Seriously, if you continue to read, remember that I warned you.
This morning I met a friend for breakfast. I had a lovely time and enjoyed a much needed interaction with an adult human of the female kind.
As I was leaving the restaurant, I called home to make sure that the kids were doing OK.
CJ answered the phone.
Me: "How are things?"
Me: "Is everyone awake?" (I left while they were all still sleeping)
Me: "What's Max doing?"
CJ: "I don't know, but he's been in the bathroom for over an hour."
Me: "Is he OK?"
CJ: "I don't know."
Me: "Can you check?"
I hear him walk through the house to the bathroom and knock on the door.
CJ: "HEY MAX! ARE YOU OK?"
CJ: "He's OK."
Me:" What's he doing?"
CJ: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
CJ: "He says he's not doing anything."
I was convinced that everything was OK, so I continued home.
A little while later when I walked in the door, CJ said "We figured out why Max has been in the bathroom for so long. He's been waiting for you to come home so you could wipe him."
I asked him why nobody else had helped him out with his situation and CJ said "He wouldn't let us help him, he only wanted you to do it."
Isn't that terrific? I am Max's official butt wiper.
I'm not sure if I should feel privileged or annoyed.
I walked in the bathroom and told Max that I needed to take Brielle to her friend's house, then I needed to go to the bank and after that, I would be going to the grocery store, and when I had finished all of my errands, I would come home and wipe his butt.
Get this..................He was willing to wait.
No, I didn't make him wait, mostly because I didn't want the toilet seat to leave a permanent impression on his backside.
Also, I realize that you are now going to tell me that Max is old enough to be taking care of this issue on his own, however, you don't do his laundry.