Saturday, November 8, 2008

Reason # 87 for why my kids will need therapy

We went to the store yesterday. This is how it went.

Me: "Max We're going to buy you a new pillow"
Max: "Why I need a new pillow?"
Me: "Because you threw up on it."
Max: "Oh, is it also gross?"
Me: "Yes Max, it's also gross."

We pick out a pillow and put it in the cart.

Me: "There Max, we're getting this pillow, and this one is washable."
Max: "Is my new pillow washyble? Why am I also get a new pillow?
Me: "Why ARE you getting a new pillow?"
Max: "Because the old one is also gross, and the new one is washyble."

We go over to the dairy area and put some milk in the cart.

(now, before I go on, I need to explain that Max really LOVES chocolate milk. If I buy a gallon he has me sit it next to him in the seat of the shopping cart and he hugs it and pats it all through the store. "Oh chokwit milk. I love you chokwit milk.
After we get home and put it in the fridge, Max will stand guard in front of the fridge, and if anyone dares open the door, he lets them know in no uncertain terms that "THAT'S MY CHOCKWIT MILK! YOU ALSO NOT DRINK MY CHOCKWIT MILK!!!"
He will, from time to time, allow one of his siblings to have some of the milk, but only if they are very nice to him, and he's in a really good mood.)

Max: "GET THE BROWN MILK! I ALSO NEED SOME CHOKWIT MILK! GET THE BROWN ONE! GET THE BROWN ONE!"

I was a bit hesitant to get the chocolate milk, because Max hasn't been feeling well, and I didn't want him to throw it up.

Max: "Please a please a please a please! PLEASE I NEED THE CHOKWIT MILK! GET THE BROWN MILK! GET THE BROWN MILK!"
Me: "No Max, remember what happened the last time you were sick and had egg nog?"
Max: "I not like egg nog! The egg nog went uuuuuup, out of my mouth, and down on the carpet! I NOT like egg nog"
Me: "I don't want that to happen with the chocolate milk."

We start to walk away from the milk.

Max: "GO BACK! GO BACK! GO GET THE BROWN MILK! I NEEEEEEED THE BROWN MILK! PLEASE! PLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEEEE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

We walk several isles away and Max is showing no signs of stopping.

Brielle: "Mom, can't you get him to be quiet? He's really embarrassing me."

OK, now THIS I find rather amusing, because apparently, she doesn't seem to remember the MANY times that she did things to embarrass me.

So I laugh.



LOUDLY.

For a long time.

Brielle: (hissing quietly) "Mom, stop it! Now YOU are embarrassing me."

I laugh harder and louder, because this is getting funnier.

So basically we have...............

Max: "MOM! GET THE BROWN MILK! GO BACK AND GET THE BROWN MILK! PLEASE A PLEASE A PLEASE A PLEASE A! I NEEEEEEED THE BROWN MILK!"
Brielle: "MOM! MAKE HIM STOP! HE'S TOO LOUD! PEOPLE ARE LOOKING! STOP LAUGHING! IT'S EMBARRASSING! STOP HIM MOM! PEOPLE ARE LOOKING!!!"
Aaron: "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?......... WHAT'S SO FUNNY? .......WHAT'S SO FUNNY? ........WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"

Me: "Max, you will not get what you want by screaming. You need to calm down. I think we need to do some anger management. Let's all do it together."

We all lift our arms above our heads while taking a deep breath. We then lower our hands while exhaling s...l...o...w...l...y.
Repeated three times.

Max has calmed down. His face is red and blotchy, but he has stopped screaming. We walk around and get the rest of our groceries and start to go towards the check out stand when he starts again.
"PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEE!! PLLLEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE!
PLEASE A PLEASE A PLEASE A............."

Me: "Tell you what Max, if you sing "lights" for me, I will go back and get some chocolate milk."
Max: "I not sing Lights. I also sing my preschool song."

(If you didn't see the post where Max sings Lights, I suggest that you click on that link. You won't be disappointed)

I decided to allow the song substitution and we walked back toward the milk as he sang.....
Link
Today is a wonderful day,
For I am going away.
Not to the circus,
Not to the pool,
I am going to my preschool.
Tra la la la la
tra la la la.
Tra la la la la
tra la la la.
Tra la la la la
tra la la la.
I am going to my preschool.

We got to the milk case just as he finished.

He was giddy with excitement!

I reached in the case and got.................


a half gallon of chocolate milk.

Only a half gallon.

Max: "I NOT DID WANT THE SMALL ONE! I ALSO DID WANT THE BIG ONE! GET THE BIG CHOCOLATE MILK! NOT THE SMALL ONE!!

Me: "Max, that's too much milk, and besides you didn't sing Lights like I wanted.
Max: "Please get the big chocolate milk! pleeeeaaaassse!!"
Me: "You can have the small one, or none. What's your choice?"
Max "I want the big one!"

I have Aaron put the milk back and we start to walk away. Max starts crying again "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH..........WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN IN THE CITY, AAAAAAAHHHHH AND THE SUN SHINES ON THE BAAAAAAYYY.......AAAAAHHHHHH"

It was really quite sad, listening to him sing and cry at the same time.

Poor Max.



I got the big chocolate milk.




(and please don't tell me that I shouldn't have bought the milk. You weren't there)

18 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Reason #87 why Kristina doesn't have children. Chocolate milk fights.

Busty LaRue said...

This had me rolling! Oh that is too funny! I know how you feel though. I experience the same thing with my little guy, only with the balls that Wal-Mart stacks in the rack in the center aisle. Yeah, major screaming fit every week over a ball.

I had to listen to the clip of Max singing again. That is the cutest thing ever!!

Mum-me said...

I was laughing out loud right along with you. (I enjoy embarrassing my children.)

Amanda said...

I have this problem with Jacob all of the time. (the screaming over choc milk) If their wasnt chocolate milk I think Jacob would starve to death.

Jillene said...

That sounds like every time I am at the store!!

Jo said...

Oh my goodness, you had me laughing. I wish I had been there, cause I would have so laughed at your family, I would followed you through the aisles, laughing even more. Thanks for sharing.
wv:morri=when you are worried there wont' be more!

Maraiya said...

Can you also be my mom? Because I also need chocolate miwk. "When the lights go down...."

Laura said...

I just snorted my chocolate milk laughing and totally seeing my kids in this situation!

MamaHenClucks said...

We like to say around here, that we aren't saving for college, we're saving for the therapy we know that they will need!

Too funny!

Jessica G. said...

What can I get if I sing the entire Les Miserables Broadway production??

*MARY* said...

I have given in to every tantrum my kids have thrown.
The other day I had to buy a little pack of taco seasoning because my daughter couldn't live without it.

Elizabeth said...

You have me reved up for the day now! I also love Chocit miwk...also my children. I buy ovaltine...I have to limit Tilly to one glass of choc a day...she alone drinks a 1/2 gallon nearly daily...

I alos would have loved to see your caravan...but I would have loved the deep breathing exercises!

No therapy will be required...they'll just take it out on their own kids by doing EXACTLY the same thing!

Pax Christi!

MommyJ said...

Oh wow. That was funny. And for this purpose, I have just given your blog an award...

So funny when children are embarrassed by us! HA! May they one day have children that will most assuredly embarress them. And then they will understand why you were laughing.

Aunty Em said...

Did we go to the same parenting class? Because I totally do this.

I get you.

You crack me up.

stupid smart girl said...

Your vivid description took me back to my children's toddler years. How can someone be so incredibly cute and yet make me want to squish them all at the same time? Multiply that by four and I began to understand why some animals eat their young.

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

LOL! Thanks for the laugh :) ♥ Hugs!

Damama T said...

I love the visual of you all doing the anger management exercise in the middle of the store. LOL!

thibitai: New thigh exercise program sweeping the country. It involves dragging a weight equal to that of your youngest child around strapped to your lower leg, immobilizing your foot so you have to use your thigh muscles only to move.

NG said...

Awesome! What are kids for if not to perform for our amusement?