Thursday, November 22, 2007

No whining, Pleeeaaaaaase!

O.K. this is my first post. I have been lurking in other blogs for a while now, all the time thinking, "Wow, I have a lot that I could blog about", and now faced with the blank screen, I don't know where to start.
We have 4 children, ages 12, 9, 7 and 2. We are currently dealing with issues from potty training to puberty.
I named my blog "Thou shalt not whine because I have a large plaque hanging in my kitchen with that very saying on it. I have a friend with a similar sign, she told me "It works really well, when someone starts to whine, I just point to the sign, and they stop" I thought that sounded like a great idea, so I got the sign. Guess what, it doesn't work. The whining just gets worse.
I hate whining. So much so, that I have taught my 2 year old that when he wants something, not only does he need to say please, he also needs to say it in a low voice. It's so funny to hear this little kid say in a really low voice "More cookie please".
With today being Thanksgiving, tomorrow is the biggest shopping day of the year. I jokingly asked my three oldest kids if they wanted to get up at 4:00 a.m. to go shopping in the morning. To my surprise they all said yes. DH told them that they would need to clean their rooms if they wanted any chance of going shopping with me in the morning. They cleaned their rooms.
Am I now obligated to get to WalMart at 5:00 a.m. with the rest of the immediate world? Do I really need to give up one of my precious and few sleep in days? I can only hope that the kids change their minds when the alarm goes off. I mean they can't seem to drag themselves out of bed at 7:30 to go to school every day, certainly they don't really want to get up that early to get trampled under the feet of hundreds of half crazed bargain hunters.
Come to think of it, my oldest son has a brown belt in Karate. Maybe he could go ahead of me and punch his way through the crowd.
Then there's Wal Mart. I used to enjoy a good trip to Wal mart, especially when they built the SUPER Wal Mart. I could get everything I needed at one place. To me that meant I only needed to wrestle the current toddler into the car seat one time.
Lately I have noticed that when I have been there about 20 minutes, I start feeling weird. Is it the flourescent lights, subliminal messages in the muzak, or a combination of both. I just have to get out of there! Then of course, I am faced with the lengthy check out line. No matter which line I get into, there is some reason why it comes to a dead stop. Then if I have any children with me, I get to deal with them standing right next to all of the candy and trinkets so conveniently placed at the check out line at children's eye level.
"No we don't need any nail clippers."
"No I am not buying you a candy bar"
"No gum either, you know you can't chew it, you have crowns"
"No I am not buying you a candy bar"
'No chips either"
"No I am not buying you a candy bar"
'No, we already have batteries"
"No I am not buying you a candy bar"
"No, you have a perfectly good toothbrush at home, you should try using it sometime"
"No I am not buying you a candy bar"
I don't know why they always ask me for that stuff, I never buy it. It's almost like it's a challenge for them.
This year I am refusing to go to the mall to shop. We may make one small trip for my little one to see Santa, but that will be the extent of it.
Me & DH went to the mall a while ago. We were just wandering around, killing time waiting for the line to die down at a nearby restaurant. We were looking at calendars at one of those booths that they set up in the middle of the mall. The girl working the booth came over and asked if she could help us.
ME: "No thanks, just looking."
HER: "Wow, when is your baby due?"
ME: "What?"
HER: "When is your baby due?"
ME: (sarcastically)"Um, two years ago."
HER: "Huh?"
HER: "Oh,......well, I just way your"
(I was wearing a big winter coat, but in no way did I look pregnant!)
As we walked away from "Rude girl" I got thinking, what if whenever those annoying salespeople come up to bother me, before they get a chance to say anything to me, I can just get in their face and yell "I'M NOT PREGNANT!" They will think I am crazy and hopefully leave me alone.
Just think of the possibilities, I think it might even work on door to door salespeople and on telemarketers.
O.K. before I forget it, I need to tell one potty training story.
First of all, I need to explain that my toddler LOVES my hair. It is his comfort object. He twists in through his fingers, and rubs it on his face. This always makes him feel "Aw bettah"
A few days ago, out of the blue, he says "Sit on potty!" Wow, you can't let that pass by. I got out his potty chair, took off his diaper and sat him on the potty chair. I left the room for a few minutes, and heard him say "pee pee in potty" so I go and look, and there's nothing inside, however, his hand and the whole side of his leg is wet. I congratulated him thinking that he aimed things wrong, put a diaper on him, and told him to wash his hands. A few minutes later, I was holding him and he was running his fingers through my hair. He says "Put hand in potty" What? "Put hand in potty", So I ask "DId you put your hand in your potty or Mom's potty?" He replies "Put hand in mom's potty" EEWWWWWW.
O.K. I lied, one more potty training story.
We were at the store last week, and I took him over to look at the "big boy underwear" and what do you know, they had his most favorite LIGHTNING MCQUEEN underwear. He picked up hugged it, stared at it , hugged it again, stared at it........... This is a great moment, I say, "Honey, if you want the big boy Lightning McQueen underwear, you will need to go pee pee in the potty" He looks thoughtfully at the underwear, I ask "What do you think, should we buy them or put them back?" He looks at them again for a moment longer, then hands them to me and says "Put them back".
I guess he isn't ready. That's O.K. I know from experience that if you wait a bit longer to make sure they are ready, they have fewer accidents.
Wow, for not having anything to say, I sure filled up a page. You should see me when I know what I want to say:)
Fortunately my kids provide endless material for me to write about, like when my oldest son sneezes, he sounds just like he is coughing up a hairball. Apparently all you need to do is open your mouth really wide when you sneeze.
Endless material.
If you have been brave enough to endure to the end of this post, please leave a comment. I feel so alone in Cyberspace.


Kati said...

Hi Jill! Thanks for leaving a comment for me! I'm so glad you did! Your blog is great! I laughed out loud at several parts! Isn't being a mom so great??? Really does give you "endless material!"

Nice to "meet" you!

utmomof5 said...

Welcome to blogging!! I will warn you it can be very addicting. It sounds like your house runs alot like mine. I am going to find that plaque and see if it works at my house. You never know right?


Valarie said...

Congrats for jumping on the blogging bandwagon! It is great, isn't it?
I dislike all those crazy sales people at the mall as well. I still say we should all shoot them with the nefr dart guns. That would teach em to mind their own business.
I have a plaque at home too. It says "Lord, grant me patience. But hurry!!"

Rick said...

Welcome to the blogging world. The down side is that you get comments from strange people like me.

I am curious - did your children get up and go shopping with you at 5 am?

Damama T said...

I'm so glad you stopped by my world! You had me giggling the whole time I read this. Good stuff!

I have a suggestion for an addition or alteration to your sign:

Whining is free. Me listening will cost 50cents a word - payable in advance! Come with cash in hand or don't come at all. Love, Mom.

Heck, if you are going to have to listen to it anyway, you might as well have enough money to buy some chocolate for your troubles!

gonna go read some more! TTFN!!

Tori(: said...

Over the course of a week, I read every single one of your blog posts. I must say, I am very disappointed. No, not disappointed with your blog, disappointed with the fact that I have nothing left to read. Your kids are the SWEETEST!

Jayde said...

Hi! This is the second post of yours that I've read, but I can tell you're pretty funny.
Can't wait to read more! (which I will do, momentarily ;))