Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hijacked by a three year old

Hi everybody!!
This is Max. I'm three.

My mom was getting all ready to write a really great post, but I just found her asleep on the couch with chocolate on her breath, clutching an empty can of Diet Dr. Pepper, and muttering something about having to wash all of my underwear.........Again.

Oh well.

I just thought that since I love my mom so much, and she seems to need some rest, that I will write on her blog for today.

First of all, there's something I've noticed lately. Even though I'm the shortest person living here, I seem to have an amazing amount of power.


I can get these people to do almost anything...............just by using my potty.
Yeah, I've got this figured out. I have found great pleasure in making my family look silly. For example, say I want these people to sing a ridiculous song such as "He's a super duper pooper" All I need to do is poop. In the potty, that is.
As soon as I've finished doing my business, I yell to my family "I pooped!" or "I pee peed!" or whatever it was that I just did, then everybody comes running into the bathroom, telling me how great I am. I really love seeing my family dance around and sing for me. And if one of my brothers or my sisters aren't singing, my mom makes them sing. Even if they don't like it.

I LOVE that!

Plus, I get gummi bears. Life just doesn't get any better than that, eating gummi bears while my family is making fools out of themselves.

Good times.

My mom does get a fit frustrated with me sometimes, like when we're at the store, and she wants me to use the potty. True, I do really need to pee, but have you seen the potties at Wal Mart?

They flush themselves.

Hey, I'm just a little kid, if I fell in............
I don't want to think about it. It just freaks me out.
The potty should not flush itself.

It's just not right.

I must be really cool, because everyone here wants to be just like me. All I have to do is say something kind of cute, and pretty soon everyone is saying it.

Like feep.

I started referring to my feet as "feep" and it's really caught on! Except for my big brother CJ. He keeps saying "feet"

The butthead.

Also, a while ago, I started saying "also" in every sentence. Now everyone is saying it!
Apparently, EVERYTHING I say is cute.

I also do this thing in the morning where I will hug the first person I see. This is no ordinary hug, because I squeeze them really tight, and stick my face in their neck.
Every morning, these strange people actually fight over who gets the "morning hug!"

I also love to play with my mom's hair. It's so great to get up in the morning, climb in bed with mom and start playing with her hair. First, I like to rub it between my fingers, then I like to wipe it on my face, especially if I have a runny nose. It's SO great! Next, I like to twist her hair around my hand tighter, and tighter, and's usually at this point where mom wakes up, and she doesn't look very happy, so I hurry and give her one of those "morning hugs."
She really likes that.
I've found that I can get myself out of pretty much any trouble with that "Morning hug" thing.

These people are crazy.

My family also doesn't understand really important things like straight lines.


Seriously, I'm the only person around here who gets this!
Everything needs to be placed in nice straight, even rows!
My family says I have OCD. I don't know what that is, but I like to say "I have OCD," because it makes everyone laugh, and I'm all about making people happy.

My family has also taught me how to say things like "Pretty please with sugar on top" and "I'm a stud muffin."
I came up with a variation on these two phrases, and I like to go around telling people that "I'm a stud muffin with sugar on top."

I'm a pretty popular guy around here. Oops, I mean I'm ALSO a pretty popular guy around here.

Then there's this weird thing that's been happening lately. In the afternoon, I sometimes get a little crabby, because people might mess up my perfectly straight line of cars, which will cause me to fall on the floor and start screaming, because SERIOUSLY, people shouldn't mess up things once they have been placed in a proper straight line, and Mom will say "Hey Max, why don't we go for a little ride?"

Now, at this point, by "ride" I'm thinking that Mom is planning on taking me to the park to play, or to Mickey D's for a burger with cheese, or something fun like that, so I eagerly jump in the car, ready for a great adventure, but when we drive away from our house, we never go anywhere, mom just drives, and drives..........................and drives...................and...........

Then the next thing I know, I'm waking up in my bed.

And it's dinnertime.

It's just weird.

Hey, I think my mom just woke up. She's also coming this way.

She also doesn't look happy.
Probably because I'm not allowed on the computer without her here.

I also gotta go.

I also think this looks like a great time for a "morning hug!"

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

There's a reason why kids are so cute

Max loves to play with his toy cars.
He likes to line them up in perfectly spaced little rows.
He likes to put them in a big circle and pretend that they are the ride he went on at the amusement park last week.
He likes to line them up in front of his Little People garage and barn, and pretend that they are garbage cans. His Transformer car then becomes the garbage truck, and it drives up in front of the cars, picks them up and dumps them in the "garbage truck" then puts them back neatly in the exact spot they were taken from. (quite unlike the real garbage collectors around here. No offense intended if you are a garbage collector)

Thirteen days ago, I told Max that we were out of diapers.
They were all gone.
There would be no more. (except for the special "night time diapers" that he could wear to bed)

For seven whole days, Max was amazing!
The Spongebob underwear remained clean and dry.

We were elated!

We rejoiced with each of his victorious journeys to the potty!

We sang his favorite potty songs, and bestowed him with gummi bears, and stickers for his potty chart.

And life was good, for it seemed that our young son had finally figured it out.
He told EVERYONE he saw that he was also potty trained and was now wearing underwear.
He was no longer a baby, he was now a big boy!

We were quite amazed at his incredible holding power. He refused to use any potty other than his own, and no matter how many times we tried to get him to use the restroom at Wal Mart or the amusement park, he refused, but waited until we returned home.
And his pants were always dry.

Until six days ago. He didn't quite make it there in time, and had an accident.

Right next to the potty.

But hey, he's only three, and these things happen, and he's had a really great week, so don't sweat it Max. No gummi bears this time, but I'm sure this won't happen again...........


There have been multiple accidents. Multiple times in one day. we contemplated putting him back in diapers, but we soon discovered that this wouldn't work because "THOSE ARE NIGHT TIME DIAPERS AND I ALSO ONLY WEAR THEM AT NIGHT! WE ALSO DON'T HAVE ANY DAYTIME DIAPERS! THE DAY TIME DIAPERS ARE ALSO ALL GONE!!" and he would take them off and replace them with underwear.

And then he had two "solid" accidents in one day. He came up to me and said,

"I also did just poop in my underwear!"

(Said rather proudly, as if it were some sort of accomplishment or something.)

"Max!" I groaned "You know you're not supposed to do that, you need to use the potty."

To which he replied "Oh?" like it was the first time anyone had ever mentioned it to him.

Then the second time it happened, as I was cleaning him up, I said "Max, if you keep doing this, you won't ever get anymore gummi bears."
To which Max replies "Oh? ................... O.K. mom, no gummi bears."

He was taking this all too well, so I had another strategy.

We took away his cars. Daddy came in and put all of his cars in a storage box and put them in the very top of his closet. He could see them, but he couldn't play with them.

Poor Max was so sad.

So very, very sad.

We told him that he could have them back when he pooped in the potty.

Yesterday, he did it, and got his cars back.

And life was good, because his underwear was clean and dry again.

All day today, Max played in his room with his cars. He ran them all through the car wash on his Little people garage. He parked them neatly in rows, perfectly spaced, perfectly even.

Tonight just as it was time for Max to get his pajamas on he came to me and said "Mom, you need to put my cars away."
Thinking he was tired and wanted to get his toys cleaned up so he could go to bed, I followed him into his room to help put the cars away, but I discovered that he had already put them in the storage box. He has done this before, so I didn't think anything of it, and started to get him ready for bed.
As I began to help him with his pajamas, I encountered the smell of an "accident."

"Max, did you poop in your underwear?"
"Yes I did! You also do need to put my cars away up in my closet."

First, he was changing his own diapers, now, he's handing out his own punishments. But is it really a punishment if he puts the cars away on his own?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Do I spend too much time blogging?

Max was looking at the light switch on the wall. It was flipped up, so you could read the word "on."
Max points to the switch and says "It says NO. The light switch also says NO."
Then he turns the light off so the switch now reads "off"."

Max then says "Now it also says YES."

We laugh, because this is funny.
Max laughs because everyone else is laughing, then Max says................

"You also going to put that on your blog?"

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Place it on it's side and it's a symbol meaning infinity

This week, Aaron turned eight.
We are so excited about this, because now.............

He's accountable ;0)

(This will make more sense if you click on the link above)

Next week, Aaron will be baptized. I can't believe my baby is eight already. It doesn't seem that long ago that the doctor handed me that little bundle of Aaron. He didn't cry, he just looked around with those huge eyes with an expression on his face that seemed to say "What's next?" (or as we discovered later "What can I get into next?")

When Aaron turned five, we asked him if he wanted a party, or to go to a movie and out to lunch with Dad. He went for the lunch and movie. We thought we were off the hook until I got a phone call from one of the neighbor kids, giving her R.S.V.P. for Aaron's birthday party the next day.

"What party?" I asked.
"Brielle and Aaron just brought me an invitation to his party tomorrow." she said.

After I hung up the phone, I went looking for Brielle and Aaron, they were just coming in the front door.
"Hey" I said "Where have you two been?"

Brielle looked like a deer in the headlights. "Outside." she said.

"And just what were you doing outside?" I asked.
She wouldn't make eye contact with me. "Stuff..........."

Aaron jumped in "We just delivered the invitations for my Birthday party tomorrow!"

"And what party would that be?" I asked "The one we weren't having because Aaron decided on the movie with Dad instead?"
"Yeah, that one................. But Mom!" she pleaded, "You won't have to do anything! I planned on doing the whole party for him myself! I made all the invitations without your help!"

Me: "When did you plan on telling me about this party?"
Brielle: "I don't know, tomorrow maybe?"
Me: "Like when everyone showed up for the party?'
Brielle: "Yes, I would have told you then."
Me: "Well, what did you plan on doing at this party?'
Brielle: "I thought we would play outside, we will fill up the little pool and run through the sprinklers."
Me: "Okay, then what were you planning on feeding the kids?"
Brielle: "Easy Mac-n-cheese and Kool-aid."
Me: "What about a cake? What were you going to do about a cake?"
Brielle: "We have a package of Ding Dongs in the kitchen closet. We can put a candle in one of them for Aaron to blow out."

I was actually kind of impressed. I mean Brielle (who by the way was only seven at the time) had thought of everything.

"What about goodie bags?" I asked "What had you planned on giving them for goodie bags?"

Brielle wrinkled up her forehead and thought for a moment............... then said "I don't think they really need goodie bags."

I then asked Aaron "Would you be really upset if this party didn't happen?"
"No," Aaron said "Dad already took me to a movie and lunch for my Birthday, and we had my family party with Grandma and my cousins."

The party never happened, because (being the mean mom that I am) I made Brielle go around the neighborhood and explain to everyone that the party was not being held because she went ahead and planned it without my knowledge or permission.

Yesterday, we did have a real party for Aaron. We went swimming at the local Rec Center. It's amazing how noisy a group of eight year old boys can be. My head still hurts.

The best part is that we have some leftover cake :D

Costco "All American Chocolate cake."

It made the whole thing worth it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

I love ebay

I'm so excited!!

Look what I just bought on ebay.

Please discuss.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Potty training update

This post is about potty training.

I'm just warning you in case you don't like reading about this sort of thing.

Yesterday, I decided that we were going to do this potty training thing cold turkey.
When Max woke up, and I was getting him dressed, I showed him the empty diaper package (The rest of the box was hidden safely in his closet) and said "Look Max, we're out of diapers! What are we going to do?"

And much to my surprise and delight, Max said "I also wear some underwear today!"


So, Max wore underwear all day yesterday, and did quite well. I kept asking him if he needed to go potty, and he would, but there were a few times where he announced himself that he needed to go, and then went. Several times during the day he would say things like "The diapers are all gone, so I also wearing underwear!" and "I also keeping my underwear dry!"

We encouraged him by telling him that he needed to keep his underwear dry because Spongebob (on his underwear) didn't like to get wet. (I realized later that this was kind of a silly thing to say, because Spongebob lives in the ocean, but I don't think Max has made that connection yet.)

He was pretty cute, he would sit on the potty, and sing all of the songs in this video.

Yes, now you will have all of those songs running through your head for the rest of the day.
I think my favorite song is "Super Duper Pooper." Which one did you like?

Max is not yet ready to go without a diaper at night, so I very discreetly pulled a diaper out of the box in the closet for him to wear to bed. I called it his "special nighttime diaper."
Apparently, he saw where I got the diaper because this morning he came into my room excitedly saying "I found the diapers, I also not need to wear underwear!" Then he ran back into his room and started pulling the diapers out of the closet.
"I wear diapers today! I wear diapers today!!!"

It took quite a while to convince him that he really did want to wear underwear. We've had a pretty good day today.
So far.
We even went shopping, and were away from home for several hours today with him in underwear, and didn't have any problems. (He does, however, have an intense fear of public toilets, any suggestions on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated)

I can't help but feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It took so much longer for our other kids to be potty trained, it just seems like it can't be this easy.
But then again, he just went to the bathroom by himself, I didn't even suggest he try.

Maybe this is the real thing.

Maybe my baby really is growing up.

That's a good thing, however.............

I hope he still likes to cuddle in the rocking chair with me every night before he goes to bed, that's my favorite time of the day. I sing his favorite songs to him as he plays with my hair. He giggles when I make up different, silly endings to the songs he knows so well. He sings "I am a child of God" and "My Heavenly Father loves me" with me, and he knows every word. He likes me to sing "Silent Night" even though it's the middle of July. His eyelids start to get heavy and he whispers to me that he wants to go to bed.

As excited as I am for him to be out of diapers, I'll miss having a baby around.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

That's my girl!

Quote for the day, by Brielle, age 10.

"Shopping is good for you!
It makes you healthy, because it's like exercise.
You pick things up and carry them.
You do a lot of walking.

Shopping is a good thing."

(Might I also mention the cardio workout you can get if you are foolish enough to take a toddler shopping with you.)

Time for a change

Max will start preschool at the end of August.

He needs to be potty trained before he can go to preschool.

We have been working on the potty training thing for a few weeks now.

Last week, I showed Max the box of diapers, I said "Look at how many diapers we have left."

Max looks.

I continue, "Max, this is the last box of diapers. When these are gone, there won't be any more, the diapers will be ALL GONE. After that, you will need to wear underwear and go potty all the time, and keep your pants dry. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Max nods in agreement.

"OK Max," I say "So tell me, what are we going to do after all of these diapers are gone?"

Max says "Buy some more!"

That's pretty much the attitude we've been dealing with for the last while. We talk and talk and talk to Max about how he needs to wear underwear, because the teachers at school will not change diapers.

However, today, we had a breakthrough :0)
Max did something on his own (related to potty stuff) that he had never done before!

Are you curious? Do you want to know what he did?

Before I tell you, here is a question, and I would like you to give me your opinion.

Our preschool requires that the kids be potty trained before they can attend classes. If you have a kid who can change his own diaper, does that count as being potty trained?

Yes, he really did it. He changed his own diaper.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Scary little whales

Last week, we took the kids to a local amusement park. We hadn't been there for about five years, so the kids were understandably excited.
Every time a commercial would come on television advertising this particular amusement park, the kids would get super excited, and talk about all the rides they were going to ride on. Max even got into the excitement, saying "I go on the BIG row coaster!"

When we got to the park, DH took the boys to go ride the big rides, and me and Brielle took Max to the kiddie rides.
We found a very mild ride for him, little whales rolling up and down in a circle. This was my favorite ride when I was a child, and I was sure that Max would love it, and he did love it the whole time we were waiting in line, right up to the point where I sat him in the little whale, and he started screaming. Loudly.

OK Max, let's try another ride.

"Airplanes. You LOVE airplanes Max, do you want to ride on the airplanes?"
"I go wide the aeopwanes!"
We stand in line again, and just as I'm sitting him in the airplane, he freaks out, starts screaming, wraps his arms and legs around my neck, and tries to climb on top of my head.
"OK Max, we won't ride the airplanes."

"Look Max! There's a ride with elephants, and bees, and dragons. Do you want to ride in one of those?"
"I wide on the ewefents!"

Same wait in line, same toddler freak out when we actually get to the ride.
This happened with several more rides.

"Max, is there ANY ride you think you might want to go on?"
"I want to wide the row coaster!"


We walk over to the kiddie roller coaster, and get in line. The coaster is shaped like a cute little green dragon.
"I don't want to wide on this row coaster, I want to ride on the red one!"
"Max, honey, there isn't a red roller coaster here"
"I not wide the green row coaster, I wide the red one!"
"Max, there IS NOT a red roller coaster here!"

This time, I didn't even try to stand in line. We sat on a bench and watched Brielle ride the green row coaster.

As we were walking to the other side of kiddie land, we passed a big yellow boat that swung back and forth, then turned around. The great thing about this ride was that adults were allowed on it, so I could sit with Max.
"Max, would you go on this ride if mommy went with you? You could hold my hand."
"OK, I go on this wide."

We stood in line, and just before we got on, Max says "I not wide this one."
So being the mean mom that I am, we got on the ride, with Max panicking.
"I not wide this one! I get off! No! NO! NO!"

I wedged him between me and Brielle, as he was trying to squirm away. We each held one of his hands, and as the lap bar came down, he brought his freaking out to a whole new level, screaming at that high pitch that he usually reserves for when someone takes away his favorite toy, or drops him on his head or something.


So, we just held him tighter as the ride started, tears running down his face, other adults glaring at me with disapproving looks.
(Hey, get over it people, he acts like this every time he drops his popcicle on the ground and I won't let him pick it up and finish eating it.)

Then the ride started.

As we began to rock back and forth, he calmed down a bit. (OK, he may have very well been paralyzed by fear, but he DID stop screaming, and that's what's important. Right?)
By the end of the ride, he seemed to be doing fine. We got off, walked through the gate, Max turned around, looked up at me, clenched his fists, and his face turned red as he said......

"DAT. NOT. BE. FUN!!!!!!"

Oh how I wish I'd had my video camera.

We left Kiddie land to meet up with DH and the boys to go on some big kid rides. After a short while, Max looks up at me and says "I need to go ride the big yayo swing again."
"You mean the one where you were screaming?"
"Yes, dat one. The big yayo swing"
"Max, it's not yayo, it's yelllllow."
"Not yayo?"
"No, say yellllo."

sure Max, lllaayo is fine.

After a few more rides, we went back to the big "yayo" swing, this time the whole family rode.
Max was so very excited! He sat between me and his daddy, and instead of screaming, he said (very quietly)
"whee.." "whee....." "whee.........."

By the time we left the park, we ended up riding that darn ride about another eight times.

Apparently this broke the ice for Max, because after that, he rode on several of the rides that he wouldn't before.

Except for the little whales, they still freaked him out.

p.s. It's so fun to run spell check after I write about the things that Max says.

Don't wait for the movie

Story told by Max, using my blue oven mitts as puppets.

Once upon a day,
There was a blue dude.
And there was another blue dude.
This one blue dude said hi.

The end.

By Max, age three.

I'm so proud ;0)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

MOM - The destroyer of fun

Yes, I knew that "cool mom" title was too good to last.

Today was the last day of the school year for us. (we are on year-round school)
So, being the"cool mom" that I am, decided that when I picked up the kids from school, and after I went to the bank, I would take them to Sonic for shakes.
What kid wouldn't be absolutely THRILLED with this activity?

Yep, you guessed it, one of mine.

"But I don't like their shakes, they're gross! Why can't we just go to McDonald's and get sundaes?"

Now, while that also sounded like a great idea, I was really in the mood for a Sonic shake.

The child says "Why can't we just go to Sonic AND McDonald's?"

That didn't sound like too bad of an idea, and I was just about to say that we could do that, when a second child pipes in and says "I don't want to go there either, why can't we go to Wendy's?"
And another one says "Yeah, we should go there and get hamburgers also. We got out of school before lunch today, and I didn't eat breakfast either, so I'm starving!"
Then the first child says "No, I don't want Wendy's, I want to go to McDonald's and get a parfait!
"NO" says another "I wanted a Sonic shake! We should get burgers at McDonald's, and then go to Sonic for shakes!"
"I don't like Sonic shakes!"
"I don't like McDonald's hamburgers. Mom, can I get chicken nuggets instead?"
"But I want to go to Wendy's!"
"I also wants a seesebugah!" (translation - cheeseburger)
"But they don't have yogurt parfaits at Wendy's"
"So, we should just go get shakes at Sonic!"
"And I also do want a sockwit miwk!" (chocolate milk)
"But I don't like shakes at Sonic!..............."

Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the car at the drive through window of the bank, wondering at what point this all went so terribly wrong.

And I made an announcement.

"I'm thinking that we don't really need to be going anywhere."

I am met with a sudden silence from the back seat.

I continue "but since I'm such a cool mom, we will go to ONE location, and I will decide!"
I know all too well that at that point, I probably should have just gone ahead and driven home with no treat, but I suddenly realized that I was, in fact, quite hungry myself, and was quite in the mood for something yummy. I also noticed a McDonald's that was right next to the very bank from which we were leaving.

"We will be going to McDonald's. Each of you will be given TWO dollars to spend in any way you please!
"No" I reply, "Two dollars. I don't care how you spend it, but that's it!"

That kept the little darlings happy until the two of them that wanted chicken nuggets discovered that they cost 2.95.

Too bad for them.

By the time we left the McDonald's, the kids had decided that I was still "cool mom." I guess filling them with sugar laden, highly processed food will have that effect on children.

Then we got home.

As I walked in the kitchen I realized that all of the things I had asked the children to do the night before, had not been done.
There were still mounds of craft stuff on the kitchen table (homemade end of the year teacher gifts) The dinner dishes were still in the sink, the floor had not been swept, and the kitchen counter had many kid-related, 'shouldn't be sitting on the kitchen counter' sort of things just covering the surface.

And I made another announcement.

"There will be no summer fun until the kitchen gets cleaned up."

I have now gone from "cool mom" status to "Mom, the destroyer of fun!"

Because yes, I really do stay up nights just trying to think of more things I can do to make their lives miserable. It's my job, and I take pride in my work.
Apparently, my main goal in life is to make sure that my children have absolutely no fun.

I stayed quite upbeat, and even tried to make it fun "Come on guys, let's all work on this together" and I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
After working alone for about ten minutes, I realized that I had been working alone for ten minutes.

Nope. There will not be any fun had in this house this summer.