Friday, May 30, 2008

Because I'm really not THAT sarcastic

Remember this post?

Today, my Aunt emailed this to me.


The Zen of Sarcasm~

01. Do not walk behind me, for I may
not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not
follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me the heck alone.

02. The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a broken fan belt, and a leaky tire.

03. Its always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.

04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you
can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

05. Always remember that you're
unique. Just like everyone else.

06. Never test the depth of the
water with both feet.

07. If you think nobody cares if
you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

08. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

09. If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and
never see that person again, it was probably a wise
investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some
days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you
get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your
money is to fold it in half and put it back in your
pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'.
It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds
the universe together.

18. There are two theories to
arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't
learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you
don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut
up.

22. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.

16 comments:

utmomof5 said...

Ha!! that is too funny!!! I like the car payment one. So true.

Jen said...

Good laughs. Thanks.

Laura said...

OK...I think this is my new bible!?!?!??!??!

Thanks for sharing! happy weekend.

Hey It's Di said...

HAHA! That is awesome! I feel so much better now:)

b. said...

First, do you live in my state?

And I need to give #4 some more thought.
Life=#13.
Sadly, have done #22.

Maraiya said...

As to the title of this post, I reiterate my previous comment:

Yeah. Right.

Maraiya said...

Oh, yeah, and your post was pretty good! :)

elizasmom said...

Hah. Sadly, all of those pretty much rang true for me.

Bonnie said...

They were all funny, but that last one was hilarious!!!!

Leah said...

those were hilarious!!!!

Threeundertwo said...

LOL! I like the fishing one especially.

Tausha said...

Loved reading this! I must be just like you-it wasn't until the last two posts that i realized this, the reason-my hubby laughed and said,
She is just like you!
Glad to know that I am in good company!

Jessica G. said...

hehehehe...
I really ought to pay attention to #21.

MommyJ said...

oh wow. laugh out loud funny. the one about criticizing someone, hilarious!

Canadian flake said...

I was reading this and laughing so hard my gnome (hubby) just came out to make sure I was ok...he thought I might be choking..lol.

Thanks for the giggles.

Elizabeth said...

WONDERFUL!
I love #1 and the fishing comment...and walk a mile in his shoes....bwaaahahahaha.
Gladly I will take the advice of #22! Thanks for a rousing LOL.
Blessings, EJT
PS, my "word verification" is
"sugalxh" do you think a definition would be a sugarless laxitive? I think the google people are on to something!