The ex-spleen-ation for my pain....

Several days ago I woke up with a terrible pain in my left side, just below my ribs. It wasn't a constant pain, but would hurt whenever I moved.  At first I assumed that it was because he day before, I had fallen asleep on our couch while watching TV, and I may have pulled or twisted a muscle or something.
I wasn't completely sure of this, (and may have been a bit bored) so I decided that what I needed to do was to consult Dr. Google (AKA The Hypochondriacs best friend) to discover the real source of my pain.

I did a Google search for "pain under the left ribcage" and came up with 4 different things that could be wrong with me. (I made sure to do this while my children were all in the room, you know, just to make sure that there would be someone around to feel sorry for me)

#1. A collapsed lung

#2. A broken rib

#3. An enlarged or ruptured spleen

#4. A pulled muscle

Before I read these possible diagnosises (is that the correct plural form of the word? Spell check doesn't like it. Should it be diagnosi? Diagnosen?.....) out loud to the children, I made sure to see what the treatments would be for each ailment.

The top three all required, or at least suggested bed rest, so those were the ones I went with.

I told the kids about the pain in my side and that there was a possibility that I had either collapsed a lung, broken a rib, or had a ruptured spleen, and would need to take it easy for a while. I also may have mentioned that they would have to wait on me, bring me ice cream and let me control the TV remote.

They all looked at me blankly (there may have even been some eye rolling involved) and pushed me away from the computer to read the news from Dr. Google themselves.

I should have read further, because apparently, if you have a collapsed lung, it would probably make breathing difficult, and if I had a broken rib, I would be in much more pain that I appeared to be in.

Therefore, I decided that it must be my spleen.

Some of the children didn't know what a spleen was, or where it is located.
Being the very helpful kind of mother that I am, I went ahead and showed each of them where their spleen is.

It seems that my children's spleens are very ticklish, because they laughed a lot, squirmed, and tried to get away from me when I poked them under their ribs, causing me to twist around and make my spleen hurt even more.

These offspring of mine didn't really seem all that concerned about my painful spleen, and they laughed at my discomfort.
One of them even suggested that I had probably just pulled a muscle or something.

The nerve!

So later that night, after they all went to bed, I found a picture of a spleen online, and emailed it to each one of them.

As it turned out, a few days later it stopped hurting, and was probably just a pulled muscle.

Apparently, I really am that clueless and pathetic - garden edition

The good news is that there's a bunch of plants growing in our garden!!

The bad news is that we're not really sure which are the ones we planted and which ones are the weeds.
Today, we* will bring pictures of cucumber, pumpkin, watermelon, pepper and zucchini plants out to our garden with us and pull out everything that doesn't look like the pictures.

*And when I say "we" I most likely just mean "me", because so far this year, the kids haven't been incredibly helpful with the whole "helping with the garden" thing. For example, yesterday I asked one of my offspring to go and water the garden, and said offspring replied "Um, I don't know how to do that."

So today, I will also be teaching the children how to spray water on dirt.

Actually, to be fair, the kids did help with the planting of the garden. They had input on the buying of the seeds, and they did some of the planting.
In retrospect, I probably should have done a better job of supervising the planting because they planted an entire row of zucchini.

The kids said that this would be OK because they really like zucchini............




Yes, I can hear you all laughing through the computer.

I plan on using this as an example of how they should believe what I tell them. Hopefully later this summer/fall, when we have so many zucchinis that we have to start storing them in the kids rooms, they might get a clue and understand that I might occasionally know what I'm talking about.

Does zucchini freeze well?

Do you know why it's so important to lock your car doors at church during the summer time?
It's because if you leave them unlocked, when church is over, you will find your car full of zucchini.

Yesterday I had a friend tell me that I can give her any extra zucchini that we have, I don't really think she has a clue to what she might have coming.

I can see it now, zucchini bread, zucchini brownies, zucchini pancakes, zucchini pudding, zucchini ice cream.......

I bet you can't wait to see all of the creative uses we find for zucchini!





You know, if you type the word zucchini enough times, it starts to look funny.

Safety rule #1 - Do not run around with a garbage can over your head

I took Brielle, Aaron and Max to IKEA today. The boys saw some garbage cans for $1.99 and decided that they each needed a garbage can for their rooms.

As soon as we got home and brought our purchases in the house, they created a new game called "Put the garbage can over your head and walk around bumping into things."

I warned them that this could be potentially dangerous and they should take the garbage cans off of their heads before someone got hurt.

I mentioned this several times.

They ignored me, and this game was great fun until Max bumped into Aaron and he fell over.

"HEY! THAT HURTED!" He screamed as he sat on the floor rubbing his head.

I pointed out to him that this was the very reason that I suggested that they not play this game, but naturally, a few minutes later, they had the garbage cans back on their heads, bumping into things again.

Soon they had another collision, this time sending Aaron's can off of his head and landing on my bare foot.

"OUCH!" I yelled.

Max looked at me and said calmly "Um.....yeah.......I bet that really hurted."

Wii are going to have a great summer!

Today is the first day of Summer vacation! We were on a year round school schedule for 7 years and this year we switched to a school with a traditional schedule, so is the first time we've had more than 3 weeks off between the school years.

I can't tell you how excited I am about this!

10 whole weeks of sleep in days.

No homework to worry about.

Not having to remember to fill out reading logs.

Not having to remind children to actually turn in the reading logs. (if they've actually managed to fill them out)

No lunches to make.

10 whole weeks of sleep in days! (yes, I know I mentioned that before, but it's my favorite!)

Another favorite thing about this time of year.....................

SANDALS!

Because when we wear sandals, we don't have to worry about finding socks!

(seriously, this is a huge deal in our house. I bought Max 12 new pairs of socks just two months ago, and we can only find 7 of them, and out of the 7 that we can find, 3 of them have huge holes in the heels and should probably be thrown away, but we keep them because Max really likes wearing them) (I have NO IDEA why he likes wearing the socks with holes in them)

When the kids realized how much free time they were going to have this summer (or how much free time they perceived that they were going to have this summer.....HA! As if I would allow them free time, I can think of plenty of things they can do to keep busy!) They were quite concerned, and one of them mentioned that they really needed to have a Wii to make it through the summer.

Just then, Max came dancing through the room.

I said "Why do you need a Wii? You have your little brother, and he is WAY more fun than a Wii!

Eye rolling commenced.

So here you have it. The top ten reasons why Max is more fun than a Wii!

10. He doesn't keep score.

9. He doesn't run on electricity. (He will run entirely on PB & J sandwiches.) Hence, he will still work during a blackout.

8. You can change the rules as you go along, and he probably won't know the difference.

7. If you're losing and Max is winning, he is easily distracted. Tell him that his teeth are green and he'll go into panic mode until he can get his teeth brushed and you won't need to finish the game if you don't want to lose.

6. He sings Journey songs.

5. He has a vast supply of random science facts. "Mom, did you know that when you're looking at something, you're not actually seeing what you're looking at, you're actually seeing the light bouncing off of whatever you're looking at." (Yes, he actually said that to me last week)

4. At any given time, he can quote you 7.5 episodes of Spongebob.

3. He dances to the music from the local weather channel.

2. He cheats at Hi-Ho-Cherry-O

And the number one reason that Max is more fun than a Wii.....................

When you roll an imaginary bowling ball at him, it will knock him over EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Multi tasking?

Today I had the extreme pleasure of watching my teenage son try to unload the dishwasher while continuing to play a game on the playstation with the wireless controller.

Let's just say that neither the game or the dishes turned out very well.

Message to my children..........

OK kids, press pause or turn of the video game, do the dishes, finish the homework, use the restroom THEN play the video games

Just when I thought I had nothing to blog about....

This morning I saw my kids, laying around in their pajamas, and decided that they needed a goal for today.
"Hey guys" I said rather enthusiastically, "why don't you do something funny today so I can blog about it?"
They groaned and went back to watching TV.
They haven't done anything funny for a while. Seriously, what am I supposed to blog about? The fighting is getting old. The teasing is getting old. The whining is getting old.
Then, something weird happened.

They all got dressed without me telling them to.

Apparently, they wanted something.

They wanted to go to the park. I explained that the dishes would need to be done for this to happen.

They did the dishes.

This was too weird, so we all piled in the car and we went to the park. While there, I told them that they needed to do something funny so I could blog about it, so they climbed to the top of the playground tower and had a burping contest.

We had a nice visit to the park. I sat under a tree and counted all the moms with their designer strollers, overly highlighted bumpit heads and daisy headbands that are bigger than their baby's head. I laughed because I'm pretty sure they don't realize that they're living a stereotype.

I look over at Max and for the first time notice that Mac & Cheese he had for lunch is still all over his face. I ask my other kids why nobody bothered to wash his face, and none of them answer. So then I ask Max "Did you know that you have Mac & Cheese all over your face?'
He nods yes.
"Did you forget to wash it off or are you saving it for later?"
"I'm savin' it for later."

And I'm feeling pretty good about life because;
1. He's only 4 and has already learned to plan ahead.
2. He wasn't wearing a huge daisy on his head.

Then one of the bumpit set got out a really nice, hand pieced, hand stitched quilt and laid it on the grass and dirt then rolled her stroller on top of it and sat down.
I had to look away.
(Seriously, I doubt that she had any clue how much work and expense went into that beautiful quilt, and she's got it laying on the ground!)

Max went down the slide about 100 times. The kid is a slide maniac.
Then we went home, where Brielle got out her notebook and proceeded to draw some rather uncomplimentary pictures of me. She thought this was funny until I told her that she couldn't have a popcicle, then she tried to back track and drew nice pictures. She drew pictures of herself with tears running down her face, saying she was sorry and very sad............
Then I noticed that one of the pictures of herself had a mustache, and she doesn't have a mustache.
I still didn't let her have a popcicle. I told her she could have one when she grows a mustache.

How long do you think I should stay mad at her?

Boredom busters for kids, or How to get yourself grounded in three easy steps!

Hey kids!!
It's summertime! School is out and pretty soon you will be faced with that age old problem......

SUMMER BOREDOM

(dun dun dun)

Do you enjoy the smell of burning machinery and burning rubber combined?
Do you enjoy seeing that vein on your dear mother's face pop out so far that it looks like it's going to burst?
Do you enjoy having different appliance repairmen visit your house on a regular basis?

Well kids, have I got an activity for you!!

First, clean your room. I know this is usually something that you don't do voluntarily, however, it will confuse your parents. They will be so shocked and happy that it will intensify their reaction to the real activity that you have planned!

Second, take all of the blankets and sheets in your room and stuff them in the washing machine. May I suggest, more specifically,

(may be sung to the tune of "Twelve days of Christmas")

Three LARGE afgans
Two handmade blankets
One throw blanket
One set of sheets
And a twin sized Spongebob comforter!

Be sure to use all of your weight to pack them down in the washing machine so that the lid will close.
Sit on the lid if necessary.

Next, put in the soap, turn on the washing machine and wait for the fun to begin!

Now, here's the tricky part, when the washing machine starts making a really obnoxious noise and you start to smell the burning machinery/rubber smell, instead of telling anyone, just close the door to the laundry room.

The washing machine might actually stop on it's own. In fact, it will probably stop and not start again.

Ever!

Now here's the really fun part, when your mom starts to walk into the laundry room, casually say "Hey mom, you might not want to go in there, it smells really bad!"

Naturally, your mother will want to investigate any and every bad smell in the house, and will go in the laundry room anyway. Now is the time to tell her about the funny noise and how the washing machine "just stopped on it's own."

See the look of horror on your mother's face when she pushes every button on the washing machine only to discover that there are no signs of life left in this dear (not so old) appliance.

Watch as your mother searches the house, looking for the warranty to the washing machine, hoping that the warranty is not void if children are allowed to use the appliance.
Listen to your mother mutter under her breath something about never really seeing any rule that specifically says that children can't be sold on eBay.

Making family memories is so much fun!!!

Next you will get to help your possibly screaming at this point mother wring out the contents of the washing machine and carry them to the bathtub while trying not to drip water all over the house!!

Be forewarned, your mother may tell you that the money designated for the trip to the amusement park will be paid to the appliance repair man.
And there will be no amusement happening for you this summer!

Good times.

One last thing, this project is so much more fun if it happens after 11:00 p.m.

Try it!!

Go ahead, I DARE YOU!!!




This morning just before calling the repairman, I tried one more time to turn on the washing machine and lucky for the children, it worked.
We have spent the day rinsing and drying the all of the bedding removed last night, except this time I have separated it into 4 different loads.

Yes, I am relieved.

Santa. Fears, photos and phonies

Every year at this time I want to get a cute picture of my kids with Santa.
I think I've only had one good picture where all of my kids are smiling and look happy to be there.

When CJ was a baby, it was no problem. We just plopped him on Santa's lap, they snapped the picture and that was that. (He was only 3 months old)

The next year, he looked a little concerned, but the picture was different.

Two years later, Brielle was 9 months old and CJ was three.
Brielle is sitting nicely on Santa's lap and CJ is standing about 3 feet away, looking sideways at Santa with a look of confusion on his face.

Still, he never screamed.

The following year, CJ went eagerly up to Santa so he cold tell him what he wanted for Christmas. He hopped up on his lap, then I sat Brielle on his other knee, and she had a complete meltdown.
The girl in the elf costume behind the camera kept trying to get her to smile, but she just screamed louder.

And louder.

And the girl just kept trying. "Come on sweetie. Smile. Be a happy girl. Smile."

Brielle just screamed louder.

Finally I said "Just take the picture!"

Elf girl says "But she's not smiling."

I say "JUST HURRY AND TAKE THE PICTURE!!!"

I must have scared ditsy elf girl because she went ahead and snapped the picture.

Right as the picture was being taken, Brielle had lifted her arms straight above her head in an effort to escape from Santa by sliding out under his arm. Santa tightened his grip just in time to keep her from falling on the floor but unfortunately only caught her around the neck as she was sliding off his lap.

So,

What we got was a picture of CJ sitting very nicely on Santa's lap with a big smile on his face, while Brielle's face was beet red from screaming and from Santa's arm being practically around her throat.

(He wasn't really choking her, it just looked like it in the photo. She was fine, and has not seemed to have suffered any ill effects from the experience)

We didn't really have any unfortunate Santa photos for many years after that. (Aaron has never been afraid of Santa. Santa brings him toys, what's scary about that?)

Until last year.
We went to Disneyland and California Adventure during the first week of December. Santa was in California Adventure wearing bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.
I tried to sit Max on his lap and he screamed grabbed my hair with both hands and tried to climb up my face. (Max did that, not Santa)
Santa was really nice, he told Max that he could just stand in front of him, he didn't need to sit on his lap, and Mom could stand next to them, but Max wasn't buying it.
Instead of a cute picture of Max sitting on Santa's lap, we have a picture of me standing several feet away from Santa holding Max who looks terrified and is screaming at the top of his lungs while Santa is sitting on a surfboard giving us the "hang loose" sign.

Good times.

Today I was thinking about my experiences with Santa when I was a child.

Like the Santa at JC Penny's who had REALY bad breath. And black eyebrows. Seriously a Santa with black eyebrows and a white beard and hair.
And bad breath. He should have tried eating one of those candy canes that he was handing out. Really, it couldn't have made his breath any worse.

The most memorable one was when I was about 4. We were at our family's Christmas party, and I noticed that my great aunt and uncle snuck out the front door.
About ten minutes later, my aunt and Santa Clause walked IN the front door.

Together.

And Santa was wearing my uncle's boots.

So either Santa and my great aunt had tied up my great uncle with Christmas lights and Santa had stolen his boots,
or,
It was my great uncle dressed up as Santa.

All of my cousins were stampeding toward "Santa."
Me? I wasn't buying it.
So when it was my turn to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas I said "You're not Santa. You're uncle Ivan. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"
He just laughed, threw in a few "Ho, Ho, Ho"s and said "No, I really am Santa!" (Adding a few more "Ho, Ho, Ho"s)
"No" I said. "You are uncle Ivan. You sound like him and you're wearing his boots! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

You know how sometimes when you say or do something as a child that nobody lets you forget? A few years ago at a family reunion, my great uncle Ivan retold that story. (But I was right wasn't I? It really was him, and I knew it was him.) He said how I just kept repeating "I know who you are! I know who you are!"

At least I didn't lick all the dirt of of a bunch of twigs when we were camping like my cousin did when we were little. That's a story I enjoy telling to her kids..........


And to continue with the still a little early for Christmas theme of my post today, here is a way for you to save money on gifts this Christmas time.

My kids are weird

That's pretty much it.

My kids are weird.

Jill's Jeopardy! The new game show!

Welcome to our new game show "Jill's Jeopardy"

(cue annoying theme song)

I'm your host Alex Trebeck!

Let's meet our new contestants!

First, we have CJ. Could you tell us a little bit about yourself?

CJ: "Hi Alex, I'm in seventh grade I like computers, pizza and sleeping in to the crack of noon."

Alex: "Great! Next we have Brielle"

Brielle: "Hi Alex! I'm ten years old I like anything pink and girly and I love to read and dance and draw and rollerblade and ride my bike and paint and sing and play the piano and make up plays and I love school and I don't like onions or mean kids or aliens from outer space and when I grow up I want to be either a pediatric cardiologist or the activities director for a cruise line or something like that because I have a lot of energy and a ton of great ideas and.......

Alex: "Thank you Brielle, but let's move along because this is only a 30 minute program. Our next contestant is Aaron, can you tell us a little about yourself?"

Aaron: "Hi Alex, I'm eight years old, and I like to clean stuff. I like to watch infomercials about cleaning products. If I win this game, I'm going to use my cash prize to buy myself one of those really cool floor polishing things, because that would be really cool!

Alex: "Um.........great! Our fourth contestant for Jill's Jeopardy is Max."

Max: "I'm a big boy! I also wearing underwear! I need some miwk! Please a please a please a please! I also pway wif my caws! I also hear the gwrarbage truck!! I know the alphabet song! I can also sing it for you A B C D E F G..........."

Alex: "Thank you Max. Now let's get started. When I give the answer, whoever is the first to hit the buzzer, they will get to answer. Please remember to phrase your answer the form of a question."

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "Max, please wait until I give the answer."

Max: "I also do like the buzzer!!"
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "No Max, not until AFTER I give the answer! CJ, you choose the first category."

Brielle: "Why does he get to go first? He always gets to go first? It's not fair!!!!"

CJ: "I'll take "Pet Peeves" for $200 Alex."

Alex: "The answer is stapler, tape and scissors."

Brielle: BUZZ "What are some things I like to use when I'm creating an art project"

Alex: "I'm sorry, while that might be true, it's not the answer that we're looking for"

Aaron: BUZZ "Stuff that can be used on a wall!"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, wrong answer and please remember to give your answers in the form of a question."

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
"I also like the buzzer!

CJ: BUZZ "What are things found in the kitchen drawer?"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, the correct question is "What are three things that your mom can never find when she really needs them because someone has used them and NOT returned them to the kitchen drawer." Sorry, no points. CJ, choose another category."

Brielle: "Hey wait, I want a turn!"

CJ: "I'll take "Say what" for $200 Alex.

Alex: "The answer is Get in the car!"

Aaron: "What does mom say when she wants us to sit down and watch television?"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

CJ: BUZZ "What does mom say a million times every morning?"

Alex: "Oh, so close, but not quite the answer that we're looking for."

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
I ALSO NEED TO GO POTTY!! I ALSO NEED TO GO POTTY! I ALSO NEED......

Alex: "Could someone please escort Max to the restroom?"

Brielle: BUZZ "What does mom say when she REALLY wants us to get in the car?"

Alex: "Yes! That's correct! When your mom says get in the car, she really wants you to get in the car!! Brielle, choose the next category please!"

Brielle: "I'll take "Hands off" for $400 Alex."

Alex: "Chocolate you might find hidden somewhere"

Brielle: "What is good to eat?"

Alex: "NO, I'm sorry."

CJ: "I think Brielle is right. When we find chocolate, no matter where it's hidden, I think we should get to eat it!"

Aaron: "Me too! Whenever I find chocolate hidden anywhere, I immediately eat it!"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, you all got that one wrong. The correct question is What should you never ever ever EVER eat? Now please, remember to buzz in before you give your answer!"

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
CHOKWIT MIWK! I ALSO DO WANT SOME CHOKWIT MIWK!!!!

Alex: "Aaron, your turn to choose a category."

Brielle: "Hey! I think it's my turn again! CJ got TWO TURNS! It can't be Aaron's turn yet!"

Aaron: "I'll take "Times of the day" for $300 Alex."

Alex: "10:30 p.m."

Aaron: BUZZ "What time does David Letterman come on TV?"

Alex: "Incorrect"

Brielle: BUZZ "What time does Jay Leno come on TV?"

Alex: "No. Sorry."

CJ: BUZZ "When is a good time to play the playstation 2?"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, the correct question is When is the worst time to start on your homework that's due the next day, inform your mom that you are out of clean underwear, or practice the trumpet?"

Aaron: "We need clean underwear?"

CJ: "Hey, it's a better time than say 7:30 a.m. right before we go to school."

Alex: "True, but I think the point being made here is that these things should happen WELL BEFORE 10:30 p.m."

Brielle: "Is it my turn to choose the category?"

Alex: "sure. whatever."

Brielle: "I'll take "Pet peeves" for $300!"

Alex: "Glasses half full of milk left on the table."

Brielle: "Hey, I'm not the one that does that!"

Aaron: "Well, it's not me either!"

CJ: "I always finish off my milk!"

Alex: "Buzzers people! Remember your buzzers!"

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "Moving along................

Aaron: "My turn?"

Alex: "whatever"

Aaron: "Thanks Alex. I'll take "Miracles" for $500!"

Alex: "The answer is: Clean dishes, clean kitchen, toys put away, all done without whining."


(silence)


(more silence)


Alex: "Anyone going to buzz in on this one? ...............Anyone?"

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
(giggle, giggle, giggle)

Alex: "Is anyone going to ANSWER this one?"

(more silence)

Alex: "OK, the correct question would be "What are three things that would make your mother extremely happy?

Aaron: "whoa."

Brielle: "Seriously?"

CJ: "Wow, I never thought of that."

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "Well, it looks like we're out of time. Please join us next week for the new game show WHEEL OF CHORES!"

The Stand off-Dirty dishes

Our children are expected to do a few chores around the house.
These include setting the table before dinner, clearing the table after dinner, taking the clean dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them away in their designated spots and then filling the dishwasher with dirty dishes.
(Actually putting dishwashing detergent in the dishwasher and turning it on is also an added bonus)
Sometimes, our children forget that these jobs are theirs to do, and so occasionally, they might require a gentle reminder.

Sometimes, the kids won't get the dishes done the night before, especially if they have a lot of homework. Understanding how important the homework is, (and knowing if they don't do it at that moment, that I will miss out on some of my sleep because I'll be staying up late giving them gentle reminders, and nudging them awake so they can get the homework done)

Last week was one of those weeks. Lots of homework. That combined with a few extracurricular activities made it easier for me just to do the dishes myself.

Friday after school, I took the kids to Tarzhay so that Aaron could spend the gift card that he got for his birthday. He couldn't find anything for under $10. I told him that I would lend him the extra three dollars that he would need for the item he wanted. He promised to do the dishes, and mop and clean the entire kitchen. (because he was just that grateful) (and he loves to clean)
When we got home, I again informed the kids that there were some dirty dishes in the sink, and that they should be getting them clean. I also reminded Aaron about the deal we made at Tarzhay.
Since it was now the weekend, and Brielle and Aaron were now officially "off track" from school for the next three weeks, I saw no reason why the dishes could not be done. I also wasn't feeling very well, and needed to rest (Aaron came home from school sick on Thursday, and must have shared it with me, because I felt lousy all weekend) (The way I felt probably contributed to the poor judgement I had concerning the loaning of money to Aaron at Tarzhay) (But in my defense, the kid really does like to clean, so I thought that he would probably keep his end of the bargain)

Friday when we went to bed, the dishes were still not done. Since I had done them several times during the week, there was no way that I was going to do them again.

"Hey kids, tomorrow morning, the dishes need to be done, and the kitchen cleaned up, Got it?"

"Yes, dear mother, we shall do as you ask!"

But alas, the dishes remained dirty, and were piling higher in the sink.

Saturday we had a family reunion to go to at the park. I needed to make a salad. The bowl and the serving spoon I needed were not clean.

I washed them by hand.

I again reminded my dear offspring of their duty to clean the dishes.

I also pointed out that we were now going to be late for the reunion because I had to take the time to wash the dishes before I could use them, and if they had done their job, we could have left 20 minutes ago.

They promised to do the dishes when they got home.

We went to the park and had a lovely time visiting with family. (Right up until the point where we were leaving and Max had a complete melt down because he had only been down the slide 234 times, and I wouldn't let him go 235. We hauled him out of the park kicking and screaming "Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! I ALSO GO ON THE SLIDE ONE MORE TIME!!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!!" which I knew wouldn't really happen, because the last 8 times he went down were supposed to be the "last time")

When we got home, I again gently reminded the children that they had a job to do, and also showed them that there were now more dishes to be done and they would either have to run two loads in the dishwasher, or wash some by hand.

That evening after dinner, the dishes still weren't done. I pointed out to the children that we had used the last of our clean plates, and we would need those to be washed so we could eat off of them for dinner the next day.

Sunday after church, I took a nap, but first reminding the kids to do the dishes.

When it came time for them to set the table for dinner, they put out paper plates and cups.

I, on the other hand, needed to hand wash two pans (one for spaghetti, one for sauce) and the garlic press, which is more easily washed in the dishwasher.

After dinner I again reminded the kids that the dishes needed to be done. They agreed. It was Sunday evening. CJ did have some homework to do, but the other two rugrats are out of school for the next three weeks, so homework was no longer an excuse.
I don't know where they went to hide. I'm quite sure it was the huge pile of dishes in the sink that frightened them away.

They finally won.

I did a load of dishes. I was just so tired of reminding them, and besides, I needed clean dishes.

This morning, I again told the kids that they needed to get the rest of the dishes done. Again they agreed.
This afternoon, I again told the kids that they needed to get the rest of the dishes done. Again they agreed.

I did another load of dishes.

Brielle and CJ must have felt a little bad, because they started doing the dishes after dinner, but were distracted, and I finished them.

For those of you keeping track, that's load #3

Now here's the deal.

For the rest of the week, whenever they ask me to do something, I will say:

"Sure!, I'd love to do that for you!"
or,
"Absolutely! I would love to take you there!"
and
"That sounds like a fabulous activity! Sure we can do that!"

And then...............................


Nothing.


They want to do fun activities while they are out of school. They want to have friends over, they want to go to the fair (which would probably be a great activity so we can show Max what kind of animals really live on a farm) They want to go to a movie.


Too bad.


Now I have two more things to say.

1. Please don't leave me a mean comment about my style of parenting, I will just make fun of you on my next post. (Plus, remember, I was sick all weekend)

2. My children will probably not remember the events of the last few days exactly the same way I did. They may even laugh at the phrase "gentle reminder" however, I would like to point out to them that I did do 3 loads of dishes, while they did not (except for Brielle and CJ who emptied part of the dishwasher) and also, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want.

MOM - The destroyer of fun

Yes, I knew that "cool mom" title was too good to last.

Today was the last day of the school year for us. (we are on year-round school)
So, being the"cool mom" that I am, decided that when I picked up the kids from school, and after I went to the bank, I would take them to Sonic for shakes.
What kid wouldn't be absolutely THRILLED with this activity?

Yep, you guessed it, one of mine.

"But I don't like their shakes, they're gross! Why can't we just go to McDonald's and get sundaes?"

Now, while that also sounded like a great idea, I was really in the mood for a Sonic shake.

The child says "Why can't we just go to Sonic AND McDonald's?"

That didn't sound like too bad of an idea, and I was just about to say that we could do that, when a second child pipes in and says "I don't want to go there either, why can't we go to Wendy's?"
And another one says "Yeah, we should go there and get hamburgers also. We got out of school before lunch today, and I didn't eat breakfast either, so I'm starving!"
Then the first child says "No, I don't want Wendy's, I want to go to McDonald's and get a parfait!
"NO" says another "I wanted a Sonic shake! We should get burgers at McDonald's, and then go to Sonic for shakes!"
"I don't like Sonic shakes!"
"I don't like McDonald's hamburgers. Mom, can I get chicken nuggets instead?"
"But I want to go to Wendy's!"
"I also wants a seesebugah!" (translation - cheeseburger)
"But they don't have yogurt parfaits at Wendy's"
"So, we should just go get shakes at Sonic!"
"And I also do want a sockwit miwk!" (chocolate milk)
"But I don't like shakes at Sonic!..............."

Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the car at the drive through window of the bank, wondering at what point this all went so terribly wrong.

And I made an announcement.

"I'm thinking that we don't really need to be going anywhere."

I am met with a sudden silence from the back seat.

I continue "but since I'm such a cool mom, we will go to ONE location, and I will decide!"
I know all too well that at that point, I probably should have just gone ahead and driven home with no treat, but I suddenly realized that I was, in fact, quite hungry myself, and was quite in the mood for something yummy. I also noticed a McDonald's that was right next to the very bank from which we were leaving.

"We will be going to McDonald's. Each of you will be given TWO dollars to spend in any way you please!
"BUT MOM!"
"No" I reply, "Two dollars. I don't care how you spend it, but that's it!"

That kept the little darlings happy until the two of them that wanted chicken nuggets discovered that they cost 2.95.

Too bad for them.

By the time we left the McDonald's, the kids had decided that I was still "cool mom." I guess filling them with sugar laden, highly processed food will have that effect on children.

Then we got home.

As I walked in the kitchen I realized that all of the things I had asked the children to do the night before, had not been done.
There were still mounds of craft stuff on the kitchen table (homemade end of the year teacher gifts) The dinner dishes were still in the sink, the floor had not been swept, and the kitchen counter had many kid-related, 'shouldn't be sitting on the kitchen counter' sort of things just covering the surface.

And I made another announcement.

"There will be no summer fun until the kitchen gets cleaned up."

I have now gone from "cool mom" status to "Mom, the destroyer of fun!"

Because yes, I really do stay up nights just trying to think of more things I can do to make their lives miserable. It's my job, and I take pride in my work.
Apparently, my main goal in life is to make sure that my children have absolutely no fun.
Whatsoever.

I stayed quite upbeat, and even tried to make it fun "Come on guys, let's all work on this together" and I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
After working alone for about ten minutes, I realized that I had been working alone for ten minutes.

Nope. There will not be any fun had in this house this summer.

None.

European Vacation..........Not.

Summertime is here, and the kids are out of school.

Well the neighbor kids are out of school. Mine are going back to school this Monday after being off track for three weeks.
Remember all of the goals I had set at the beginning of their three weeks off of school?

None accomplished.

It certainly wasn't for lack of good intentions on my part, we just had a few problems. Between the weather being less than perfect (much less) and two of the kids being sick for a while, we just didn't get anything done.

Okay, the truth is that I just wasn't willing to do the necessary nagging and yelling inspiring words of encouragement to make sure things got done.
However, from recent reports, things have been going swimmingly well in Playstation 2 land.

The potty training is at a standstill. The first day of vacation, we spent outside with max in big boy underwear! We were outside for a few hours. The kids played on the swing set and trampoline, and we had a picnic lunch.
We went inside the house for just a few minutes, and I heard the sound of dripping. Yes, Max had an accident on the kitchen floor. I guess I should just be grateful that it didn't happen on the somewhat new carpet.

We will revisit the potty training thing in a few weeks.

Really, sometimes it's just easier when they're in diapers. Like when you're shopping, you have a cart full of items, and someone needs to go potty. Now. So you make the mad dash across the store, leave your basket outside the restroom, race the child inside to find that they waited too long to tell you that they needed to go, and they've had an accident, and so you take a while to get them cleaned up, and come out of the bathroom to find that some helpful store employee took your cart away, and is at that very moment putting all of your items back on the shelves.

Anyway, the kids go back to school on Monday, and I would just rather call it good, and keep them home for the next six weeks. (and really, this has nothing to do with how much I enjoy sleeping in when they're not in school) (really, it doesn't)

The teachers have a great system going to get the kids to want to go to school the last three weeks. They've planned several field trips, parties and other fun activities.

Sneaky, sneaky teachers.

This is the conversation we had in our car as we drove home from Grandma's house earlier tonight.

Me: "Do you think that if I called the school Monday morning, and told them that we were going on a trip to Europe for the next month, that the school would be okay with them not coming to school for the last three weeks? (after all, lying to the school couldn't be much different from lying to the kids)
DH: "Well, if we were in Europe, they couldn't have much to say about it."
Brielle: "I CAN'T miss school! I have a big math test coming up, and I can't miss it!"
CJ: "That would be okay with me."
Aaron: "We're going to Europe?"
ME: "No, we are not going to Europe. I was just wondering if the school would have a problem with you missing the last three weeks.
Brielle: "I CAN'T miss school! We have a big math test that I NEED to take!!"
Max: "Dat not be good."
Aaron: "Are we going to Europe??"
DH: "NO, we are not going to Europe."
Brielle: "That's good, because I don't want to go to Europe! I can't miss school because we have this big math test, and I can't miss it!"
DH: "I think you would have fun in Europe."
Brielle: "Dad, I have a math test!
Me: "So, what if we REALLY were going to Europe? Would you be okay missing the math test then?"
Brielle: "NO Mom, I CAN'T miss this test!"
Aaron: "So we ARE going to Europe?"
Me: "No Aaron, we ARE NOT going to Europe!"
CJ: "Why not? I think it would be fun to go to Europe."
Brielle: "I CAN'T miss school! I have a math test!"
Max: "Hi, my name's Steve. Have you seen Blue, my puppy?"
DH: "NO, we are not going to Europe."
Aaron: "Why not?"
CJ: "Yeah, why not?"
Me: "Because Brielle has a math test!"
DH: "Is there someone we could leave her with, and the rest of us can go?"
Brielle: "STOP TEASING ME!!"
Aaron: "So we are going to Europe?"
DH: "No Aaron, we ARE NOT going to Europe!"
Max: (singing) "You've got to find the first pawprint, that's the first clue, put it in our notebook and it's who's clues? Blue's clues!"
Me: "I guess we could always leave Brielle with my cousin, then she wouldn't miss her math test."
Brielle: "STOP TEASING ME!!"
Aaron: "So are we going to Europe or not?".........................


Just for the record, we are NOT going to Europe.

Just do it

Dear children,

When I ask you to do something, I really do not care if you "want" to do it or not. Sure, it would be great if you "want" to do what I ask, even better if you "like" to do what I ask, but believe me, "wanting" to do something is actually not necessary to being able to complete a task.

Seriously, as long as you do what I ask, I don't care whether or not you "wanted" to do it.

Thank you,
The management.

p.s. Mashed potatoes are not finger food. We have forks, please use them.

Angry Tot .......Part Two

Ever since he was born, Max has been the sweetest, most laid back, easy going child. He even made it through the "terrible twos" with the minimum number of tantrums.
He is a sweetheart. Very loving, very tender hearted.
Max loves to help with anything he can. At age three, he can set the table for dinner all by himself.
He will get his toys out, play with them and then put them away.

Without being asked.

In the last few weeks, since he turned three, I have noticed things starting to change a bit.
I will ask him to set the table, he will say "No" so one of his siblings will set it. This will make him mad, and he will take all the dishes off of the table and put them back on himself.
I will ask him to put his coat away. He will say "No" so I will put it in the closet. This will upset him, and he will get it out of the closet walk across the room, drop it back on the floor (where it was originally) and then pick it up and take it back to the closet and put it away.

Max usually has a very pleasant disposition until late afternoon, when he will sometimes turn into "Mr. Crabbypants" (as we ever so affectionately call him)

The kid really needs an afternoon nap, and on the rare days where this is accomplished, we enjoy Max and his sweet disposition until bedtime.

Today, there was no nap.

Set the scene:

Dinnertime.
Dad has grilled some hamburgers for dinner. Max will always ask for a hamburger, but will only eat the top bun, and occasionally peel the cheese off of the hamburger patty.

He NEVER eats the hamburger.

Max: "I want some cheese."

I unwrap a slice of cheese, and he inhales it.

Max: "I WANT SOME MORE CHEESE!"
Me "Max, do you think you can ask for that nicer?"
Max: (Lowering his voice) "Please I some have cheese?)

I unwrap another slice and hand it to him.

Max "I NEED SOME MILK!"
Me: "Hey Max, do you want to try that again?"
Max (lowering his voice) Please I some have milk?"

CJ pours him some milk, and he freaks out.

Max: "NO! Make it be dempty! Make it be dempty! ("dempty" means empty)

I pick up his glass of milk and drink it.
He hands me the glass and says "Mom get me milk"
(He is currently going through a phase where I am the only person that can do anything for him)
I poured him the milk.

Max: "I NEED SOME MORE CHEESE!"
ME: "Try that again little dude."
Max: "Please I some have more cheese?"

At this point, Brielle asks "What, is he on some kind of dairy only diet or something?"

We decide that since he has had so much cheese, that he won't be wanting a hamburger, so someone else eats Max's hamburger patty. Just as the last bite of it is being eaten...........

Max: "I WANT A HAMBURGER!"

Thinking that I'm being clever, I say "How about a bun? We could put some cheese on it.
Max looked like he was going to go for this idea, and just as we were putting the top bun on the cheese sandwich , Aaron (bless his unobservant little heart) says "Hey Max, why aren't you having a hamburger on that?"

Thanks Aaron.

Now Max wants hamburger on his bun. Hamburger that has already been eaten. Hamburger that Max would only nibble on at the most.
Max is now screaming "I WANT THE BROWN PART! I WANT THE BROWN PART!!"
(brown part meaning the hamburger patty)

Me: "Sorry Max, but all the brown parts are gone see."
I hold up the empty plate foolishly thinking that this will satisfy him.

Max: (sobbing) "I want a brown part! I want a brown part!"

I go searching through the freezer, hoping to find something that will pass for a "brown part."
I found an old frozen microwaveable breakfast sandwich with a sausage patty.

SCORE!!

I chip the sandwich apart, flake the cheese off of the sausage patty, and nuke it in the microwave. as soon as I pulled it out of the microwave, I KNEW that we would have a problem.

It wasn't brown.

The darn patty was a dark tan at best. Not even close to the delicious flame grilled burgers that the rest of us had devoured just moments before.
"Maybe he won't notice" I thought.

Okay Jill, get a clue. You really thought he wouldn't notice?

I hurried and slipped the sausage patty on the bun and tried to cover it with a slice of cheese.
Max lifted the top bun, peeled off the cheese and said..........

"IT'S NOT BROWN!!
IT'S NOT BROWN!!
IT'S WHITE!! "

"I WANT THE BROWN ONE!!!!"

At this point, I was SO finished. I hauled him off to his room and got him ready for bed.

I'm too exhausted to describe the process of getting his pajamas on him. Let's just say it was similar to dinner.

I just went into his room to check on him. He's so sweet, snuggling under his blanket, hugging his stuffed frog, dreaming about all the wonderful things in his life...........

Oh, who am I kidding. He's not sleeping, he's "recharging."

I've got to figure out a way to get this kid to nap.

Morning rush hour

This morning when my alarm rang, I heard someone in the kitchen. For a moment, I had a hopeful thought that one of my older children were actually awake and ready for the day.

No such luck.

It was Max, playing with his cars.

So I picked up Max and took him downstairs with me to wake the other kids.
Max is my favorite alarm clock, and if he is available, I will always use him to wake up his siblings. They just seem to be nicer to him in the morning than they are to me. I took him into each of their rooms, sat him next to their heads, and had him poke them awake.

Ahhh, Success!

It's just so strange how I can go into their rooms in the morning, and cheerfully try to wake them up and they growl at me, but when Max goes in and starts poking them in the face with his pointy little fingers, they wake up with a cheerful disposition.

Remembering that the kids were having their end of the year testing today, I decided that I would be a really cool mom, and make them something good for breakfast.
Besides, yesterday, Brielle came home and told me that her teacher said that they should have a "warm, hearty breakfast."

I assumed that did not mean tossing them a frozen waffle in the back of the car to eat on the way to school.

Not that I've ever done that.

I looked through the kitchen closet and found a muffin mix.
I made the little darlings fresh muffins, and they immediately inhaled them.

I then said "Okay guys, time to get in the car." So they just sat at the table and poured themselves glasses of milk.

"Seriously people, it's time to go to school!"

They s l o w l y drank their milk.

If we don't leave now, we'll be late!"

They look at me as if I'm from another planet, and then they begin wandering around looking for their shoes.
When we finally get everyone in the car, Brielle looks at the clock and shrieks "Mom, we're going to be late!"

Really?

Oh well. Only one more week until they are off track from school, and I can sleep in.

Beating the system

Isn't it amazing how smart kids are? Especially when it comes to getting out of doing things, and I'm not just talking about "remembering" they have homework to do when I ask them to do the dishes.

Tonight I got an email from my cousin, who's son is in the same school class as Aaron. She said that Aaron told M (her son) that if you purposely get all of the words wrong on the spelling pre test, then you get easier words for the actual test. M was very excited about this method, because apparently, it really works. My cousin had a nice long talk with her son, and he won't be doing this again.

I'm really not sure what to think of this. On one hand, I'm disappointed in Aaron for pulling off this scheme, but on the other hand, I'm a little impressed with his creativity.

When I asked Aaron about the whole situation, he got this goofy grin on his face, and couldn't stop giggling.
I explained to him that this was dishonest behavior, and we would not tolerate it.
"I've never done that on the pre test" he said "I keep forgetting to do it."

Right.


I'm trying to figure out what kind of career path this type of behavior will lead him to.
I think he gets this way of thinking from my brother.

I did something similar to that when weighing in for dance club in high school. The first week of weigh in, all the other girls were stripping down to nearly nothing so they would weigh less. I wore all of my clothes (I think I may have worn a heavy sweater, my coat, and carried my books also) The next week at weigh in, while the other girls had starved themselves all day, shaved their legs, and then were all standing in line at the restroom in a last ditch effort to lose a few ounces, I wore my regular clothes, (minus the coat) and weighed less than the previous week.
Really, it never hurts to plan ahead.

Not wanting to mess up my newly clean kitchen, I implemented a new rule in our house.

Nobody goes to bed until the table is cleared, the dishes are done, and the kitchen counter cleaned off.

This is the kids job, except tonight, after asking them nicely once, reminding them nicely twice, and not so nicely another time, (or four) I just did it myself.
As I was loading the dishwasher, I came up with another new rule for our house.

If Mom does your chores for you, you will need to pay her.

One child asked "What if we don't have any money?"
To which I reply "You have an iPod, and I have an ebay account."

(Yes, I am mean. You wanna make something of it?)

On an unrelated subject, I haven't craved chocolate for two whole days.
Do you think I should go see a doctor?

Swingin' & bouncin'

Yesterday was the big party we had been preparing for for the last few weeks. You know, the one where we were having around 40 people over to our house. (Okay, it turned out to be more like 30, however, that's still quite a few people to have at your house all at the same time)
The really great news is that we actually got the house clean!
The other great news is that all of the mounds of crap we had stacked, stuffed and smashed in the closets, STAYED in the closets, and didn't fall out of the the entire time that our guests were here!

Hooray!

I also finished a few projects I've had on my list for quite a while, like putting up the drapes in the family room, and hanging some pictures on the walls.

YAY ME!

We got our bedroom so clean, that several times during the day, I just go and look at it. The room just looks so nice with the bed made and everything................not that the bed isn't always made because it is........ totally.......all the time.
I'm just enjoying this while it lasts, because at our house, tidiness is fleeting, and only lasts a short while.

Last week, we welcomed two new additions to our house.

We got this............

And this..............

The kids were excited beyond belief, because prior to this week, all they had to play with in the back yard was grass. Apparently there's not a whole lot of fun things you can do with just grass.
The swing set was installed on Monday. (we had it installed, because if it was up to us to put it together, it would still be sitting in our garage when our youngest goes off to college)
The guys got it put up pretty quickly, and with the exception of them digging through the wire to the timer on our sprinkling system, set up went quite well.
Since the legs to the swing set were being cemented into the ground, the kids weren't allowed to play on the swing set for five days until the concrete had sufficient time to cure.

This drove the kids crazy.
Kids: "So we have this great swing set, and we can't play on it until Saturday?"
Me: "That's right."
Kids:"Can we sit on it and not swing?"
ME: "No."
Kids: "Can we swing the swings by themselves?"
ME: "No."
Kids: "Can we touch it?"
Me: "No."
Kids: So what can we do with it?"
Me: "You can smell it."

So the kids proceeded to go outside, and smell the swing set. They came in a few minutes later, and I asked them "What did it smell like?" you know, because I was curious.

Apparently, it smells like a swing set.

Dear Children,

Dear Children,


I . JUST. WANT. THE . HOUSE. CLEAN!!!!



Seriously, is that too much to ask?

Letters to the drop off zone

Dear lady in the green mini van,
In the future, would you please make sure that all of your children have their back packs filled, coats on, notes signed, and hair combed BEFORE you leave for school? Please realize that there are about 20 cars behind you waiting to drop our kids off at school while we are ever so patiently waiting for you to take care of the items mentioned above.
Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Signed,
The mom waiting behind you.

Dear daughter of the lady in the green mini van,
Your hair looks fine. GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!
Signed,
Still waiting

Dear guy in the little blue sports car,
Did you not notice how your wheels were spinning on the icy street?
Did you not notice the slight hill leading down to the drop off zone?
Did you not realize that if the streets are icy, chances are the hill going down to the drop off zone might be icy also?
Are you aware that when you drive faster while turning into the drop off zone, that your chances of sliding increase?
Did you know that when you make a sharp turn in a speeding sports car on an icy hill, it will sometimes slide sideways, and if there is another car parked in the drop off zone, chances are the cute little sports car will run into it?
Do you think that maybe if you were not talking on your cell phone, you may have noticed the above mentioned conditions?
Do you now realize that driving a cute little (now dented) sports car on a snowy day is probably not a very good idea?

I hope you have insurance.

Signed,
Witness to an accident.

Dear lady in the white Explorer,
I realize that your cute little kindergartener probably would love to have you walk her to her classroom, but do you really think it's a good idea to park in the drop off zone, get out of your car, and walk her to the school? Do you realize the traffic back up you are causing?? Do you see all of the signs that say "No parking in the drop off zone, driver must stay with car"?
In the future, please park in the parking lot. This is what they built it for.
Signed,
Slightly annoyed mom.

Dear lady in the gray Suburban,
Are you serious?? Do you really think that you can turn left onto that busy street?? Can you see that none of the cars on the road are moving? Do you know why? It is because they are all lined up waiting to turn left into the same drop off zone that you are trying to exit. Do you realize that they aren't going anywhere until you move out of the way?

TURN RIGHT AND GO AROUND THE BLOCK!!!

Signed,
Yes, I do have all day to sit here and wait for you to turn =P

Dear Max,
I realize that Mommy said it was O.K. to bring the cow flashlight with you while we took the kids to school, however, at the time, I thought that the batteries were dead, and I had no idea that I would be listening to it moo all the way to school and back home. Please understand that Mr. Cow flashlight may be taking a vacation for a few days, and will be unavailable for your listening pleasure.
Signed,
Your loving Moom,........er..........I mean Mom

Dear husband,
Thank you so much for replacing the batteries in Max's cow flashlight.
Signed,
Your loving wife

Dear television weather man,
O.K. Enough already.
Seriously.
I admit the snow was kind of fun at first, you know, around Christmas time when all the pretty lights made it glitter.
I also realize that the ski resorts are very happy with all the snow, and also the skiers, however,
I don't ski.
I know, I know, we're in a drought...........blah, blah, blah.................we really need the water...............blah, blah, blah.............
I have a solution that will make everyone happy. If you could please arrange it so that the snow falls only in the mountains, and on the grass, not on the streets, parking lots, school drop off zones, and my driveway, it would be greatly appreciated.
Oh yea, and while you're at it, if you could do something about the freezing temperatures, I would appreciate that also.
My feet have not been warm since September.
Signed,
Frozen feet.

Dear school secretary,
Thank you so much for the lovely phone call this morning. I do so enjoy our frequent conversations.
Yes, I am aware that one or more of my children were late for school. We actually got to the school on time, however, after waiting in line at the drop off zone (behind the lady who was waiting for her lovely daughter to finish her morning grooming routine, the lady who parked the car, got out and walked her kid into school, and the crazy cell phone/dented sports car guy), it took a while for my children got out of the car, and I can see how they might have been a few minutes late.
Thank you so much for your suggestion that we leave our home a few minutes earlier, so we don't get stuck in the drop off zone. Perhaps on your way to school in the morning, you can stop by our house and drag them out of bed yourself. Maybe they will listen to you.
Signed,
I have caller ID, and I know how to use it.

Dear leftover Halloween candy that I just found in my closet,
Do you know how much I needed you today? You cannot begin to fathom the joy I felt in my heart as I saw you sitting there, alone, forgotten, ready to fill my life with your chocolaty goodness. I realize that I might have seemed a little desperate as I ripped open your bag and began grabbing at your peanut butter cups. They are my favorite. At some point during the day, I promise to relieve you of your Almond Joys, and peanut M&Ms.
I am so ashamed that I was unaware of your presence, however, I vow to make it up to you by spending the day with you and my other friend, 6 pack of Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr Pepper.

Oh the fun we will have!
If there is any of you left at the end of the day, I will use you as incentive for my children to get their homework done.
Thak you so much for the joy you have brought into my life on such a dreary day.
I love you.
Signed,
Your currently over/caffienated friend

Dear children,
How would you feel about walking to school from now on?????
Signed
Your loving (I really need a vacation) Mom