Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hijacked by a three year old

Hi everybody!!
This is Max. I'm three.

My mom was getting all ready to write a really great post, but I just found her asleep on the couch with chocolate on her breath, clutching an empty can of Diet Dr. Pepper, and muttering something about having to wash all of my underwear.........Again.

Oh well.

I just thought that since I love my mom so much, and she seems to need some rest, that I will write on her blog for today.

First of all, there's something I've noticed lately. Even though I'm the shortest person living here, I seem to have an amazing amount of power.


I can get these people to do almost anything...............just by using my potty.
Yeah, I've got this figured out. I have found great pleasure in making my family look silly. For example, say I want these people to sing a ridiculous song such as "He's a super duper pooper" All I need to do is poop. In the potty, that is.
As soon as I've finished doing my business, I yell to my family "I pooped!" or "I pee peed!" or whatever it was that I just did, then everybody comes running into the bathroom, telling me how great I am. I really love seeing my family dance around and sing for me. And if one of my brothers or my sisters aren't singing, my mom makes them sing. Even if they don't like it.

I LOVE that!

Plus, I get gummi bears. Life just doesn't get any better than that, eating gummi bears while my family is making fools out of themselves.

Good times.

My mom does get a fit frustrated with me sometimes, like when we're at the store, and she wants me to use the potty. True, I do really need to pee, but have you seen the potties at Wal Mart?

They flush themselves.

Hey, I'm just a little kid, if I fell in............
I don't want to think about it. It just freaks me out.
The potty should not flush itself.

It's just not right.

I must be really cool, because everyone here wants to be just like me. All I have to do is say something kind of cute, and pretty soon everyone is saying it.

Like feep.

I started referring to my feet as "feep" and it's really caught on! Except for my big brother CJ. He keeps saying "feet"

The butthead.

Also, a while ago, I started saying "also" in every sentence. Now everyone is saying it!
Apparently, EVERYTHING I say is cute.

I also do this thing in the morning where I will hug the first person I see. This is no ordinary hug, because I squeeze them really tight, and stick my face in their neck.
Every morning, these strange people actually fight over who gets the "morning hug!"

I also love to play with my mom's hair. It's so great to get up in the morning, climb in bed with mom and start playing with her hair. First, I like to rub it between my fingers, then I like to wipe it on my face, especially if I have a runny nose. It's SO great! Next, I like to twist her hair around my hand tighter, and tighter, and's usually at this point where mom wakes up, and she doesn't look very happy, so I hurry and give her one of those "morning hugs."
She really likes that.
I've found that I can get myself out of pretty much any trouble with that "Morning hug" thing.

These people are crazy.

My family also doesn't understand really important things like straight lines.


Seriously, I'm the only person around here who gets this!
Everything needs to be placed in nice straight, even rows!
My family says I have OCD. I don't know what that is, but I like to say "I have OCD," because it makes everyone laugh, and I'm all about making people happy.

My family has also taught me how to say things like "Pretty please with sugar on top" and "I'm a stud muffin."
I came up with a variation on these two phrases, and I like to go around telling people that "I'm a stud muffin with sugar on top."

I'm a pretty popular guy around here. Oops, I mean I'm ALSO a pretty popular guy around here.

Then there's this weird thing that's been happening lately. In the afternoon, I sometimes get a little crabby, because people might mess up my perfectly straight line of cars, which will cause me to fall on the floor and start screaming, because SERIOUSLY, people shouldn't mess up things once they have been placed in a proper straight line, and Mom will say "Hey Max, why don't we go for a little ride?"

Now, at this point, by "ride" I'm thinking that Mom is planning on taking me to the park to play, or to Mickey D's for a burger with cheese, or something fun like that, so I eagerly jump in the car, ready for a great adventure, but when we drive away from our house, we never go anywhere, mom just drives, and drives..........................and drives...................and...........

Then the next thing I know, I'm waking up in my bed.

And it's dinnertime.

It's just weird.

Hey, I think my mom just woke up. She's also coming this way.

She also doesn't look happy.
Probably because I'm not allowed on the computer without her here.

I also gotta go.

I also think this looks like a great time for a "morning hug!"


Adam and Kristina said...

Max, you are the most delightful 3 year-old on the planet! And your verbal and writing skills are fantastic!

And after reading this post, I definitely want to be like you, even if that means I have to start pooping my pants again.

Adam and Kristina said...

Jill, I'm sorry that I'm not a better stalker, and I don't know this, but what is your business that you do?

Laura said...

ROTFL!!!!!! Good job Max! You are one smart kid!

utmomof5 said...

Max, you are one amazing 3 year old!!! I wish my 3 year old could articulate how shi is feeling as well as you can. It would help me be not so crazy!!

Jo said...

Max is also a little stinker! But a very cute one, which is why he is still alive.

Jessica G. said...

Bwahahaha! That was funny, Max!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Great post! I am going to take my computer with me this weekend and I will be sure to share Max's post with everyone. Too funny, and so true for all of us!!! I think my kids like to see the veins in my neck, and where my tonsils used to be.

Jen said...

my husband has also started saying also a lot more.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

My kids are terrified of those self-flushing toilets.

Pappy Yokum said...

Max, you are great! Just be careful about what you leave on the computer keyboard if you don't want your mom to find out you've been writing on her blog. Peanut butter and jam on the keys will always give you away.

The next trick to try is to scream out something like "Please don't hit me this time!" over and over as one of your parents takes you out of sacrament meeting because you have done something bad. That is sure to cause them to be a lot nicer to you. hehehe

Hey It's Di said...

Max, can I get you to come over and fill in for me while I take a chocolate/Diet Coke induced nap? I seriously would like that.

I also could use somebody with OCD to straighten things up around here. And while your at it, can you teach my kids the finer points of a good hug?

elizasmom said...

Max, if I didn't know better, I'd think you and my daughter were twins. Want to come over? If you give her one of those hugs, she might let you help her line up her 56 plastic animals in parade formation...

tricki_nicki said...

Oh my gosh, that was so good.

Lisa said...

Great post! My almost eight year old is also scared of the self flushing toilets. Just the other day she rushed on the wiping so she could be done before the toilet flushed, and well, let's just say she paid for it all the rest of the afternoon. Ouch.

Jules said...

Hey Max! It's amazing that you can articulate and type just like your mommy. Wow!
My kids used to like to go to the bathrooms in the stores just to flush the toilets...... 6 or 7 times each visit. The store workers would look at me with horror when I would say..... "No. We can not visit the bathroom again!" LOL
But I'm sure you're not like that, so just pretend you didn't read this, okay?

Tenise said...

This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! lol!