Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Because I'm SO grateful

Dear lady who volunteers in my daughter's class,
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to come and teach the children about politics.
I would, however, be most grateful if you would only teach the children about the political system, and leave your personal opinions to yourself.
While I agree that it is a good thing for the children to know various things about each of the candidates, from what I hear, you said wonderful, glowing things about one candidate, while getting in nasty little jabs at the other.
I'm sure you felt very proud of yourself at the end of the discussion when all of the children said that they would all vote for your candidate. Why would they do anything different when you portrayed him as a superhero and his opponent as the village idiot.
I honestly don't care which candidate you support, I just feel that in this situation you should give each candidate an equal amount of praise, and let the children decide for themselves.
A public school classroom is not a place to recruit junior members of your political party.
Thank you.
A really annoyed mom.
P.S. Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow morning with signs for the other candidate scattered throughout your yard.

Dear seller on eBay,
Thank you so much for your email reminding me to pay for the item that I won. I apologize, but I don't seem to remember even bidding on that item, and quite frankly, I can't imagine what I was thinking when I bid on it mostly because a 50 acre island in the South Pacific is very large, and I'm sure I wouldn't be able to fit it in the basement with the rest of the junk that I've bought on eBay.
Due to the fact you sent me that reminder and threatened to give me negative feedback and turn me in as a non-paying bidder, I will go ahead and pay for the item. I don't exactly have the money right now, but if you could be patient, any day now I should be receiving a large sum of money from a Nigerian Prince and will be able to pay you in full.
It was so nice of you to include all of those links in your email which led me directly to the eBay sign in page where I could enter all of my personal information so it would be easier for me to pay.
Thank you.
Do you really think I'm that gullible? Seriously? A 50 acre island in the South Pacific????
P.S. Just so you know, eBay does not seem to have any record of this transaction, and you are listed as "no longer a registered user" You might want to check into that, I'm sure it's just a computer glitch somewhere in the eBay system.
P.P.S. Does the island have it's own airport?

Dear guy on the freeway,
I'm so sorry that we were in your way earlier today when you suddenly decided to change lanes. You see, we were unaware that you were changing lanes until AFTER you nearly ran into the front of our car.
Might I suggest that when wanting to change lanes that you use your signal before you do. Please understand that if you use the turning signal after you finish changing lanes it doesn't really count.
I'm sure that you didn't see our large SUV there because you were concentrating on the stack of papers that you were holding on the front of the steering wheel while talking on your cell phone.
I'm sorry that we interrupted your obviously very important phone call.

Dear Max,
Please stop asking me what "those" are. Please stop poking them and asking "What those are?"
Especially when we are waiting in the long check-out line at the grocery store.
You know darn well what "those" are, I fed you with them for two years!
Your no longer lactating mom.


Kristina P. said...

Hahahahaha! Love Max. I have to tell you, I was tempted to poke "those" at the meet and greet. Wouldn't that have been fun?

Brittany said...

Wow, we're talking about "those" and it's not even Julie's blog! Where am I??

Torina said...

Next time Max asks what "those" are, you should tell him that they hold your secret stashes of broccoli that he will have to eat later if he keeps on asking what they are.

Jillene said...

Hahahahahaha!! I hate stupid people!!

I have "those" too and Olivia is OBSESSED with them. But she will say, "Mom, are those your BOOBS?" or "Mom, your BOOBS are just like the trampoline--bounce, bounce!!". Good times!!

Busty LaRue said...

Oh that is hilarious! I think the Max letter was my favorite. Although the letter to the ebay seller was pretty funny too! :)

b. said...

I'm totally giggling in my office (unless "the eyes" are watching then I'm giggling in my home)!!


Jo said...

What is the deal with three year olds and boobs? We have the same question asked daily at our house. I love your letters, you did well with some very bad people!

*MARY* said...

Hey the Nigerian Prince promised his inheritance to ME! What's going on here?

Bonnie the Boss said...

I have one child who is mentaly about the same age as Max and I can't tell you how many times have asked him not to pat me there. To which he responds, "I like to pat you there"
"Knock it off kid!" is usually my response.
BTW, the lady who is the recruiter, Can I come help with the signs?

Jessica G. said...

I've gotten the "those" question a lot lately and it's just going to get worse once the baby arrives...seriously, what do I tell him???

LisAway said...

What a dear, dear volunteer lady. Such selfless service!

And I'm still mad about the guy that cut you off, while in a meeting. Arg.

Holly said...

I love the letters, the one to the "helper" at school is great.

My daughter likes to mess with "those" also. Mostly in public of course.

MommyJ said...

Oh so funny... thanks for this. I needed a good laugh.

Rebecca Talley said...

These "letters" are hilarious. I love the Max one.

I'd be very vocally ticked off about the political lady--that's so totally inappropraite.

ramsam said...

Great letters.... can you write a bunch of these for the rest of us?

I think most of us could use at least one or two of are spot on!

Elizabeth said...

Perfect letters to all!
I also love the max letter, also.
Snorkie also loves to pat me there.
I would ALSO love to help with the political lady's signage!
One of my friends (and all of her like minded neighbors) had their signs stolen out of their front yards...she made a homemade one THANKING the thieves before putting out a new one!
Blessings, E
PS, just caught up with the last few posts...LOL

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Why did the school let her do that? Was this a public school? I would file a formal complaint!

Wendy said...

maybe we could share those acres on that island, sounds nice to me!! LOl

Heidi Ashworth said...

Love the title of your blog! Too funny!

LaDawn said...

I would be so angry about the lady teaching politics.
I hope you complained.

Lorie said...

I would so be putting signs in her yard, and the Ebay letter had me laughing out loud!

Good N Crazy said...

Oh my heck. Thank YOU for these very useful PSAs I shall now tweet them and send them to Stumble Upon so everyone else can benefit!

Claire said...

I LOVE it!!! I am following you now! YOur blog is hillarious!!

Cookie said...

At least Max asks what are those in the present. My son once said, "mom remember when you used to have those things on your chest." (sigh) kids can be very observant when they want to be

Megan said...

LOL. Sounds like good times, good times!

Maybe your Island is next to mine, all though mine wasn't 50 acres. just a measly 25. silly ebay seller. They think we are all tards.

JustRandi said...

Hey can I camp out on your island? I'd like to run away today. For a long time.

Max cracks me up.

Amber said...

If you don't pay the seller of the island how can I come visit?

Hey It's Di said...

I think you have a spare corner for that island don't you? Please Mom?

I have a few letters I could dictate to you since you are quite the letter writer if you don't mind:)

Damama T said...

I hope somebody turned in that teacher. She needs more than her hand slapped... maybe up about 2 feet and slightly to the right would be a good place to aim for?

I haven't seen that ebay thing yet. Dang those people are getting creative!

ROFL!! I wonder if Max will still be doing that when he gets his first girlfriend. HA!! ;o)