The object found in the backseat of my car was....
drumroll please...............................
ONE HALF OF AN EGG SALAD SANDWICH!!!!
The winner is M-cat who guessed
"A stale pb&j from 2007 that now resembles more like mold with some brown and purple mixed in. "
Even though she didn't guess the correct kind of sandwich, she did mention mold, so she is the winner!!
I'm so glad I thought of this contest, at first I was just going to glue googly eyes on the furry sandwich and sell it on eBay as some exotic pet, but after the overwhelming response I received* it gave me an idea for a new business!
I will send moldy food to anyone you would like! (or dislike, as the case may be)
I figure this is a win/win thing for me because I haven't cleaned out my refrigerator for a while, and my kids need something to do this summer. What better thing than to have them clean all of the leftovers out of the fridge, gift wrap them and package them up to be shipped to unsuspecting people!
You have several different options for shipping.
FedEx overnight/second or third day delivery - for emergencies
USPS priority/or flat rate box - not as much of an emergency, but the best value for your dollar. (Those flat rate boxes will ship up to 70 lbs for one low price!!**)
Slow boat to China - When it doesn't need to be there immediately, but the extra time will allow it to become even more disgusting.
You know that co-worker who annoys you, send them a slice of what is almost still distinguishable as lasagna!
Or the person who gossiped about you, send them a bag of liquefied lettuce!
The neighbor who's stupid dog barks all night long? Send them a package of moldy hot dogs!!***
Just think of the possibilities if you could just learn the address of that guy that cut you off on the freeway!!
Act now, and send in an order before all of the good stuff is taken!!!!!
My kids are going to love this idea!****
*not really.
**I know that you do need to declare if you are shipping hazardous substances, I'm not really sure how you would classify moldy food.
***Allow up to three weeks for special orders.
****Not really.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
It's a contest!!! AND A GIVEAWAY!!!!!
Yesterday I discovered the object that was making that funky smell in my car.
If you can guess what it is and how long it's been there you'll win!!!!!!
The winner will receive the object, gift wrapped and sent to the enemy of their choice.
Leave your guesses in the comments.
I will also answer yes or no questions in the comments :)
If you can guess what it is and how long it's been there you'll win!!!!!!
The winner will receive the object, gift wrapped and sent to the enemy of their choice.
Leave your guesses in the comments.
I will also answer yes or no questions in the comments :)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Top ten things overheard when I was playing Mario Cart on the Wii with my kids
#10. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"
#9. "HEY! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! WHY ARE YOU GOING THE WRONG WAY!!"
#8. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"
#7. "WHERE IN THE HECK IS THE B BUTTON? I CAN'T FIND THE B BUTTON!!!"
#6. "TURN AROUND MOM! YOU'RE STILL GOING THE WRONG WAY!!"
#5. "WHY DO YOU KEEP DRIVING ON THE GRASS?"
#4. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!! PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"
#3. "YOU FELL OFF THE TRACK AGAIN?? WHY DO YOU KEEP FALLING OFF THE TRACK???"
#2. "PUSH THE B BUTTON!!"
And the #1 thing overheard when I was playing Mario cart on the Wii with my kids...........
"This is what happens when you try to teach stuff to old people."
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Angry feet
This morning started out like any other morning. I woke up the older kids* then dragged Max out of bed.
Max is not a morning person (a trait he inherited from me) and I stood him up on the floor, holding on to him until his eyes opened a bit, and he stopped swaying.
"I'm awake mom" he croaked, then stumbled off to the bathroom.
I went back downstairs to wake up the other kids again (apparently they aren't morning people either) and when I came upstairs, Max was sitting on his bedroom floor, staring into space.
"Are you playing with your blocks instead of getting dressed?" I asked.
"No!" he growled, jumping up and grabbing his school pants.
Ten minutes later, I went back into his room to check on his progress.
He was now wearing pants, and holding a shirt.
Progress!
When I came back ten minutes later, his shirt was on and he was holding one of his tennis shoes.
"I can't find the other shoe!"
I helped him look all over his floor, behind his door (a favorite hiding place for his shoes) and under the blankets on his bed. (9 times out of 10 this is where we find his shoes) (seriously)
We couldn't find his other shoe.
I sent him to the kitchen to start eating his freshly toasted frozen waffle, and I continued to look for his other shoe.
Logically, I thought that it would probably be somewhere near the place where he found the other shoe, I looked under all of his block piles, behind the door again, in between all of his stuffed animals.......
I even looked under his pillow (remembering that time when I was Max's age and didn't want to go to school, so I hid my shoes under my pillow)
The shoe was nowhere to be found!
The time was getting late, so I grabbed his church shoes and brought them out to the kitchen.
"Sorry Max, I couldn't find your other shoe, you'll have to wear these."
"BUT NONE OF THE OTHER KIDS WEAR THEIR CHURCH SHOES TO SCHOOL!!"
The shoes are brown, and perfectly acceptable to wear to school. I pointed this out to him as I removed his one tennis shoe.
I looked up to see his arms folded across his chest in defiance, and he was wearing his angry eyes.
He refused to put the shoes on, so I put them on his feet for him. He spread his toes as wide as he could, just to make it as difficult as possible.
Fortunately, after raising his older brother, I knew how to deal with the uncooperative toes and still managed to get the shoes on, with Max giving me the evil eye the entire time.
"Oh yeah!" he growled "well then I just won't eat!" and he refused to eat any more of the waffle.
I guess he showed me.
And then I put his jacket on him, handed him his backpack, and he walked to the car...........very slowly........
Because, apparently, church shoes are incapable of moving as fast as tennis shoes.
When he gets home, I'm going to tell him that Naughty Bird ate his shoe.
* OK, CJ woke me up first so I could take him to school at 7:00, otherwise I would probably still be sleeping.....
Max is not a morning person (a trait he inherited from me) and I stood him up on the floor, holding on to him until his eyes opened a bit, and he stopped swaying.
"I'm awake mom" he croaked, then stumbled off to the bathroom.
I went back downstairs to wake up the other kids again (apparently they aren't morning people either) and when I came upstairs, Max was sitting on his bedroom floor, staring into space.
"Are you playing with your blocks instead of getting dressed?" I asked.
"No!" he growled, jumping up and grabbing his school pants.
Ten minutes later, I went back into his room to check on his progress.
He was now wearing pants, and holding a shirt.
Progress!
When I came back ten minutes later, his shirt was on and he was holding one of his tennis shoes.
"I can't find the other shoe!"
I helped him look all over his floor, behind his door (a favorite hiding place for his shoes) and under the blankets on his bed. (9 times out of 10 this is where we find his shoes) (seriously)
We couldn't find his other shoe.
I sent him to the kitchen to start eating his freshly toasted frozen waffle, and I continued to look for his other shoe.
Logically, I thought that it would probably be somewhere near the place where he found the other shoe, I looked under all of his block piles, behind the door again, in between all of his stuffed animals.......
I even looked under his pillow (remembering that time when I was Max's age and didn't want to go to school, so I hid my shoes under my pillow)
The shoe was nowhere to be found!
The time was getting late, so I grabbed his church shoes and brought them out to the kitchen.
"Sorry Max, I couldn't find your other shoe, you'll have to wear these."
"BUT NONE OF THE OTHER KIDS WEAR THEIR CHURCH SHOES TO SCHOOL!!"
The shoes are brown, and perfectly acceptable to wear to school. I pointed this out to him as I removed his one tennis shoe.
I looked up to see his arms folded across his chest in defiance, and he was wearing his angry eyes.
He refused to put the shoes on, so I put them on his feet for him. He spread his toes as wide as he could, just to make it as difficult as possible.
Fortunately, after raising his older brother, I knew how to deal with the uncooperative toes and still managed to get the shoes on, with Max giving me the evil eye the entire time.
"Oh yeah!" he growled "well then I just won't eat!" and he refused to eat any more of the waffle.
I guess he showed me.
And then I put his jacket on him, handed him his backpack, and he walked to the car...........very slowly........
Because, apparently, church shoes are incapable of moving as fast as tennis shoes.
When he gets home, I'm going to tell him that Naughty Bird ate his shoe.
* OK, CJ woke me up first so I could take him to school at 7:00, otherwise I would probably still be sleeping.....
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Too many video games?
Yesterday I asked Max for a kiss on the cheek. As he leaned over to kiss me, I turned my head and planted one right on his lips.
He wiped off his mouth and said "OK mom, let's try it again!"
He tried to kiss my cheek, but again, I quickly turned my head and kissed his lips.
Frustrated, he said "Again, try it again!"
The third time, he was a little quicker, and I kissed his chin, then he said "OK, score for level 1, mom, 200, Max 100. Begin level 2, double points, and GO!"
He wiped off his mouth and said "OK mom, let's try it again!"
He tried to kiss my cheek, but again, I quickly turned my head and kissed his lips.
Frustrated, he said "Again, try it again!"
The third time, he was a little quicker, and I kissed his chin, then he said "OK, score for level 1, mom, 200, Max 100. Begin level 2, double points, and GO!"
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