Things that are not awesome - Grocery store edition

I discovered at 10:15 p.m. that we needed a few things from the grocery store. "No problem" I thought, I'll just make a quick trip over to our closest store, they're open until 11:00.

I walk quickly through the store, trying to find the things on my list. Unfortunately, the grocery geniuses had recently decided that all of the merchandise was in the wrong place and had moved everything around.

I search every isle trying to find the items that I came for, and finally just settled on the most crucial of groceries because I couldn't find where they put the other stuff.


Then I happily walked off to the check out stands only to discover that they close the regular check outs at 10:30. It was 10:45.


Now the only option for me was the self check out.


I loathe self check out.


Seriously, I really, really intensely dislike having to scan my own groceries.
Since this now was my only choice, combined with the fact that we really needed milk, I decided to just suck it up and deal with the stupid self check out.


I waited in line with the other people who were grumbling about the stupid self check out, and watched while the one and only worker assigned to the self check out ran back and forth between the 4 different stations, resetting the machines, deleting things that scanned twice, figuring out how to scan stuff that wouldn't scan...............


It seemed to me that if the store were just to have this same guy open a regular check stand, that everyone would have made it out of the store much faster.


FINALLY, it was my turn.
I took the first item out of my cart, scanned it then put it in the bag.
I took the second item out of the cart, scanned it then put it in the bag.


So far so good. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.


I scanned a gallon of milk, however, I didn't think it should be put in a bag, so I returned it to the shopping cart.


The stupid self checkout machine started beeping at me "PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!"


Only there really wasn't room to place the gallon of milk in the stupid bagging area. I found a spot very near the edge of the platform to sit it in so that the stupid self check out machine would stop yelling at me.
The next problem was that I was buying three gallons of milk. There was no way that I could fit two more gallons of milk in the stupid bagging area.
But I had me an idea!


I scanned the second gallon of milk but instead of trying to find room in the stupid bagging area, I put it back in the cart and lifted up the first gallon of milk then sat it back down.
I was feeling rather clever until "DO NOT REMOVE ITEMS FROM THE BAGGING AREA! PLACE THE SCANNED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA!!!"

I must have looked like I was going to cry because the employee assigned to the self check out came over, scanned the remaining milk, typed some special code into the stupid machine then put the milk (all three gallons) into my cart.

I thanked him, then picked up the tomatoes from my cart.

Were you aware that tomatoes come without a bar code?

I was standing there, wondering what I should do, listening to the stupid machine tell me to "SCAN NEXT ITEM OR PROCEED TO CHECK OUT!! SCAN NEXT ITEM OR PROCEED TO CHECK OUT!! SCAN NEXT ITEM OR PROCEED TO CHECK OUT!!"

I finally figured out that I needed to indicate that I was buying produce, then place the tomatoes on the stupid self check out scanner to be weighed. Easy enough, but then it asked me what kind of produce it was.
Stupid machine, they're tomatoes.
A screen came up with all sorts of different produce. I scrolled my way through all of the fruits and vegetables until I found the tomatoes.

Do you have any idea how many different varieties of tomatoes there are?
I was pretty sure that the store didn't stock even half of the different tomatoes that were shown on the stupid machine.

I kept looking through the tomato pictures, trying to find a picture that looked like my tomatoes, or just trying to remember what the sign said about the tomatoes that I was trying so desperately to purchase........

Self check out employee guy came over and typed in his magic words until my tomatoes showed up on the screen and the stupid self check out machine was able to charge me the correct amount.
Self check out employee guy then needed to go rescue a teenager who was attempting to buy a candy bar, but his stupid self check out machine wouldn't scan the candy bar.

That's right folks, ONE candy bar, and the kid couldn't get it to work because the stupid EVIL self check out machine didn't recognize the item.

I picked up the tomatoes and put them in my cart........returned them to the stupid bagging area so the stupid, evil self check out machine would stop yelling at me again.

I finally got to the last item in my shopping cart. It was a small pan of brownies from the clearance area of the bakery. (Hey, I said that I only got the most crucial groceries)

I scanned the brownies, which had been marked down from $5.00 to $2.00, and much to my dismay, the stupid, evil self check out machine charged me full price!!!

Now, I was beyond angry. As much as I love brownies, there was NO WAY that I was going to pay $5.00 for them when they were marked $2.00!
If I had been using a regular HUMAN cashier, they would have picked up on that and fixed it even before there was a problem.
Fortunately, the self check out employee guy came to my rescue once again (I did have to wait for him to help another teenager who was buying a bottle of Gatorade) I explained to SCOEG that my brownies should have only been $2.00. This time he typed something into the computer on is desk, and magically, it changed the price on my screen.

I had finally scanned all of my items, so I proceeded to check out. Eventually, I made the stupid, evil self check out machine understand that I wanted to pay with a debit card, then made the payment and left as quickly as I could. (following the instructions of the self check out to "REMOVE ALL ITEMS FROM THE BAGGING AREA!")

I'm pretty sure that from now on, if it's past 10:30, I will drive across town to the Wal Mart so that I can have the option of NOT using self check out if I so wish.
Plus I'll get the added bonus of seeing the peOple of Wal Mart, which is something that I don't usually get to see at our local grocery store.
Another thing that will not be seen at our local store would be the grown woman, yelling at the stupid self check out machine "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF TOMATOES THESE ARE! I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN! I CAN'T PUT THAT MILK IN THE BAGGING AREA, THERE ISN'T ROOM! I'M SCANNING AND SCANNING THIS ITEM, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE IT? THE BROWNIES ARE MARKED DOWN TO $2.00!! I REPEAT, THE BROWINES ARE MARKED DOWN TO $2.00!!
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOT TO TAKE THE ITEMS FROM THE BAGGING AREA? JUST 20 SECONDS AGO YOU TOLD ME TO PUT THEM THERE!!!!!"

Apparently, I really am that clueless and pathetic - garden edition

The good news is that there's a bunch of plants growing in our garden!!

The bad news is that we're not really sure which are the ones we planted and which ones are the weeds.
Today, we* will bring pictures of cucumber, pumpkin, watermelon, pepper and zucchini plants out to our garden with us and pull out everything that doesn't look like the pictures.

*And when I say "we" I most likely just mean "me", because so far this year, the kids haven't been incredibly helpful with the whole "helping with the garden" thing. For example, yesterday I asked one of my offspring to go and water the garden, and said offspring replied "Um, I don't know how to do that."

So today, I will also be teaching the children how to spray water on dirt.

Actually, to be fair, the kids did help with the planting of the garden. They had input on the buying of the seeds, and they did some of the planting.
In retrospect, I probably should have done a better job of supervising the planting because they planted an entire row of zucchini.

The kids said that this would be OK because they really like zucchini............




Yes, I can hear you all laughing through the computer.

I plan on using this as an example of how they should believe what I tell them. Hopefully later this summer/fall, when we have so many zucchinis that we have to start storing them in the kids rooms, they might get a clue and understand that I might occasionally know what I'm talking about.

Does zucchini freeze well?

Do you know why it's so important to lock your car doors at church during the summer time?
It's because if you leave them unlocked, when church is over, you will find your car full of zucchini.

Yesterday I had a friend tell me that I can give her any extra zucchini that we have, I don't really think she has a clue to what she might have coming.

I can see it now, zucchini bread, zucchini brownies, zucchini pancakes, zucchini pudding, zucchini ice cream.......

I bet you can't wait to see all of the creative uses we find for zucchini!





You know, if you type the word zucchini enough times, it starts to look funny.

In my pretty garden

Pulled weeds.

Can't move arms.

Stupid weeds.

Stupid, stupid weeds.

Safety rule #1 - Do not run around with a garbage can over your head

I took Brielle, Aaron and Max to IKEA today. The boys saw some garbage cans for $1.99 and decided that they each needed a garbage can for their rooms.

As soon as we got home and brought our purchases in the house, they created a new game called "Put the garbage can over your head and walk around bumping into things."

I warned them that this could be potentially dangerous and they should take the garbage cans off of their heads before someone got hurt.

I mentioned this several times.

They ignored me, and this game was great fun until Max bumped into Aaron and he fell over.

"HEY! THAT HURTED!" He screamed as he sat on the floor rubbing his head.

I pointed out to him that this was the very reason that I suggested that they not play this game, but naturally, a few minutes later, they had the garbage cans back on their heads, bumping into things again.

Soon they had another collision, this time sending Aaron's can off of his head and landing on my bare foot.

"OUCH!" I yelled.

Max looked at me and said calmly "Um.....yeah.......I bet that really hurted."

Wii are going to have a great summer!

Today is the first day of Summer vacation! We were on a year round school schedule for 7 years and this year we switched to a school with a traditional schedule, so is the first time we've had more than 3 weeks off between the school years.

I can't tell you how excited I am about this!

10 whole weeks of sleep in days.

No homework to worry about.

Not having to remember to fill out reading logs.

Not having to remind children to actually turn in the reading logs. (if they've actually managed to fill them out)

No lunches to make.

10 whole weeks of sleep in days! (yes, I know I mentioned that before, but it's my favorite!)

Another favorite thing about this time of year.....................

SANDALS!

Because when we wear sandals, we don't have to worry about finding socks!

(seriously, this is a huge deal in our house. I bought Max 12 new pairs of socks just two months ago, and we can only find 7 of them, and out of the 7 that we can find, 3 of them have huge holes in the heels and should probably be thrown away, but we keep them because Max really likes wearing them) (I have NO IDEA why he likes wearing the socks with holes in them)

When the kids realized how much free time they were going to have this summer (or how much free time they perceived that they were going to have this summer.....HA! As if I would allow them free time, I can think of plenty of things they can do to keep busy!) They were quite concerned, and one of them mentioned that they really needed to have a Wii to make it through the summer.

Just then, Max came dancing through the room.

I said "Why do you need a Wii? You have your little brother, and he is WAY more fun than a Wii!

Eye rolling commenced.

So here you have it. The top ten reasons why Max is more fun than a Wii!

10. He doesn't keep score.

9. He doesn't run on electricity. (He will run entirely on PB & J sandwiches.) Hence, he will still work during a blackout.

8. You can change the rules as you go along, and he probably won't know the difference.

7. If you're losing and Max is winning, he is easily distracted. Tell him that his teeth are green and he'll go into panic mode until he can get his teeth brushed and you won't need to finish the game if you don't want to lose.

6. He sings Journey songs.

5. He has a vast supply of random science facts. "Mom, did you know that when you're looking at something, you're not actually seeing what you're looking at, you're actually seeing the light bouncing off of whatever you're looking at." (Yes, he actually said that to me last week)

4. At any given time, he can quote you 7.5 episodes of Spongebob.

3. He dances to the music from the local weather channel.

2. He cheats at Hi-Ho-Cherry-O

And the number one reason that Max is more fun than a Wii.....................

When you roll an imaginary bowling ball at him, it will knock him over EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Cub Scout cookies and other random stuff

This week was Talent night for the Cub Scouts. We tried to think of a talent that Aaron could display at pack meeting.

Our ideas were:

1. A window washing demonstration.

This wasn't really an option, because the meeting was being held in the gym, where there aren't any windows.

2. Taping a pen to the end of his trombone, and having him draw a picture while playing a musical selection.

Aaron has only been playing the trombone for a month. We decided that this might be a bit above his current skill level. (however, he is doing very well with the trombone! Maybe next time)

We finally concluded that his best talent was cooking. The plan was for him to make dinner then take a picture of it and put it on a poster.

The night before Pack meeting Aaron made spaghetti with homemade sauce. (he's only 9, yes, he is amazing) Unfortunately, by the time we remembered to take pictures, dinner was over, all of the spaghetti was gone and all that was left was the dirty dishes.

Instead of pictures of dinner, Aaron decided to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and bring enough for everyone to have one.

I'm pretty sure that Aaron's talent was everyone's favorite.

*******************************

In other news, Max has started speaking with a southern accent, and we have no idea why. It's just weird. Cute, but weird.

******************************

Monday, after the freak snowstorm that dumped an inch of snow in our yard, Max dumped a bag of cotton balls on his bedroom floor, so the inside would match the outside.

******************************

Friday, Brielle made the observation that me and Max are the only ones in the family without a bicycle. (Max does have a tricycle, however, he is 5 and is getting too big for it)

The next day, Max climbed into my lap and said "Mom, I love you SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!"

I gave him a squeeze and said "I love you too!" Then holds my face in his little hands, looks into my eyes and says "And I really think we should get bikes."

******************************

Tonight took Brielle for a girl's night out. When Max found out that we were leaving, he wanted to come with. As we were leaving I explained that he couldn't come because it was just for girls. Then he wrapped his arms around my leg and says "I DON'T WANT FOR YOU TO MISS ME! TAKE ME WITH! I DON'T WANT FOR YOU TO MISS ME!"

*******************************

I'm really beginning to think that someone should invent self cleaning kitchen floors.

*******************************

When we were at my mom's house last weekend, I pulled out some of her photo albums from when I was a teenager. I showed them pictures of me and said "Look! See how skinny I was, here's photographic evidence that I used to be thin."

Then Aaron says "Who said you were fat?"

Aaron is currently my favorite child.

********************************

It's quite late right now. I'm beginning to think that the Diet Coke that I drank at 10:00 tonight was probably a bad idea...................

Max and the big, sweaty guy

Tonight we went to a wedding reception for the son of a neighbor.
As we waited in the incredibly long line to greet the happy couple, we heard rumors of ice cream as refreshments.
The children were elated..........except for Max. He doesn't like ice cream, because apparently, it's too cold.
After we made our way through the reception line, the kids made a mad dash to the ice cream table.
I will say that we were not disappointed :0)
Chocolate dipped waffle bowls, brownies, caramel, chocolate and marshmallow topping (which I need to say was like creamy clouds made of sugar, sent down from heaven to rest upon my ice cream) various fresh fruits, crushed candy bars, chopped nuts, sprinkles and pink m&ms adorned the table.
Max still insisted that he didn't want ice cream, however, once he saw the brownies, he got very excited.
"I want a brownie! I want a brownie!" He jumped up and down until he got his hands on the plate with the brownie.

Then he saw the ice cream.

The lady serving the ice cream asked him if she could put some on his plate. He hesitated until Brielle said "You know, Max, the ice cream has been sitting out for a while and it's melted a little bit, so it won't be super cold."
This was all it took to convince him and he eagerly handed his plate to the lady who put a Max sized scoop..............

right on top of his brownie.

I knew that this would be trouble, especially with the whole "my food can't be touching, even a little bit" phase that he's been going through lately.

Surprisingly, Max didn't even flinch, and we walked outside to a table in the garden area of the reception center.

We sat down and slid Max's chair up to the table. He picked up his spoon and then it started.

"Hey. I didn't want the ice cream on top of the brownie."

He was uncharacteristically calm about the whole situation. I suggested that we just scoop the ice cream off of the brownie, and he happily agreed.

Then he looked at the brownie.

"Hey, there's still some ice cream on top. I don't want it there."

The already soft ice cream had melted a bit and left a puddle on top of the brownie. I scraped it off the best I could, but there was still some ice cream residue remaining.

My husband said "It's just the same as when you dunk your cookies in milk before you eat them. Go ahead and eat it, it'll taste good."

Max eyed the brownie suspiciously. "I dunk cookies in milk not brownies." Then he picked up his spoon and looked over the entire brownie, trying to find a place to dig in.

Again, I was a bit confused by his calm demeanor.

He finally looked up at me and said "Can I just pick it up with my hand and eat it?"
I told him that would be fine, so he picked up the brownie and "HEY THERE'S ICE CREAM ON THE BOTTOM OF MY BROWNIE!"

Yes, I knew we were headed for a meltdown, and it happened. I took the brownie, looked at the bottom of it, and sure enough, the bottom corner had some ice cream soaked into it. I turned the brownie around and handed it back to him. "Here buddy, just eat the other side, OK?"
He must have been really hungry because he did just that, and finished off the entire brownie, ice cream sludge and all.
I returned to my ice cream (remember, little clouds of marshmallow heaven mixed with chocolate sauce and crushed candy bars........) when Max looked at the melting scoop of ice cream on his plate.
"I don't want to eat this. Do I have to eat this?" he asked.
Almost as if they had rehearsed it, Brielle and Aaron said in unison "I'LL EAT HIS ICE CREAM"
He slid the plate over to them and they proceeded to attack the scoop seeing who could get the most of it first.
I leaned over to my husband and said "Apparently, I haven't actually fed them for like a week." (sidenote, I have fed them for the last week, I just haven't fed them ice cream)
As soon as Aaron finished of the bigger portion of the scoop, he started to shiver. It seems that the combination of eating his ice cream and Max's ice cream, plus being outside in the shade made him shiver uncontrollably.

Teeth were chattering.

This was really strange, because Aaron isn't usually a kid that gets cold easily. He's always the first one to declare that "Sure it's snowing outside, but it's really not that cold, I'm pretty sure I don't need a coat."
Brielle made some comment about how strange it was that he was cold because he's usually kind of sweaty, and then it happened. Max started singing.......

"He's big, he's sweaty, he's a guy, he's big sweaty guy!!"

We all looked at him, because this was kind of random. He must have enjoyed the attention because he sang it again.

"He's big, he's sweaty, he's a guy, he's big sweaty guy!!

This time we laughed, so you guessed it, he continued with his song, only louder.

"HE'S BIG, HE'S SWEATY, HE'S A GUY!
HE'S BIG, SWEATY GUY!!

Then again.

"HE'S BIG, HE'S SWEATY, HE'S A GUY!
HE'S BIG, SWEATY GUY!!!!"

So by now, people are staring. (You know, you'd think I'd be used to this by now.......)

At this point, we just picked him up and hauled him out to the car and we went home.

The problem is that now, I can't get the stupid song out of my head, so here it is, for your listening pleasure (or torture, you decide) Bill Nye and the Sweaty Guy song.








Is it just me, or does big, sweaty guy look a lot like an old version of Mario Lopez?