Would you like some crazy sauce to go with your tamiflu?

Actual conversation we had while ordering pizza at a popular place to buy pizzas "Hot and ready"

Pale and sickly looking cashier girl: "Hi, welcome to Tiny Cheesers*, how are you this evening?"

Us: "We're doing well, how are you?"

PASLCG: "I'm sick"

Us: ?????

PASLCG: "Yeah, I really don't feel good, and I have to be here for another two hours."

Me: "Oh I'm sorry to hear that."

DH: "That's too bad."

PASLCG: "Well, I'm pretty sure I've got the flu, I really don't feel good. What can I get for you?"

DH: "We don't want the flu."

PASLCG: "I'm just the cashier, I won't get you sick."

DH: "We've had our shots so we'll have two hot and ready pepperonis and we have a coupon for a free order of crazy bread"

PASLCG: "That will be $10.71."

We pay the girl and another healthier looking girl comes from the back, hands us our food and we leave.

Seriously, if you're at work and you are sick GO HOME! If you are the manager of such an establishment and one of your employees is sick, SEND THEM HOME!

* Not the real name of the establishment, if you use your imagination, I'm sure you can figure it out.

If you are the owner of such an establishment, please be sure to properly instruct your employees on what to do when they are sick.

If you are with the health department, contact me and I will provide you with the location of the establishment, and the date and time we were there.

Snow is falling all around, on the housetops on the ground..........

Shoveled snow.

Can't. Move. Arms.

Stupid snow.

Stupid, stupid snow.

Things I've learned this week

1. One should never cut their own bangs while in a hurry and irritated.

2. Bangs are like children, no matter what you want them to do, they will do the opposite.

3. Using more hairspray on wayward bangs will only make them look worse.

4. Using hairspray on children will make them sticky.

5. If you are going to do an imitation of the director of your child's preschool, you should NOT do it in front of the child because he will spend the day imitating the preschool director. (I do have to say that he is dead on with his imitation)

6. No matter what kind of misfortune comes to my children, they can always find a way to blame me for it.

7. Our basement will never get clean.

8. Neither will our kitchen.

9. Even though ordering things online is convenient, it doesn't guarantee that.........

a) You actually get what you order

b) The item will arrive in time for Christmas

10. Buying more tape will only cause the 4 year old to find more useless uses for tape and I still won't have any tape when I need it.

11. The four year old has a sixth sense when it comes to finding rolls of tape that I have hidden. (It's like some sort of a gift that he has)

12. I need to keep more chocolate in the house.

Breakfast, take two!

Yesterday morning when Max woke up he immediately came into the kitchen and asked me for his breakfast. I told him that he could have his breakfast as soon as he got dressed and he said "OK mom, but you should fix my breakfast while I'm getting dressed."

He walked into his room and I continued doing whatever it was that I was doing at the time. I didn't fix his breakfast because I had no idea how long it was going to take him to get dressed, and after that toasted frozen waffle gets cold, Max won't touch it.

Just a few minutes later, Max came walking back into the kitchen, fully dressed.

"Where's my breakfast? You were supposed to fix my breakfast while I was getting dressed so I could have it when I came out,"

I said "I didn't fix it yet because I didn't want it to get cold."

Then he threw his arms in the air, turned around, stomped back into his room and said.......

WELL THEN LET'S JUST TRY IT AGAIN!"

Just so you know, Max did not get his breakfast until after he apologized to me for being rude, and then asking for a waffle nicely, using the word "please." (and I may or may not have required him to say "Please dear mother")

Point well taken

We've recently discovered that Max has an extreme fondness for hot chocolate. Last year we tried to give him some, but he saw the other kids stirring theirs with a spoon and he decided that he wanted to stir it too, but since he had the coordination of a three year it became very messy and we decided that he shouldn't have any more.

This year, Brielle discovered the magic known as the straw. Max will sit and sip his hot (it's actually just barely warm) chocolate through the straw.

He loves it!

We've also discovered that the kid will do anything for hot chocolate.

ANYTHING!

And yes, I'm going to use that little piece of information for as long as it lasts.

Last night I told Max that if he went and got his pajamas on right then, I would give him a cup of hot chocolate.

He was very excited and ran into his room.

A while later, I heard him playing in his room and walked in to find him still in his clothes, and his pajamas still sitting empty on his bed.

"Hey" I said "I thought you were going to put your pajamas on?"

He smiles at me and says "I'm going to do it in a minute."

A while later, I went back to see him still playing with his blocks.

"Max, it's almost your bedtime, please get your pajamas on!"

"OK mom, I'm doing it in a minute."

After about 20 minutes, he came walking into the family room, still dressed in his clothes.

I said "Max, go get your pajamas on now!"

He went back into his room and emerged a while later wearing his pajamas. "I'm ready for my hot chocolate now."

"No Max, I said you could have hot chocolate if you got in your pajamas quickly, but it took you a long time."

"But I said I would do it in a minute!"

"You took way more than a minute, a minute is only a short amount of time."

And then he says to me,

"When YOU say "in a minute," it always takes a really long time!"

Point well taken.

(Don't you hate it when things that you say to your kids come back later to bite you in the butt?)

Max quote of the day:

"If it gets snow on it, does garbage change to garbage juice?"

A letter to my brother

Dearest brother,

I would like to thank you so much for the thoughtful gift that you gave Aaron for his birthday this year.

This morning, Max found the gift and it kept him entertained for a good portion of the day.

Who would have thought that a four year old boy would find so much enjoyment out of an electronic fart noise maker.

Signed,

Your favorite sister

Jill

p.s. Just wait until you see what I got your girls for Christmas.

An illness of convenience

Max was quite sick this weekend. Monday I took him to the doctor and we got him fixed up with some medication so he could get better.

Sunday and Monday all he wanted to do was sit on my lap and play with my hair, or snuggle next to me on the couch and play with my hair. The poor kid was so miserable, there wasn't much that would console him.

Max isn't much of an eater as it is, but when he was sick, he didn't want to eat anything at all. I brought him whatever I could think of for him to snack on and kept his water bottle filled because he was thirsty.

Yesterday morning when he woke up, he was feeling much better. He was still too sick to go to school, but he was walking around and talking, and he was able to fill his water bottle and put it in the refrigerator by himself.

This morning when Max woke up he walked into the kitchen sat down at the table and said,

"Yesterday I was feelin' better, but today I'm sick again."

He looked and sounded OK to me. I got him a waffle (I even toasted it first!) and brought him his water bottle. He took his medicine then said "Here's my water, you can put it back in the fridge now."

Max was sitting at the end of the table that was closer to the refrigerator, and I was busy doing something so I told him "Go ahead and put it in the fridge yourself."

He then whines and says "BUT SICK PEOPLE CAN'T PUT THINGS BACK IN REFRIGERATORS!"

Apparently he really enjoyed having me wait on him for a few days when he could hardly get up off the couch. I wasn't going to go along with this when he was perfectly capable of putting the water away without my help.

ME: "You are not so sick that you can't walk over to the fridge and put that away."

Max: "No! Sick people can't do that. You need to do it for me."

Me: "No Max, you can do it."

Max: "PLEASE GO PUT MY WATER IN THE FRIDGE!!"

Me: "The fridge is not that far away, you can do it."

Max: "BUT I SAID PLEASE! I can't do it, I'm sick again today."

Me: "OK, so don't put it in the fridge, it can just sit on the table."

Max: "But I like my water cold!"

Then he got off of the chair and sat the water bottle in front of me on the table.

"Here mom, I'll put it here so it's easier for you to put it away." Then he walked into his room.

I left the bottle sitting on the table.

Later in the afternoon, when we came home from picking up the kids from school, Max walked in the house, saw the water sitting on the table and said "Hey mom, you forgot to put my water away."

I told him that I did NOT forget to do it. He then put it away.

A while later, Brielle started to make cookies. We were snacking on the dough when Max came over to the kitchen counter and asked me "What are you guys doing?"

Me: "We're making cookies." as I ate a spoonful of dough.

Max: "Can I have some?"

Me: "No Max, I'm so sorry, you can't have any. Sick people can't eat cookie dough."

Max looked at me and says "Well, I think I'm feeling better now."

*******************************

I've put up the most annoying Christmas song poll on my sidebar. Vote early and vote often.

Christmas tunes

This last weekend we finally went all out and decorated for Christmas. We put up the tree, we got out the wreaths, and we even hung up the stockings with care.

And the whole time we were listening to Christmas music on the radio.

I love Christmas music! (as long as it is seasonally appropriate)

I will, however, say that I don't love all Christmas music, some of it just really grates on my nerves. The kids know which songs just drive me absolutely batty, and when one of those songs happens to come on the radio, they will race each other to see who can turn the music off first.

Because they love me.

(or they just don't want to deal with an irritated mom ranting on forever about how ridiculous a certain song is)

Now one Christmas song I do really enjoy is Max's version of The Twelve days of Christmas.

It's AWESOME!

Mostly because he doesn't actually know the words so he makes them all up on his own. We first heard this song last Saturday, coming out of the bathroom where Max was taking a very long time answering nature's call.

We didn't want him to stop singing, so we all just huddled outside the door trying to stifle our giggles as he sang at the top of his lungs. (I had planned on videotaping him singing this song then posting the audio for everyone to enjoy, however, he has been really sick the last two days and doesn't feel like talking, let alone singing, when he gets feeling better, I'll try to get him to do it)

I'm not going to tell you which Christmas songs just drive me crazy, but instead, I will ask you to guess what they are, then tell me which songs make you want to go throw a fruitcake at the radio. If you want, you can include a detailed description of why you dislike these songs.

I will take the top five songs and put up a survey on my sidebar so we can all vote on the most annoying Christmas song of all time.

Note to my lurkers: I know you are out there, now is the time for you to comment :0)

Also, this concludes my final post for NaBloPoMo. I might take a few days off, or I might be back tomorrow. Isn't it exciting not knowing exactly what I'm going to do?

The yearly decorating of the Christmas tree

Last night I told Brielle and Aaron that they could drag the tree and Christmas decorations out of their hiding place in the closet under the basement stairs and bring them upstairs to the living room so we could do all of the decorating today.

Instead of leaving it in the box until today, like I thought they would do, they ended up putting the tree together, only they really didn't understand how to make it stand up straight.

To say that the tree was leaning would be an understatement.

This morning I woke up to a sniffy nosed, watery eyed and very feverish little Max. The poor kid was so miserable that he was close to tears.

I've spent the majority of my day with him cuddled in my lap or snuggled up next to me on the couch. He finally took a nice long nap and when he woke up he was feeling a little bit better so we decided to decorate our Christmas tree.

Max immediately found the Santa hats that we try every year to get the kids to wear for our Christmas card pictures, and he wore it all day. He kept saying Ho Ho Ho and calling himself "Max Claus"

We managed to get the tree to stand up straight and found a string of lights that had the fewest non working bulbs and put those on the tree, then I let the kids loose to decorate.

Aaron spent the next while seeing how much he could irritate me by placing more than one ornament on the same branch.

We go over this every year. The ornaments need to be EVENLY SPACED throughout the tree.

In order to help them understand how important this is, I started singing this song.

(Sung to the tune of Deck The Halls)

Trim the tree with OCD,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Space the ornaments evenly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don't hang them close to one another,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Or you will annoy your mother,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Their reaction was to laugh out loud and say "Ha ha ha! Mom, you're funny!" and then continue hanging the ornaments where they wanted.

Hmmmm...... Does anyone know of a good place to buy some lumps of coal?

sidenote: I just want to mention that this is a big running joke between me and the kids. They know I'm kidding (sort of ;0) and they are joking around too. It's like a yearly tradition for us to decorate the tree with me freaking out at the placement of the ornaments and them placing them in a way that they know will cause me to freak out.

We don't need no stinkin' Wii

A while ago, when we cleaned out our storage room, the kids found my husband's old Pong game that he had as a kid.
They have been playing it ever since.
We have a Playstation 2 and various other plug and play game systems, but they have been playing Pong.
Last night the kids stayed at Grandma's house, they discovered our old Atari console and game cartridges and brought them home. As soon as we came in the door, they rigged it up to our TV and they've been playing Playing Pac Man, Space invaders and Donkey Kong.

As of now, I don't see the point of buying the Wii, the Playstation 3 or the X box that the kids have been hinting that they would like.

My kid is an inventing genius! Announcing the Remote controlled Tankvac 2000

Aaron just invented a new way to sweep the floor.

Then he took it a step farther and adapted his invention for vacuuming the carpet.

Yes, he's invented a remote controlled /vacuum combo! Now your kids can all fight over who gets to sweep the kitchen floor or vacuum the carpet!

Now if he could only invent a remote controlled dishwasher loader/emptier, a remote controlled toilet cleaner a remote controlled laundry folder..............

I wouldn't suggest shopping on Black Friday unless you're going to buy me a a happy bloggaversary present

We had a very nice Thanksgiving today, ate lots of turkey and lots of pie with lots of family then went and saw A Christmas Carol in 3D.
We saw the movie in the IMAX theater and the animation was amazing! I actually had to close my eyes a few times because I was getting motion sickness.
The movie was a little scarier that I thought it would be and was a bit intense for a four year old, but Max stayed glued to his seat and kept his 3D glasses on the entire time.
When the movie was over, I asked him what he thought of it and he said......

"That was a reeeeeeeally long movie."

Then I asked him if he liked it and he said "Yes, but only not the really loud parts."
-----------------------------------------------------

Is anyone going shopping tomorrow? (or if you're reading this after the fact, did you go today?)
I always feel like I should do the black Friday shopping thing, because of all the good deals, but I don't like crowds and I don't like traffic, and I reeeeeally don't like getting trampled on by hoards of pushy people trying to be the first one to get through the doors of WalMart at 5:00 a.m.
That's just one more reason to shop online.

Let's take a look at shopping on Black Friday. Regular shopping goes something like this.

1. Get in the car.
2. Drive to the store
3. Dodge other cars/shoppers/shopping carts while trying to find a parking place.
4. Freeze while walking into the store because the closest parking spot you could get was clear at the other end of the lot.
5. Maneuver your way through all the people in the store to try to find the object that you're looking for.
6. Hunt down an employee to ask where the item would be.
7. Hunt down another employee because the first one has no clue because this isn't their department.
8. Have the second employee call another employee because he has no idea what the item is that you are looking for.
9. Finally find the spot on the empty shelf where the item is supposed to be.
10. Ask employee if they have any more of the item, only to be told that everything they have is out on the shelf but you're welcome to come back and check again on Tuesday because that's when their shipments come in.
11. Either walk out of the store without the item, or stand in a really long check out line waiting to purchase the other 16 items you happened to decide that you really needed while looking for the original item.
12. Make the trek out to your car and get inside.
13. Drive across town to the next store to see if they have any of the item in stock.
14. Repeat #3 through #13 as many times as you need to until you find the item or give up and get home.

Now in comparison, let's look at online shopping.

1. Sit on chair.
2. Turn on computer.
3. Type in store website.
4. Type item in search.
5. If item is in stock, buy it, if it isn't in stock, repeat #3 through #4 until you find it, then buy it.
6. Wait for item to be delivered to your front door.
7. Added bonus, even though you might be shopping in your jammies, you won't end up on peopleofwalmart.com.

Now after you've seen it put that way, why would you even try to go shopping tomorrow morning.




You're welcome.

---------------------------------------------------------

Here's some exciting news.
Guess who's blog just turned two?

Yes folks, I've been typing drivel for the entire internet to read for two whole years now!
It seems like just yesterday that I was writing my first post. I remember how excited I was the first time I got more than 10 comments, the first time I successfully uploaded a photo and the first time I figured out how to link to someone else.
Other milestones stand out in my memory, like when I finally installed my stat counter so that I could properly obsess about the traffic coming to my blog, my first spam commenter and then when I started Word Verification Wednesday.
These little blogs grow up so fast! Now I guess I need to worry about the "Terrible twos"

I was thinking about doing some sort of cool giveaway to celebrate my blog's second birthday, but then it occurred to me that I was too lazy.

Sorry, (sigh) maybe next time.

;0)

I'm either crazy or stupid, you decide.

Today I went to Costco and Wal Mart.

The day before Thanksgiving.

I couldn't believe how many people were there. I had planned on getting to Costco right when they opened at 10:00, but we didn't get there until after 11:00. By then it was really crowded, but it was still too early for them to be handing out samples, so I didn't even get lunch out of the trip.

The one thing I noticed at both stores was how many older people there were shopping today. I have never seen that many silver haired couples walking the isles of Costco, or that many cruising through the isles of Wal Mart in those little motorized shopping scooters.

Now don't get me wrong, I love older people, I have a great respect for them and I plan on becoming one someday, I just got a kick out of the sheer number of them I saw out shopping for Thanksgiving dinner.

As I was driving home from this shopping trip, my husband called me. I was telling him about all of the senior citizens I saw shopping and then I noticed that the car in front of me was going about 23 miles per hour in a 45 zone. As I looked closer, I could see that the car was being driven by an elderly gentleman who could barely see over the wheel.

In other news, after today, I have decided to do all of my Christmas shopping online.

Kitchen quandary

Yesterday I spent a great deal of time deep cleaning my kitchen. I have come to the conclusion that there are only two ways to keep my kitchen clean.

#1. Follow everyone around, cleaning up after them as they go.

#2. Stop cooking and don't ever allow anyone to go into the kitchen again.

Just when I thought Halloween was over.......

Alternate title: "Costume surprise! "or "Surprise, I need a costume!"

Brielle's costume

A while ago, Brielle mentioned to me that the Drama teacher and the Science teacher were teaming up for their class and were going to have the students be in a play. They chose the subject of the solar system for the play, and Brielle was chosen to be Mars.

"I need a Mars costume." she told me hesitantly, "Just don't make it very big, I don't want to attract too much attention."

I got excited "COOL! I don't need to make it big, I can just make you a red unitard, and I can airbrush the geographical features of Mars all over it, then I can make you a special headband with the moons attached so that they rotate and then........"

"MOM! NO! I don't want anything like that! The drama teacher said that it didn't need to be anything elaborate, just something that we put a little bit of thought into. She said that we could just wear our regular clothes with some sort of SMALL costume, just so they could tell what planet we are. We're only going to be performing the play to our class, it's really not that big of a deal."

I was disappointed because really, costumes are my thing.

Brielle didn't say any more about the costume and I actually forgot about it until the other night when she said "The play is tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm going to wear, do you have any ideas?"

Naturally, she had asked me this on a night when I was too busy with my own work to help her, so I told her that she would need to figure it out on her own.

The next morning, I asked her if she found something to wear. She assured me that she had, then left for school.

When she came home that afternoon, I asked her what she came up with for her costume and how the play went.

"Well, I wore my red shirt and taped a bunch of blue milk caps all over it. When I got up to introduce myself, I said "I am Mars. I have ice caps." then the drama teacher looked down, covered her face with her hands and started shaking her head. Mr. Andrews just started laughing. They both laughed through the rest of my presentation, I don't think either one of them listened to anything else I said."

CJ's costume

A few weeks ago, CJ informed me that he needed to do a book report on a biography of someone. They were going to give oral reports, and needed to dress up as the person.

I asked him what kind of a costume he needed. He said that the book he read was about a rocket scientist.

"COOL!" I yelled "I can make you a really neat rocket costume! I can make it all white, and put a big pointy hat on your head, we can use a couple of empty oatmeal containers to make you some rocket boosters, then I can make some flames coming out of the back of them........."

CJ looked at me like I was crazy and said "No Mom, I won't wear that. We're supposed to dress like the person, not what they invented."

Seriously, these kids are really cramping my style.

"OK, then what kind of a costume do you want?"

CJ thought for a moment then said "What about a lab coat? That would make me look like a scientist."

I said "I can make you a lab coat. Can I at least make a great big sequined rocket on the back of it?"

"No Mom. I don't want a big sequined rocked on it."

"What about a small sequined rocket?"

"No rocket."

I told him that he was a party pooper.

I completely forgot about the costume until last night when he reminded me that he had his report today.

"No problem" I thought "I can whip up a simple lab coat pretty quick, I wouldn't even need to put a pocket on it, plus I was pretty sure that a while ago when we were cleaning out the storage room, I saw a big piece of white fabric in my 20 year emergency fabric supply that would be perfect for a lab coat.

I tried one more time to talk CJ into the sequined rocket, but he was really against it, so I went to get the white fabric.

I looked where I thought I saw it.

I looked in the logical places that I was sure I would have put it.

I looked in the illogical places that it might have been stashed.

I couldn't find the fabric.

I knew it wouldn't take me long to make the stupid lab coat once I had the fabric, only I couldn't find it anywhere. I was even beginning to wonder if I had really seen the fabric or if it was a figment of my imagination.

As I was looking, I ran across the Nativity costumes I had made for our Ward Christmas party quite a few years ago.

I had an idea!

I got the largest angel costume and held it up. Maybe, if I cut it straight down the front and put a collar on it, it could sort of resemble a lab coat! Sure, it would be a little snug on CJ, but hey, it's a costume!

As I was walking out of the storage room, I decided to look through one more box for the fabric. I got to the bottom of the box and was excited to find a large piece of white fabric! I cheered and was about to do the happy dance until I pulled the fabric out of the box only to discover that it was bridal satin.

So I tucked it under my arm and took it upstairs to give CJ the choice between wearing a too small converted angel costume, or a lovely lab coat made of bridal satin.

He didn't really seem to like either choice. I even offered to put some lace and pearls on the satin coat, but that just made him grouchy.

I decided to go put the two fabrics away in the storage room and look for another fabric that might work. Maybe I could use a different color of fabric.

Then, almost as if it was a miracle, I found the white fabric I had been looking for in the first place, it wasn't even in the storage room!

I brought the fabric upstairs and went ahead and made the lab coat. (It wasn't attractive, but it was functional)

CJ was working on his report on the computer in my sewing room, and when I was nearly finished with the coat I had him try it on to check the sleeve length He said it was perfect, then added "Now I just need a prop."

A prop?

great.

"What about a small rocket?" I asked, "you could make it out of a paper towel roll and make a cone on the end of it."

I could tell by the look on CJ's face that he liked the idea, but something was wrong.

"Do you want me to make you a rocket?" I finally asked.

He looked relieved and said "Yeah, that would be great if you could."

So even though it was getting late, when I finished the lab coat, I taped together some paper to make a rocket. It took me like 3 minutes. It was not pretty, but it did somewhat resemble a rocket, and CJ said it would work for the prop.

Then he thanked me for helping him with his costume.

I informed him that he would now be my personal servant for the rest of the week.

What do you think I should have him do for me first?

Botox, shmotox

Today Max asked me "Do we take old stuff to the recycle?"

I told him yes, then he asked "Do we take old stuff to the recycle and then they make it into new stuff?"

I told him yes again, then he asked "Do we also take old people to the recycle?"

p.s. I'm still looking for craft ideas from yesterday's post.

Calling all crafters

Today we spend the afternoon cleaning out and reorganizing our kitchen closet. This wasn't just a "go through and tidy things up" cleaning, but more of a get rid of everything that we really don't need cleaning.
Aaron really helped with this project and did a great job!

While we were sorting through all of the stuff in the closet, we found several boxes with clear plastic utensils in them. Actually, they were all knives.
Now here's the problem, when the manufacturers package these utensils, they give you equal amounts of knives, forks and spoons. Apparently, we don't use as many knives as we do forks and spoons.

I found a lot of plastic knives today.

I realize that the whole point of cleaning the closet was to get rid of things, but for some reason, I just can't throw away these knives. I can't help but think that there is some really cool craft that I could make with the obscene amount of plastic knives that we have in our house. (Did I mention that last month when we cleaned out our storage room, we found tons of them in there too?)
The question that I would like to ask everyone today is,

What on earth can I make with all of these plastic knives?

If someone comes up with a really good idea, I will make it. I might even start an etsy shop selling plastic knife crafts!!

H1N1

Is my cooking really that bad?

Tonight at dinner, it was Max's turn to say the blessing on the food.

Just before he finished, he paused and added...........

"And please bless us that tomorrow night we can go out to eat for dinner."

Cooking with the Cubs

Alternate title;

"How to lose your sanity in one hour or less."

A while ago I became a Den leader for Aaron's Cub Scout group. Today it was my turn to arrange an activity for these 9 year old boys.

I looked through all of the activities in the scout book and after a discussion with the other leader, decided that the boys would learn about cooking by fulfilling one of the requirements, "Bake cookies with an adult"

We decided that due to time constraints, we would just have the boys mix up the dough, then we would send it home with them and have their parents help them bake the cookies.

I gathered all of the ingredients and equipment that we would need and went over to the church for Pack meeting.

When we went into the kitchen, the boys were quite excited about making cookies. The first thing they all did was to hop up and sit on the counter.

"Ummm, hey guys, do you remember our first rule about cooking in the kitchen?" I asked.

They all jumped off the counter while discussing amongst themselves the "no butt germs on the food preparation surfaces" lecture that we went through the last time we had a food related activity.

Then I ask, "What's the first thing we need to do before making cookies?"

They all stare at me blankly.

Finally, Aaron suggests that they wash their hands. (That's my boy!)

So we wait while 5 very energetic little boys wash their hands at the sink.

At this point I need to mention how noisy 5 nine year old boys can be, and also the fact that the acoustics in this kitchen amplify the sound to about 5 times it's original level.

Plus, there's a bit of an echo.

As we are cooking, I try to include some useful bits of cooking information.

Me: OK guys, all of you will get a chance to help measure and stir up the ingredients. Now, what's the first thing we need to do before mixing up the cookies?"

Aaron: "We already washed our hands."

Me: "OK, so what do we do next?" I ask while holding up the recipe for them to see.

Connor: (opening the door to go outside) "Hey, can we get some fresh air?"

Me:" NO. No fresh air, we're here to make cookies, what's the first thing we need to do?"

Scott: "Do we need to bake them or can we just eat the dough?"

Me: "You have to take them home and bake them. The dough will have raw eggs in it, and you shouldn't eat raw eggs, remember, we talked about that a few weeks ago?"

Mitchell: "Why can't we eat raw eggs?"

Connor: "Because if you eat raw eggs they will make you sick."

Aaron: "Rocky ate a whole glass of raw eggs and I didn't see him get sick in the movie."

All boys in unison: "EWWWWWW!!!"

Brandon: "Why did he eat raw eggs?"

Aaron: "I don't know, but it was really gross I think he......."

Me: "Hey guys, COOKIES remember, we're here to make cookies. Now, does anyone know how to measure brown sugar?"

Aaron: "I know how! You pack it in really tight."

Then Aaron proceeded to measure a cup of brown sugar. Packed.

Scott: "Hey, it's my turn, I want to do the next one!"

Scott takes a teaspoon and starts to scoop small spoonfuls of brown sugar into the measuring cup, packing each one down as he goes.

Me: "Scott, just stick the measuring cup in the bag and scoop out a bunch."

Scott scoops out a little bit, then packs it down with the spoon, he scoops out another small amount then packs that down with a spoon.

I see that this will take a while, so I move on.

Me: "OK guys, what's the next ingredient?"

Mitchell: "White sugar. Can I measure that?"

I tell him yes, then hand him the ziplock bag holding a cup of sugar. Mitchell starts to dump the sugar in the general direction of the measuring cup. I grab his arm and help him just before he dumps most of it on the counter.

Scott is still measuring the brown sugar. Scoop and pack. Scoop and pack. Scoop and pack.....

Me: "Let's move on to the butter!" I pick up the box of butter and realize that even though I had let it sit out for several hours, it wasn't softened enough. No problem, we have a microwave! I tell the boys to unwrap the four cubes (yes, 4 cubes, this is an awesome recipe) of butter (yes! REAL butter. As if you would use any other kind)

I tell Aaron to put it in a measuring cup and nuke it for 12 seconds. It comes out perfectly softened, and Aaron dumps it in the bowl with the sugar.

The boys all get really into the whole melting butter in the microwave thing.

Connor: "Can I melt the next one?"

Brandon: "I want to melt some!"

Me: "You can each melt one."

Connor: "How long do I melt it for?"

Me: "12 seconds."

Scott finally finishes the brown sugar.

Brandon: "How long do I melt the butter for?"

Me: "12 seconds."

Scott: "I want to melt some butter!"

Me: "You can melt the next one." and I hand him a cube of butter.

Connor and Brandon both dump their perfectly softened cubes of butter out of the measuring cup and into the sugar.

Scott: "How long do I microwave this?"

Me "12 seconds."

Scott: "Do I just put it in like this?"

I look over to see Scott ready to put his unwrapped cube of butter directly in the microwave.

Me: "No, please put it in the measuring cup!"

I look back to the bowl to see Mitchell standing there, holding the hand mixer, ready to attack the contents of the bowl.

Mitchell: "Can I mix it together now?"

Me: "What does the recipe say?"

Brandon: "It says we need eggs."

Me: "No, look at the instructions, not the list of ingredients."

The boys all read together "Cream together butter and sugars."

Me: "Does anyone know what that means?"

Brandon: (looking in the bowl) "How many of those butters did you put in there?"

Me: "four."

Brandon: "I really don't like butter that much."

Me: "We'll be putting more stuff in it than butter, you'll hardly notice it."

Brandon: "That's a lot of butter. I don't like that much butter!"

Mitchell: "Can I mix it now?"

Connor: "I want to use the mixer too!"

Me: "Everyone will get a chance to use the mixer."

Scott dumps his newly softened cube of butter in the bowl. Before I knew what was happening, he turned on the mixer and put it just deep enough in the bowl to send chunks of softened butter everywhere.

Me: (grabbing the mixer and turning it off) "Hey guys, what is the first rule of using a mixer?"

Mitchell: "You need to keep it in the bottom of the bowl so all the stuff doesn't go flying out."

Me:" Good, now can somebody please get a paper towel and wipe up the butter?"

I then notice the 4 butter wrappers laying face down on the counter.

Mitchell takes the mixer and starts mixing up the butter and sugar. After a minute, he hands it to Scott.

All of the boys are leaning over the big bowl, watching the butter and sugar being mixed together.

Connor: "Hey, this stinks! It smells like fire!"

The other boys: "Yeah, that does smell like fire!"

I realized that I hadn't used this mixer for a while, and I think the dough was making the motor work a little over it's capacity, thus the burning smell. I turn off the mixer.

Connor: "Hey, I wanted a turn!"

Me: "We need 4 eggs. Who wants to crack an egg?'

Scott grabbed an egg and started to gently tap it on the edge of the bowl. It made a small hole and he tried to shake the yolk out of the hole.

Me: " Scott, put your thumbs in it and break it apart."

He pokes his thumbs in the egg and starts to pull the shell apart, only he has moved it away from the bowl and is dangerously close to dumping the egg innards on the counter.

ME: "Scott, in the bowl....IN the bowl!"

Scott moves the egg back over the bowl, and miraculously is able to get the egg into the bowl without any shells.

I am amazed.

The other boys cracked their eggs on the counter and on other eggs, and we managed to get them in the bowl with only minimum mess on the counter.

Scott: "Now we need vanilla!"

Aaron: "Did you know that vanilla has alcohol in it?"

Brandon: "IT HAS ALCOHOL IN IT?"

Carrie: (the other Den leader who has been marking off requirements in the boys books up until this point) "Yes, Vanilla does have alcohol in it, but it cooks out."

Brandon: "But there's alcohol in it!! I think that's another reason not to eat raw cookie dough!"

Carrie: "There's really not very much vanilla in the dough. You would really have to eat a lot of raw cookie dough to get drunk from it."

At this point, I was thinking that if you ate enough cookie dough to get drunk on the vanilla, that you would have bigger problems than being drunk.

Scott: "Can't we just eat the dough? Do we have to bake it?

Carrie: "No you can't eat it, raw eggs remember?"

Brandon: "And vanilla!"

Connor: "NOW can I use the mixer?"

I look at the bowl with runny eggs in it. I do not want to see runny eggs on the wall. I do not want to see runny eggs on the floor. I do not want to see runny eggs on me.

I tell the boys that since the mixer is acting funny, I will mix in the eggs and they can stir in the flour by hand.

As I'm mixing the boys are running around the kitchen playing tag, or some other game that involves large amounts of noise and running and bumping into each other.

Me: "OK guys, there are 5 of you, and we need 5 cups of flour. Each one of you can measure one cup and stir it into the dough! Does anyone know how to measure flour?"

Aaron: "You don't pack it like you do brown sugar."

Me: "Yes, you keep it light and fluffy. Remember, light and fluffy, you scoop it into the cup lightly and don't pack it down."

Mitchell was the first to measure. He scooped some flour into the cup then tapped it onto the counter to level it out.

Me: "Hey Mitch, don't tap it down, it needs to stay light and fluffy, tapping it like that makes it compress and you don't get an accurate measurement."

Mitchell looks at me, nods his head in agreement then scoops more flour into the cup, then taps it on the counter.

Me: "Light and fluffy, Mitch, light and fluffy."

Mitchell: "Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting."

Mitchell then takes another scoop, dumps it in the cup and taps it on the counter, while the whole time I am saying:

"Light and fluffy, light and fluffy, lightandfluffylightandfluffyLIGHTANDFLUFFY!"

Then I gave up.

Mitchell dumped his flour in the bowl. I handed him the wooden spoon and he did a fine job of stirring the flour into the mixture.

Meanwhile Connor is measuring his flour. He lightly lifts the fluffy flour into the measuring cup, then smashes it down with the scoop.

I look away.

(seriously, why do these boys not get the concept of light and fluffy?)

Connor moves on to the bowl as I'm giving the "light and fluffy" flour measuring instructions to Scott.

I look over just in time to see Connor stick the big wooden spoon in the bowl, stir a little too hard, and send flour all over the wall and counter, sticking to all the chunks of softened butter that still hadn't been cleaned up.

I take a deep breath, and let it out s l o w l y as I repeat in my head "deep cleansing breath, Jill, deep cleansing breath."

Connor grins: "Sorry, I'll be more careful."

I looked at the amount of flour that flew out of the bowl and decided that it probably equaled the extra flour we got when the boys were smashing the flour into the measuring cup instead of keeping it light and fluffy.

I decided to look at this as a good thing.

We managed to get the rest of the flour mixed in. Aaron dumped in the chocolate chips, and they all took turns stirring again.

Scott: "Hey, this looks really good. Do we have to bake it? Can we just eat the dough?"

Me: "No Scott, we shouldn't eat raw cookie dough, you could get really sick."

I take the spoon and proceed to divide the dough between 5 ziplock bags.

Scott: "Hey! I want the one with the most in it!"

Aaron: "No, I want that one!"

Mitchell: "I wanted it!"

I told them that all the bags would be the same, and as I zipped the last bag Scott asked "Can we lick the bowl?"

Me: "No Scott, it's still raw cookie dough."

Carrie: "OK guys, lets get the kitchen cleaned up, everyone helps."

We started to wash the dishes and put things away when I turned around to see Mitchell sneaking a chunk of cookie dough from what was left in the bowl. He saw me look at him and he scraped the cookie dough off of his finger and into the garbage can.

The boys started playing tag again. We could see that some of the boys parents were starting to arrive to pick up their kids. Carrie told them they needed to continue helping. I told her I could probably get it cleaned up faster if they didn't help.

We laughed and she took the boys outside to meet their parents.

After they all left, I closed the door, scraped all of the leftover cookie dough out of the bowl, and ate it.

So far, I'm still feeling OK.

And now that I think about it, Aaron didn't bake the dough that he brought home, and it's just sitting there in the refrigerator........................

Why sixth grade teachers quit

On the first school day after Halloween, Brielle's school teacher told the class that he didn't have any Christmas decorations so they could bring any decorations they wanted and he would let them put them up in the classroom.

Brielle took this as a challenge.

My darling daughter has spent the last two weeks drawing all sorts of Christmas pictures and has taken them to school to be put on the walls of her classroom.
I think my favorite is the one she drew of her teacher wearing a Santa hat. The caption at the bottom of the picture says
"Santa, the bringer of presents, Mr Andrews the bringer of HOMEWORK!"

Then she drew a speech bubble coming from his mouth saying "HO HO HOmework!"

The teacher liked it so well that he framed the picture and put it on the wall.

A few days later, at the end of school, the teacher announced what homework would be assigned for the next day. Brielle proceeded to give him "the look" This is her half joking, half serious version of the "Evil Eye" (I have no idea where she picked this up..............really, I don't)

Mr Andrews found this rather amusing, so naturally, he laughed.

This only encouraged Brielle, and for the next several days, every time the teacher mentioned homework, she would give him The Look.

Yesterday, apparently, the teacher had had enough of the "evil eye" and told Brielle that the next time she gave him that look, he would take a picture of her, make a bunch of copies and plaster them all over the school.

Brielle then put up a sign on her desk that said "No flash photography."

(again, I don't know where she gets this stuff from)

Do you think I should perm my hair?

Anyone that knows Max knows that he has a bit of a hair fettish. Ever since he was little, he has liked to play with my hair. He wraps it around his hands and rubs it on his face, especially when he's tired. Sometimes he will play with Brielle's hair if I'm not available, but most of the time it's my hair that is his comfort object.

This is an actual conversation between me and Max.

Me: "Max, do you have any friends in your class at school?"
Max: "I like Kaylie!"
Me: "Is she cute?
Max: "YES!"
Me: "What does she look like?"
Max: "Kaylie has TOO MANY curls."
Me: "Too many curls?"
Max: "Yes, I like her curls."
Me: "Do you ever play with her hair?'
Max: "No."
Me: "Do you WANT to play with her hair?"
Max: (pauses to think for a moment) "Welllllllllll......................"




I'm just waiting for a call from the school.

How I lied to Max about the cookies

And now, the rest of the story..............

When Max asked what happened to the cookies, I knew that if I told him the truth that he would be really mad at me.

I thought fast. CJ wasn't home to defend himself so I told Max that CJ was the one that ate all the cookies.

Max's cute little face turned red, he lifted his arms in the air, threw his head back and yelled to the ceiling,

CJ

IS

A

REALLY

REALLY

BAD

GUY!!!!

Sure I felt kind of bad about it for a while, but I was mostly just glad that he wasn't mad at me. I would have made him some more cookies right then, but we were out of oats and the mixer bowl was dirty, and quite frankly, I wasn't really hungry for cookies anymore anyway.

CJ is in the kitchen right now, making another batch of no bake cookies. This time, I will be sure to save some for Max.

So anyway, those of you who guessed #4 on yesterday's post should be very proud of yourselves. Yes, I blamed the whole thing on CJ.

Unfortunately, I didn't think of blaming Naughty Bird, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit until I was writing the post last night. I wish I had thought of telling him that his imaginary naughty pets had eaten the cookies just to see his reaction.

I will remember the naughty trio the next time I need to shift the blame elsewhere. I mean, if Max can use them as an excuse for everything, why couldn't I?"

I was asked to give our recipe for no bake cookies, here it is.

2 Cups sugar

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup cocoa

Beat these ingredients together for a few minutes then pour over

3 cups oats

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup coconut

1/2 cup chopped nuts

Mix together then drop with a spoon onto wax paper and let them sit for a while. (Ours never last long enough to see how long it takes to set up) They will be gooey.

CJ said that he's going to put this next batch in the fridge to see if they set faster.

This is the official recipe, however, my kids don't like coconut and nuts (weird, I know) so we make them without, and just use more oats.

Also, I don't always use the vanilla, and it's OK without.

What do YOU think happened?

Last night, Max wasn't feeling well. He fell asleep on the couch, then he threw up.

On the couch.

(I just have to say that when choosing a couch, leather is the way to go. The clean up is so much easier than on fabric upholstery)

I gave Max a bath and put his pajamas on him. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "I think I eated too much and it gave me a tummy egg."

"It gave you a tummy ache," I told him "the word is ache"

"NO! It's EGG! It has an "E" in it! It's a tummy EGG!"

Meanwhile, CJ was making some no bake cookies. These are a favorite of ours, and one of the few foods that Max will eat.

Naturally, Max wanted some cookies, but me, being the mean mom that I am, wouldn't let him have any cookies because he just threw up, and I thought the cookie wouldn't sit well in his stomach.

Instead of a cookie, I fed him some crackers then put him to bed.

This morning, my husband took the older boys with him to get run some errands. I slept in a while and when I got up and went into the kitchen, there were only 6 cookies left. I ate three cookies and Brielle ate three.

A while later, Max came walking out into the kitchen. I asked him how he was feeling and he said that he was feeling better and that he was really hungry.

Then he looked on top of the counter and said,

"Hey, where are the cookies? I wanted to eat some cookies!"

What do you think I did?

1) I apologized to him and told him that we had just eaten the last of the cookies.

2) I told him that cookies were bad for him and that he shouldn't be eating them anyway, then fed him a healthy breakfast.

3) I told him that there were never any cookies, he must have dreamed that we made cookies.

4) I told him that CJ ate them all.

5) I told him that flying monkeys came in through our chimney in the middle of the night and took the cookies to throw at people (or other monkeys) that they didn't like.

6) I said that Naughty Bird, Naughty Frog and Naughty Rabbit took them.

Leave your guess in the comments.

Or you can tell me what you would have done.

Mystery food revealed!

I know everyone has just been sitting on the edge of their chair waiting to find out what the unidentifiable food is.

The truth is, I'm really not sure.

I am, however, quite convinced that it was some sort of food.

Nobody even came close to guessing where I found it. This strange looking morsel was tucked down by the hinges in my dishwasher. I'm not positive how long it had been there.

Here's my best guess of what happened.

One of the kids was loading the dishwasher, and decided that it was probably OK just to put the bowl holding the spaghetti sauce in the dishwasher without emptying the remaining amount of sauce from the bowl. I discovered this the next morning, after the dishes had been "washed" with spaghetti sauce. Apparently, when there is more sauce in the dishwasher than dishwasher detergent, the spaghetti sauce wins and all of the dishes turn a not so lovely shade of orange/red.

They also have a really great greasy feel to them.

Anyway, I emptied the remaining contents of the spaghetti sauce from the bowl (yes, there was still some in there. I shudder to think of how much was still in the bowl when it was put in the dishwasher) and I re-washed the dishes. This time they came out clean.

My guess is that some sauce slid down and got stuck by the hinges of the dishwasher door.

It was a pretty solid chunk when I found it, and I think I recognized the remnants of a slice of mushroom on the side, which is really strange, because I don't put mushrooms in my sauce.

So, it looks like the winner of the GUESS THE MYSTERY FOOD game is Katie who said "It looks like a mushroom with pizza sauce"

So Katie, CONGRATULATIONS!!

You win THE RESPECT AND ADMIRATION OF YOUR PEERS!!

Which, when you really think about it, is about the best prize anyone can win!

(plus, it doesn't cost me anything in shipping, because that could get costly ;0)

And to those of you who guessed anything to do with chocolate, you should know better. I would never let chocolate go unnoticed long enough for it to look that way. I am able to search out any unattended chocolate in the house.

What can I say, it's a gift, kind of like a sixth sense or something.

Join me tomorrow when I sort through Max's dirty clothes hamper and we play the exciting new game "IDENTIFY THE STAIN"

Name that food! (Curses to you NaBloPoMo! I'm now blogging about unidentifiable food because I can't think of anything else to write about)

WARNING: Disgusting food photo ahead.

If you are prone to gagging, you my want to skip this one,

but please, still leave a comment.

Last week I found a bit of food somewhere.

Look at it closely and give me your best guess at what it is, or.............. was.

Bonus points if you can tell me where I found it. Extra bonus points if you can tell me how it got there.

Leave your guesses in the comments, the winner will receive the respect and admiration of their peers.

And yes, I'm pretty sure it's some form of food.

I'm really sorry. I will come up with a real post tomorrow, I promise.

And what's up with the weird font sizing in Blogger? Is anyone else having problems with this, or is it just me?

I'm pretty sure that's not the way I learned it

Max: "Mom, what comes after Cuban?"

Me: "What do you mean, what comes after Cuban?"

Max: "Like in the Christmas song that I'm learning at school."

Me: ???????

Max: (exasperated) "You know it! It's the one that goes you know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cuban and ................ what comes after Cuban?"

Me: "Donner?"

Max: "OK. Then which one comes after Cheatin'?

( I have no idea which one he was talking about there. I pretty much gave up after that)

Later I hear him singing

"Rudoff the red nosed reindeer, has a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it, you would even see his clothes."

Making the grade

The kids brought home their report cArds lAst week. I won't go into detAils And tell exActly whAt grAdes they eArned, however, I will sAy thAt we Are quite pleAsed with how hArd they hAve worked this yeAr. We're so impressed with the effort thAt they hAve put into their schoolwork And for the AmAzing improvement they hAve mAde since lAst yeAr!

I just wAnt to tell my kids thAt they Are Awesome!!!

Stolen identity

Many years ago, we bought a few magazine subscriptions from one of the neighborhood kids.
(darn fundraisers)

We decided to try an experiment, and instead of using our own names for the subscription, we decided to use the names of our mother's dogs. We wanted to see how many places the magazines would sell our information to.

The two magazines were now coming to our home under the names of:

"Bubbles" Smith for the fashion type magazine

and

"Pepper" Smith for the business type magazine

(there wasn't a great selection of magazines and we wanted to help the kid out so we just randomly picked two.)

It wasn't long before Bubbles was getting all sorts of clothing, makeup and jewelry catalogs and advertisements. Pepper was getting quite a bit of mail too, mostly offers for other magazines and publications with a business type theme.

We were amazed at the amount of businesses that now had "Bubbles" and "Pepper" on their mailing lists.

Unfortunately, during this time, poor Pepper met an untimely demise and departed this world for her new life in doggie heaven.

And then it came.

In the mail was a letter addressed to "Pepper Smith" from Who's Who magazine.

We were so excited, because it seems that Pepper had made it big in the business scene! Who's who magazine wanted to feature an article about Pepper in an upcoming issue! They pointed out what a good networking tool this would be for Pepper, and how it could potentially help her in her career in business.

So we filled out the application.

Full name of company: Terrier yard excavation and fertilization, a division of Pepper inc.
Hours of Operation: 24/7

When, where and how was your business started? The business was started in the back yard of my home soon after I came to live here. I just went outside and felt the need to fertilize the corner by the fence, and then I saw an area of grass near the back door that needed a big hole dug in it.

Give a brief history of the founder(s) and how he/she/they came to start the business. The business was founded when the owner saw me in a big cardboard box in front of the grocery store. She picked me above all of my siblings. She brought me home and fed me and let me out in the back yard. The rest is history.

Describe the services or products your business offers, emphasizing the one(s) you consider most important. I offer fertilization of the yard. I do have certain favorite spots that I like to frequent, but occasionally, I like to shake things up a bit and leave a deposit somewhere out of the ordinary, just so I can keep management on their toes. Or scraping it off their toes as the case may be.
While the fertilization side of the company, is certainly important, I do put a good deal of time and effort into our excavation division. This work is certainly more strenuous and time consuming. I dig. It's what I do. Sometimes I dig to bury things to be retrieved at a later date, and sometimes I just dig to dig.

Who owns and operates the business today? My owner owns the business, however, the day to day operations are strictly up to me.

Describe any major events that have changed your business in a dramatic way (obstacles overcome, important developments, etc). I had really wanted to open a branch office at a different location, but when I started to dig a hole under the fence, it was soon filled up, and reinforced with chicken wire. It was soon after that when I had quite a setback with my health. Apparently I needed surgery. I had a difficult time recovering, and wasn't able to do any yard excavation for a while. The fertilization division was still operating fully, however, the quality of my work just wasn't the same for quite a while. It was around that time that I lost my desire to open the branch office. Moving outside the fence just didn't seem as important to me anymore.

Describe the relevant staff and/or management who runs the business There's the owner, and that kid with the shovel that comes outside occasionally and picks up the old deposits. He has a pretty bad attitude about it most of the time. I think he might just be working at this job until he can find something different.

Give your company mission statement and explain how it impacts the day-to-day operations I strive to make large and plentiful deposits, dig the biggest holes and make the most noise. Poop more, dig deeper and bark louder.

What is the #1 distinction that sets your business apart from the competition? This is my yard, my domain, my territory. There is no competition. (Except for the stupid cat that sits on the fence, just out of my reach)

How would you explain your philosophy of business to someone you'd just met? I feel that the things I do for my business are things that I would be doing anyway, I should do it the best I can.

Describe any relevant information about your business's community involvement/commitment to social responsibility. I don't have any.

What happened on the day you remember as your best (so far) in this business? Describe the accomplishment (so far) in your business of which you are most proud. Give one fact, anecdote, story or other piece of information not already covered here that may prove interesting for a story. I would have to say that my best day ever was when someone in the house didn't like what they were eating for dinner and fed it to me under the table. I'm not sure what it was, but a while later, I really needed to make some deposits. I was let outside and made a record number of deposits in a short amount of time. My production was at an all time high! It was almost like I couldn't stop myself! I was so proud of my work that I rolled all over the lawn in excitement. I wanted to share my success with the upper management so I went inside to show them my accomplishments, and before they knew what had happened, I shook with joy, spraying the deposits around the room, then ran and jumped on my favorite spot on the couch.

It was a day that will not soon be forgotten.

Other Comments? Nope.

So there you have it, the Who's Who magazine interview with a dog.

I can hardly wait until the next issue comes out!

What's for dinner?

Warning- I'm going to whine!

Have you ever reached the point where you are just so tired of figuring out what to fix for dinner?

I don't mind cooking, in fact, I really enjoy cooking. (the cooking part, not the actual cleaning up part) I have just had it with trying to figure out what I can cook.

No matter what I fix, I know that someone will be unhappy, and possibly highly offended by what I make for the family to eat. Last week as I was fixing dinner, the whole time I was cooking, I knew that one of the children, upon finding out that night's menu, would say something like "Do you really expect me to eat this?" or "You don't love me. If you loved me then you wouldn't fix food that I don't like!" (and they did)

Or my other personal favorite, the glaring at me from across the table, because the food is deemed inedible by a particular child.

The teenager has stopped these things because he recognizes that any food I make is generally edible, and with a hollow leg to fill, one can't be too picky. (which is a refreshing change from when he was younger and a very picky eater)

Max is still in the stage where he will only eat eggo waffles, PB&J sandwiches and Easy mac & cheese. Occasionally, I can get him to try whatever we're having for dinner, he will try one bite, say it's yummy, then refuse to eat any more.

I have always told the kids that they don't have to eat what I fix, they can make something for themselves, however, I'm not a short order cook, and will NOT fix a different meal for everyone.

Still, I do try to fix something that I know that everyone will like. On the rare occasion when I find something that everyone likes, I put it on my "keeper" list and try and fix it again.

The problem is that we still end up eating about the same 8 meals over and over and over.

These are the meals that I have cooked so many times that I could fix them in my sleep.

There's nothing wrong with these, aside from the fact that I am really getting sick of them!

Every once in a while I will try a new recipe, I tried two new recipes last week, and while I did like both of them, (my husband liked them too) the kids weren't in complete agreement.

The one thing that my family all agrees on is my homemade lasagna. Unfortunately, it takes over two hours from start to finish, and that's just not the amount of time that I can spend on dinner every night.

Something that really bugs me is when I get asked, multiple times a day, by multiple family members, my least favorite question "What's for dinner?"

This bothers me because generally, I have no clue what I'm going to make for dinner until I actually start making it.

Today, I made a management decision, and wrote up a menu of what we will be eating for the week. I've written the menu on our big dry erase board in the kitchen, where everyone can see, and prepare alternate food if they so wish.

I even went a step further and decided what I would be fixing for lunches this week too.

I know that I still won't make everyone happy, but at least I'll know what I'm doing.

What do you do when you run out of ideas or get sick of fixing the same things for dinner every night?

(or is it just me?)

A Saturday with Max

Today, my husband wanted to paint our fence because it might be the last day of the year with good weather. Yesterday, he and Aaron went to Home Depot, bought all the supplies, and this morning, they started painting.

Max wanted to be outside with the guys. We told him he could watch, but he was not to get in the way, and he should not touch the fence.

We have one of those white childproof doorknob covers on the inside of the door that leads from our kitchen to the garage. We do this to keep Max from going in the garage. We have a very good reason for this.
One day when Aaron was three, we heard the garage door opening, then ran to the garage to discover him sitting in the front seat of the van. He had just opened the garage door by pushing the opener in the van, and he had the keys in the ignition, just ready to go for a drive. (I'm really glad we caught him before he started the car and put it into gear, if he had gone forward, he would have ended up in our family room, neutral, he would have rolled down the driveway and ended up on the neighbor's lawn and reverse, he would have backed across our circle and ended up in our other neighbor's living room)
Anyway, ever since then, we have kept the door from being opened by small children.

Today, after Max had watched the painting for a while, he came running in the house and yelled,

"MOM! MOM! DON'T LOOK OUTSIDE! OUR TREE IS NAKED!"

Apparently, the tree in our front yard has lost all of it's leaves, and Max felt that it was inappropriate to look at it with no leaves.
Then I had to stop what I was doing and open the door so he could go back outside.
A while later, Max came running in the door again.

"MOM! MOM! CAN I RIDE MY BIKE!"

I told him he could if he stayed in the driveway, then I had to stop what I was doing to let him out again.
Next he came running in the house with his helmet on his head.

"I can't get my helmet buckled up!"

So I untangled the straps and hooked them up for him, then let him out the door again.
About 20 minutes passed when he came running back in the house "MOM! I'm done riding my bike and I can't get my helmet off!"

I unhooked his helmet then opened the door for him again.

I didn't see him for a while until he came running in the house again, this time he was waving his hand around in a panic, and was very close to tears.

"I NEED TO WASH MY HAND! I NEED TO WASH MY HAND!"

I ask him why he needs to wash his hand and he starts crying "I have paint (sob) on my finger!" (sob, sniff)
I looked at his hand and sure enough, there was a spot of white paint on the end of his finger. "Did you touch the fence?" I ask.
"Yes" he admits, with a big tear running down his face.

I sent him into the bathroom to wash his hand then I went outside and asked my husband what happened, he had no idea, so I told him what Max had just done, and he laughed. "We kept telling him not to touch the fence, I guess he went ahead and did it then realized that he was going to get caught when we saw the paint on his hand."

So Max was freaking out and trying to cover up so nobody would know that he had disobeyed.
Sneaky kid.

I was getting tired of having to stop what I was doing every few minutes to let him out, so I went ahead and took the doorknob cover off the door so Max could come and go as he wanted to.
Max was so excited about his new found freedom that he kept going in the house, then back out to the garage, back in the house, out to the garage again, in the house......................

You get the picture.

After this went on for a while, I got a great idea. Since this was probably going to be the last warm day of the year, why not just put the Christmas lights up!

Now I know that there will be some of you that will criticize me for wanting to do this, especially after yesterday's post where I blast Sears for playing Christmas music this early in the year, but for these people, I will point out the following.
1) I am not playing Christmas music. (Except any Christmas songs by Britney Spears, because, seriously, nothing puts me in the Christmas mood more hearing Britney sing The little drummer boy. If only she would record her own version of Christmas Shoes..............) (that one is for you Kristina)
2) We won't actually be turning on the lights until Thanksgiving.
3) If you had the choice of putting up lights when it's 60 degrees outside or waiting until it's like 32 degrees and snowing, which would you choose?

I thought so.

Anyway, I went outside and suggested to my husband that we put up the lights today and he thought it was a great idea! (not really, but let's just pretend he did)
I came back inside and it wasn't long before Max came running in the house again.

"Mom! We need to take down our scarecrows, Halloween is over!"

I told him that scarecrows can be Thanksgiving decorations too and that we would leave them out for a few more weeks.
Then he went back outside.
A few minutes later, Max came running in again.

"MOM! MOM! Isn't Thanksgiving the next holiday? Doesn't Thanksgiving come before Christmas?"

I tell him yes, then he goes back outside.
Almost immediately he comes back in the house, and in his best I'm tattling to get somebody in trouble voice, he says,

"MOM! Is it OK for Dad and CJ to be putting the Christmas lights on the house?!?"

"Yes Max, I asked them to do that today."

"BUT YOU SAID THAT THANKSGIVING IS THE NEXT HOLIDAY, NOT CHRISTMAS!"

I told him not to worry because we wouldn't be plugging them in until after Thanksgiving.

This seemed to satisfy him for a while.

After the lights got put up (Thank you, Honey!) (Not that my husband will see that, because he doesn't read my blog) Max put the doorknob lock back on the door, DH took the boys out for pizza and I took Brielle to do some shopping.

When we all got back home, Max climbed in my lap, gave me a hug and said "I missed you Mom."
Oh how sweet!
Then I smelled his breath.

He had some of the worst garlic breath that a four year old can have.
"EEEEEWWWWWWW Max! How much pizza did you eat? You're breath smells awful!"
Then he proceeded to breathe in my face, in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter.

Apparently, it's funny to gross out your mother, so funny in fact, that CJ and Aaron tried breathing in my face too. They ganged up on me, all sending garlic fumes towards my nose at the same time...............

I'm just telling you right now, it's. NOT. Funny.

I grabbed Brielle, and we left to run a few more errands.

When we got back home, it was time for Max to get in his pajamas. This is something that this kid drags out as long as he can. He wants me to help him, but he's 4 1/2 years old, plenty old enough to put on his pajamas himself. We finally get him to go into his room to get ready for bed, then I hear,

"MOM! I CAN'T FIND ANY PAJAMAS! WHERE ARE MY PAJAMAS?!?!"

I yell to him that they are in the dryer.

Then Max comes running into the family room wearing nothing but his socks.

CJ screams.

Brielle screams.

Aaron screams.

Max SCREAMS! (while streaking across the room)


Aaron says "Dude, go get some pants on."

Then Max runs through the kitchen and into the laundry room.
Moments later, he streaks back through the family room, holding his pajamas above his head, causing everyone to scream again.

He was in his room for a while when he calls to me,

"MOM! I FORGOT TO GO POTTY! CAN I GO POTTY?"

I wonder why he feels like he needs to ask me first, then I tell him that it's probably a pretty good idea to go potty.

Then he comes running through the family room again, still swinging free, wearing only socks.

Everyone screams as he runs into the bathroom by the laundry room.

When he comes out of the bathroom, I ask him "Why didn't you just use the bathroom at the end of the hall by your room?"
He looks at me blankly, then giggles "Oh, I forgot about that one."

He runs through the family room to his bedroom, causing everyone to scream again.

He finally comes out of his room with his pajamas on, by then, everyone else is in their pajamas so I tell him it's time for him to go to bed.

He looks puzzled and says "But we didn't eat dinner. What are we going to have for dinner?"

When my husband and the boys went for their pizza, it was late afternoon, around 4:30. I told Max that he already had pizza for dinner.

"That wasn't dinner, that was LUNCH!"

So I made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and put him to bed. As I tucked him in, I kissed him on the cheek and said "Good night sweetie" and he said "Tomorrow when I get up you need to say to me "Good Day"
I told him that I would say "Good Morning" to him when he wakes up.
"NO! I not did say for you to say good morning, I want for you to tell to me Good Day!"

"OK Max, I'll say Buenos Dias."

"No, Good day!"

"Bonjour?"

No! Good. Day!"

"OK Max, Good Day."

"No, TOMORROW is Good Day, tonight is Good Night."



I can hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings ;0)