Thursday, January 1, 2009

Mother, may I?

Due to the recent clogging problems in our bathrooms, I have come up with a form that our children will be required to fill out before using the restroom.

Restroom use requisition form
Form must be completely filled out before submitting for approval.


Location of restroom requested______________
2nd choice__________
(Please remember that Mom and Dad’s bathroom is off limits.
Please do not request. You will be denied)

What will you will be using the restroom for?
(circle all that apply)
Other - Please explain_______________________

On the back of this paper, please list everything
you have eaten in the last 24 hours.
Please highlight any items that might cause constipation,
and circle all high fiber foods.

When was the last time you used the restroom?
Length of visit______hours______minutes

Did you have any difficulty with that particular trip?
If yes, please explain.________________________

Please list the approximate amount of toilet paper
used in your last trip to the restroom.

Give an estimate of the amount of toilet paper
you think you will need for this next trip.

Do you have a physical disability that might prevent
you from turning on the fan in the restroom?

Have you ever flushed a non flushable item?____________

If yes, please list the item, and date of the illegal flushing.
Please include a detailed essay, outlining reason why you felt the need to flush said object.
( you may use the back of this form if needed)

Are you on the restroom cleaning schedule?________
Do you have a physical disability that might prevent
you from using a plunger?

Have you ever been responsible for a clogged toilet that
resulted in the toilet spilling water onto the bathroom floor?
Please explain___________________________________

(Boys only)
Are your arms broken in such a way as to prevent you
from lifting up the toilet seat?___________

When aiming, what is your percentage of accuracy?_______%

Please fill out the form completely.
Incomplete forms will not be processed, and will result in automatic rejection.

Submit completed forms along with two references,
and a photo ID to Mom or Dad.
(Grandma can approve if Mom or Dad are not available)
Forms will be processed on a first come first served basis.

Please plan ahead. Any accidents due to insufficient notice,
will be noted, and may result in difficulty to be approved
at a later date.
Signature of applicant_________________
For office use only:

Send to service station

Approval signature________________________

Please let me know if I forgot anything.


Kristina P. said...

Love this. Can I steal it for my office as well?

b. said...

You are starting the year off with a HILARIOUS bang!!

This should've gone in the book.

I am such a fan!

Alison Wonderland said...

Love it! But are you sure you can trust Grandma to be as selective in the approval process as is necessary.

Lola....L..O..L..A....lo--oh--luh! said...

Print this form off as we speak. The % of accuracy in my house is a major concern of mine!!

InkMom said...

I am dying of laughter right now. If only they could hold it long enough to get the form filled out . . .

MamaHenClucks said...

Oh my goodness! Considering that Chickie Girl clogged the toilet today, while we had people over to watch the game, then flushed it THREE more times, causing water to run EVERYWHERE and send Chickie Boy in a panic upstairs screaming, "WATER from the TOILET!! It's EVERYWHERE!!" Oh I'm stealing this. For. Sure.

Jason, Tiff and the Kids said...

That was PERFECT!!!! I need that at my house of teenagers.

Happy New Year!

Torina said...

Yep. I am copying this for my boys. I was overjoyed when I discovered they had run out of toilet paper in their bathroom. This means they are USING IT!!!

Jen said...


Happy New Year!

Perhaps an outhouse is in order for kids only?

LisAway said...

Man, you are brilliant, Jill. Most mothers would just curse their fate, but not you. Oh no, no. You are PROACTIVE.

This is hilarious. And genius. (and I like Jen's suggestion of an outhouse for the kids)

Melissa said...

HILARIOUS!! Seriously! As the mother of all boys, there was serious training going on early in the game. I am proud to say, that the seat AND lid are put down EVER SINGLE TIME! And no one is afraid of the spray.
Good luck!!

TJ said...


utmomof5 said...

Hee Hee :)

threeundertwo said...

Too funny!

We stopped having clogging problems when we stopped using Charmin. That stuff just turns into giant globs in the plumbing or something.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Oh my gosh! I am not sure how I stumbled upon your blog, but I am seriously sitting at my computer with tears streaming down my face as I am reading your posts. I have NEVER laughed so hard when visiting a blog. NEVER.

Your bathroom form is brilliant. Your son, Max, may very well have a future as a music composer/lyricist.
Your profile is inspired.

Sleep is not required as a mother.


Jo said...

You are funny and mean! I love it.

Hey It's Di said...

That is so great! I need one created for my husband too! I was thinking about having an outhouse created just for him. His stench can clear the house:P

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Hmmm....I think that was pretty darn thorough...

MommyJ said...

i love, love the "send to service station." so, so funny.

Tricia said...


Jami said...

I think you hit all the major points.

Will you be offering this form to the general public? In duplicate? Oops, I mean, two-ply. I'm thinking I may need to order a ream for household use.

the letter Bee said...

Oh I'm totally putting this in our office bathroom. hahaha

tiburon said...

This might be my most favorite post. EVER.

Anonymous said...

OMG, you made me laugh so hard I cried!

Grace said...

I need this form for my family. Although my 5 year old is a little ocd when it comes to the TP thing he orders anyone going in the bathroom for any reason to only use 3 squares or else. My Dad thinks you need an entire roll to wipe, and my sister tries to flush her pads so no one will know that "granny is visiting" and the aim % would be great for hubby. just add a part where the guy that leaves the seat up has to pay a fine to the person that falls in and you could sell the forms.

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