

"frownies?"


Which is kind of strange, because brownies always make me smile:0)

Yes, I love technology.....

Everyone can stop worrying now.
The chocolate cravings have returned!
Strangely enough, I the cravings returned on Thursday, which was a very stressful day for me.
Coincidence???
Hmmmmmm.......

So here I am, having a full blown chocolate fit, and no chocolate in the house. If I wasn't already in my pajamas, I would go to the store for a Dove bar. Heck, I'd even settle for a Hershey bar. I won't, however, stoop to eating the Palmer brand chocolate. I'm craving chocolate, not chocolate flavored wax.

Okay, on to another subject.

I need some help. If there are any computer nerds or technology geeks out there, listen up.

There's a program on my computer that I really want to either disable, or get rid of completely. I'm not sure what its called, where it is, or how it works, all I know is that it is making my life on the computer quite difficult, and it also seems to have a big effect on my printer. Since I don't know the name of this program, I will describe to you what it does, and maybe someone out there can offer some advice on what to do.
Okay, here goes. Feel free to take notes.

Whenever I need to have some work finished in the immediate future, some sort of sensor in the computer is able to measure my exact level of stress. It then takes this information, and causes the computer to misbehave. The problems will range from the computer running a little slow (mild stress on my part) to freezing up completely (Major stress)
As I mentioned earlier, this happens to my printer also. If I need something printed pronto, it begins to print v e r y ......s....l....o....w.....l.......y.
Or it runs out of ink. Or it says it is running out of ink and so I open it up to check the ink levels which are fine, and then when I close it, it says that there is a paper jam that needs to be cleared, but I know darn well that there isn't, because I just looked inside, so I open it up again and then close it, open it, close it..............until it says the paper jam is gone, then I start to print, and it catches several pieces of paper at once, so when it gets to printing the last page, it is then out of paper, and it freezes up also..........

I think my all time favorite malfunction happened today.

I needed to get some things done and uploaded to a site. The first file seemed to go smoothly, until I realized that I had sent the wrong version, and I couldn't find any way that I could just cancel or delete the file, so I could re send the corrected version. I couldn't leave it as it was, but I couldn't find any way to fix it. Nothing I tried worked. I even tried just deleting the whole thing.

Nope.

Were you aware that you can scream at a computer for 5 minutes, and it still won't do what you want?
Seriously, no response whatsoever.

I've decided that deep down, my computer is probably a teenager.

I finally figured out how to change the file after it had uploaded, but not before frightening my toddler.
I calmed down and re applied my mascara, and then tried to continue, but the program I was using suddenly decided that it was a trial version, and wouldn't work for me.
I needed to register my software (which I'm pretty sure I already registered) I now need to find the original box.

Yeah right.

Apparently, my computer had managed to hide the box under a huge pile of paper, toys, and other miscellaneous items on my desk. When I found it, the disk was not inside, and I couldn't find the code I needed to get into the website to register my software, which I knew darn well that I had purchased.
I briefly thought about finding the receipt and showing it to the darn computer, just to prove that we owned the software, but I couldn't find the receipt either.

I typed in the # on the box, and wouldn't you know it?
WRONG #
So I go back to searching through the box to find the number, when my 12 year old son smugly points to the back of the software tutorial handbook, where we find the code.

Like anyone actually reads those instructions anyway!

I FINALLY got everything done and uploaded.

Don't get me wrong, I love all the technological cool stuff that the computers can do now. I just want the stress level sensor removed from my computer and printer.
I don't think that's too much to ask.

Anytime I hear the word "Technology" I think of this.

I'm also worried that sometimes, technology might be going a bit too far.
Do you notice any similarities between this...........

And this?

Something to think about.

I'm Bored.........bored.........bored.......

I figured out a way to stop the fighting for a while on Monday.
I used the "divide and conquer" method. I took two of the kids shopping with me, and left the other two at home, splitting up the two who were screaming at each other the loudest.
While out, I managed to buy myself a new pair of shoes (on sale, YAY!) and a new outfit to wear to the concert we were attending that night.
Thanks to those of you who suggested that eating chocolate would help me endure the fight-a-thon. I bought myself a bunch of Cadbury creme eggs, which I now have hidden in the bottom drawer in my bathroom.

(The sound you are now hearing is that of my children stampeding into my bathroom to find the chocolate.)

Silly, silly children.

I would never really hide chocolate in there, because it is right above the heating vent, and the chocolate would melt.
I have found a much better stash for my chocolate.


I have hidden it in my tummy!


Maybe if they had spent less time fighting and more time...............oh, I don't know, possibly CLEANING UP THAT BIG MESS IN THE FAMILY ROOM, I might have felt like sharing the chocolate with them.

Too bad for them.

The kids have been out of school for just over a week now, and the newness of the situation has worn off. While I do enjoy the opportunity to sleep in each morning, certain signs of boredom amongst my children are beginning to emerge.

Top ten signs that my children are bored

#10. They actually helped me clean out the storage room.

#9. Two words "Spongebob Marathon"

#8. Brielle spent about 20 minutes covering her face with an entire roll of tape.

#7. Using blankets and chairs, they have built a tent city in the family room.

#6. They are coming up with new ways to insult each other.
"Mom, they told me my room smells like a dead pig!"

#5. They are commenting on my blog.

#4. CJ (my computer genius) created a new program for the computer.
It's called "Noise maker"
It makes noise.
Because apparently we don't have enough noise in our house.

#3.


#2. I have heard the phrase "Mom, please make him stop coughing on my feet!"

And the #1 sign that my kids are bored............

(drumroll please)

They made this!

Letters to the drop off zone

Dear lady in the green mini van,
In the future, would you please make sure that all of your children have their back packs filled, coats on, notes signed, and hair combed BEFORE you leave for school? Please realize that there are about 20 cars behind you waiting to drop our kids off at school while we are ever so patiently waiting for you to take care of the items mentioned above.
Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Signed,
The mom waiting behind you.

Dear daughter of the lady in the green mini van,
Your hair looks fine. GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!
Signed,
Still waiting

Dear guy in the little blue sports car,
Did you not notice how your wheels were spinning on the icy street?
Did you not notice the slight hill leading down to the drop off zone?
Did you not realize that if the streets are icy, chances are the hill going down to the drop off zone might be icy also?
Are you aware that when you drive faster while turning into the drop off zone, that your chances of sliding increase?
Did you know that when you make a sharp turn in a speeding sports car on an icy hill, it will sometimes slide sideways, and if there is another car parked in the drop off zone, chances are the cute little sports car will run into it?
Do you think that maybe if you were not talking on your cell phone, you may have noticed the above mentioned conditions?
Do you now realize that driving a cute little (now dented) sports car on a snowy day is probably not a very good idea?

I hope you have insurance.

Signed,
Witness to an accident.

Dear lady in the white Explorer,
I realize that your cute little kindergartener probably would love to have you walk her to her classroom, but do you really think it's a good idea to park in the drop off zone, get out of your car, and walk her to the school? Do you realize the traffic back up you are causing?? Do you see all of the signs that say "No parking in the drop off zone, driver must stay with car"?
In the future, please park in the parking lot. This is what they built it for.
Signed,
Slightly annoyed mom.

Dear lady in the gray Suburban,
Are you serious?? Do you really think that you can turn left onto that busy street?? Can you see that none of the cars on the road are moving? Do you know why? It is because they are all lined up waiting to turn left into the same drop off zone that you are trying to exit. Do you realize that they aren't going anywhere until you move out of the way?

TURN RIGHT AND GO AROUND THE BLOCK!!!

Signed,
Yes, I do have all day to sit here and wait for you to turn =P

Dear Max,
I realize that Mommy said it was O.K. to bring the cow flashlight with you while we took the kids to school, however, at the time, I thought that the batteries were dead, and I had no idea that I would be listening to it moo all the way to school and back home. Please understand that Mr. Cow flashlight may be taking a vacation for a few days, and will be unavailable for your listening pleasure.
Signed,
Your loving Moom,........er..........I mean Mom

Dear husband,
Thank you so much for replacing the batteries in Max's cow flashlight.
Signed,
Your loving wife

Dear television weather man,
O.K. Enough already.
Seriously.
I admit the snow was kind of fun at first, you know, around Christmas time when all the pretty lights made it glitter.
I also realize that the ski resorts are very happy with all the snow, and also the skiers, however,
I don't ski.
I know, I know, we're in a drought...........blah, blah, blah.................we really need the water...............blah, blah, blah.............
I have a solution that will make everyone happy. If you could please arrange it so that the snow falls only in the mountains, and on the grass, not on the streets, parking lots, school drop off zones, and my driveway, it would be greatly appreciated.
Oh yea, and while you're at it, if you could do something about the freezing temperatures, I would appreciate that also.
My feet have not been warm since September.
Signed,
Frozen feet.

Dear school secretary,
Thank you so much for the lovely phone call this morning. I do so enjoy our frequent conversations.
Yes, I am aware that one or more of my children were late for school. We actually got to the school on time, however, after waiting in line at the drop off zone (behind the lady who was waiting for her lovely daughter to finish her morning grooming routine, the lady who parked the car, got out and walked her kid into school, and the crazy cell phone/dented sports car guy), it took a while for my children got out of the car, and I can see how they might have been a few minutes late.
Thank you so much for your suggestion that we leave our home a few minutes earlier, so we don't get stuck in the drop off zone. Perhaps on your way to school in the morning, you can stop by our house and drag them out of bed yourself. Maybe they will listen to you.
Signed,
I have caller ID, and I know how to use it.

Dear leftover Halloween candy that I just found in my closet,
Do you know how much I needed you today? You cannot begin to fathom the joy I felt in my heart as I saw you sitting there, alone, forgotten, ready to fill my life with your chocolaty goodness. I realize that I might have seemed a little desperate as I ripped open your bag and began grabbing at your peanut butter cups. They are my favorite. At some point during the day, I promise to relieve you of your Almond Joys, and peanut M&Ms.
I am so ashamed that I was unaware of your presence, however, I vow to make it up to you by spending the day with you and my other friend, 6 pack of Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper.

Oh the fun we will have!
If there is any of you left at the end of the day, I will use you as incentive for my children to get their homework done.
Thak you so much for the joy you have brought into my life on such a dreary day.
I love you.
Signed,
Your currently over/caffienated friend

Dear children,
How would you feel about walking to school from now on?????
Signed
Your loving (I really need a vacation) Mom