Tuesday, July 1, 2008

MOM - The destroyer of fun

Yes, I knew that "cool mom" title was too good to last.

Today was the last day of the school year for us. (we are on year-round school)
So, being the"cool mom" that I am, decided that when I picked up the kids from school, and after I went to the bank, I would take them to Sonic for shakes.
What kid wouldn't be absolutely THRILLED with this activity?

Yep, you guessed it, one of mine.

"But I don't like their shakes, they're gross! Why can't we just go to McDonald's and get sundaes?"

Now, while that also sounded like a great idea, I was really in the mood for a Sonic shake.

The child says "Why can't we just go to Sonic AND McDonald's?"

That didn't sound like too bad of an idea, and I was just about to say that we could do that, when a second child pipes in and says "I don't want to go there either, why can't we go to Wendy's?"
And another one says "Yeah, we should go there and get hamburgers also. We got out of school before lunch today, and I didn't eat breakfast either, so I'm starving!"
Then the first child says "No, I don't want Wendy's, I want to go to McDonald's and get a parfait!
"NO" says another "I wanted a Sonic shake! We should get burgers at McDonald's, and then go to Sonic for shakes!"
"I don't like Sonic shakes!"
"I don't like McDonald's hamburgers. Mom, can I get chicken nuggets instead?"
"But I want to go to Wendy's!"
"I also wants a seesebugah!" (translation - cheeseburger)
"But they don't have yogurt parfaits at Wendy's"
"So, we should just go get shakes at Sonic!"
"And I also do want a sockwit miwk!" (chocolate milk)
"But I don't like shakes at Sonic!..............."

Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the car at the drive through window of the bank, wondering at what point this all went so terribly wrong.

And I made an announcement.

"I'm thinking that we don't really need to be going anywhere."

I am met with a sudden silence from the back seat.

I continue "but since I'm such a cool mom, we will go to ONE location, and I will decide!"
I know all too well that at that point, I probably should have just gone ahead and driven home with no treat, but I suddenly realized that I was, in fact, quite hungry myself, and was quite in the mood for something yummy. I also noticed a McDonald's that was right next to the very bank from which we were leaving.

"We will be going to McDonald's. Each of you will be given TWO dollars to spend in any way you please!
"No" I reply, "Two dollars. I don't care how you spend it, but that's it!"

That kept the little darlings happy until the two of them that wanted chicken nuggets discovered that they cost 2.95.

Too bad for them.

By the time we left the McDonald's, the kids had decided that I was still "cool mom." I guess filling them with sugar laden, highly processed food will have that effect on children.

Then we got home.

As I walked in the kitchen I realized that all of the things I had asked the children to do the night before, had not been done.
There were still mounds of craft stuff on the kitchen table (homemade end of the year teacher gifts) The dinner dishes were still in the sink, the floor had not been swept, and the kitchen counter had many kid-related, 'shouldn't be sitting on the kitchen counter' sort of things just covering the surface.

And I made another announcement.

"There will be no summer fun until the kitchen gets cleaned up."

I have now gone from "cool mom" status to "Mom, the destroyer of fun!"

Because yes, I really do stay up nights just trying to think of more things I can do to make their lives miserable. It's my job, and I take pride in my work.
Apparently, my main goal in life is to make sure that my children have absolutely no fun.

I stayed quite upbeat, and even tried to make it fun "Come on guys, let's all work on this together" and I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
After working alone for about ten minutes, I realized that I had been working alone for ten minutes.

Nope. There will not be any fun had in this house this summer.



Kalynne Pudner said...

Two words for your summer sanity, Jill: WORK CAMP. For all of them, even Mr. "Sowkwit Miwk."

Way to handle the McDonald's dilemma!

Adam and Kristina said...

I'm totally with you on the Sonic shakes, even if they do take 56 minutes to make. It's all about teaching your kids about the finer things in life.

Tonya said...

Oh my gosh, we must live parallel lives! LOL We are ALWAYS having this exact same conversation. It doesn't help that Maw Maw (my mom) will go to every single place they ask for! I have asked her to stop, but she claims that this is a grandmother's right to overspoil her grandchildren lol It makes life hell for me though! I have stopped asking now, I just do what I want to do. I am the very *uncool* mom ; )

And hey, I woke up this morning, and nobody did their chores last night either, darn kids!

JustRandi said...

Ah, the carefree days of summer...

But hey, you've passed the test! You're now a Real Mom. (there should be some award or something....)

Jo said...

I adore "Max speak". And good for you! Darn ol mom anyway, thinking she is in charge. You big meanie. So is the kitchen clean yet?

Melissa said...

It's always nice to know that you're not alone in the world. I thought that I was the ONLY destroyer of fun. It's good to know that there are others...

Elizabeth said...

It is GOOD to be the DESTROYER !
They'll learn. Oh, yeah, and I'm the one with a dusty house and a fort filling my living room!
Pax. E

Maraiya said...

I had a moment last summer when I was staying up at night writing daily "to do" lists for my boys and their chores. I realized, "Parents really do stay up all night thinking of things for their kids to do!"

I'm with you on the treat thing. It seems the nicer I am to my kids, the more detestable they act. I'm convinced if I just cut them off from any kindness, they will love me forever.

Bonnie the Boss said...

You big fun wrecker! I usually hold that coveted title. I am so glad you could join the ranks durring thhe summer of non-fun.
We really need t-shirts or something.

Busty LaRue said...

ooh! If you and Bonnie make "fun-wrecker" t-shirts, you have to let the rest of us know how to get them, too! That is what my in-laws all call me...because I won't let my 1 year old run around and wreak havoc at the floral shop we work at (he rips apart flowers and eats them). Good luck with the no fun goal this summer!

Laura said...

This could be a script from our house...can we share this title! All the cool moms really want to be destruction moms!

Threeundertwo said...

whoa, were you in our car recently? That sounds like one of our conversations. I've even turned the car around and gone home when things get out of hand.

And I too, spend time thinking up ways to destroy fun. It's my job.

Kimberly said...

Stick to your guns on that one. If you can't be the cool mum, you can be the one that gets talked about the most.

"Did you hear what she did to her kids? Made them clean up after themselves. Shocking!!"


I just woke up. I walked into the kitchen. I then walked right back out of it and announced to my children that they have approximately 30 minutes to get that pigsty cleaned before I start throwing their stuff away.

25:34 minutes left


I got a LOT of kids. When we go to a fast food place the kids only get to order off the dollar/value menu and we never get drinks outside of water. Obviously I run some sort of Russian gulag and yet my children survive!


I have this bag of wooden artsy-fartsy stuff like birdhouses and Christmas ornaments that I've scored out of clearance bins. When the kids get bored I turn them loose with that and some of my paints......and a whole lot of plastic drop cloths to keep from the paint splattering and turning my house into a scene reminiscent of a CSI episode.

Jessica G. said...

I, too, have lost my cool status. The Boy had earned the reward of dinner of Chuck E Cheese tonight for his potty training success. However, this morning, he pooped in his pants and I removed the reward. Aren't I the meanest Mom ever?

Good & Crazy said...

Hey glad you're 'back'!

These last two posts are terrific. I always know when we've been to too many fast food places, and you just described it to a tee. If they aren't thrilled with getting something...anything, then I know that's when we've been to McDonald's too often!!

Enjoy your summer...All two weeks of it!

bob said...

when they start driving, you will remember these as the "good years".

Jen said...

Loved this post. At least you're not a "Murderer of Love." I loved that movie.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Oooh, yeah, never, ever give those kids a choice. Unless you want to see them tear each other apart like wolves....

I, for one, would have jumped at the chance to have a Sonic shake.

Jules said...

Well thank goodness you stole my title from me. Wearing all these different crowns was making me quite weary. Now they are all yours, O Great One.
Mwa ha ha ha ha

mommeeof9 said...

You give them choices? At home, mine can either eat what I fix or have a sandwich or cereal. At Mcd or where ever we are, they get to chose one thing/meal. We only got to several different fast food places if they are within sight of each other or we are on vacation.