Monday, June 30, 2008

Because I'm such a cool mom

Yes, that's me. I'm such a "cool" mom.

Do you want to know why I'm so darn cool?

Because it's 2:00 a.m. and I just finished making Brielle a new dress to wear to school tomorrow for her awards program.
The kids are supposed to dress up, and we decided that it would be fun for her to have a new sun dress to wear.
Of course, if I had started the dress sooner than 10:00 p.m. I would have finished it sooner, and been asleep by now, but something keeps me from working before the sun goes down.

Anyway, the dress turned out really cute, and I would post pictures, but it's 2:00 a.m. and CJ is asleep, and he's the only one who knows how to get pictures downloaded onto my computer. The poor kid gets so annoyed every time I ask him to do that for me. The last time I asked, he looked at me with the face of a teenager that says "seriously mom, could you BE any more technologically inept?" and he said "Mom, you really need to learn how to do this yourself, because some day, I might be gone somewhere, and you'll need photos on the computer and you'll be stuck." to which I answer "You're here now, techno-boy, do your stuff!"

Anyway, back to the dress, as I'm sewing this lovely creation, trying not to burst out in fits of frustration, because I hate using patterns (HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!!!)

But honestly Jill, how do you really feel about using patterns. Don't be shy, just tell the truth.

I strongly dislike using patterns. Probably has something to do with the fact that I don't like being told what to do.

Sorry, lost my train of thought. back to the dress.

As I was sitting there sewing, Brielle and Max were looking through a Prom Dress magazine. (Please don't ask me why I have a prom dress magazine. It's a long story)

Brielle was showing Max the pictures of the dresses, and she was trying to get Max to say "Is she hot?" (like Pedro says to Napoleon Dynamite when he's talking about his (fictitious) girlfriend.) You know, because it's really cute when little kids say stuff like that.
Finally, Max found a picture and said...............

"She also hot!"

Then while looking at a picture of two girls he said

"They cute!"
"They also hot!"

(Turns the page)

"This one also colder"
Apparently, he didn't find her as attractive as the others. I felt kind of bad for the poor girl, I mean if you can't impress a three year old, who can you impress?

Then Max says
"I also hot too!"

Then looking back at the magazine....

"And these ones are also hotter!"

By now, we were giggling, because, seriously, this was pretty cute.

"Mama's cold!"

Did my darling little three year old just dis me???

I mean I will admit that I'm not in as great of shape as I was before I had the kids, but come on!

FOUR c-sections people! FOUR OF THEM!!!!!

The first one weighed over TEN POUNDS! 10.6 to be exact!
I have stretch marks up to my armpits!

Who does that little tot think he is...............cold am I?

Then it dawned on me.

I'm a "Cool" Mom!

(At least that's what I'm going to assume he meant)

Friday, June 27, 2008

New word

Max has a new favorite word.

I'd like you to guess what it is.

Here are snippets from actual conversations I have had with my cute little three year old over the past week.

Conversation #1 - Nighttime.
Me: "Come on Max, Let's get your pajamas on"
Max: "I also not need my pajamas on. I also not tired. It also not dark outside. I also not need my pajamas on. I also not tired. It also not dark outside. I also playing wif my cars. I also not need my pajamas on. I also not go to bed. "
(5 minutes later, after wrestling him in to his pajamas)

Conversation #2 - Morning

Me: "Come on Max, let's give you a bath."
Max: "I also not need a bath."
Me: "Max, honey, you really need a bath. You're kind of stinky."
Max: "I also not stinky. I also not need a bath."
(5 minutes later, after wrestling him in to the bathtub)
(I take him out of the tub and sit him on his potty chair)
( I take him off of the potty chair and put him in the tub)

Conversation #3 - Shopping at Ikea

Me: "Max, should we walk down the stairs or take the big elevator?"
Max: "We also walk down the stairs"
(we get to the bottom of the stairs)
Max: "Now we also go on the ewebator."
Me: "No Max, we're already downstairs, I'm not going to walk all the way back up those stairs just to go on the elevator."

Conversation #4 - Dinnertime

Me: "Here Max, did you want some meatballs?" as I put some on his plate.
Max: "No I did also not want some meatballs. They also did need to get off my plate."
(I take the meatballs off of his plate and put them on mine)

And just so you know, I really did stay very calm during all of those conversations.

Really, I also did.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Are missing spoons a matter of national security?

Yes, I'm still here.
I just realized that it's been over three weeks since I last posted.
After quite a dry spell, I finally got some work for my home business (YAY) and I've been so busy with actual work, that I didn't have time to write an actual blog post. (Except for this one where I guest posted)

During the last few weeks, I've had several brilliant ideas of what to write about, but of course now as I'm sitting here at the computer, do you think I can remember any of them?

Yes, I know, I know, when I get an idea, I should write it down, and then I can remember it later, but that would mean that I would need to find a pen or pencil, and then some paper , and by the time I have been able to identify those two items, because I can't ever seem to find them easily, I will have forgotten my idea anyway.

That's just how my memory works sometimes. Not that I have alzheimers or anything, because I'm pretty sure I don't.
Or I think I don't ..............or.................shoot, what was I talking about?


Even though I haven't had the time to write, I have taken a moment now and then to look at my site meter, you know, just to see if I've been forgotten, and I've learned some interesting things, such as.................

There are a ton of people going to google and looking for "Thou shalt not whine" and variations on that phrase.
Thou shalt not whine sign
Thou shalt not whine plaque
Though shalt not whine
Thous shall not wine

Come on, it's called spell check people, please use it!

Several people googled "How not to whine"

Other strange keywords leading to my blog were;

Toilet whine on flushing
What is the biggest item that can be flushed and not get stuck in the toilet
Fix stuck liquid soap dispenser
Hey do you want to split a

But my all time favorite keyword inquiry is....

(drumroll please......)

How to force your Daddy to buy you want when he's already about to not buy you one because your whining too much


I would be interested to know what it was this kid wanted, and I certainly hope that their Daddy didn't buy it for them, because whining should not be rewarded.

I also really enjoy finding out where the people live that are reading my blog. I always get a kick out of seeing where in the world my blog is being read.

However, I've discovered someone visiting my blog lately that concerns me a bit. Quite a few times I have seen..............

Arlington Virginia. The host address is from The Pentagon.

Yes folks, someone from The Pentagon is reading my blog.

Now I have to wonder why anyone from The Pentagon would be interested in reading my blog. Seriously, do stories of butt ugly homemade bread and tales of potty training failures have anything to do with national security?

Or, are they studying me trying to learn different methods of torture from my children?
(I feel that whining is indeed a very effective method of torture)
Are they trying to find out how long the average stay at home mom can listen to four children whine before completely losing it?
Are they trying to learn which items can and can't be flushed down the toilet successfully?

And why would they need all this handy information?

Are they the ones who took all of my missing spoons? Am I part of some twisted experiment where they take various forms of flatware from people to see how long it takes before they buy a new set? (We bought a new set last month. I think we're already missing a few spoons.)
And why just the spoons? Why are there no forks missing? Especially that enormous serving fork or the butter serving knife, (like anybody really uses those anyway)

Are they at all confused by the last paragraph that I typed? (because, seriously, I am.)

Or is it just some cleaning lady that works at the Pentagon, sneaking on to the computers during her break time to read blogs?

This subject has me rather perplexed.

So, Pentagon blog stalker, comment.

I dare you.

What do you all think?
Why is the Pentagon taking such an interest in my blog?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Out for the day

Hi everyone!

Today, I'm guest posting at Twas-Brillig.

Come on over!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

European Vacation..........Not.

Summertime is here, and the kids are out of school.

Well the neighbor kids are out of school. Mine are going back to school this Monday after being off track for three weeks.
Remember all of the goals I had set at the beginning of their three weeks off of school?

None accomplished.

It certainly wasn't for lack of good intentions on my part, we just had a few problems. Between the weather being less than perfect (much less) and two of the kids being sick for a while, we just didn't get anything done.

Okay, the truth is that I just wasn't willing to do the necessary nagging and yelling inspiring words of encouragement to make sure things got done.
However, from recent reports, things have been going swimmingly well in Playstation 2 land.

The potty training is at a standstill. The first day of vacation, we spent outside with max in big boy underwear! We were outside for a few hours. The kids played on the swing set and trampoline, and we had a picnic lunch.
We went inside the house for just a few minutes, and I heard the sound of dripping. Yes, Max had an accident on the kitchen floor. I guess I should just be grateful that it didn't happen on the somewhat new carpet.

We will revisit the potty training thing in a few weeks.

Really, sometimes it's just easier when they're in diapers. Like when you're shopping, you have a cart full of items, and someone needs to go potty. Now. So you make the mad dash across the store, leave your basket outside the restroom, race the child inside to find that they waited too long to tell you that they needed to go, and they've had an accident, and so you take a while to get them cleaned up, and come out of the bathroom to find that some helpful store employee took your cart away, and is at that very moment putting all of your items back on the shelves.

Anyway, the kids go back to school on Monday, and I would just rather call it good, and keep them home for the next six weeks. (and really, this has nothing to do with how much I enjoy sleeping in when they're not in school) (really, it doesn't)

The teachers have a great system going to get the kids to want to go to school the last three weeks. They've planned several field trips, parties and other fun activities.

Sneaky, sneaky teachers.

This is the conversation we had in our car as we drove home from Grandma's house earlier tonight.

Me: "Do you think that if I called the school Monday morning, and told them that we were going on a trip to Europe for the next month, that the school would be okay with them not coming to school for the last three weeks? (after all, lying to the school couldn't be much different from lying to the kids)
DH: "Well, if we were in Europe, they couldn't have much to say about it."
Brielle: "I CAN'T miss school! I have a big math test coming up, and I can't miss it!"
CJ: "That would be okay with me."
Aaron: "We're going to Europe?"
ME: "No, we are not going to Europe. I was just wondering if the school would have a problem with you missing the last three weeks.
Brielle: "I CAN'T miss school! We have a big math test that I NEED to take!!"
Max: "Dat not be good."
Aaron: "Are we going to Europe??"
DH: "NO, we are not going to Europe."
Brielle: "That's good, because I don't want to go to Europe! I can't miss school because we have this big math test, and I can't miss it!"
DH: "I think you would have fun in Europe."
Brielle: "Dad, I have a math test!
Me: "So, what if we REALLY were going to Europe? Would you be okay missing the math test then?"
Brielle: "NO Mom, I CAN'T miss this test!"
Aaron: "So we ARE going to Europe?"
Me: "No Aaron, we ARE NOT going to Europe!"
CJ: "Why not? I think it would be fun to go to Europe."
Brielle: "I CAN'T miss school! I have a math test!"
Max: "Hi, my name's Steve. Have you seen Blue, my puppy?"
DH: "NO, we are not going to Europe."
Aaron: "Why not?"
CJ: "Yeah, why not?"
Me: "Because Brielle has a math test!"
DH: "Is there someone we could leave her with, and the rest of us can go?"
Brielle: "STOP TEASING ME!!"
Aaron: "So we are going to Europe?"
DH: "No Aaron, we ARE NOT going to Europe!"
Max: (singing) "You've got to find the first pawprint, that's the first clue, put it in our notebook and it's who's clues? Blue's clues!"
Me: "I guess we could always leave Brielle with my cousin, then she wouldn't miss her math test."
Brielle: "STOP TEASING ME!!"
Aaron: "So are we going to Europe or not?".........................

Just for the record, we are NOT going to Europe.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

To tell the truth?

Have you ever lied to your kids?

I don't mean great big huge lies, just the little ones that will sometimes help you from completely losing your sanity. Lies that can sometimes just make your life a little bit easier, or even just more entertaining.

Lies like...........

If you're nice to your brother, he'll stop hitting you.

I have no idea what happened to your Halloween candy.

Stop that or I will sell you to the gypsies.

I have no idea what happened to your Easter candy.

Keep doing that, and I will sell you on eBay.

I have no idea what happened to your chocolate Santa.

If you pick your nose, you could break your finger.

If you don't shape up, your father and I will dress up in funny costumes and come to school and do a funny dance for your class.

Santa called and said to stop fighting, or he's coming back to take away your toys.

The computer can smell. It knows if you haven't taken a bath, and it won't turn on.

The motion sensor on our security alarm system is also programmed to detect whether or not you are doing your homework, and if you aren't, it shoots a laser beam at your head.

I have absolutely no idea where all of your Happy Meal toys went.

Zuchinni tastes like chocolate.

When Aaron was three, he was fascinated with toilets. He is a very inquisitive child, and loved to see how they worked. Being the "hands on" type of learner, he tried many experiments with what you could do with the toilet, more specifically he really enjoyed playing the game "Will it flush?"

Aaron discovered that there were three different categories of items that could be flushed.

Category #1. Things that WILL flush.
These include;

Polly pocket shoes and clothes
Toothpaste lids
Small candies (Smarties, m&ms ect.)
Small crayons

Eventually, he grew tired of all the small stuff, and moved on to bigger and better things (literally)

He discovered category #2. Things that WON'T flush down the toilet,
such as;

A new roll of toilet paper
Inflated balloons
Small basketball
A Banana*

*I think that if these had been angled differently, they very well might have flushed, but as it turned out, we were just darn lucky that they didn't.

Then there was the third category of items. His favorite.

Category #3. Things that flush partially, but not quite all the way, getting stuck just far enough down that some ultra brave adult wearing rubber gloves can't reach it, but not far enough down that it doesn't create a huge clog resulting in a flooded bathroom every time the toilet is flushed.

These items included;

The lid from the liquid soap dispenser, with the pump still attached.

These were the items that were found in the toilet the time we spent a fortune to have the plumber remove both of our toilets to fix the clogs. (One toilet had 3 soap dispenser lids stuck inside.)

Not too long after this incident, I bought the kids new toothbrushes. After they opened the packages, I noticed that there were only two packages sitting on the counter for me to throw away. Aaron's was the one missing.
So I asked him "Aaron, where did you put the package that your toothbrush came in?"
Aaron replied "I frew it away."
This was one of those hard plastic packages that was just large enough to hold the toothbrush. I looked in the garbage can, and couldn't see the package.

I had a bad feeling.

"Aaron, where did you throw it away?"
He said "I fwushed it."


The next few days, the toilet began to have problems. We really didn't want to call the plumber again. We knew all too well what he would charge us to fix the problem, and also, I was afraid he would tease us.

One morning, my DH had had enough. This was our upstairs bathroom, the one by all the bedrooms, and it was quite a pain to have to go downstairs any time you had the need to use the facilities.
DH put on a rubber glove, and reached inside to see if he could find it. He grabbed the toothbrush wrapper, and removed it from the toilet.

We rejoiced!

That afternoon, on my way to pick up Aaron from preschool, I had, what I then thought, was a sneaky idea that might keep him from flushing random objects. I was going to give him a different story of how the toilet got fixed.
When Aaron got in the car, I told him "The plumber came by today and fixed the toilet. We had to give him all of our money to get it fixed, and so now we don't have any money left to buy you any candy or other treats."

I was hoping that if I could make the connection in his brain about "flushing non flushable objects=no treats" that he might actually think twice before doing that again.

Aaron was silent until a few minutes later when he asked "What did he look like?"
Me: "What did who look like?"
Aaron: "The pwummer!"
Me: "Well...........he was not very tall.............he had a mustache............"
Aaron: "Oh, like uncle J?"
Me: "Um...........yeah, like uncle J.''
Aaron: "What was he wearing?''
Me: "Some sort of blue uniform. I think. Maybe."
Aaron: "What was his name?"
Me: "Ummmmmm.............Bob?"
Aaron: "What color was his truck?"
Me: "Blue, I'm pretty sure it was blue."

That seemed to satisfy him, and he was quiet for the rest of the ride.
I had all but forgotten about the conversation by the time we got home, and Aaron jumped out of the car and quickly ran upstairs.
Several minutes passed, when Aaron walked down the stairs, carefully looking at each one.
He then came up to me and very indignantly said "I don't see his footprints."
Me: "Who's footprints?"
Aaron: "The pwummers!"
Me: "Oh........... I vacuumed after he left."

Aaron then went and looked at the stairs again and asked "Then why don't I see any vacuum tracks?"

Sometimes, you just can't win.

I am happy to report, that nearly five years later, Aaron has pretty much (as far as I can tell) stopped flushing things down the toilet for fun.
The ironic part is, that now, we can't seem to get him to flush it at all.
But that's a story for another time.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Potty training quote of the day

"I need my diaper changed. The pee is hot."

Sunday, June 1, 2008

SOS ......The strangest date

Hey people! I'm actually writing a post! Myself!

Hard to believe, I know, after my last few "cut and paste" creations.

Today, I've decided to participate in SOS, otherwise known as Soap Opera Sunday.
To learn about SOS go here.
To read other stories go here. Go check them out.

Most of the guys I dated, were ones that I met at church dances.
(I also met my husband at a church dance. All I have to say is that I had to go through a ton of frogs before I met my prince ;0)

Anyway, long before I met my wonderful husband, I met a different guy at a church dance. We'll call this guy "Bob" partially for his anonymity, but mostly because I don't actually remember his name.
Bob seemed like a pretty nice guy when I met him. Really down to earth, nice guy. Kind of like a thinner version of the PC guy on the Mac commercials.
He called me several days after we met. We talked for quite a while. He asked me if I would like to go see a movie and have dinner on Saturday.
Saturday afternoon, he came to pick me up. I felt sorry for his car. It may have been held together with duct tape. And rust.
As we were driving away, he said "I was thinking that it would be fun to go to my apartment, order a pizza, and watch a video, Is that OK?"
That was fine with me, because pizza sounded great! I hadn't eaten lunch, and I was pretty hungry.
When we got to his apartment, he picked up the mail on the way in. We sat on the couch as he opened his mail, and inspected every piece thoroughly.

While I watched.

He looked at one piece of mail, and nearly cheered when he saw who it was from.
"Super!" he said "I've been waiting for this!"
He proceeded to rip open the envelope and inspect the sheet inside.
His eyes lit up.
It was his 401K report, telling him how much money he now had in his 401K. I know this because he kept saying "WOW! I can't believe how much money I have in here! WOW! This is great! I have SO much money in here! I'm really doing well for my retirement! WOW! I have so much more than I ever planned on having at this point in my life, WOW! ................"

He just went on, and on, and on...............

I could tell he was dying for me to ask him how much money he had, but I really didn't care.

Just then his roommate walked in. He quickly stuffed the letter back in the envelope, and tucked it on a shelf. Then he says to his friend "Hey, do you want to split a pizza with us?
Roommate guy says "No, I'm not really hungry, I just ate. Maybe another time."

Bob says "Are you sure? If we split it, it will only cost each one of us six bucks."

Roommate guy says "Um no. Thanks." Then he goes into his room.

Bob then puts a Disney video in the really old VCR. It takes him quite a while to get it to work on the ancient TV. The movie was the Little Mermaid or something like that. (Which was OK, because I liked that video) and then he says "I wasn't really in the mood for pizza anyway." Then he went into the kitchen and brought back a bag of Doritos.

Make that half a bag, it was already open, and half of it was gone.

We polished off the rest of the bag in no time, because I hadn't eaten, and was starving.
(He did originally say we would be having dinner)

He talked incessantly through the movie. I never knew a guy could talk that much.
He came from a large family, like 7 or 8 kids. He talked about his family, each of his siblings in detail. He told me about their jobs, their families, their allergies, their neighbors, their pets, ect. He talked a ton about his parents. He said how with all of his brothers and sisters keeping his mom busy during the day, his mom would frequently stay up half the night to get all sorts of projects finished, and how he felt so sorry for his dad because his mom was always staying up so late working.

(Um, dude, you should feel sorry for your mom, she's the one who is being sleep deprived)

When the movie was over, roommate guy came out of his room, and went into the kitchen. "Hey" he said "What happened to that bag of chips I was eating?"
"Oh, sorry." Bob replied "We didn't think you would mind if we ate them.
Roommate guy rolled his eyes, and mumbled something about a motorcycle.
Bob says "Oh yeah, I forgot we were going to do that. Let's go outside."

We went outside and there was a small, frail looking trailer with two big motorcycles on it. After much discussion and planning, it was decided that they needed to remove both motorcycles from the trailer, and put them back in reverse order.
Bob slid a plank off of the trailer and leaned it against the back, and they proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes or so backing the heavy motorcycles down the narrow plank, and then returning roommate guy's motorcycle on to the trailer first.

And I got to stand there and watch the whole thing.

Just then, Bob's eyes lit up "Hey, do you want to watch me ride my motorcycle?"

As if.

Seriously, he said that like I would actually ENJOY watching him ride his motorcycle through the field behind the apartment complex.
He sat there on top or his bike, beaming proudly, ready for my praise and admiration.
Instead, I dashed his hopes and said, "Actually, I have a bunch of stuff that I need to get finished tonight, and if I don't get started on it in the next little while, I will need to stay up most of the night to get it done." I sighed "I should probably be getting home."

And then he took me home.

Now before anyone starts thinking that I'm a snob, and didn't give the poor guy a chance, I realize that he was a starving student working and scrimping his way through school. The car didn't bother me, most guys that age had junky cars, the at home movie was fine. If he had said something earlier, I could have made a picnic lunch for us to eat during the movie, heck, I would have bought a pizza, however, I think it was in poor taste to go on and on and on about how much money he had in his 401K.
I think I have a pretty good idea of why he had so much money in his retirement, it's because he never spent any of it.

This was the weirdest date I had ever been on.