Monday, November 9, 2009

Stolen identity

Many years ago, we bought a few magazine subscriptions from one of the neighborhood kids.
(darn fundraisers)

We decided to try an experiment, and instead of using our own names for the subscription, we decided to use the names of our mother's dogs. We wanted to see how many places the magazines would sell our information to.

The two magazines were now coming to our home under the names of:

"Bubbles" Smith for the fashion type magazine

and


"Pepper" Smith for the business type magazine

(there wasn't a great selection of magazines and we wanted to help the kid out so we just randomly picked two.)

It wasn't long before Bubbles was getting all sorts of clothing, makeup and jewelry catalogs and advertisements. Pepper was getting quite a bit of mail too, mostly offers for other magazines and publications with a business type theme.

We were amazed at the amount of businesses that now had "Bubbles" and "Pepper" on their mailing lists.

Unfortunately, during this time, poor Pepper met an untimely demise and departed this world for her new life in doggie heaven.

And then it came.

In the mail was a letter addressed to "Pepper Smith" from
Who's Who magazine.

We were so excited, because it seems that Pepper had made it big in the business scene! Who's who magazine wanted to feature an article about Pepper in an upcoming issue! They pointed out what a good networking tool this would be for Pepper, and how it could potentially help her in her career in business.

So we filled out the application.

Full name of company: Terrier yard excavation and fertilization, a division of Pepper inc.
Hours of Operation: 24/7
When, where and how was your business started? The business was started in the back yard of my home soon after I came to live here. I just went outside and felt the need to fertilize the corner by the fence, and then I saw an area of grass near the back door that needed a big hole dug in it.
Give a brief history of the founder(s) and how he/she/they came to start the business. The business was founded when the owner saw me in a big cardboard box in front of the grocery store. She picked me above all of my siblings. She brought me home and fed me and let me out in the back yard. The rest is history.
Describe the services or products your business offers, emphasizing the one(s) you consider most important. I offer fertilization of the yard. I do have certain favorite spots that I like to frequent, but occasionally, I like to shake things up a bit and leave a deposit somewhere out of the ordinary, just so I can keep management on their toes. Or scraping it off their toes as the case may be.
While the fertilization side of the company, is certainly important, I do put a good deal of time and effort into our excavation division. This work is certainly more strenuous and time consuming. I dig. It's what I do. Sometimes I dig to bury things to be retrieved at a later date, and sometimes I just dig to dig.
Who owns and operates the business today? My owner owns the business, however, the day to day operations are strictly up to me.
Describe any major events that have changed your business in a dramatic way (obstacles overcome, important developments, etc). I had really wanted to open a branch office at a different location, but when I started to dig a hole under the fence, it was soon filled up, and reinforced with chicken wire. It was soon after that when I had quite a setback with my health. Apparently I needed surgery. I had a difficult time recovering, and wasn't able to do any yard excavation for a while. The fertilization division was still operating fully, however, the quality of my work just wasn't the same for quite a while. It was around that time that I lost my desire to open the branch office. Moving outside the fence just didn't seem as important to me anymore.
Describe the relevant staff and/or management who runs the business There's the owner, and that kid with the shovel that comes outside occasionally and picks up the old deposits. He has a pretty bad attitude about it most of the time. I think he might just be working at this job until he can find something different.
Give your company mission statement and explain how it impacts the day-to-day operations I strive to make large and plentiful deposits, dig the biggest holes and make the most noise. Poop more, dig deeper and bark louder.
What is the #1 distinction that sets your business apart from the competition? This is my yard, my domain, my territory. There is no competition. (Except for the stupid cat that sits on the fence, just out of my reach)
How would you explain your philosophy of business to someone you'd just met? I feel that the things I do for my business are things that I would be doing anyway, I should do it the best I can.
Describe any relevant information about your business's community involvement/commitment to social responsibility. I don't have any.
What happened on the day you remember as your best (so far) in this business? Describe the accomplishment (so far) in your business of which you are most proud. Give one fact, anecdote, story or other piece of information not already covered here that may prove interesting for a story. I would have to say that my best day ever was when someone in the house didn't like what they were eating for dinner and fed it to me under the table. I'm not sure what it was, but a while later, I really needed to make some deposits. I was let outside and made a record number of deposits in a short amount of time. My production was at an all time high! It was almost like I couldn't stop myself! I was so proud of my work that I rolled all over the lawn in excitement. I wanted to share my success with the upper management so I went inside to show them my accomplishments, and before they knew what had happened, I shook with joy, spraying the deposits around the room, then ran and jumped on my favorite spot on the couch.
It was a day that will not soon be forgotten.
Other Comments? Nope.

So there you have it, the Who's Who magazine interview with a dog.

I can hardly wait until the next issue comes out!

20 comments:

Karen said...

Please let us know what kind of feedback you get from that! I think it's hilarious!

Jillene said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

b. said...

This is hilarious!

MaeRae said...

How do you think of these things. Great MIND! Link for us when it is published.

Kristina P. said...

I would never in a million years think of this. You are the coolest mom ever.

Annette Lyon said...

Awe. Some!

I knew a lady who did something similar with "Molly Mormon." She was stunned at how much mail she got for Molly years later.

Holloway bunch said...

=)

TJ said...

I love, love, love it!

Jessica G. said...

My favorite is the staff members section...hehehehe

Chelsee said...

Hilarious

Belovedgoddess said...

that got me snorting.

The Head Eagle said...

That is pretty ingenious! Can you imagine the look on the face of the sucker that receives your response? Classic!

rocslinger said...

I think Pepper has a good bussiness model, he could teach some of my former employers a few things.

Make sure your ready for an avalanche of mail.

rocslinger said...

deplowin, verb as is used in, I be out diplowin that thar back forty

jusbou, adverb/noun, ats jusbou an me at the picture show.

Jen said...

Bahahahaha.

I've done that same trick, using Jen instead of Jenny before. Interesting.

Rachel Sue said...

I think Pepper is so in!

marythemom said...

LOL! Thanks, I needed that!

Mary in TX

PS - for community service - my dogs are convinced that their neighborhood watch duties have kept the neighborhood free of elephants and water buffaloes, and alerted everyone to the fact that something with a siren is driving nearby. They feel this should completely cancel out any noise pollution charges.

Damama T said...

You GOTTA GOTTA GOTTA get that published somewhere so everyone else in the world can crack a rib giggling! ROFL!

Actually, I'm sitting on a bed in a hotel room next to my sleeping husband trying valiantly not to awaken him by shaking the bed while I'm laughing. I'm also biting my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

Seriously - you need to send this in to the Wall Street Journal or somebody! ROFL! LOLOL!


wv: Gracta - The stuff stuck to the walls and furniture after a mega-deposit is shaken from fur.

Vern said...

This sounds like something I would do, but I'm not sure it would come out as clever. Nicely done!

Nicole said...

That is fantastic!

My YW leader (way back when)did something like that once. She got a credit card in the name of her dog. Bills came to Ewok Roylance.