Would you like some crazy sauce to go with your tamiflu?

Actual conversation we had while ordering pizza at a popular place to buy pizzas "Hot and ready"

Pale and sickly looking cashier girl: "Hi, welcome to Tiny Cheesers*, how are you this evening?"

Us: "We're doing well, how are you?"

PASLCG: "I'm sick"

Us: ?????

PASLCG: "Yeah, I really don't feel good, and I have to be here for another two hours."

Me: "Oh I'm sorry to hear that."

DH: "That's too bad."

PASLCG: "Well, I'm pretty sure I've got the flu, I really don't feel good. What can I get for you?"

DH: "We don't want the flu."

PASLCG: "I'm just the cashier, I won't get you sick."

DH: "We've had our shots so we'll have two hot and ready pepperonis and we have a coupon for a free order of crazy bread"

PASLCG: "That will be $10.71."

We pay the girl and another healthier looking girl comes from the back, hands us our food and we leave.

Seriously, if you're at work and you are sick GO HOME! If you are the manager of such an establishment and one of your employees is sick, SEND THEM HOME!

* Not the real name of the establishment, if you use your imagination, I'm sure you can figure it out.

If you are the owner of such an establishment, please be sure to properly instruct your employees on what to do when they are sick.

If you are with the health department, contact me and I will provide you with the location of the establishment, and the date and time we were there.

Snow is falling all around, on the housetops on the ground..........

Shoveled snow.

Can't. Move. Arms.

Stupid snow.

Stupid, stupid snow.

Things I've learned this week

1. One should never cut their own bangs while in a hurry and irritated.

2. Bangs are like children, no matter what you want them to do, they will do the opposite.

3. Using more hairspray on wayward bangs will only make them look worse.

4. Using hairspray on children will make them sticky.

5. If you are going to do an imitation of the director of your child's preschool, you should NOT do it in front of the child because he will spend the day imitating the preschool director. (I do have to say that he is dead on with his imitation)

6. No matter what kind of misfortune comes to my children, they can always find a way to blame me for it.

7. Our basement will never get clean.

8. Neither will our kitchen.

9. Even though ordering things online is convenient, it doesn't guarantee that.........

a) You actually get what you order

b) The item will arrive in time for Christmas

10. Buying more tape will only cause the 4 year old to find more useless uses for tape and I still won't have any tape when I need it.

11. The four year old has a sixth sense when it comes to finding rolls of tape that I have hidden. (It's like some sort of a gift that he has)

12. I need to keep more chocolate in the house.

Breakfast, take two!

Yesterday morning when Max woke up he immediately came into the kitchen and asked me for his breakfast. I told him that he could have his breakfast as soon as he got dressed and he said "OK mom, but you should fix my breakfast while I'm getting dressed."

He walked into his room and I continued doing whatever it was that I was doing at the time. I didn't fix his breakfast because I had no idea how long it was going to take him to get dressed, and after that toasted frozen waffle gets cold, Max won't touch it.

Just a few minutes later, Max came walking back into the kitchen, fully dressed.

"Where's my breakfast? You were supposed to fix my breakfast while I was getting dressed so I could have it when I came out,"

I said "I didn't fix it yet because I didn't want it to get cold."

Then he threw his arms in the air, turned around, stomped back into his room and said.......

WELL THEN LET'S JUST TRY IT AGAIN!"

Just so you know, Max did not get his breakfast until after he apologized to me for being rude, and then asking for a waffle nicely, using the word "please." (and I may or may not have required him to say "Please dear mother")

Point well taken

We've recently discovered that Max has an extreme fondness for hot chocolate. Last year we tried to give him some, but he saw the other kids stirring theirs with a spoon and he decided that he wanted to stir it too, but since he had the coordination of a three year it became very messy and we decided that he shouldn't have any more.

This year, Brielle discovered the magic known as the straw. Max will sit and sip his hot (it's actually just barely warm) chocolate through the straw.

He loves it!

We've also discovered that the kid will do anything for hot chocolate.

ANYTHING!

And yes, I'm going to use that little piece of information for as long as it lasts.

Last night I told Max that if he went and got his pajamas on right then, I would give him a cup of hot chocolate.

He was very excited and ran into his room.

A while later, I heard him playing in his room and walked in to find him still in his clothes, and his pajamas still sitting empty on his bed.

"Hey" I said "I thought you were going to put your pajamas on?"

He smiles at me and says "I'm going to do it in a minute."

A while later, I went back to see him still playing with his blocks.

"Max, it's almost your bedtime, please get your pajamas on!"

"OK mom, I'm doing it in a minute."

After about 20 minutes, he came walking into the family room, still dressed in his clothes.

I said "Max, go get your pajamas on now!"

He went back into his room and emerged a while later wearing his pajamas. "I'm ready for my hot chocolate now."

"No Max, I said you could have hot chocolate if you got in your pajamas quickly, but it took you a long time."

"But I said I would do it in a minute!"

"You took way more than a minute, a minute is only a short amount of time."

And then he says to me,

"When YOU say "in a minute," it always takes a really long time!"

Point well taken.

(Don't you hate it when things that you say to your kids come back later to bite you in the butt?)

Max quote of the day:

"If it gets snow on it, does garbage change to garbage juice?"

A letter to my brother

Dearest brother,

I would like to thank you so much for the thoughtful gift that you gave Aaron for his birthday this year.

This morning, Max found the gift and it kept him entertained for a good portion of the day.

Who would have thought that a four year old boy would find so much enjoyment out of an electronic fart noise maker.

Signed,

Your favorite sister

Jill

p.s. Just wait until you see what I got your girls for Christmas.

An illness of convenience

Max was quite sick this weekend. Monday I took him to the doctor and we got him fixed up with some medication so he could get better.

Sunday and Monday all he wanted to do was sit on my lap and play with my hair, or snuggle next to me on the couch and play with my hair. The poor kid was so miserable, there wasn't much that would console him.

Max isn't much of an eater as it is, but when he was sick, he didn't want to eat anything at all. I brought him whatever I could think of for him to snack on and kept his water bottle filled because he was thirsty.

Yesterday morning when he woke up, he was feeling much better. He was still too sick to go to school, but he was walking around and talking, and he was able to fill his water bottle and put it in the refrigerator by himself.

This morning when Max woke up he walked into the kitchen sat down at the table and said,

"Yesterday I was feelin' better, but today I'm sick again."

He looked and sounded OK to me. I got him a waffle (I even toasted it first!) and brought him his water bottle. He took his medicine then said "Here's my water, you can put it back in the fridge now."

Max was sitting at the end of the table that was closer to the refrigerator, and I was busy doing something so I told him "Go ahead and put it in the fridge yourself."

He then whines and says "BUT SICK PEOPLE CAN'T PUT THINGS BACK IN REFRIGERATORS!"

Apparently he really enjoyed having me wait on him for a few days when he could hardly get up off the couch. I wasn't going to go along with this when he was perfectly capable of putting the water away without my help.

ME: "You are not so sick that you can't walk over to the fridge and put that away."

Max: "No! Sick people can't do that. You need to do it for me."

Me: "No Max, you can do it."

Max: "PLEASE GO PUT MY WATER IN THE FRIDGE!!"

Me: "The fridge is not that far away, you can do it."

Max: "BUT I SAID PLEASE! I can't do it, I'm sick again today."

Me: "OK, so don't put it in the fridge, it can just sit on the table."

Max: "But I like my water cold!"

Then he got off of the chair and sat the water bottle in front of me on the table.

"Here mom, I'll put it here so it's easier for you to put it away." Then he walked into his room.

I left the bottle sitting on the table.

Later in the afternoon, when we came home from picking up the kids from school, Max walked in the house, saw the water sitting on the table and said "Hey mom, you forgot to put my water away."

I told him that I did NOT forget to do it. He then put it away.

A while later, Brielle started to make cookies. We were snacking on the dough when Max came over to the kitchen counter and asked me "What are you guys doing?"

Me: "We're making cookies." as I ate a spoonful of dough.

Max: "Can I have some?"

Me: "No Max, I'm so sorry, you can't have any. Sick people can't eat cookie dough."

Max looked at me and says "Well, I think I'm feeling better now."

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I've put up the most annoying Christmas song poll on my sidebar. Vote early and vote often.