And the award for the most creative excuse of the week goes to........

Me: "Aaron, go clean out your closet."

Aaron: "I can't."

Me: "And why can't you?"

Aaron: ....................

Me: ????

Aaron: "Frogs. There are frogs in my closet."

Me: "Frogs?"

Aaron: "Yes, frogs, and they're jumping around."

Me: ?????

Aaron: "They're jumping around all over my closet.........and....um..... they're poison dart frogs."

Me: "Poison dart frogs?"

Aaron: "Yes, I can't clean out my closet because there are poison dart frogs hopping around in my closet, but don't go and look because they will shoot poisoned darts at you and the poison will go into your body and make your arm fall off."

Me: "Aaron!"

Aaron: "What mom."

Me: "Go clean out your closet!"

Truth in advertising? Bait and switch? Just plain not paying attention? First day on the job?

This is what I ordered.......

(the one on the bottom left, the hot fudge sundae shake)

And this is what I got.

Games children play

We got the kids a Wii for Christmas, and it has provided them hours and hours of entertainment and distraction from homework and chores.

The children have come up with a new game of their own! This seems to be their favorite game, and if I had known earlier how well they played this game and how much they enjoy this game, we might not have bothered with the Wii.

What game is this you ask? I will tell you that it requires much skill, a steady hand and an eye for balancing things.

It is the ever popular game called The Stacking Game!

I'm sure you are just dying to know how to play this game aren't you?

Well, here's how to play!!!

The object of the game is to see how much garbage can be stacked in the garbage can and/or how many dirty dishes can be stacked in the sink before someone else takes out the garbage and/or loads the dishwasher!!

Hours and hours of fun for all!!!

I have to admit that at times it can be quite suspenseful, watching the garbage bag stretch almost to the point of breaking, and seeing the precariously placed glass on top of the stack of tupperware, wondering what the last item placed on the pile will be to finally make it topple.......

I am amazed at how good the offspring are at playing this particular game!

There's got to be some sort of career out there where they can use this amazing skill. Someday I hope it will make them all rich and/or famous!

The mystery of the Christmas Eve ghost dog

Every year at Christmas, especially when we are up very late on Christmas Eve we hope that our children will let us sleep in a bit on Christmas morning.

This, however, has rarely been the case.

For example, the year when Brielle was 5. I woke up Christmas morning around 4:45 because the light from the living room was shining down the hall into our bedroom. Knowing that we had most definitely turned the light off, I got up to see Brielle dancing around the living room in her new pink bathrobe, with all of her other Christmas gifts scattered around the living room.....

She had obviously been awake for quite a while.

This year, however, was different. My husband woke me up at 7:00 to tell me that the kids were ready to see their Christmas gifts. Fortunately, he was awake when the kids came upstairs, and made them sit in the family room until I got up. I was very surprised that we needed to wake up Max also, because he had been so excited the night before, and had even gone to bed really early so that Santa could come to our house without fear of being caught by him.

As the kids were opening their gifts, I thanked them for letting us sleep past 5:00 and Brielle told me this story.

"Mom, I actually woke up really early this morning, around 4:00. I layed in bed, trying to go back to sleep until about 4:30, when I decided that I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up and opened my bedroom door, and I heard what sounded like a really big dog panting loudly in the hallway, so I hurried and slammed my door, jumped back in my bed, pulled the blankets over my head and stayed there until 7:00."

We don't nor have we ever had a dog, so I was trying to think of what could have been making this noise when CJ said "Really? I heard that same noise several years ago on Christmas morning when I was about to get up really early!"

So there you have it. It seems that we have some sort of ghost dog that shows up early Christmas morning, to scare our children back into their beds so that we can get a little sleep.

Now the question, why?

My older kids have a theory that the previous owners had a dog that died on Christmas, and he comes back every year at this time.
Max thinks that Santa was still in the house.

What do you think it could be?

Safety rule #1 - Do not run around with a garbage can over your head

I took Brielle, Aaron and Max to IKEA today. The boys saw some garbage cans for $1.99 and decided that they each needed a garbage can for their rooms.

As soon as we got home and brought our purchases in the house, they created a new game called "Put the garbage can over your head and walk around bumping into things."

I warned them that this could be potentially dangerous and they should take the garbage cans off of their heads before someone got hurt.

I mentioned this several times.

They ignored me, and this game was great fun until Max bumped into Aaron and he fell over.

"HEY! THAT HURTED!" He screamed as he sat on the floor rubbing his head.

I pointed out to him that this was the very reason that I suggested that they not play this game, but naturally, a few minutes later, they had the garbage cans back on their heads, bumping into things again.

Soon they had another collision, this time sending Aaron's can off of his head and landing on my bare foot.

"OUCH!" I yelled.

Max looked at me and said calmly "Um.....yeah.......I bet that really hurted."

Multi tasking?

Today I had the extreme pleasure of watching my teenage son try to unload the dishwasher while continuing to play a game on the playstation with the wireless controller.

Let's just say that neither the game or the dishes turned out very well.

Message to my children..........

OK kids, press pause or turn of the video game, do the dishes, finish the homework, use the restroom THEN play the video games

Point well taken

We've recently discovered that Max has an extreme fondness for hot chocolate. Last year we tried to give him some, but he saw the other kids stirring theirs with a spoon and he decided that he wanted to stir it too, but since he had the coordination of a three year it became very messy and we decided that he shouldn't have any more.

This year, Brielle discovered the magic known as the straw. Max will sit and sip his hot (it's actually just barely warm) chocolate through the straw.

He loves it!

We've also discovered that the kid will do anything for hot chocolate.

ANYTHING!

And yes, I'm going to use that little piece of information for as long as it lasts.

Last night I told Max that if he went and got his pajamas on right then, I would give him a cup of hot chocolate.

He was very excited and ran into his room.

A while later, I heard him playing in his room and walked in to find him still in his clothes, and his pajamas still sitting empty on his bed.

"Hey" I said "I thought you were going to put your pajamas on?"

He smiles at me and says "I'm going to do it in a minute."

A while later, I went back to see him still playing with his blocks.

"Max, it's almost your bedtime, please get your pajamas on!"

"OK mom, I'm doing it in a minute."

After about 20 minutes, he came walking into the family room, still dressed in his clothes.

I said "Max, go get your pajamas on now!"

He went back into his room and emerged a while later wearing his pajamas. "I'm ready for my hot chocolate now."

"No Max, I said you could have hot chocolate if you got in your pajamas quickly, but it took you a long time."

"But I said I would do it in a minute!"

"You took way more than a minute, a minute is only a short amount of time."

And then he says to me,

"When YOU say "in a minute," it always takes a really long time!"

Point well taken.

(Don't you hate it when things that you say to your kids come back later to bite you in the butt?)

Max quote of the day:

"If it gets snow on it, does garbage change to garbage juice?"

The yearly decorating of the Christmas tree

Last night I told Brielle and Aaron that they could drag the tree and Christmas decorations out of their hiding place in the closet under the basement stairs and bring them upstairs to the living room so we could do all of the decorating today.

Instead of leaving it in the box until today, like I thought they would do, they ended up putting the tree together, only they really didn't understand how to make it stand up straight.

To say that the tree was leaning would be an understatement.

This morning I woke up to a sniffy nosed, watery eyed and very feverish little Max. The poor kid was so miserable that he was close to tears.

I've spent the majority of my day with him cuddled in my lap or snuggled up next to me on the couch. He finally took a nice long nap and when he woke up he was feeling a little bit better so we decided to decorate our Christmas tree.

Max immediately found the Santa hats that we try every year to get the kids to wear for our Christmas card pictures, and he wore it all day. He kept saying Ho Ho Ho and calling himself "Max Claus"

We managed to get the tree to stand up straight and found a string of lights that had the fewest non working bulbs and put those on the tree, then I let the kids loose to decorate.

Aaron spent the next while seeing how much he could irritate me by placing more than one ornament on the same branch.

We go over this every year. The ornaments need to be EVENLY SPACED throughout the tree.

In order to help them understand how important this is, I started singing this song.

(Sung to the tune of Deck The Halls)

Trim the tree with OCD,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Space the ornaments evenly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don't hang them close to one another,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Or you will annoy your mother,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Their reaction was to laugh out loud and say "Ha ha ha! Mom, you're funny!" and then continue hanging the ornaments where they wanted.

Hmmmm...... Does anyone know of a good place to buy some lumps of coal?

sidenote: I just want to mention that this is a big running joke between me and the kids. They know I'm kidding (sort of ;0) and they are joking around too. It's like a yearly tradition for us to decorate the tree with me freaking out at the placement of the ornaments and them placing them in a way that they know will cause me to freak out.

Cooking with the Cubs

Alternate title;

"How to lose your sanity in one hour or less."

A while ago I became a Den leader for Aaron's Cub Scout group. Today it was my turn to arrange an activity for these 9 year old boys.

I looked through all of the activities in the scout book and after a discussion with the other leader, decided that the boys would learn about cooking by fulfilling one of the requirements, "Bake cookies with an adult"

We decided that due to time constraints, we would just have the boys mix up the dough, then we would send it home with them and have their parents help them bake the cookies.

I gathered all of the ingredients and equipment that we would need and went over to the church for Pack meeting.

When we went into the kitchen, the boys were quite excited about making cookies. The first thing they all did was to hop up and sit on the counter.

"Ummm, hey guys, do you remember our first rule about cooking in the kitchen?" I asked.

They all jumped off the counter while discussing amongst themselves the "no butt germs on the food preparation surfaces" lecture that we went through the last time we had a food related activity.

Then I ask, "What's the first thing we need to do before making cookies?"

They all stare at me blankly.

Finally, Aaron suggests that they wash their hands. (That's my boy!)

So we wait while 5 very energetic little boys wash their hands at the sink.

At this point I need to mention how noisy 5 nine year old boys can be, and also the fact that the acoustics in this kitchen amplify the sound to about 5 times it's original level.

Plus, there's a bit of an echo.

As we are cooking, I try to include some useful bits of cooking information.

Me: OK guys, all of you will get a chance to help measure and stir up the ingredients. Now, what's the first thing we need to do before mixing up the cookies?"

Aaron: "We already washed our hands."

Me: "OK, so what do we do next?" I ask while holding up the recipe for them to see.

Connor: (opening the door to go outside) "Hey, can we get some fresh air?"

Me:" NO. No fresh air, we're here to make cookies, what's the first thing we need to do?"

Scott: "Do we need to bake them or can we just eat the dough?"

Me: "You have to take them home and bake them. The dough will have raw eggs in it, and you shouldn't eat raw eggs, remember, we talked about that a few weeks ago?"

Mitchell: "Why can't we eat raw eggs?"

Connor: "Because if you eat raw eggs they will make you sick."

Aaron: "Rocky ate a whole glass of raw eggs and I didn't see him get sick in the movie."

All boys in unison: "EWWWWWW!!!"

Brandon: "Why did he eat raw eggs?"

Aaron: "I don't know, but it was really gross I think he......."

Me: "Hey guys, COOKIES remember, we're here to make cookies. Now, does anyone know how to measure brown sugar?"

Aaron: "I know how! You pack it in really tight."

Then Aaron proceeded to measure a cup of brown sugar. Packed.

Scott: "Hey, it's my turn, I want to do the next one!"

Scott takes a teaspoon and starts to scoop small spoonfuls of brown sugar into the measuring cup, packing each one down as he goes.

Me: "Scott, just stick the measuring cup in the bag and scoop out a bunch."

Scott scoops out a little bit, then packs it down with the spoon, he scoops out another small amount then packs that down with a spoon.

I see that this will take a while, so I move on.

Me: "OK guys, what's the next ingredient?"

Mitchell: "White sugar. Can I measure that?"

I tell him yes, then hand him the ziplock bag holding a cup of sugar. Mitchell starts to dump the sugar in the general direction of the measuring cup. I grab his arm and help him just before he dumps most of it on the counter.

Scott is still measuring the brown sugar. Scoop and pack. Scoop and pack. Scoop and pack.....

Me: "Let's move on to the butter!" I pick up the box of butter and realize that even though I had let it sit out for several hours, it wasn't softened enough. No problem, we have a microwave! I tell the boys to unwrap the four cubes (yes, 4 cubes, this is an awesome recipe) of butter (yes! REAL butter. As if you would use any other kind)

I tell Aaron to put it in a measuring cup and nuke it for 12 seconds. It comes out perfectly softened, and Aaron dumps it in the bowl with the sugar.

The boys all get really into the whole melting butter in the microwave thing.

Connor: "Can I melt the next one?"

Brandon: "I want to melt some!"

Me: "You can each melt one."

Connor: "How long do I melt it for?"

Me: "12 seconds."

Scott finally finishes the brown sugar.

Brandon: "How long do I melt the butter for?"

Me: "12 seconds."

Scott: "I want to melt some butter!"

Me: "You can melt the next one." and I hand him a cube of butter.

Connor and Brandon both dump their perfectly softened cubes of butter out of the measuring cup and into the sugar.

Scott: "How long do I microwave this?"

Me "12 seconds."

Scott: "Do I just put it in like this?"

I look over to see Scott ready to put his unwrapped cube of butter directly in the microwave.

Me: "No, please put it in the measuring cup!"

I look back to the bowl to see Mitchell standing there, holding the hand mixer, ready to attack the contents of the bowl.

Mitchell: "Can I mix it together now?"

Me: "What does the recipe say?"

Brandon: "It says we need eggs."

Me: "No, look at the instructions, not the list of ingredients."

The boys all read together "Cream together butter and sugars."

Me: "Does anyone know what that means?"

Brandon: (looking in the bowl) "How many of those butters did you put in there?"

Me: "four."

Brandon: "I really don't like butter that much."

Me: "We'll be putting more stuff in it than butter, you'll hardly notice it."

Brandon: "That's a lot of butter. I don't like that much butter!"

Mitchell: "Can I mix it now?"

Connor: "I want to use the mixer too!"

Me: "Everyone will get a chance to use the mixer."

Scott dumps his newly softened cube of butter in the bowl. Before I knew what was happening, he turned on the mixer and put it just deep enough in the bowl to send chunks of softened butter everywhere.

Me: (grabbing the mixer and turning it off) "Hey guys, what is the first rule of using a mixer?"

Mitchell: "You need to keep it in the bottom of the bowl so all the stuff doesn't go flying out."

Me:" Good, now can somebody please get a paper towel and wipe up the butter?"

I then notice the 4 butter wrappers laying face down on the counter.

Mitchell takes the mixer and starts mixing up the butter and sugar. After a minute, he hands it to Scott.

All of the boys are leaning over the big bowl, watching the butter and sugar being mixed together.

Connor: "Hey, this stinks! It smells like fire!"

The other boys: "Yeah, that does smell like fire!"

I realized that I hadn't used this mixer for a while, and I think the dough was making the motor work a little over it's capacity, thus the burning smell. I turn off the mixer.

Connor: "Hey, I wanted a turn!"

Me: "We need 4 eggs. Who wants to crack an egg?'

Scott grabbed an egg and started to gently tap it on the edge of the bowl. It made a small hole and he tried to shake the yolk out of the hole.

Me: " Scott, put your thumbs in it and break it apart."

He pokes his thumbs in the egg and starts to pull the shell apart, only he has moved it away from the bowl and is dangerously close to dumping the egg innards on the counter.

ME: "Scott, in the bowl....IN the bowl!"

Scott moves the egg back over the bowl, and miraculously is able to get the egg into the bowl without any shells.

I am amazed.

The other boys cracked their eggs on the counter and on other eggs, and we managed to get them in the bowl with only minimum mess on the counter.

Scott: "Now we need vanilla!"

Aaron: "Did you know that vanilla has alcohol in it?"

Brandon: "IT HAS ALCOHOL IN IT?"

Carrie: (the other Den leader who has been marking off requirements in the boys books up until this point) "Yes, Vanilla does have alcohol in it, but it cooks out."

Brandon: "But there's alcohol in it!! I think that's another reason not to eat raw cookie dough!"

Carrie: "There's really not very much vanilla in the dough. You would really have to eat a lot of raw cookie dough to get drunk from it."

At this point, I was thinking that if you ate enough cookie dough to get drunk on the vanilla, that you would have bigger problems than being drunk.

Scott: "Can't we just eat the dough? Do we have to bake it?

Carrie: "No you can't eat it, raw eggs remember?"

Brandon: "And vanilla!"

Connor: "NOW can I use the mixer?"

I look at the bowl with runny eggs in it. I do not want to see runny eggs on the wall. I do not want to see runny eggs on the floor. I do not want to see runny eggs on me.

I tell the boys that since the mixer is acting funny, I will mix in the eggs and they can stir in the flour by hand.

As I'm mixing the boys are running around the kitchen playing tag, or some other game that involves large amounts of noise and running and bumping into each other.

Me: "OK guys, there are 5 of you, and we need 5 cups of flour. Each one of you can measure one cup and stir it into the dough! Does anyone know how to measure flour?"

Aaron: "You don't pack it like you do brown sugar."

Me: "Yes, you keep it light and fluffy. Remember, light and fluffy, you scoop it into the cup lightly and don't pack it down."

Mitchell was the first to measure. He scooped some flour into the cup then tapped it onto the counter to level it out.

Me: "Hey Mitch, don't tap it down, it needs to stay light and fluffy, tapping it like that makes it compress and you don't get an accurate measurement."

Mitchell looks at me, nods his head in agreement then scoops more flour into the cup, then taps it on the counter.

Me: "Light and fluffy, Mitch, light and fluffy."

Mitchell: "Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting."

Mitchell then takes another scoop, dumps it in the cup and taps it on the counter, while the whole time I am saying:

"Light and fluffy, light and fluffy, lightandfluffylightandfluffyLIGHTANDFLUFFY!"

Then I gave up.

Mitchell dumped his flour in the bowl. I handed him the wooden spoon and he did a fine job of stirring the flour into the mixture.

Meanwhile Connor is measuring his flour. He lightly lifts the fluffy flour into the measuring cup, then smashes it down with the scoop.

I look away.

(seriously, why do these boys not get the concept of light and fluffy?)

Connor moves on to the bowl as I'm giving the "light and fluffy" flour measuring instructions to Scott.

I look over just in time to see Connor stick the big wooden spoon in the bowl, stir a little too hard, and send flour all over the wall and counter, sticking to all the chunks of softened butter that still hadn't been cleaned up.

I take a deep breath, and let it out s l o w l y as I repeat in my head "deep cleansing breath, Jill, deep cleansing breath."

Connor grins: "Sorry, I'll be more careful."

I looked at the amount of flour that flew out of the bowl and decided that it probably equaled the extra flour we got when the boys were smashing the flour into the measuring cup instead of keeping it light and fluffy.

I decided to look at this as a good thing.

We managed to get the rest of the flour mixed in. Aaron dumped in the chocolate chips, and they all took turns stirring again.

Scott: "Hey, this looks really good. Do we have to bake it? Can we just eat the dough?"

Me: "No Scott, we shouldn't eat raw cookie dough, you could get really sick."

I take the spoon and proceed to divide the dough between 5 ziplock bags.

Scott: "Hey! I want the one with the most in it!"

Aaron: "No, I want that one!"

Mitchell: "I wanted it!"

I told them that all the bags would be the same, and as I zipped the last bag Scott asked "Can we lick the bowl?"

Me: "No Scott, it's still raw cookie dough."

Carrie: "OK guys, lets get the kitchen cleaned up, everyone helps."

We started to wash the dishes and put things away when I turned around to see Mitchell sneaking a chunk of cookie dough from what was left in the bowl. He saw me look at him and he scraped the cookie dough off of his finger and into the garbage can.

The boys started playing tag again. We could see that some of the boys parents were starting to arrive to pick up their kids. Carrie told them they needed to continue helping. I told her I could probably get it cleaned up faster if they didn't help.

We laughed and she took the boys outside to meet their parents.

After they all left, I closed the door, scraped all of the leftover cookie dough out of the bowl, and ate it.

So far, I'm still feeling OK.

And now that I think about it, Aaron didn't bake the dough that he brought home, and it's just sitting there in the refrigerator........................

Mystery food revealed!

I know everyone has just been sitting on the edge of their chair waiting to find out what the unidentifiable food is.

The truth is, I'm really not sure.

I am, however, quite convinced that it was some sort of food.

Nobody even came close to guessing where I found it. This strange looking morsel was tucked down by the hinges in my dishwasher. I'm not positive how long it had been there.

Here's my best guess of what happened.

One of the kids was loading the dishwasher, and decided that it was probably OK just to put the bowl holding the spaghetti sauce in the dishwasher without emptying the remaining amount of sauce from the bowl. I discovered this the next morning, after the dishes had been "washed" with spaghetti sauce. Apparently, when there is more sauce in the dishwasher than dishwasher detergent, the spaghetti sauce wins and all of the dishes turn a not so lovely shade of orange/red.

They also have a really great greasy feel to them.

Anyway, I emptied the remaining contents of the spaghetti sauce from the bowl (yes, there was still some in there. I shudder to think of how much was still in the bowl when it was put in the dishwasher) and I re-washed the dishes. This time they came out clean.

My guess is that some sauce slid down and got stuck by the hinges of the dishwasher door.

It was a pretty solid chunk when I found it, and I think I recognized the remnants of a slice of mushroom on the side, which is really strange, because I don't put mushrooms in my sauce.

So, it looks like the winner of the GUESS THE MYSTERY FOOD game is Katie who said "It looks like a mushroom with pizza sauce"

So Katie, CONGRATULATIONS!!

You win THE RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF YOUR PEERS!!

Which, when you really think about it, is about the best prize anyone can win!

(plus, it doesn't cost me anything in shipping, because that could get costly ;0)

And to those of you who guessed anything to do with chocolate, you should know better. I would never let chocolate go unnoticed long enough for it to look that way. I am able to search out any unattended chocolate in the house.

What can I say, it's a gift, kind of like a sixth sense or something.

Join me tomorrow when I sort through Max's dirty clothes hamper and we play the exciting new game "IDENTIFY THE STAIN"

Whoa, that's chilly.

For the last two days I have been looking for my deodorant.

I have searched everywhere that I thought it could be. (but not very strenuously, to prevent myself from sweating)

I just found my deodorant in the freezer.

Any guesses as to how it got there?

Fruit of the loom Lament

Here I lay

forgotten.

Stepped over as some pretend that I'm not here.

But I am.

They sometimes kick me, and I fly

into the corner.

I cry, for I am sad.

They are afraid to touch me, they cringe as they come near me.

My soul cries out "I am clean! I am not soiled!"

And yet, I am shunned.

I am left alone, invisible to those who should see me,

but they look not upon me.

I have lost my way, fallen from my group of friends as they were carried away,

and left alone, among a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Toys and books and television remote controls mock me.

They know not the pain of abandonment.

For their batteries are still good.

I think of the one with whom I belong

and

I wonder if they will remember my softness and how easily I stretched and conformed to bring comfort,

yet, didn't bind.

I have loyally protected against the dangers of denim and the draftiness of nakedness,

still,

I lay here, waiting for someone to claim me as their own.

The one who needs me most denies that I belong, and wills others to take care of me,

yet,

I know that in nine days I will be searched for,

because I came in a package of ten.











p.s. Would the owner of the pair of underwear dropped on the family room floor on the way out of the laundry room please come forward to claim your property. You know who you are, and due to the size, color and gender of said underwear I know who you are too.

Thank you,
The management.

Happy Day!

I just love those days when my kids get along with each other and are kind and pleasant.




I wish today was one of those days.

Boredom busters for kids, or How to get yourself grounded in three easy steps!

Hey kids!!
It's summertime! School is out and pretty soon you will be faced with that age old problem......

SUMMER BOREDOM

(dun dun dun)

Do you enjoy the smell of burning machinery and burning rubber combined?
Do you enjoy seeing that vein on your dear mother's face pop out so far that it looks like it's going to burst?
Do you enjoy having different appliance repairmen visit your house on a regular basis?

Well kids, have I got an activity for you!!

First, clean your room. I know this is usually something that you don't do voluntarily, however, it will confuse your parents. They will be so shocked and happy that it will intensify their reaction to the real activity that you have planned!

Second, take all of the blankets and sheets in your room and stuff them in the washing machine. May I suggest, more specifically,

(may be sung to the tune of "Twelve days of Christmas")

Three LARGE afgans
Two handmade blankets
One throw blanket
One set of sheets
And a twin sized Spongebob comforter!

Be sure to use all of your weight to pack them down in the washing machine so that the lid will close.
Sit on the lid if necessary.

Next, put in the soap, turn on the washing machine and wait for the fun to begin!

Now, here's the tricky part, when the washing machine starts making a really obnoxious noise and you start to smell the burning machinery/rubber smell, instead of telling anyone, just close the door to the laundry room.

The washing machine might actually stop on it's own. In fact, it will probably stop and not start again.

Ever!

Now here's the really fun part, when your mom starts to walk into the laundry room, casually say "Hey mom, you might not want to go in there, it smells really bad!"

Naturally, your mother will want to investigate any and every bad smell in the house, and will go in the laundry room anyway. Now is the time to tell her about the funny noise and how the washing machine "just stopped on it's own."

See the look of horror on your mother's face when she pushes every button on the washing machine only to discover that there are no signs of life left in this dear (not so old) appliance.

Watch as your mother searches the house, looking for the warranty to the washing machine, hoping that the warranty is not void if children are allowed to use the appliance.
Listen to your mother mutter under her breath something about never really seeing any rule that specifically says that children can't be sold on eBay.

Making family memories is so much fun!!!

Next you will get to help your possibly screaming at this point mother wring out the contents of the washing machine and carry them to the bathtub while trying not to drip water all over the house!!

Be forewarned, your mother may tell you that the money designated for the trip to the amusement park will be paid to the appliance repair man.
And there will be no amusement happening for you this summer!

Good times.

One last thing, this project is so much more fun if it happens after 11:00 p.m.

Try it!!

Go ahead, I DARE YOU!!!




This morning just before calling the repairman, I tried one more time to turn on the washing machine and lucky for the children, it worked.
We have spent the day rinsing and drying the all of the bedding removed last night, except this time I have separated it into 4 different loads.

Yes, I am relieved.

Trimming the tree (with OCD)

Tonight I realized that we had so many things to do this week that if we didn't get the Christmas tree put up now, it would be a while before we could get to it. (and if we wait too long, we run the risk of "Why bother putting it up now, we'll just need to take it down in a week")

The first thing we had to do was to get the tree upstairs. I went to the closet under the stairs in the basement to get the large box with the tree along with all the boxes full of Christmas decorations.
What I found was all of the kids Halloween costumes for the last two years, tossed in the closet on top of all of the Christmas stuff.
The costumes are supposed to be put away nicely on the top shelves of the kids closets, not dumped conveniently in the storage closet under the stairs.

I yelled politely called to the children to have them put the costumes in their proper places.
Eventually this was done and we were able to reach all of the Christmas decorations. CJ and Aaron carried the heavy box with the tree in it up the stairs arguing humming Christmas tunes as they went.

DH got the tree out of the box and put it together. I bent the tree branches causing them to return back into their previously not smooshed state as they were before the tree was stuffed into the box last February 11December 31.

The children helped me fix the branches because I forced them to they like the tree to look nice and uniform too.
Next we put on the lights. I explained to the children that they were not to mess with the little box on the lights that controls the speed of the blinking. I like the slow glow setting. It calms me.
Every year, without fail, one of the kids will set that puppy to the tracer lights and it makes me dizzy and nauseous.

Next, we started to decorate the tree.

Now the single most important thing that everyone must remember is;

E.S.O.

Evenly. Spaced. Ornaments.

One thing that drives me batty is when there are a bunch of ornaments on the same branch, or worse than that, three of the same ornament within inches of each other.

THIS JUST SHOULD NOT HAPPEN!

Evenly spaced, people. Evenly spaced.

I let the kids put all of the ornaments on the tree themselves. CJ is now taller than me, so he can reach all of the higher branches.
I sat on the couch and watched as they completely ignored the ESO rule merrily decorated the tree.
I kept telling them EVENLY SPACED! REMEMBER THEY NEED TO BE EVENLY SPACED!! offered suggestions of where to put the ornaments, and the children basically ignored me did a great job of decorating the tree.
It was then that I got a stabbing pain in my eye. Someone had sped up the blinking of the lights. I growled inquired as to who might have adjusted the lights, after I had made it known to everyone in the room that I would have a coniption if they touched the light control box kindly requested that they leave it alone.
One of my darling children apparently didn't listen to me the first time explained that they had misunderstood and just thought that I didn't want them moving the control box from it's original spot.
We got the lights fixed, and redistributed the 12 ornaments that Max had put on a single branch on the backside of the tree where I couldn't see it.
It was finally finished, and it was lovely!

OK, seriously, they really did do a great job!





We even got the outside lights put up yesterday.

Yay us!




This concludes my last post for NaBloPoMo, or as I prefer to call it "NaBloPowhatwasIthinkingwhenIdecidedtodothisMo"

I'll be back tomorrow.
Or not.
I might take a week off.
Or not.
Or I might just wait until I actually have something interesting to write about.

Because, apparently, my children have nothing better to do

Alternate title #1. Second lame post attributed to NaBloPoMo.
Alternate title #2. I knew I would regret getting him that YouTube account.
Alternate title #3. Warning! Extreme whining ahead.
Alternate title #4. Why do you keep asking if it's that time of the month?


Today, my computer genius son decided to take an iPod commercial and do this to it.



(Yeah, I'm sure no copyright laws were broken with that one)

He says he "probably" didn't have any homework to do.

I'm sorry guys, I tried to think of a really great post, but I got nothin.

Nada.

Probably because I'm INCREDIBLY irritated right now.

"Why?" do you ask?

Mostly because of a client I'm dealing with right now who I have decided will never be happy.

NEVER!

Those kind of people are really hard to please.

Anyway, it's a problem that has made me a bit grumpy.
And to top it all off, all of the good candy is gone in the last of the Halloween candy.

And "FOR HEAVEN SAKES, IF THE DISHES ARE STILL DIRTY WHEN YOU PULL THEM OUT OF THE DISHWASHER, DO NOT, AND I REPEAT DO NOT PUT THEM AWAY IN THE CABINETS!!"

And "WHEN YOU PUT THE DISHES AWAY, PLEASE TRY TO PUT THEM SOMEPLACE WHERE I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A REMOTE CHANCE OF FINDING THEM!!!"

And "THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS IS NOT A DUMPING PLACE FOR DIRTY CLOTHES!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT THEM UNDER YOUR BED WITH THE REST OF THEM!!"

And "I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOUR SOCKS ARE! WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS!"

OK, maybe I should just complain about a few more things, like the brush in the nail polish. Have you ever noticed that it doesn't reach to the bottom of the bottle? Even when I tip it, I can't get all of it. I know they do that so you will buy more polish sooner because you can't get what's left in the bottom. Not that I'm wearing polish on my nails, I putting it on the hole in the toe of the BRAND NEW PANTYHOSE that I ran this morning. And tipping the bottle of nail polish trying to get the last bit out while at the same time balancing on one foot while the other is on the edge of the tub can be a potentially dangerous situation.

And one more thing, if there's a line at the food sample table at Costco, DO NOT butt in front of me!! I DON'T CARE if you know the lady giving the sample, cutting in line is rude, and you really shouldn't get between me and a sample of hot apple crisp anyway.

I will give you a stern look and think bad things about you.

And that extra large sample of hot apple crisp with a scoop of ice cream that the lady gave you because she knows you?

It's going straight to your butt my friend.

Straight. To. Your. Butt.



OK, I'll give you a few Max quotes to make up for all the whining.

#1.
Me: "Max, tomorrow, we're going to the doctor so they can check your height.
Max: "Are they going to cut it off?"
Me: "Cut what off?"
Max: "My height."

#2.
"Why am I a boy? Is it also because I don't have a purse? Are you a girl because you have a purse?"

Just try to beat the computer

Here's a really fun game.

It's quite addicting. My kids have been playing it all day. See how many times you can beat the computer.

Go here.





HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Jill's Jeopardy! The new game show!

Welcome to our new game show "Jill's Jeopardy"

(cue annoying theme song)

I'm your host Alex Trebeck!

Let's meet our new contestants!

First, we have CJ. Could you tell us a little bit about yourself?

CJ: "Hi Alex, I'm in seventh grade I like computers, pizza and sleeping in to the crack of noon."

Alex: "Great! Next we have Brielle"

Brielle: "Hi Alex! I'm ten years old I like anything pink and girly and I love to read and dance and draw and rollerblade and ride my bike and paint and sing and play the piano and make up plays and I love school and I don't like onions or mean kids or aliens from outer space and when I grow up I want to be either a pediatric cardiologist or the activities director for a cruise line or something like that because I have a lot of energy and a ton of great ideas and.......

Alex: "Thank you Brielle, but let's move along because this is only a 30 minute program. Our next contestant is Aaron, can you tell us a little about yourself?"

Aaron: "Hi Alex, I'm eight years old, and I like to clean stuff. I like to watch infomercials about cleaning products. If I win this game, I'm going to use my cash prize to buy myself one of those really cool floor polishing things, because that would be really cool!

Alex: "Um.........great! Our fourth contestant for Jill's Jeopardy is Max."

Max: "I'm a big boy! I also wearing underwear! I need some miwk! Please a please a please a please! I also pway wif my caws! I also hear the gwrarbage truck!! I know the alphabet song! I can also sing it for you A B C D E F G..........."

Alex: "Thank you Max. Now let's get started. When I give the answer, whoever is the first to hit the buzzer, they will get to answer. Please remember to phrase your answer the form of a question."

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "Max, please wait until I give the answer."

Max: "I also do like the buzzer!!"
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "No Max, not until AFTER I give the answer! CJ, you choose the first category."

Brielle: "Why does he get to go first? He always gets to go first? It's not fair!!!!"

CJ: "I'll take "Pet Peeves" for $200 Alex."

Alex: "The answer is stapler, tape and scissors."

Brielle: BUZZ "What are some things I like to use when I'm creating an art project"

Alex: "I'm sorry, while that might be true, it's not the answer that we're looking for"

Aaron: BUZZ "Stuff that can be used on a wall!"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, wrong answer and please remember to give your answers in the form of a question."

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
"I also like the buzzer!

CJ: BUZZ "What are things found in the kitchen drawer?"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, the correct question is "What are three things that your mom can never find when she really needs them because someone has used them and NOT returned them to the kitchen drawer." Sorry, no points. CJ, choose another category."

Brielle: "Hey wait, I want a turn!"

CJ: "I'll take "Say what" for $200 Alex.

Alex: "The answer is Get in the car!"

Aaron: "What does mom say when she wants us to sit down and watch television?"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

CJ: BUZZ "What does mom say a million times every morning?"

Alex: "Oh, so close, but not quite the answer that we're looking for."

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
I ALSO NEED TO GO POTTY!! I ALSO NEED TO GO POTTY! I ALSO NEED......

Alex: "Could someone please escort Max to the restroom?"

Brielle: BUZZ "What does mom say when she REALLY wants us to get in the car?"

Alex: "Yes! That's correct! When your mom says get in the car, she really wants you to get in the car!! Brielle, choose the next category please!"

Brielle: "I'll take "Hands off" for $400 Alex."

Alex: "Chocolate you might find hidden somewhere"

Brielle: "What is good to eat?"

Alex: "NO, I'm sorry."

CJ: "I think Brielle is right. When we find chocolate, no matter where it's hidden, I think we should get to eat it!"

Aaron: "Me too! Whenever I find chocolate hidden anywhere, I immediately eat it!"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, you all got that one wrong. The correct question is What should you never ever ever EVER eat? Now please, remember to buzz in before you give your answer!"

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
CHOKWIT MIWK! I ALSO DO WANT SOME CHOKWIT MIWK!!!!

Alex: "Aaron, your turn to choose a category."

Brielle: "Hey! I think it's my turn again! CJ got TWO TURNS! It can't be Aaron's turn yet!"

Aaron: "I'll take "Times of the day" for $300 Alex."

Alex: "10:30 p.m."

Aaron: BUZZ "What time does David Letterman come on TV?"

Alex: "Incorrect"

Brielle: BUZZ "What time does Jay Leno come on TV?"

Alex: "No. Sorry."

CJ: BUZZ "When is a good time to play the playstation 2?"

Alex: "No, I'm sorry, the correct question is When is the worst time to start on your homework that's due the next day, inform your mom that you are out of clean underwear, or practice the trumpet?"

Aaron: "We need clean underwear?"

CJ: "Hey, it's a better time than say 7:30 a.m. right before we go to school."

Alex: "True, but I think the point being made here is that these things should happen WELL BEFORE 10:30 p.m."

Brielle: "Is it my turn to choose the category?"

Alex: "sure. whatever."

Brielle: "I'll take "Pet peeves" for $300!"

Alex: "Glasses half full of milk left on the table."

Brielle: "Hey, I'm not the one that does that!"

Aaron: "Well, it's not me either!"

CJ: "I always finish off my milk!"

Alex: "Buzzers people! Remember your buzzers!"

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "Moving along................

Aaron: "My turn?"

Alex: "whatever"

Aaron: "Thanks Alex. I'll take "Miracles" for $500!"

Alex: "The answer is: Clean dishes, clean kitchen, toys put away, all done without whining."


(silence)


(more silence)


Alex: "Anyone going to buzz in on this one? ...............Anyone?"

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
(giggle, giggle, giggle)

Alex: "Is anyone going to ANSWER this one?"

(more silence)

Alex: "OK, the correct question would be "What are three things that would make your mother extremely happy?

Aaron: "whoa."

Brielle: "Seriously?"

CJ: "Wow, I never thought of that."

Max: BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

Alex: "Well, it looks like we're out of time. Please join us next week for the new game show WHEEL OF CHORES!"

The Stand off-Dirty dishes

Our children are expected to do a few chores around the house.
These include setting the table before dinner, clearing the table after dinner, taking the clean dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them away in their designated spots and then filling the dishwasher with dirty dishes.
(Actually putting dishwashing detergent in the dishwasher and turning it on is also an added bonus)
Sometimes, our children forget that these jobs are theirs to do, and so occasionally, they might require a gentle reminder.

Sometimes, the kids won't get the dishes done the night before, especially if they have a lot of homework. Understanding how important the homework is, (and knowing if they don't do it at that moment, that I will miss out on some of my sleep because I'll be staying up late giving them gentle reminders, and nudging them awake so they can get the homework done)

Last week was one of those weeks. Lots of homework. That combined with a few extracurricular activities made it easier for me just to do the dishes myself.

Friday after school, I took the kids to Tarzhay so that Aaron could spend the gift card that he got for his birthday. He couldn't find anything for under $10. I told him that I would lend him the extra three dollars that he would need for the item he wanted. He promised to do the dishes, and mop and clean the entire kitchen. (because he was just that grateful) (and he loves to clean)
When we got home, I again informed the kids that there were some dirty dishes in the sink, and that they should be getting them clean. I also reminded Aaron about the deal we made at Tarzhay.
Since it was now the weekend, and Brielle and Aaron were now officially "off track" from school for the next three weeks, I saw no reason why the dishes could not be done. I also wasn't feeling very well, and needed to rest (Aaron came home from school sick on Thursday, and must have shared it with me, because I felt lousy all weekend) (The way I felt probably contributed to the poor judgement I had concerning the loaning of money to Aaron at Tarzhay) (But in my defense, the kid really does like to clean, so I thought that he would probably keep his end of the bargain)

Friday when we went to bed, the dishes were still not done. Since I had done them several times during the week, there was no way that I was going to do them again.

"Hey kids, tomorrow morning, the dishes need to be done, and the kitchen cleaned up, Got it?"

"Yes, dear mother, we shall do as you ask!"

But alas, the dishes remained dirty, and were piling higher in the sink.

Saturday we had a family reunion to go to at the park. I needed to make a salad. The bowl and the serving spoon I needed were not clean.

I washed them by hand.

I again reminded my dear offspring of their duty to clean the dishes.

I also pointed out that we were now going to be late for the reunion because I had to take the time to wash the dishes before I could use them, and if they had done their job, we could have left 20 minutes ago.

They promised to do the dishes when they got home.

We went to the park and had a lovely time visiting with family. (Right up until the point where we were leaving and Max had a complete melt down because he had only been down the slide 234 times, and I wouldn't let him go 235. We hauled him out of the park kicking and screaming "Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!! I ALSO GO ON THE SLIDE ONE MORE TIME!!! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!!" which I knew wouldn't really happen, because the last 8 times he went down were supposed to be the "last time")

When we got home, I again gently reminded the children that they had a job to do, and also showed them that there were now more dishes to be done and they would either have to run two loads in the dishwasher, or wash some by hand.

That evening after dinner, the dishes still weren't done. I pointed out to the children that we had used the last of our clean plates, and we would need those to be washed so we could eat off of them for dinner the next day.

Sunday after church, I took a nap, but first reminding the kids to do the dishes.

When it came time for them to set the table for dinner, they put out paper plates and cups.

I, on the other hand, needed to hand wash two pans (one for spaghetti, one for sauce) and the garlic press, which is more easily washed in the dishwasher.

After dinner I again reminded the kids that the dishes needed to be done. They agreed. It was Sunday evening. CJ did have some homework to do, but the other two rugrats are out of school for the next three weeks, so homework was no longer an excuse.
I don't know where they went to hide. I'm quite sure it was the huge pile of dishes in the sink that frightened them away.

They finally won.

I did a load of dishes. I was just so tired of reminding them, and besides, I needed clean dishes.

This morning, I again told the kids that they needed to get the rest of the dishes done. Again they agreed.
This afternoon, I again told the kids that they needed to get the rest of the dishes done. Again they agreed.

I did another load of dishes.

Brielle and CJ must have felt a little bad, because they started doing the dishes after dinner, but were distracted, and I finished them.

For those of you keeping track, that's load #3

Now here's the deal.

For the rest of the week, whenever they ask me to do something, I will say:

"Sure!, I'd love to do that for you!"
or,
"Absolutely! I would love to take you there!"
and
"That sounds like a fabulous activity! Sure we can do that!"

And then...............................


Nothing.


They want to do fun activities while they are out of school. They want to have friends over, they want to go to the fair (which would probably be a great activity so we can show Max what kind of animals really live on a farm) They want to go to a movie.


Too bad.


Now I have two more things to say.

1. Please don't leave me a mean comment about my style of parenting, I will just make fun of you on my next post. (Plus, remember, I was sick all weekend)

2. My children will probably not remember the events of the last few days exactly the same way I did. They may even laugh at the phrase "gentle reminder" however, I would like to point out to them that I did do 3 loads of dishes, while they did not (except for Brielle and CJ who emptied part of the dishwasher) and also, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want.

MOM - The destroyer of fun

Yes, I knew that "cool mom" title was too good to last.

Today was the last day of the school year for us. (we are on year-round school)
So, being the"cool mom" that I am, decided that when I picked up the kids from school, and after I went to the bank, I would take them to Sonic for shakes.
What kid wouldn't be absolutely THRILLED with this activity?

Yep, you guessed it, one of mine.

"But I don't like their shakes, they're gross! Why can't we just go to McDonald's and get sundaes?"

Now, while that also sounded like a great idea, I was really in the mood for a Sonic shake.

The child says "Why can't we just go to Sonic AND McDonald's?"

That didn't sound like too bad of an idea, and I was just about to say that we could do that, when a second child pipes in and says "I don't want to go there either, why can't we go to Wendy's?"
And another one says "Yeah, we should go there and get hamburgers also. We got out of school before lunch today, and I didn't eat breakfast either, so I'm starving!"
Then the first child says "No, I don't want Wendy's, I want to go to McDonald's and get a parfait!
"NO" says another "I wanted a Sonic shake! We should get burgers at McDonald's, and then go to Sonic for shakes!"
"I don't like Sonic shakes!"
"I don't like McDonald's hamburgers. Mom, can I get chicken nuggets instead?"
"But I want to go to Wendy's!"
"I also wants a seesebugah!" (translation - cheeseburger)
"But they don't have yogurt parfaits at Wendy's"
"So, we should just go get shakes at Sonic!"
"And I also do want a sockwit miwk!" (chocolate milk)
"But I don't like shakes at Sonic!..............."

Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the car at the drive through window of the bank, wondering at what point this all went so terribly wrong.

And I made an announcement.

"I'm thinking that we don't really need to be going anywhere."

I am met with a sudden silence from the back seat.

I continue "but since I'm such a cool mom, we will go to ONE location, and I will decide!"
I know all too well that at that point, I probably should have just gone ahead and driven home with no treat, but I suddenly realized that I was, in fact, quite hungry myself, and was quite in the mood for something yummy. I also noticed a McDonald's that was right next to the very bank from which we were leaving.

"We will be going to McDonald's. Each of you will be given TWO dollars to spend in any way you please!
"BUT MOM!"
"No" I reply, "Two dollars. I don't care how you spend it, but that's it!"

That kept the little darlings happy until the two of them that wanted chicken nuggets discovered that they cost 2.95.

Too bad for them.

By the time we left the McDonald's, the kids had decided that I was still "cool mom." I guess filling them with sugar laden, highly processed food will have that effect on children.

Then we got home.

As I walked in the kitchen I realized that all of the things I had asked the children to do the night before, had not been done.
There were still mounds of craft stuff on the kitchen table (homemade end of the year teacher gifts) The dinner dishes were still in the sink, the floor had not been swept, and the kitchen counter had many kid-related, 'shouldn't be sitting on the kitchen counter' sort of things just covering the surface.

And I made another announcement.

"There will be no summer fun until the kitchen gets cleaned up."

I have now gone from "cool mom" status to "Mom, the destroyer of fun!"

Because yes, I really do stay up nights just trying to think of more things I can do to make their lives miserable. It's my job, and I take pride in my work.
Apparently, my main goal in life is to make sure that my children have absolutely no fun.
Whatsoever.

I stayed quite upbeat, and even tried to make it fun "Come on guys, let's all work on this together" and I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
After working alone for about ten minutes, I realized that I had been working alone for ten minutes.

Nope. There will not be any fun had in this house this summer.

None.