Sunday, June 1, 2008

SOS ......The strangest date

Hey people! I'm actually writing a post! Myself!

Hard to believe, I know, after my last few "cut and paste" creations.

Today, I've decided to participate in SOS, otherwise known as Soap Opera Sunday.
To learn about SOS go here.
To read other stories go here. Go check them out.

Most of the guys I dated, were ones that I met at church dances.
(I also met my husband at a church dance. All I have to say is that I had to go through a ton of frogs before I met my prince ;0)

Anyway, long before I met my wonderful husband, I met a different guy at a church dance. We'll call this guy "Bob" partially for his anonymity, but mostly because I don't actually remember his name.
Bob seemed like a pretty nice guy when I met him. Really down to earth, nice guy. Kind of like a thinner version of the PC guy on the Mac commercials.
He called me several days after we met. We talked for quite a while. He asked me if I would like to go see a movie and have dinner on Saturday.
Saturday afternoon, he came to pick me up. I felt sorry for his car. It may have been held together with duct tape. And rust.
As we were driving away, he said "I was thinking that it would be fun to go to my apartment, order a pizza, and watch a video, Is that OK?"
That was fine with me, because pizza sounded great! I hadn't eaten lunch, and I was pretty hungry.
When we got to his apartment, he picked up the mail on the way in. We sat on the couch as he opened his mail, and inspected every piece thoroughly.

While I watched.

He looked at one piece of mail, and nearly cheered when he saw who it was from.
"Super!" he said "I've been waiting for this!"
He proceeded to rip open the envelope and inspect the sheet inside.
His eyes lit up.
It was his 401K report, telling him how much money he now had in his 401K. I know this because he kept saying "WOW! I can't believe how much money I have in here! WOW! This is great! I have SO much money in here! I'm really doing well for my retirement! WOW! I have so much more than I ever planned on having at this point in my life, WOW! ................"

He just went on, and on, and on...............

I could tell he was dying for me to ask him how much money he had, but I really didn't care.

Just then his roommate walked in. He quickly stuffed the letter back in the envelope, and tucked it on a shelf. Then he says to his friend "Hey, do you want to split a pizza with us?
Roommate guy says "No, I'm not really hungry, I just ate. Maybe another time."

Bob says "Are you sure? If we split it, it will only cost each one of us six bucks."

Roommate guy says "Um no. Thanks." Then he goes into his room.

Bob then puts a Disney video in the really old VCR. It takes him quite a while to get it to work on the ancient TV. The movie was the Little Mermaid or something like that. (Which was OK, because I liked that video) and then he says "I wasn't really in the mood for pizza anyway." Then he went into the kitchen and brought back a bag of Doritos.

Make that half a bag, it was already open, and half of it was gone.

We polished off the rest of the bag in no time, because I hadn't eaten, and was starving.
(He did originally say we would be having dinner)

He talked incessantly through the movie. I never knew a guy could talk that much.
He came from a large family, like 7 or 8 kids. He talked about his family, each of his siblings in detail. He told me about their jobs, their families, their allergies, their neighbors, their pets, ect. He talked a ton about his parents. He said how with all of his brothers and sisters keeping his mom busy during the day, his mom would frequently stay up half the night to get all sorts of projects finished, and how he felt so sorry for his dad because his mom was always staying up so late working.

(Um, dude, you should feel sorry for your mom, she's the one who is being sleep deprived)

When the movie was over, roommate guy came out of his room, and went into the kitchen. "Hey" he said "What happened to that bag of chips I was eating?"
"Oh, sorry." Bob replied "We didn't think you would mind if we ate them.
Roommate guy rolled his eyes, and mumbled something about a motorcycle.
Bob says "Oh yeah, I forgot we were going to do that. Let's go outside."

We went outside and there was a small, frail looking trailer with two big motorcycles on it. After much discussion and planning, it was decided that they needed to remove both motorcycles from the trailer, and put them back in reverse order.
Bob slid a plank off of the trailer and leaned it against the back, and they proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes or so backing the heavy motorcycles down the narrow plank, and then returning roommate guy's motorcycle on to the trailer first.

And I got to stand there and watch the whole thing.

Just then, Bob's eyes lit up "Hey, do you want to watch me ride my motorcycle?"

As if.

Seriously, he said that like I would actually ENJOY watching him ride his motorcycle through the field behind the apartment complex.
He sat there on top or his bike, beaming proudly, ready for my praise and admiration.
Instead, I dashed his hopes and said, "Actually, I have a bunch of stuff that I need to get finished tonight, and if I don't get started on it in the next little while, I will need to stay up most of the night to get it done." I sighed "I should probably be getting home."

And then he took me home.

Now before anyone starts thinking that I'm a snob, and didn't give the poor guy a chance, I realize that he was a starving student working and scrimping his way through school. The car didn't bother me, most guys that age had junky cars, the at home movie was fine. If he had said something earlier, I could have made a picnic lunch for us to eat during the movie, heck, I would have bought a pizza, however, I think it was in poor taste to go on and on and on about how much money he had in his 401K.
I think I have a pretty good idea of why he had so much money in his retirement, it's because he never spent any of it.

This was the weirdest date I had ever been on.


Canadian flake said...

omggggg great story... is it mean if I say I think he was a loser?? LOL.

Thanks for the giggles. Hope you don't mind if I stop in again sometime.

Canadian flake said...

had to come back and tell you I have been sitting here for about an hour reading some of your old posts and laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face.

Wayyyy too funny...will be sure to come back again soon.

Kalynne Pudner said...

Uh, I think his name was Tom. He's my brother-in-law. The only starving student I've ever met with a 401-K.

Kateastrophe said...

This is hilarious!! I have some weird date stories, but this one takes the cake!!

Bonnie said...

I would agree with you completely. The guy was completly clueless. The money thing isn't a big deal his lack of couth is.

Tausha said...

i think that it is really good to remember the really really bad times you had before you were married. I think that it helps us all appreciate our husbands and how they never put us through such terrible, selfish dates. I think that is the reason that I marries my husband, he never took me on a date that i had to suffer through. Oh wait-there was our first date, but that is another story. just a hint-dinner with his parents.

Threeundertwo said...

LOL great story! Did he call again?

Elizabeth said...

But I'm sure he was a nice guy.

Jo said...

Funny, funny story!

b. said...

Yup.....that's pretty weird.

Social Moron.

dishes and laundry said...

Oh, that's awesome! The 401k stuff was too much. If you had to be on a date with him now and he pulled that...what would you have done differently?

Jessica G. said...

Dude...I think we dated the same guys...or maybe brothers. :)

Half a bag of Doritos instead of dinner? Talk about a bait-and-switch!

charrette said...

Mail is the bane of my existence. Watching someone else read theirs has got to be some warped version of hell. :)

LOVE the irony of the 401K vs. the pizza/dorito-fest!

b. said...

I could not agree with charrette more.

Goofball said...

wow, you stuck around a long time before you asked to get home. I get pretty grumpy when I get hungry!

Pappy Yokum said...

Well, just think, if you had married that guy how much money would be in that 401k now. Of, course, you'd be staring out the window of the mental hospital wondering when they are going to bring you your peanut butter sandwich but hey, there'd still be money in that 401k! Great post!

Maraiya said...

And here I thought I missed out because I didn't date much! Think of all the fun, ahem, sad times I was having while you were eating Doritos, watching the Little Mermaid for the umpteenth time with a guy who wouldn't even let you enjoy it. Darn. Poor me.

Remind me to lecture my sons on proper dating technique. Remind me to never let my daughter date. Arranged marriages look better and better. One day she'll read something like this and thank me for it!

Damama T said...

LOL! I bet he was related to my first husband! Or he could be related to one of my horror dates. Only thing missing is a big chaw of tobaccie 'tween his cheek 'n gum. YUUUCK!