It's like all they ever do at school is sit around watching videos on YouTube.....

One of my kids brought this gem home today. Apparently, their teacher showed it to them in class.

I know there was some educational subject she was trying to teach, however, I can't figure out what.

It is really funny, it made me laugh, and I was in a grumpy mood.

The next thing I'm going to do is get Max to tell a story and we can make a video out of it.

Now all I need to do is figure out a way to make a really authentic looking "Naughty Bird" costume.......

My place of honor as Max's favorite

Warning, potty talk ahead.

Seriously, if you continue to read, remember that I warned you.

This morning I met a friend for breakfast. I had a lovely time and enjoyed a much needed interaction with an adult human of the female kind.

As I was leaving the restaurant, I called home to make sure that the kids were doing OK.

CJ answered the phone.

Me: "How are things?"

CJ: "Fine?"

Me: "Is everyone awake?" (I left while they were all still sleeping)

CJ: "Yes"

Me: "What's Max doing?"

CJ: "I don't know, but he's been in the bathroom for over an hour."

Me: "Is he OK?"

CJ: "I don't know."

Me: "Can you check?"

CJ: "OK."

I hear him walk through the house to the bathroom and knock on the door.

CJ: "HEY MAX! ARE YOU OK?"

Max: "YES!"

CJ: "He's OK."

Me:" What's he doing?"

CJ: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Max: "NOTHING."

CJ: "He says he's not doing anything."

I was convinced that everything was OK, so I continued home.

A little while later when I walked in the door, CJ said "We figured out why Max has been in the bathroom for so long. He's been waiting for you to come home so you could wipe him."

I asked him why nobody else had helped him out with his situation and CJ said "He wouldn't let us help him, he only wanted you to do it."

Isn't that terrific? I am Max's official butt wiper.

I'm not sure if I should feel privileged or annoyed.

I walked in the bathroom and told Max that I needed to take Brielle to her friend's house, then I needed to go to the bank and after that, I would be going to the grocery store, and when I had finished all of my errands, I would come home and wipe his butt.

Get this..................He was willing to wait.

No, I didn't make him wait, mostly because I didn't want the toilet seat to leave a permanent impression on his backside.

Also, I realize that you are now going to tell me that Max is old enough to be taking care of this issue on his own, however, you don't do his laundry.

Apparently, I really am that clueless and pathetic - garden edition

The good news is that there's a bunch of plants growing in our garden!!

The bad news is that we're not really sure which are the ones we planted and which ones are the weeds.
Today, we* will bring pictures of cucumber, pumpkin, watermelon, pepper and zucchini plants out to our garden with us and pull out everything that doesn't look like the pictures.

*And when I say "we" I most likely just mean "me", because so far this year, the kids haven't been incredibly helpful with the whole "helping with the garden" thing. For example, yesterday I asked one of my offspring to go and water the garden, and said offspring replied "Um, I don't know how to do that."

So today, I will also be teaching the children how to spray water on dirt.

Actually, to be fair, the kids did help with the planting of the garden. They had input on the buying of the seeds, and they did some of the planting.
In retrospect, I probably should have done a better job of supervising the planting because they planted an entire row of zucchini.

The kids said that this would be OK because they really like zucchini............




Yes, I can hear you all laughing through the computer.

I plan on using this as an example of how they should believe what I tell them. Hopefully later this summer/fall, when we have so many zucchinis that we have to start storing them in the kids rooms, they might get a clue and understand that I might occasionally know what I'm talking about.

Does zucchini freeze well?

Do you know why it's so important to lock your car doors at church during the summer time?
It's because if you leave them unlocked, when church is over, you will find your car full of zucchini.

Yesterday I had a friend tell me that I can give her any extra zucchini that we have, I don't really think she has a clue to what she might have coming.

I can see it now, zucchini bread, zucchini brownies, zucchini pancakes, zucchini pudding, zucchini ice cream.......

I bet you can't wait to see all of the creative uses we find for zucchini!





You know, if you type the word zucchini enough times, it starts to look funny.

Truth or not??

A while back (longer than I care to admit, so I just won't admit it) Karlene at Inksplasher presented me with an award.

Since I've always wanted to be known as a boldfaced liar "Creative writer" I've decided to accept this award, and the way I do this is to tell six lies and one truth, then you, my friends, get to guess which one is the truth.

1. I met my husband on a blind date. Our grandmothers both got their hair done at the same salon and they got to talking and decided that we would be perfect for each other.

2. When I was younger, I was an avid skier. About every other weekend in the winter, I could be found on the slopes, I loved racing down the mountain, dodging other less experienced skiers.

3. I am allergic to avocados, one bite and my lips swell up like Angelina Jolie's.

4. Half of my children are left handed.

5. When I was a kid, we lived in the same neighborhood as Mark Eubank, the weatherman. (until he moved) This was before he donned the evil white snow coat.

6. I never, ever cut classes in school. Ever.

7. My first car was a blue Chevette. I had a stuffed Garfield sitting in the back window.

Which one is the truth? How did you come to this conclusion?

Leave your guesses in the comments, I'll reveal the one truth tomorrow..........

Or whenever.

Tiger catch a fish

Last weekend, CJ and Aaron spent a great deal of time tinkering with an old computer that a neighbor gave to them. We were so impressed because they managed to fix it!
We dug out all of the old computer games that they played when they were younger, (but won't work on our newer computers) thinking that Max would really enjoy playing them.

I suppose he would have enjoyed playing them if he had been allowed to play them.

After a while, he got tired of watching his siblings play the games so he took matters into his own hands. He took three pieces of paper and drew a keyboard and a mouse on one, a monitor on another, and a pair of speakers on the third.
On the back side of the monitor drawing, he drew the "inside" of the computer which looked amazingly similar to the inside of the CPU that his brothers had been working on earlier in the day.
He laid the drawings next to each other on the table then drew "cables" between them.

"Hey guys!" he said excitedly "Look! I've made my own comprewter!"

We all took a look at his creation and told him how great his computer looked.

Next he sat down at the table and began typing on his keyboard and clicking his mouse. Every once in a while he would say things like "Oh no!" or "Yay!"
I asked him what he was doing.
"I'm playing a game on my comprewter, it's a game called Tiger catch a fish! It's a really fun game!" then he continued to type on his paper keyboard and click on his paper mouse.

He played this game all weekend.

Seriously, he sat at the table and pretended to play this game for 30 minutes straight.


Yesterday, he asked me to get a few games out of the closet. A while later he yelled "Mom! Come and see what I did!"
I went into the living room to see that he had set up a game board. One side of the board had 18 pieces set up on it and the other had 6 pieces.
"Mom! Will you play the game with me?"
"OK, I said, noticing the mismatched pieces, "But what are we playing?"
"Tiger catch a fish!"
"Oh, so it's not just a computer game?"
"No, it's a two person game. Will you play it with me?"

He sat down on the side of the board with fewer pieces. He spun the spinner from the Hi Ho Cherry-O game and moved one of his pieces two spots.

I spun the spinner and landed on 4. I moved forward two spots, then sideways two spots.

"Is it OK if I move sideways?" I ask.
"Yes" He answered, "But when you move sideways, then you get to take one of my pieces.

So after that, I moved sideways on every move and he handed me one of his pieces.

When He got down to one piece, I asked him "How do you win this game anyway?"

He giggled and said "The first one to have all their pieces get gone is the winner!"

Sneaky kid.

I guess it's easier to win if you make up all the rules as you go along.

Four going on fourteen

Today Max was wearing a new pair of pants that he received as a gift for Christmas. They didn't have an adjustable waistband like his other pants do, so they were sliding down a bit. As he walked around, he was holding them by the sides to keep them up.

"Hey Max," I asked "Do you want me to take in those pants for you and make the waist smaller so they fit better?"

"No, they're OK" he said as he hiked them up again.

"But they're falling off of you."

Then he says to me "NO they aren't, if they were falling off of me then I would look LIKE A TEENAGER!"

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a toaster!

Max has a new obsession.

Bill Nye the Science Guy.

CJ found a few episodes of BNTSG on Youtube, and Max has memorized them. His favorite episode is the one about simple machines. He learned about pulleys, ramps and levers and his most favorite???

The catapult.

He is fascinated by the catapult. In the episode of BNTSG someone even tosses a piano with a catapult.

Apparently, the producers of this program didn't think of what would happen when a 4 year old learns how to catapult things. To them I say thanks. A bunch.

Max doesn't have a catapult, so he just throws things and says he's catapulting them. We have daily discussions about not catapulting things in the house.

This morning during breakfast Max asked "Would our toaster stop working if we catapulted it?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that it would stop working, and I like our toaster." then I added a new rule "No catapulting the toaster!"

Then Max says "But we could buy a new one!"

"I like this toaster, it works just fine, I don't want a new one. We will not catapult the toaster."

"Because it will break?" he asks?

"Yes," I agree "And I really don't want it broken."

"But I still want to catapult the toaster!"

"MAX, we will NOT catapult the toaster! It will break the toaster, and it might hit someone and they could get hurt."

Then he says "But what if we took it to that catapult place downtown?"

So, if you are just walking around, minding your own business, and suddenly a toaster comes flying past your head, you'll know why.

Things I've learned this week

1. One should never cut their own bangs while in a hurry and irritated.

2. Bangs are like children, no matter what you want them to do, they will do the opposite.

3. Using more hairspray on wayward bangs will only make them look worse.

4. Using hairspray on children will make them sticky.

5. If you are going to do an imitation of the director of your child's preschool, you should NOT do it in front of the child because he will spend the day imitating the preschool director. (I do have to say that he is dead on with his imitation)

6. No matter what kind of misfortune comes to my children, they can always find a way to blame me for it.

7. Our basement will never get clean.

8. Neither will our kitchen.

9. Even though ordering things online is convenient, it doesn't guarantee that.........

a) You actually get what you order

b) The item will arrive in time for Christmas

10. Buying more tape will only cause the 4 year old to find more useless uses for tape and I still won't have any tape when I need it.

11. The four year old has a sixth sense when it comes to finding rolls of tape that I have hidden. (It's like some sort of a gift that he has)

12. I need to keep more chocolate in the house.

Point well taken

We've recently discovered that Max has an extreme fondness for hot chocolate. Last year we tried to give him some, but he saw the other kids stirring theirs with a spoon and he decided that he wanted to stir it too, but since he had the coordination of a three year it became very messy and we decided that he shouldn't have any more.

This year, Brielle discovered the magic known as the straw. Max will sit and sip his hot (it's actually just barely warm) chocolate through the straw.

He loves it!

We've also discovered that the kid will do anything for hot chocolate.

ANYTHING!

And yes, I'm going to use that little piece of information for as long as it lasts.

Last night I told Max that if he went and got his pajamas on right then, I would give him a cup of hot chocolate.

He was very excited and ran into his room.

A while later, I heard him playing in his room and walked in to find him still in his clothes, and his pajamas still sitting empty on his bed.

"Hey" I said "I thought you were going to put your pajamas on?"

He smiles at me and says "I'm going to do it in a minute."

A while later, I went back to see him still playing with his blocks.

"Max, it's almost your bedtime, please get your pajamas on!"

"OK mom, I'm doing it in a minute."

After about 20 minutes, he came walking into the family room, still dressed in his clothes.

I said "Max, go get your pajamas on now!"

He went back into his room and emerged a while later wearing his pajamas. "I'm ready for my hot chocolate now."

"No Max, I said you could have hot chocolate if you got in your pajamas quickly, but it took you a long time."

"But I said I would do it in a minute!"

"You took way more than a minute, a minute is only a short amount of time."

And then he says to me,

"When YOU say "in a minute," it always takes a really long time!"

Point well taken.

(Don't you hate it when things that you say to your kids come back later to bite you in the butt?)

Max quote of the day:

"If it gets snow on it, does garbage change to garbage juice?"

How I lied to Max about the cookies

And now, the rest of the story..............

When Max asked what happened to the cookies, I knew that if I told him the truth that he would be really mad at me.

I thought fast. CJ wasn't home to defend himself so I told Max that CJ was the one that ate all the cookies.

Max's cute little face turned red, he lifted his arms in the air, threw his head back and yelled to the ceiling,

CJ

IS

A

REALLY

REALLY

BAD

GUY!!!!

Sure I felt kind of bad about it for a while, but I was mostly just glad that he wasn't mad at me. I would have made him some more cookies right then, but we were out of oats and the mixer bowl was dirty, and quite frankly, I wasn't really hungry for cookies anymore anyway.

CJ is in the kitchen right now, making another batch of no bake cookies. This time, I will be sure to save some for Max.

So anyway, those of you who guessed #4 on yesterday's post should be very proud of yourselves. Yes, I blamed the whole thing on CJ.

Unfortunately, I didn't think of blaming Naughty Bird, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit until I was writing the post last night. I wish I had thought of telling him that his imaginary naughty pets had eaten the cookies just to see his reaction.

I will remember the naughty trio the next time I need to shift the blame elsewhere. I mean, if Max can use them as an excuse for everything, why couldn't I?"

I was asked to give our recipe for no bake cookies, here it is.

2 Cups sugar

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup cocoa

Beat these ingredients together for a few minutes then pour over

3 cups oats

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup coconut

1/2 cup chopped nuts

Mix together then drop with a spoon onto wax paper and let them sit for a while. (Ours never last long enough to see how long it takes to set up) They will be gooey.

CJ said that he's going to put this next batch in the fridge to see if they set faster.

This is the official recipe, however, my kids don't like coconut and nuts (weird, I know) so we make them without, and just use more oats.

Also, I don't always use the vanilla, and it's OK without.

What do YOU think happened?

Last night, Max wasn't feeling well. He fell asleep on the couch, then he threw up.

On the couch.

(I just have to say that when choosing a couch, leather is the way to go. The clean up is so much easier than on fabric upholstery)

I gave Max a bath and put his pajamas on him. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "I think I eated too much and it gave me a tummy egg."

"It gave you a tummy ache," I told him "the word is ache"

"NO! It's EGG! It has an "E" in it! It's a tummy EGG!"

Meanwhile, CJ was making some no bake cookies. These are a favorite of ours, and one of the few foods that Max will eat.

Naturally, Max wanted some cookies, but me, being the mean mom that I am, wouldn't let him have any cookies because he just threw up, and I thought the cookie wouldn't sit well in his stomach.

Instead of a cookie, I fed him some crackers then put him to bed.

This morning, my husband took the older boys with him to get run some errands. I slept in a while and when I got up and went into the kitchen, there were only 6 cookies left. I ate three cookies and Brielle ate three.

A while later, Max came walking out into the kitchen. I asked him how he was feeling and he said that he was feeling better and that he was really hungry.

Then he looked on top of the counter and said,

"Hey, where are the cookies? I wanted to eat some cookies!"

What do you think I did?

1) I apologized to him and told him that we had just eaten the last of the cookies.

2) I told him that cookies were bad for him and that he shouldn't be eating them anyway, then fed him a healthy breakfast.

3) I told him that there were never any cookies, he must have dreamed that we made cookies.

4) I told him that CJ ate them all.

5) I told him that flying monkeys came in through our chimney in the middle of the night and took the cookies to throw at people (or other monkeys) that they didn't like.

6) I said that Naughty Bird, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit took them.

Leave your guess in the comments.

Or you can tell me what you would have done.

Repetition

Hey!
Guess who just learned to count to 100?

He's really good at it too, because he practices All. Day. Long.


(It was actually quite cute the first 12 or 13 times)





Just one more hour until I take him to preschool and he can dazzle his teacher with his newly found skill.

One more hour...................

Just giving you a warning to watch out for imaginary bird droppings

Remember a while back when Max obtained his imaginary pet bird "Naughty bird."

Do you remember how we got rid of the stupid bird?

Well guess who found his way back home?

Yes, Naughty bird is back, and just as naughty as ever. His latest mischief is to keep Max from doing things that I ask him to do.

Me: "Max, please change out of your pajamas and get dressed."

Max: (sitting on the floor, playing with garbage truck) "I can't get up, Naughty Bird keeps holding me down to the floor!"

Then he pretends to struggle to get up and then falls back down to the floor.

Me: "Max, could you please clean up your blocks?"

Max: "Whenever I try to clean up my blocks, Naughty Bird just messes them up again!" Then he knocks over the pile of blocks.

Needless to say, I'm getting pretty darn tired of this stupid bird. I can't figure out how he found his way back here, we even tried leaving him at the Grand Canyon when we were there a while ago.

But he came back.

Last week, Max was sitting on the floor putting together his favorite puzzle.

Me: "Hey buddy, it's time for lunch, come and eat your sandwich."

Max: (starting to get up, but then falling back onto the floor) "I can't get up! Naughty bird keeps pushing me back down!"

So I marched over, grabbed Naughty bird by his ratty old feathers, carried him to the back door and tossed him outside.

"There you go Max, problem solved, now come and eat your lunch."

Max started to get up then fell back to the floor.

I said "Hey, I just threw Naughty bird out the back door, he can't make you stay on the floor, he's outside."

Max started to stand up again but fell back on the floor, then he said "It's not Naughty Bird that won't let me get up, now it's Naughty Frog!"

Naughty Frog?

Tee-rrrrrrrrrific.

So now we have a Naughty bird AND a Naughty Frog.

And a Naughty Rabbit. He showed up later that evening to prevent Max from getting his pajamas on.