Wednesday, September 30, 2009

More soap please

A few mornings ago, Max came out of the bathroom and said "Hey, the pee is still on my hand."

So I told him to go wash his hands again, and he did.

A while later he said "MOM! The pee is still on my hand!"

I told him to go wash his hands again, and he did.

This happened several more times during the day and each time I told him to wash his hands, and he did.

After washing his hands multiple times, Max came out of the bathroom, rather distressed. "I keep washing my hand and the pee still won't come off!"

Then he held up his hand to show me the letter "P" his teacher stamped on the back of his hand at preschool the day before.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Whoa, that's chilly.

For the last two days I have been looking for my deodorant.
I have searched everywhere that I thought it could be. (but not very strenuously, to prevent myself from sweating)

I just found my deodorant in the freezer.

Any guesses as to how it got there?

Today is Wednesday!

OK, so I can't think of anything to write.

Sad, I know.

Aside from explaining to Max the difference between uncomfortable and comfortable,* the week has been rather uneventful.

*He had the two mixed up, when one of his siblings was sitting on him he kept yelling "Stop it! I'm comfortable! I'm comfortable!" which in itself was actually kind of funny if you were here to see it. Probably not as amusing as when I was four and got "accidentally" and "on purpose" mixed up. I remember once when I accidentally knocked over my cousin, making him cry, and then kept pleading to my mom "But I did it on purpose! Really mom, it was on purpose!"

Anyway, I just looked at my clock and realized that it's Wednesday (I also realized that it's way past my bedtime, and I probably shouldn't have had that extra diet Dr. Pepper after dinner.....)

Not that drinking caffeine in the evening causes me to have a hard time focusing, and makes me unable to finish a complete thought before moving onto another subject, because it totally


So, again, it's Wednesday, and combined with the fact that I can't think of anything worth writing about, and that I might be trying to avoid doing that load of dishes in the sink, I have decided to bring back everyone's favorite game......


Now, if you're new around here, this is how it works.
1. go to the comment box.
2. look at the stupid word verification code.
3. come up with a (hopefully funny) definition and leave it as a comment.
4. refresh the page and play as often as you wish.

Now with every good game must come some rules.
1. please remember that my kids read my blog. Nothing rude, crude or unrefined.
2. originally, I did not allow commenters to mock the other commenters, however, people whined and so I lifted that rule and then nobody mocked anyone anyway. I'm not sure why I even brought this up. If you feel the need to mock anyone, go ahead and mock the celebrity of your choice. If you manage to use the word verification code in the celebrity mocking, extra points will be awarded.
3. remember, this is not a competition, but an exhibition. Please no wagering.

Ready, set, GO!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Forgiveness isn't always easier to get than permission

Alternate title to this post: Indigestion, anyone?

Back when I was growing up, we had a huge cherry tree in our back yard. Each year this tree produced an unbelievable amount of dark red, juicy delicious cherries.
One year, the tree became infested with worms. For the next several years, no matter what kind of dangerous chemicals we sprayed the tree with, the stupid little critters wouldn't go away and we weren't able to eat the cherries because of the bonus worm protein contained inside.
(I guess technically we could have eaten them, but EWWWWWW!)

My aunt and uncle lived directly behind us, and when we had our fence built, we installed a gate between our two yards to make it easy to visit each other.
One day, my cousin came home from school to see her dad, my uncle, sitting in front of the TV, snacking on a huge bowl which was halfway filled with cherries.
"Hey Dad" she said "Where did you get the cherries?"
"I got them next door." He replied, waving his hand toward our house.
I really would have loved to see the look on his face when she told him
"Um, didn't you know those cherries have worms in them?"

He had eaten over half of the bowl.

Moral of the story:
Always get permission before stealing fruit.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fruit of the loom Lament

Here I lay


Stepped over as some pretend that I'm not here.

But I am.

They sometimes kick me, and I fly

into the corner.

I cry, for I am sad.

They are afraid to touch me, they cringe as they come near me.

My soul cries out "I am clean! I am not soiled!"

And yet, I am shunned.

I am left alone, invisible to those who should see me,

but they look not upon me.

I have lost my way, fallen from my group of friends as they were carried away,

and left alone, among a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Toys and books and television remote controls mock me.

They know not the pain of abandonment.

For their batteries are still good.

I think of the one with whom I belong


I wonder if they will remember my softness and how easily I stretched and conformed to bring comfort,

yet, didn't bind.

I have loyally protected against the dangers of denim and the draftiness of nakedness,


I lay here, waiting for someone to claim me as their own.

The one who needs me most denies that I belong, and wills others to take care of me,


I know that in nine days I will be searched for,

because I came in a package of ten.

p.s. Would the owner of the pair of underwear dropped on the family room floor on the way out of the laundry room please come forward to claim your property. You know who you are, and due to the size, color and gender of said underwear I know who you are too.

Thank you,
The management.

Monday, September 7, 2009

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the salsa

Alternate titles:
"Some like it hot"
"Just one more reason why I shouldn't be allowed to cook"
"Hot lips"

An older couple in our neighborhood have hired CJ and his friend to mow their lawn each week. This last Saturday, when CJ came home, he was toting a large bag of fresh tomatoes from their garden.
These tomatoes smelled SO good! As soon as I saw them, I knew that I wanted to make some salsa.
Today I went to the grocery store to buy the rest of the ingredients for the salsa. I bought a huge onion, serrano peppers, garlic and a few limes.
I haven't made salsa for years, and I couldn't remember how many peppers I needed, so I just bought a few handfulls.
When I got home, Aaron helped me chop all the tomatoes. I sliced them and he pulverized them with the chopper. The huge bowl was nearly full, so we decided to make half into spaghetti sauce, so we put half into a big jar to save it for spaghetti.
I was able to show the kids what a real tomato looked and tasted like. I had almost forgotten just how delicious a home grown tomato is. They were amazed at the deep red color inside the tomato. Aaron said "These aren't pink or yellow inside like the ones we get from the store!"

When we got all of the tomatoes chopped, we chopped and added the onion and pressed in several cloves of garlic.
The onion was a strong one, and it wasn't long before my eyes were burning and tears were running down my face. I tried to get Aaron to go and get his swimming goggles for me to wear, but he didn't know where they were.
Next, I chopped up the peppers. I honestly can't remember how many I put in. I do remember smelling them and wondering if I even got the right kind of peppers because honestly, they didn't smell hot.
In retrospect, I should have just added a few peppers at a time instead of all of them.

I stirred in some freshly squeezed lime juice and some salt, then tried a small bite.

It started out OK, then slowly, the burning sensation began on the tip of my tongue and radiated through the rest of my mouth.


DH started laughing because he likes super hot salsa, and he thought I was being a wimp.

Then he tried some. His response?

"That DOES have some kick to it!"

By now I've got the cannister of sugar out, scooping spoonfulls in my mouth, trying to cool the burn. (if you didn't already know this, it really works)

Aaron had tried some of the salsa on a tortilla chip, and he was now dumping the sugar into his mouth to try to put out the fire.

DH liked the salsa. He kept saying that it was really good and he liked it.

I dumped the extra jar of tomatoes in the salsa, hoping to dilute it a bit, but it didn't really work.

Now I'm not quite sure what to do with this 5+ alarm salsa.

Any ideas?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Max quotes

Today, as Max was watching his most favorite television station, The Weather channel,* he was dancing around to the cool background music when he accidentally ran into the chair, tripped and fell hard on his knees.
It looked like it really hurt, so I said "Oh no! Are you OK?"
He looked at me very seriously and said.................

"Well, I WAS!"


Max came home from preschool with a note saying that he was almost ready to pass off his whole alphabet, he just needed to work on a few more letters, and she included a list of 9 letters on the bottom of the paper.
I thought this was strange, because Max has had the entire alphabet and the phonics memorized for over a year.
I asked Max what the letters were and what sound they made, and he answered each one correctly, without hesitation.
I asked him why he didn't say all of these correctly for his teacher, he said,

" teacher just makes me be shy."


Today I heard Max yell from the bathroom
"Hey! I just figured out that butt cheeks are chubby cheeks!"


In other news, I think I have figured out the source of my back pain.


If I got my doctor to write me a prescription for a maid, do you think my insurance would pay for it?

*Seriously, I don't make this stuff up, he really watches The Weather Channel.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It's a school shopping miracle!

Last weekend, we experienced something that we have never had happen before.


We took the kids shopping to buy new shoes for school. We blocked out several hours, because as we know from past shopping trips, we knew that we would have to visit multiple stores on different ends of the city until we would be able to find suitable shoes for the kids, and even then, we usually end up having to special order at least one pair because none of the local stores would have the size, style or color that we wanted.
In Friday's mail, we got at "20% off the entire purchase" coupon from our Famous Footwear, so we went there first.
When we got there, we discovered that they were having their "buy one pair get another pair at half price" sale.


But then, came the most incredible thing of all.
We found shoes for all four of the kids in this store!
They had the correct sizes!
They had the correct styles!


It was like a school shopping miracle.


Brielle and Aaron started at their new school yesterday. They were so excited about their first day that they were both awake and dressed before my alarm woke me up.
These are the same children who I needed to drag out of bed to go to school only a few short months ago.
I must say that this change has been quite refreshing :0)
We have switched to a school with a traditional schedule instead of the Year-round schedule that we had been on for the last 7 years.
This was the first time since then that we've had more than 3 weeks off for summer break. We had 8 weeks off for summer, and I think we all needed the down time from school.
The best part is that they both came home just as excited as they were when they left!

The only problem is that we're only two days into this school year and I'm already tired of making lunches.


This morning, while Max was drinking a glass of milk, he had a few questions.
"Does white milk comes from white cows and chocolate milk comes from brown cows?"
"If we have chocolate milk and strawberry milk, can we have watermelon milk too?"

Then he pretends to hand me a glass and asks "What kind of milk is this?"
I take the imaginary glass of milk, examine it closely then say "I think it's invisible milk."
Max giggles and says "Oh, invisible with liberty? Like the pledge allegiance?"


Warning, whining ahead.

My back hurts and I don't know why.
It could be because when I saw the picture that Jo posted of her granddaughter, I fell off of my chair due to the cuteness overload.
It could be that my posture while sitting at the computer has much to be desired, and my vertebrae are finally rebelling.
Or most likely, it could be that we need a new mattress. (pretty sure this is the problem)

I think that I need a more exciting excuse for my new state of hunchedoverness than a bad mattress.
Help me out here, what exciting, highly athletic, life endangering, daring adventure do you think caused my sore back.