Thursday, July 8, 2010

My place of honor as Max's favorite

Warning, potty talk ahead.

Seriously, if you continue to read, remember that I warned you.

This morning I met a friend for breakfast. I had a lovely time and enjoyed a much needed interaction with an adult human of the female kind.

As I was leaving the restaurant, I called home to make sure that the kids were doing OK.

CJ answered the phone.

Me: "How are things?"
CJ: "Fine?"
Me: "Is everyone awake?" (I left while they were all still sleeping)
CJ: "Yes"
Me: "What's Max doing?"
CJ: "I don't know, but he's been in the bathroom for over an hour."
Me: "Is he OK?"
CJ: "I don't know."
Me: "Can you check?"
CJ: "OK."
I hear him walk through the house to the bathroom and knock on the door.
Max: "YES!"
CJ: "He's OK."
Me:" What's he doing?"
CJ: "He says he's not doing anything."
I was convinced that everything was OK, so I continued home.

A little while later when I walked in the door, CJ said "We figured out why Max has been in the bathroom for so long. He's been waiting for you to come home so you could wipe him."

I asked him why nobody else had helped him out with his situation and CJ said "He wouldn't let us help him, he only wanted you to do it."

Isn't that terrific? I am Max's official butt wiper.

I'm not sure if I should feel privileged or annoyed.

I walked in the bathroom and told Max that I needed to take Brielle to her friend's house, then I needed to go to the bank and after that, I would be going to the grocery store, and when I had finished all of my errands, I would come home and wipe his butt.

Get this..................He was willing to wait.

No, I didn't make him wait, mostly because I didn't want the toilet seat to leave a permanent impression on his backside.

Also, I realize that you are now going to tell me that Max is old enough to be taking care of this issue on his own, however, you don't do his laundry.


Teachinfourth said...

Wait, Max is 12 right?


Just kidding. I couldn't help it.

Looks like you have one amazing superpower...

Mae Rae said...

i would never ever in a million years say that he is too old. I have three boys and each one of them would need help. You are right about the laundry thing too.

Kristina P. said...

So, me throwing a tantrum at breakfast and screaming at the top of my lungs, still counts for adult interaction huh?

And this story had me cracking up yesterday. Sorry I didn't email you back.

utmomof 5 said...

You really should feel quite honored...I wonder if there is a trophy for that!

Suburban Correspondent said...

Our kids don't start wiping their own poop until their 7. Not a rule or anything, mind you - that's just how it has worked out.

M-Cat said...

GAH!! Sissy won't let any but me wipe her either! Good thing I only have her every other weekend. Otherwise, could be problematic!

The Boob Nazi said...


That's all.

val of the south said...

My youngest was like that too! He sat in the bathroon for a very long time over at my sister's once waiting for me to come back from my cousins. Which was embarassing..."I'm sorry, I've gotta go now, I just got a call that I gave to go wipe my kids butt!"

Jessica G. said...

This will go under the category "Things you don't want to know about the condition of your friend's kids' underwear."

There's a reason I leave the moist wipes for my kids...they can't seem to operate normal toilet paper properly.

Karen said...

Reminds me of a story from my preschool-teaching days. I taught in a school where all the kids were supposed to be completely toilet trained. One little girl insisted I had to wipe her. When I asked the mother why her daughter couldn't wipe herself, she replied, "I didn't think her arms were long enough."

rocslinger said...

lol Karen, thats just too strange not to be true.

Teaching personal hygene can be such a nightmare for some kids. In third grade my daughter would barely wipe when using the school facilities, why, because at home she used the moist wipes and just couldn't the hang of using toilet paper.

Busty LaRue said...

That's so funny! My little guy does that too, only if Grandma is around then she has to do it!

Mum-me said...

No judging from this end either - my 4 year old also wants we to wipe her every time she goes. I have tried to insist that she has a go first but she gets two squares of toilet paper and waves them around behind her back and says "I wiped but nothing came off. You can have your go now mummy."

Jen said...

Haha, I am currently holding fast to my no wipe the 4 yr old policy, even though it is very difficult for her to adjust. I keep telling myself, "This is an important life skill. She cannot go to kindergarten unless she can do this." Also, one of my sisters was so old that she still remembers my dad saying, "Sammy, that is enough. You are old enough to do this." Grace is probably that age already, too. At least you know that Max loves you the very best of all.

Bonnie the Boss said...

The other night at our family birthday party my little brother was telling me this story. I have missed reading about Max and his silliness.

M said...

My SIL still wipes my 7 1/2 yo niece's tush. You are not alone my friend. Myself? I'd rather throwaway or wash the underwear, depending on severity.