Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Word Verification Wednesday!

It's Wednesday and time to define those word verification codes.

Instructions, rules and examples can be found here.Link
I'm sorry, I'm too tired to type them again.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

HELP! We have a science emergency!

Brielle's class is having a science fair next week. She has no idea what to do for her project.
I told her I would ask my vast and unpaid research team (you) if they had any ideas.
Last year her project was to figure out which brand of microwave popcorn popped the most amount, left the fewest unpopped kernels and tasted the best (in the opinion of our family)
We were eating popcorn for weeks.
The winner was Orville Redenbacher's Gourmet Popping Corn. Movie theater butter flavor.

I suggested that she should do an experiment that has something to do with cooking. Or which kind of dishwashing detergent works the best. Or what works better, the upright vacuum or the cannister vac. Or which cleaning product gets the bathroom cleaner...........

Seriously, any ideas you might have would be helpful.

And she only has a week left.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Mystery food revealed!

I was amazed at how many people were convinced that this was pudding, ice cream or jello.

Not. Even. Close.

This delicious looking treat is actually tuna fish with blue food coloring.

Aaron made it. He put it on a sandwich.

And he ate it.

Now in answer to the next question that I know that you're just dying to ask....................


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Name that food Friday

Go ahead.

Guess what it is.

I dare you.

Please be very specific.

Because I'm so nice, I will answer yes or no questions in the comments.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Word Verification Wednesday! It's back!

It's Wednesday, and you know what that means!

It's time for everyone's favorite game.................

Define that word verification word!!!!

If you're new here, this is how to play.

1. Go to the comment form.
2. Look at the jumbled letters and try to read them.
3. If they resemble any sort of word whatsoever, leave the word with your idea of it's definition in the comments!

It's just that easy!!!!

Now with any game, there must be rules.

1. Nothing rude, crude or unrefined. Please remember that my kids read my blog.
2. You must use the ACTUAL word, no altering the word (unless it makes it funnier, then it's OK)
3. It's OK to use a word that you got while leaving a comment on someone else's blog.

I used to have the rule about not mocking the other contestants, but people whined, so I lifted that rule, and then nobody did any mocking anyway. I will let you use your own best judgement on the whole mocking thing.
(But be forewarned, if anyone mocks me, I will make you be the car in Max's new "car wash" game. I hope you like kid spit.)

Here are some examples from last weeks game.

Ratophy: When a Rat loses its muscle tone.
pariti, the italian accent word for party in english.
Tulingal: someone who talks excessively!
cramiler: a person who squishes lots of things into her closet and also runs a mile every day
Inessess - Max speak for business as in "It is also none of your inessess."

If you get a word that doesn't inspire you, refresh the page until you get one that you like.

Come back often to see what the other contestants have come up with. You guys are funny!

Bonus points if you are able to use the word "also" in your definition.

Ready! ................Set! ....................GO!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Where there's smoke, there's dinner. Part deux

Suburban Correspondent came up with this fantabulous idea to have a "reality" type cooking show.
She talks about it here.

Go ahead, click on the link. I'll wait.

Seriously, this post will make much more sense if you do.

(Just remember to come back)

Are you back yet? Don't you LOVE her idea for the cooking show?

We discussed what we would call the show. She thought of calling it "Rachael Ray, NOT!" or a variation of The Iron Chef and call it "Iron Mom"

Personally, I thought it would be a great idea to combine the names of several cooking shows like Julia Child, The Iron Chef, The Galloping Gourmet and The Naked Chef.

(and yes, I'm anxious to see what kind of google searches that will bring here)

And so now folks, here it is! The show you've all been waiting for!


The Galloping Iron Naked Gourmet Mom Chef!

Where all we ask is that you try one bite.

(Cue annoying theme song music)

Announcer: Live, from the middle of her somewhat cluttered kitchen, the host of our show, Jillybean! Join us on our culinary journey to learn the fine art of quick cuisine.

(Now here is where you would usually hear applause from the live studio audience. Get real. The only ones here are my kids, and I'm making dinner, not cookies)

Me: Welcome everyone to my new REALITY cooking show The Galloping Iron Naked Gourmet Mom Chef!

Today I will demonstrate how to make a lovely dinner for a family of six!

Since it is almost 5:00, I should probably start cooking.

The first thing we need to do is the most difficult. We need to decide exactly what we will be cooking for dinner. Now I do realize that I probably should have decided on this much sooner, but it's been quite a day, I've had SO much to do! Besides all of the regular things that take up my day, laundry, cleaning, shopping, blogging ........) I had to make a trip over to the kids school because somebody forgot their homework/trumpet/lunch money/library book/coat.

So now it's 5:00 and I don't know what to make for dinner.

My theory on cooking is that it should take us longer to eat the food than it takes me to make the food, so I will choose something that is easy to make.

SPAGHETTI! It's fast, easy and everyone in the family enjoys a nice big plate of spaghetti.
Plus, I'm quite sure that I have all the ingredients that I need.

First, we need to defrost some ground beef. Put it in the microwave, or better yet, get the kids involved and ask one of them to do it. Be sure to remind them to push the "defrost" button.
Now send another child to the pantry for a jar of spaghetti sauce and the spaghetti noodles.

Child #1: "Mom, we don't have any spaghetti sauce, and the only noodles we have are the wheat ones, and you know how much we don't like those."

Me: Now send another child to help look for the sauce and the noodles.
When they come back empty handed, go look for the things yourself. The closet is quite a mess, no wonder they can't find anything. You find the noodles, but remember that you used the last spaghetti sauce last week. That's OK, because it really won't take that much longer to make the sauce, after all, you have sauce mix in the closet.

OK. So as it turns out, you don't have the sauce mix............and what's that funny smell? The one that smells like ground beef and plastic?

Coming from the microwave?

Open the microwave to find that your child neglected to push the "defrost" button and has now cooked the beef. The added bonus is that the plastic packaging has now melted deeply into the ground beef.

Get another ground beef out of the freezer and defrost it yourself.

Send a child to the pantry to get 3 cans of diced tomatoes and one can of tomato sauce.
When the child returns with 3 cans of tomato sauce and one can of diced tomatoes, go back and get the right ones yourself.

Put the ground beef in the pan.

Where is the big frying pan?

In the dishwasher! Open the dishwasher to find that even though your darling offspring diligently filled the dishwasher last night after dinner, they neglected to turn it on and it is still filled with dirty dishes.

Wash the pan.

Put the beef in the pan and turn on the burner. Look for your favorite spatula, only to find it in the dishwasher.

Wash the spatula.

Cook the meat.

Child #2 wanders into the kitchen and says, "What are we having for dinner? Spaghetti? Why are you making that? I don't like spaghetti! Why don't you ever make any food that I like?!!I knew it, you don't love me!"

(ring ring)

Answer the phone.

"Hello........Yes, I had every intention of picking you up from Scouts today. I will be there when it's over at 5:30................IT'S 5:45???............OK, I'll be there in a few minutes."

Go retrieve your Scout. Ignore the angry glare from the Den leader who probably still needs to go home and cook dinner for her family too.

Ask a child to open the cans of diced tomatoes and drain them.
Clean up the can of tomatoes which your child accidentally dumped in the sink while trying to drain it. Send them to get another can of tomatoes. When they return with a can of tomato sauce go back and get the correct can yourself.

Put the tomatoes and sauce in with the meat. Remember that you can't find the mix anywhere so you just start dumping in random spices from the spice rack. (Oregano, basil? Those sound Italian, Marjoram? I have no idea what it is, but it might be good. Poultry seasoning, SURE! Why not!) Seriously, as long as there are flecks of green in the sauce, who will know the difference?

(ring ring)

Answer the phone again.

"Hi Tammy.......I'm not sure if Ben is here, let me check......(yell down to the basement) HEY KIDS! CAN YOU SEE BEN DOWN THERE?...........No Tammy, he's not here. Sorry, Goodbye."

Stir the sauce, turn the heat down and let it simmer.

Ask the kids to set the table for dinner.

Child #2 is back: "Why are you still making spaghetti? Are you trying to ruin my life?!!!"

(ring ring)

Answer the phone.

"Hello.........OH NO! That was today? I'm sorry, I'll have her right there. Goodbye."

Hang up the phone and drive your daughter to her piano lesson which was re scheduled due to the fact that she forgot to go it yesterday.

I'm forgetting something............ Salad! I should make a salad! Wash out the salad bowl and cutting board. Wash and drain the lettuce, and slice a tomato.

Or at least you COULD slice a tomato if you had one. Slice a zucchini. And since you also just discovered that you're out of croutons, toss a handful of fishy crackers in the salad.

Use the multi colored ones. The kids love those.

Tell the kids to stop fighting over who gets to put the cups on the table.

I still feel like I'm forgetting something.

GARLIC BREAD! The perfect thing to go with spaghetti!

Get some slices of bread and spread them with butter or margarine, or whatever you can find that will spread. Sprinkle garlic seasoning on the bread.

Go pick up your daughter from what was left of her piano lesson.

Ask the kids why there aren't any plates on the table.
Find the paper plates and hand them to the kids. (Yes, you guessed it, the plates are in the dishwasher)
While you're at it, get the plastic utensils out too. (just trying to stay ahead of the game)

Put the bread in the oven.

Stir the sauce. Turn down the heat again because it's boiling and popping big bubbles of spaghetti sauce all over the place.

Go change your shirt and put spray & wash on the glob of tomato sauce that popped onto your shirt.

(ring ring)

Answer the phone.

"Hi Tammy,........No, I'm sure Ben isn't here. The kids said they hadn't seen him. If he comes over, I'll tell him that you're looking for him."

Smell something funny.

(ring ring)

"Hello,..........No thank you, we're quite happy with our long distance phone service. No, I don't have a moment to let you explain how you can save me money............Well, if you really want to talk to someone, there is someone that you can explain the plan to."

Hand the phone to your three year old, and tell him to sing "The song that never ends."

What IS that funny smell??? That funny BURNING smell?


Get the smoldering bread out of the oven.

Wait for it to cool off a bit then arrange it on a plate, charred side down hoping that no one will notice.

Open the window to let some of the smoke out.

Put the bread on the table.
Put the sauce on the table.
Put the salad on the table.

Dinner is now ready! Call everyone to dinner.

Everyone comes to the table, including BEN!

"HEY!" you ask "I thought you guys said that Ben wasn't here!

Child # 3 "No Mom, you didn't ask if he was here, you asked us if we could see him. We couldn't. He was hiding in the closet."

Send Ben home.

Sit down to the table.

Realize what it was that you forgot.

The noodles. You didn't cook the spaghetti noodles.

Announcer : And that concludes today's episode of .................

The Galloping Iron Naked Gourmet Mom Chef!

Where all we ask is that you try one bite.

Seriously, you will sit at this table until you've tried at least one bite. I don't care if you think it looks weird, just try it!! You might just surprise yourself and like it. No I'm not trying to make you throw up. STOP GAGGING! Everyone else has eaten it and they all seem to be fine. No, really, one bite then you can leave the table. ONE BITE! Don't make me make you sit here all night!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Just try to make sense of this post. I dare you.

Not much happening around here as of late. (which should explain the lack of blog posting on my part)
Every once and a while I get a great idea of something to write about, but by the time I get to the computer, I forget. Yes, I know, I should write down my idea as soon as it pops into my head, and I would, IF I COULD EVER FIND A PEN THAT WORKS!

And paper to write on.

Actually, we have plenty of paper, it's piled all over my kitchen. It's mostly the lack of working pens in my house that keeps me from writing anything down.

I once wrote down a phone message on a nursing pad with a crayon.

(seriously, I did!) But that was a long time ago, and we haven't had a nursing pad in the house for years.

The main thing happening right now is that my tooth/teeth are really hurting. I've been to the dentist multiple times because of the pain in my teeth. I've had so many x-rays that I'm surprised that the left side of my face isn't glowing.

They can never find anything wrong.

So now I'm faced with a dilema. Do I rearrange my schedule to find time to go to the dentist and have even more x-rays taken, just to have him tell me once again that there's nothing wrong or just continue to tough it out with my Costco sized bottle of ibuprofen.

I'm a little concerned about the warning on the label on the ibuprofen that says you shouldn't take it longer than a certain amount of days. I'm pretty sure that if I exceed the maximum amount of days for the ibuprofen, I will probably grow an extra arm or something.

But then again, an extra arm could come in handy.

Think of how much more I could accomplish!!

I could type and eat at the same time!
I can talk on my cell phone, put on lipstick and still keep one hand on the steering wheel!

But I might look kind of weird, and I would start to see my picture on the cover of the tabloids as I wait in line at the supermarket.
But then I would get a phone call from the producer of the Jerry Springer show! They would fly me to their studio and I would get to appear on TV!
While on the plane, I could impress my fellow passengers by being able to buckle my seatbelt and put my tray table back into it's original upright position AT THE SAME TIME!

But then I would get to the Jerry Springer show and some guy with one tooth would rip off his shirt and throw a chair at me.

Maybe Oprah would have me on her show! I could jump on her couch and tell her how much I love having a third arm.
But what if it turns out that my extra arm is another left arm?

I'm right handed.

That could be a problem.

Last night, I made some cookies to help motivate the kids to finish their homework ("OK kids, get the first page of homework done and you can sniff a cookie, the second page, you can lick a cookie, but you must have all of the homework done before you can actually eat a cookie!")
When I took the cookies out of the oven, Aaron asked me "Will there be enough cookies left tomorrow so that we can eat them while we're watching "The Biggest Loser"?

(Now, I don't want to get any rude emails telling me that I shouldn't be using bribery to get my kids to do their homework. Bribery is such an ugly word. I prefer using the word "incentive" Instead of it being a situation where I say "'I'll give this to you if you do your homework" It's more "When you finish your homework, you may have this" See, it's totally different)

Today, Max asked me which finger he should use to put inside his nose. I told him he shouldn't put any of them in his nose, but eventually, we settled on his pinky finger.

Hey, I just realized that it's Wednesday!

Word Verification Wednesday!

I'm not going to explain how to play. Ask the other contestants.

(OK, look at the word verification code, and create a definition for it in the comments. Refresh the page as many times as you want)
(And remember, the only way you can lose this game is to not play)
(come on people, it's like a service project. You give me a funny or well thought out definition, and I laugh, thus causing me to forget the stabbing pain in my tooth)

And to my new lurker from Portland Maine.
I'll give you a nickel if you leave a comment.

I only had three hours of sleep last night, can you tell?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Messy mirrors and sleepy computers

A few days ago I went to lunch with my bloggin' buddies Jo, Bonnie and Amber.

Blogger friends + all you can eat breadsticks. Life just doesn't get any better than that:0)

I brought Max with me to the lunch. He was starting to get a little restless, so I asked him if he could show everyone how he imitates windsheild wipers. He immediately went to his intermittent setting, and then remembered the big mirror hanging on the wall behind him.
He got a gleam in his eye, and I knew he wanted to spit on the mirror so he could wipe it off.
I tried to distract him, and thought I did, but by the time we left, there was a slobbery/fingerprinty mess on the mirror.

I would like to apologize to whichever person at the Olive Garden gets to clean the mirrors.

The lunch was so much fun, and a well needed celebration for the kids being back in school. (Mine had been out of school for 4 whole weeks!)


Not too long ago, CJ and Aaron got our two old computers and took them apart to see if they could get them to work again.
The good news is that they were able to get one of them to work.

The bad news is that they took them apart on the family room floor in the basement, and it made a bit of a mess. It sat there for a while until I got sick of looking at/tripping over it, and told them that everything needed to be cleaned out of the family room.

They got it all cleaned up, and the room looked great!

The next morning I went to get Aaron out of bed and found him asleep on the floor. When I turned on his light I discovered why he wasn't sleeping in his bed.

One of the computer CPUs were sitting right in the middle of his bed.

I told him that he needed to find a different place to put the computer, and he assured me that he would.

The next morning I went into his room to wake him up, and again he was sleeping on the floor. This time both of the CPUs were on his bed.
I explained to him again that he really needed to find a different place for the computers so that he could sleep in his bed. Again, he promised that he would move them.

Yesterday morning, once again, I nearly tripped over him on the floor. He had moved a CPU to his desk (what a novel idea!) but the other computer was still sitting in the middle of his bed, and next to it was sitting our Dirt Devil cannister vacuum.

I think he just prefers sleeping on the floor.

On the bright side, if he's not actually sleeping in his bed, I probably don't need to wash the sheets.

Monday, January 5, 2009

The sun'll come out tomorrow!

Max: "Mom, what day is it today?"
Me: "It's Sunday"
Max: "It's Sunday! Does the sun also come out on Sunday?"
Me: "Yes, most of the time."
Max: "And the muns comes out on Monday and the twos comes out on Tuesday and the whens comes out on Wednesday and the thurs comes out on Thursday and the fries comes out on Friday and the sauders comes out on Saturday!

*Bonus* I've discovered that age three might be a tad young to teach a kid to play checkers.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Mother, may I?

Due to the recent clogging problems in our bathrooms, I have come up with a form that our children will be required to fill out before using the restroom.

Restroom use requisition form
Form must be completely filled out before submitting for approval.


Location of restroom requested______________
2nd choice__________
(Please remember that Mom and Dad’s bathroom is off limits.
Please do not request. You will be denied)

What will you will be using the restroom for?
(circle all that apply)
Other - Please explain_______________________

On the back of this paper, please list everything
you have eaten in the last 24 hours.
Please highlight any items that might cause constipation,
and circle all high fiber foods.

When was the last time you used the restroom?
Length of visit______hours______minutes

Did you have any difficulty with that particular trip?
If yes, please explain.________________________

Please list the approximate amount of toilet paper
used in your last trip to the restroom.

Give an estimate of the amount of toilet paper
you think you will need for this next trip.

Do you have a physical disability that might prevent
you from turning on the fan in the restroom?

Have you ever flushed a non flushable item?____________

If yes, please list the item, and date of the illegal flushing.
Please include a detailed essay, outlining reason why you felt the need to flush said object.
( you may use the back of this form if needed)

Are you on the restroom cleaning schedule?________
Do you have a physical disability that might prevent
you from using a plunger?

Have you ever been responsible for a clogged toilet that
resulted in the toilet spilling water onto the bathroom floor?
Please explain___________________________________

(Boys only)
Are your arms broken in such a way as to prevent you
from lifting up the toilet seat?___________

When aiming, what is your percentage of accuracy?_______%

Please fill out the form completely.
Incomplete forms will not be processed, and will result in automatic rejection.

Submit completed forms along with two references,
and a photo ID to Mom or Dad.
(Grandma can approve if Mom or Dad are not available)
Forms will be processed on a first come first served basis.

Please plan ahead. Any accidents due to insufficient notice,
will be noted, and may result in difficulty to be approved
at a later date.
Signature of applicant_________________
For office use only:

Send to service station

Approval signature________________________

Please let me know if I forgot anything.