Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Aftermath of the afternoon nap

Today just before we arrived at home from our last activity for the day, Max fell asleep in the car.
It was after 6:00, and I should have known better, but I carried him in to his bed and let him continue to sleep.
I can hear you shouting at me "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? A NAP AT 6:00 IN THE EVENING? ARE YOU CRAZY???"
To which I answer, Yes.

On the other hand, I was able to fix dinner without any of Max's "help" which was quite refreshing.
I spent about an hour trying to figure out what to make for dinner before I threw something together the next while creating a delicious, well thought out meal for my family.
We sat down to eat around 8:00. Max woke up and came to the table, just a bit grumpy and refused to eat anything, but drank several glasses of milk. After a while Max said "I think I drinkeded too much milk"
"Why do you think that?" I asked.
"Because when I shake I can't hear the milk in my tummy so I must be clear fulled!"
Then he wiggled around in his chair to demonstrate that the milk could not be heard sloshing around in his tummy. "See? the milk is not makin' noise!"
After dinner was over and the table was cleared Max got the box of UNO cards and dumped them on the table. With both hands, he stirred the cards around for a while until CJ asked him what he was doing.

"Im shuffoling!"

He then insisted that CJ play a game of UNO with him.
Apparently, the game had gone on for quite a while because when I walked back into the room CJ said "MOM, I'm trying to let him win and it's not working!"
It seems that Max really enjoys collecting the cards instead of getting rid of them, and getting rid of them is pretty much the object of the game.
When he didn't have a card he could play, he tried to convince us that he should just be allowed to play any card he wanted even though it didn't match the top card on the pile.
Max: "Why I can't put this card down?"
CJ: "Because you need either a yellow card or a 5."
Max: "But I want to put this card down on the pile!"
CJ: "No, I can see another card you could use. See that red 5 card that you have? You can put that on the pile."
Max: "I not want to put that one on! I want to put THIS one on!" (as he waved a green 7 above his head)
CJ: "No Max. You need to put down a card that either has the same color or the same number on it, that card doesn't match either way. Use the red 5!"
Max: " I not want to put that card in the pile ! I want to put this card in the pile!"
He put the green 7 on the pile.
CJ took it off the pile.
Max drew another card. He now had about 13 cards. He then decided that he wanted to hold them in his hand, fanned out, like CJ was holding his cards, but he couldn't figure out how to get them that way and wouldn't let anyone help him. Every time he dropped a card, Max freaked out just a little bit more.

CJ finally ended up winning the game then Max went and got the Perfection game.
He had me explain to him how to play (set the timer, put the shapes in the correct places on the board, if you run out of time, the board pops and the pieces go flying) I helped him the first time, and when the timer went off, Max was startled and may have freaked out a bit.
He played the game two more times before he decided that it was more fun to dump the pieces on the board, set the timer and wait for it to pop.

Then, being the mean mom that I am, I told him that it was time to get his pajamas on.

He didn't want to get his pajamas on because "I not being sleepy!"

Then the races began.

Max stood against the refrigerator.
"Ready! Set! GO!!!"
Then he ran the length of the kitchen, through the family room then down to the end of the hallway. Next, he yelled "Ready! Set! GO!!!"and ran from the end of the hallway into the kitchen. He ran back and forth for a while, each time YELLING "Ready! Set! GO!!!"
He wasn't actually racing anyone, he was just running and yelling. From the other room I heard him say "HEY LOOK! I HAVE FAST FEET!!"

It is now after 10:00.
I stopped him and took him into his room to get his pajamas on. He said he couldn't put on his pajamas until the ceiling fan stopped spinning. I was too tired to argue so I turned off the ceiling fan and we both sat there and watched it slow until it stopped.

Do you have any idea how long it takes for a ceiling fan to stop spinning when you turn it off?

A really, really long time.

or as Max would say "A reeollee, reeollee long time!"

The fan stopped spinning (finally!) and Max started to get his pajamas on. He took his sandals off and his feet were dirty from playing outside earlier in the day. He Yells "HEY LOOK! I HAVE STINKY FEET! LOOK AT MY STINKY FEET! THEY'RE STINKY! I NEED A BATH! I NEED A BATH!!" Then he waved one of his cute little feet in front of my face.
Dangerously close to my face

I finally got Max into his pajamas, then he ran some more solo races and drank more milk before I finally talked him into going to bed.

Tomorrow, I'm taking the nap.

Monday, June 29, 2009


Have you ever felt really bad because you haven't received any email for the last 36 hours.
Have you ever just assumed that nobody likes you because you haven't received any mail for the last 36 hours?
Have you become obsessive over checking your mail just knowing that SOMEBODY would send you something.
Have you ever been disappointed because there are still no new emails in your in box.
Have you ever discovered that your mailbox is completely full and not accepting any new emails?
Have you ever spent the entire evening cleaning out your inbox?
Have you ever discovered two very important work emails that you never received because your inbox was full?
Have you ever wondered what else you've missed.

I apologize to anyone who tried to email me today. Try again later............

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The gloved one and other happenings

No, this is not yet another tribute to Michael Jackson.

Made you look!!

A few days ago, Max found a pair of purple stretch gloves. He started wearing them every day, all the time. He even made up a song about his gloves.
He looked pretty funny wearing warm gloves with his shorts and sandals.

Today, I noticed that Max was wearing only one glove. At first I thought that perhaps he was wearing one glove as a tribute to MJ (because he's seen more MJ on TV in the last few days than he has in his entire lifetime)
I asked him why he was only wearing one glove and he looked at me like I was a complete imbecile and said "Because I don't know where the other glub is!"

So there you have it. Max might have discovered the real reason that Michael Jackson only wore one glove, he simply couldn't find the other one.

BTW, I have a theory, I think he didn't really die, he's gone into hiding, and is living in a double wide with Elvis in a town just outside of Scottsdale Az.


This morning, Brielle got up nice and early so I could take her to the Rec center. Before we left, she looked through the kitchen to find something to eat, and found an energy bar in the cabinet. Knowing that her dad had bought the energy bars, she asked him if he was planning on eating it. He said that he was indeed planning on eating it, took it, unwrapped it and was about to take a bite when I walked into the room.
"Hey, are there any more of those?" I asked.
"No" DH replied, "this is the last one, but you can have it if you want."
I told him I didn't want to take it from him and he said it was really OK, he would just eat cereal for breakfast, and I said no, he could have it and he said I could have it, and............

Brielle jumped in and said that she wanted it, so DH gave it to her and she went out to the car.
I grabbed a Diet Dr. Pepper healthy piece of toast then went out to the car.
As we were backing out of the driveway I noticed the energy bar sitting in the front seat with one bite taken out of it.
"Brielle, aren't you going to eat the bar?" I asked.
"No, I didn't like it, it didn't taste very good" she replied.
Knowing that sometimes she can be a very picky eater, I asked if I could have a bite, and she told me that I could eat the whole thing.

I looked at the wrapper, cinnamon bun flavored! MMMMM Seriously, how could anything flavored like a cinnamon bun taste bad?

Then I took a bite.

My taste buds were immediately assaulted with the most vile taste I've ever tasted since I was two years old and ate dirt.

It was awful!

I thought that maybe I could just finish chewing it up and swallow it, but the more I chewed the "cinnamon bun flavored" energy bar, the worse it got! The texture was something similar to sand soaked in wax, only it didn't taste as good as wax soaked sand.

I hurried and spit the wad of disgustingness into a napkin.

Unfortunately, some of the residue remained in my mouth because it was stuck in between my teeth.
From the backseat I heard Brielle say "I told you it was bad."

Unfortunately, "bad" didn't even begin to describe it.

I asked her how she had managed to eat the bite that she took, and she replied "Oh, I didn't eat it, I spit it out in the garbage can."

When we finally got to the rec center, I bought some fruit snacks from the vending machine to help us "cleanse the palette" unfortunately, later on the ride home we could still smell the bar which I had foolishly forgotten to throw away.

When we got home I brought the bar in the house and told DH that it really tasted bad.

He laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

"Why do you think there was one left? he said "As soon as I smelled it, I remembered how bad they tasted."
Naturally, I wasn't very happy with this, because he gave it to us (practically tried to force me to take it) knowing full well how bad this thing tasted.

Brielle said it tasted like duck poop.

(and no, I have no idea why she would have any clue as to what duck poop tastes like)

Naturally, we have absolutely no intention of letting this go. We feel it was a cruel joke to not just let us eat the "duck poop waxy sand puke bar" but even encourage us to eat it!

We will get even!

Actually, we won't get even, we will get ahead ;0)


Here's some new artwork from Max.
At first glance, one might think that it's a picture of a deranged zombie robot turtle with two disembodied heads floating around with arms where their ears should be and blueberry jam smeared all over their faces, but no, it is yet another illustration of Max being born by c-section. The floating heads are the doctors and the blueberry jam would be their surgical masks.
The strange thing about that is that in all the photos that the kids showed him of the event, none of them showed the doctor's faces.
Is it possible that Max actually remembers the whole thing?

Hmmmm. Something to think about.

At least in this version, even though I'm still bald, my arms have moved from my head to the side of my body.


Why is it that I am the only person in this house that can hear the phone ring? Why do I need to run across the house at top speed to answer a phone that is sitting within arms reach of one of my darling offspring?


The males in my family seem to be unusually gassy today. Not sure why.
Actually, I'm not sure why I told you that.

Quote for the day:

"Chairs are for butts, not backpacks"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

What's that floating in the pool?

Actual conversation with Max before we took him to swimming lessons:

Max: "MOM! MOM! I need to eat something or else I will bowf in the pool!"
Me: "You're going to do what in the pool?"
Max: "Bowf! If I don't eat something I'm going to bowf in the pool!"
Me: "Bowf?"
Me: "Oh, you mean barf."
Max: "That's what I sayded! Bowf!"
Me: "No, you said bowf."

I stand corrected.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Max, from the beginning

Last week, for some reason, the kids thought it would be a good idea to show Max the pictures of me when I was pregnant with him and also of his birth via C-section. (don't worry, they weren't super graphic. Blood and guts were kept to a minimum)
Understandably, this has left the poor little guy a bit confused.

"Why was there blood all over me?"
"Why was I yucky?"
"Why did the doctors take me out of your tummy?"
"Why am I not still in your tummy?"
"Why was your tummy s big when I was in there? Did you wear a big shirt because your tummy was so big? Where is the big shirt? Why don't you wear it anymore?"

And my personal favorite......

"Why was I in your tummy? Did you eat me?"

Max had a really difficult time wrapping his little brain around the whole concept that not only was he once inside my tummy, but the doctor needed to cut my tummy open to get him out.

So he drew pictures.

This one is of me when he was still inside my tummy.

If you look closely, you can see his cute little face frowning in my midsection.
I asked him why he was frowning , and he said "Because I was in there all by myself and nobody was with me in there."
Notice the hair. My hair doesn't really look like that. He told me that he drew my hair spikey because he didn't know how to make it lay down. Really, my hair looks more like this.

My arms don't really come out of the side of my head either.

This is a picture of him coming out of my tummy. He said that he is still frowning because he didn't know I why I was there. I asked him why I was smiling and he said "Because you thinked that you loved me."

I asked him why one of my eyes was red and the other one was purple and he said "I had to make it that way because I feeled like it." He didn't actually say "DUH MOM!" at the end of that sentence, but it was certainly implied.
At least on this picture, I had the right amount of fingers.
I'm not really sure why my left ear is so big, or floating over my cheek. It almost looks like a giant mole which is ridiculous, because I had that removed months ago.

In retrospect, I probably should have had my arms moved from the side of my head to my shoulders instead.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I prefer chocolate cake

Watch this

then come back and give me your liver.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Another reason why I really should pay more attention to the things going on around me

Today is Max's last day of pre school. At this school, on the last day they have the kids dress up in costumes and have a small program where each class performs.
Since today was Max's last day of school (as I pointed out in the first paragraph) we planned on dressing him up as a cowboy, only we couldn't find the cowboy costume, so, I went through my huge stash of fabric and (with very little time before he needed to be at school) I pulled out a piece of red sequined fabric and quickly made a simple vest and bow tie for our little buckaroo.
(Now if you are feeling the need to be impressed that I made a vest and bow tie in 30 minutes, DON'T, because you didn't see it. It was functional, not impressive)
We got him dressed and got him to school only 15 minutes late.
Brielle and Aaron are out of school now, so I made them come with us. I was prepared with my camera, and a little worried that we might have missed the class performance. As we were walking in, I thought it strange that there weren't more cars in the parking lot, but didn't think much of it.
(you can see where this is going, can't you?)
I signed Max in at the front office and walked him to his classroom. As Max walked in, one of his teachers said "Wow Max, you look cute today!"
It was then that I noticed that none of the other kids were dressed up. My first thought was that all the other parents were kind of lame for not having their kids dress up, and then I noticed that none of the parents were even there! (No, I still didn't get it. It's OK, you can give me a virtual smack upside the head)
Then it dawned on me........................
and I asked the teacher "Isn't today the last day of school?"

"Um, no, that's next week."


I asked Max if he wanted me to take his costume home and he said he would like to keep it on for the day, so he is now at school wearing a red sequined vest and bow tie. (I'm just glad I didn't draw the mustache on him like I wanted to)

And I feel stupid.

On the other hand, not only was I actually not late for something, but I was early! An entire week early!!


That is most definitely a record for me. I'm thinking that if you add up the number of minutes that I was early (# of minutes in a week = 10,080) It most likely makes up for all the minutes that Max might have been late for school during the year.

Don't you think?

Aaron just pointed out that today, Max was 15 minutes late, so that means he was only 10, 065 minutes early today. I wish he would apply this math genius to his school assignments.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Max, the boss of the alphabet

Tonight, Brielle was helping Max read some words. When they came to the word "what" Max insisted on pronouncing the "H" sound.
Brielle said "Max, when you see a "w" and "h" together, the "h" is silent. It doesn't say anything"
and Max replied,


Monday, June 1, 2009

Boredom busters for kids, or How to get yourself grounded in three easy steps!

Hey kids!!
It's summertime! School is out and pretty soon you will be faced with that age old problem......


(dun dun dun)

Do you enjoy the smell of burning machinery and burning rubber combined?
Do you enjoy seeing that vein on your dear mother's face pop out so far that it looks like it's going to burst?
Do you enjoy having different appliance repairmen visit your house on a regular basis?

Well kids, have I got an activity for you!!

First, clean your room. I know this is usually something that you don't do voluntarily, however, it will confuse your parents. They will be so shocked and happy that it will intensify their reaction to the real activity that you have planned!

Second, take all of the blankets and sheets in your room and stuff them in the washing machine. May I suggest, more specifically,

(may be sung to the tune of "Twelve days of Christmas")

Three LARGE afgans
Two handmade blankets
One throw blanket
One set of sheets
And a twin sized Spongebob comforter!

Be sure to use all of your weight to pack them down in the washing machine so that the lid will close.
Sit on the lid if necessary.

Next, put in the soap, turn on the washing machine and wait for the fun to begin!

Now, here's the tricky part, when the washing machine starts making a really obnoxious noise and you start to smell the burning machinery/rubber smell, instead of telling anyone, just close the door to the laundry room.

The washing machine might actually stop on it's own. In fact, it will probably stop and not start again.


Now here's the really fun part, when your mom starts to walk into the laundry room, casually say "Hey mom, you might not want to go in there, it smells really bad!"

Naturally, your mother will want to investigate any and every bad smell in the house, and will go in the laundry room anyway. Now is the time to tell her about the funny noise and how the washing machine "just stopped on it's own."

See the look of horror on your mother's face when she pushes every button on the washing machine only to discover that there are no signs of life left in this dear (not so old) appliance.

Watch as your mother searches the house, looking for the warranty to the washing machine, hoping that the warranty is not void if children are allowed to use the appliance.
Listen to your mother mutter under her breath something about never really seeing any rule that specifically says that children can't be sold on eBay.

Making family memories is so much fun!!!

Next you will get to help your possibly screaming at this point mother wring out the contents of the washing machine and carry them to the bathtub while trying not to drip water all over the house!!

Be forewarned, your mother may tell you that the money designated for the trip to the amusement park will be paid to the appliance repair man.
And there will be no amusement happening for you this summer!

Good times.

One last thing, this project is so much more fun if it happens after 11:00 p.m.

Try it!!

Go ahead, I DARE YOU!!!

This morning just before calling the repairman, I tried one more time to turn on the washing machine and lucky for the children, it worked.
We have spent the day rinsing and drying the all of the bedding removed last night, except this time I have separated it into 4 different loads.

Yes, I am relieved.