Saturday, November 13, 2010

"Eventually" The Wal Mart edition

Today I was trying to think of something I could write about for my obligatory NaBloPoMo post, and I couldn't come up with any great ideas, so I did what anyone would do in my situation, and took all four kids with me to Wal Mart at 9:30 on a Saturday night.

So many things to write about...................

We arrived at the Mart of Wal in good spirits. Everyone was happy, everyone was behaving. We went over all of our "goin' to the Wal Mart" rules, the most important of which was "DO NOT ASK ME TO BUY YOU ANYTHING!!"

Because I was in a festive mood, the first place we headed to was the Christmas decorations. We spent some time sniffing the cinnamon scented pine cones.

At least three of them asked me to buy them. (Yes, apparently they have very short memories because we had just gone over that rule less than two minutes ago.)

We had already decided to get new Christmas lights this year, so we looked through all of the aisles of decorations, but couldn't find them. We must have walked down every aisle three times and every time we passed the pine cones we would take a whiff of their lovely cinnamony smell and at least one child would ask if I would buy them.

Just as we had given up on finding the lights, we walked past the door to the outside garden stuff area and there they were!
I could see the lights we were interested in, unfortunately a couple was standing right in front of them, and not wanting to be rude, I decided to wait until they were finished with their very involved discussion on which lights to get so I could leisurely study the lights and decide which ones to get myself.
We wandered around for a while, and FINALLY the couple took a step to the left and I sent Aaron in to grab several boxes of lights before the people moved again.

Next, we needed butter, so naturally we went to the toy department. Actually, it was on the way, and there were a few toys I wanted to check out for Max. We looked all through the toy aisles and couldn't find either toy!

So we went to the freezer section and got some ice cream.

During this time, I had completely given up on the children actually following the "don't ask me for anything" rule but instead discovered a very useful word.


This is how it works.

Offspring: "Hey mom! can we get one of these?"
Me: "Not right now."
Offspring: "Well when can we get one?"
Me: "Eventually."

It's great! No exact time is given, eventually can be pretty much an infinite amount of time.

So "eventually" we will be getting the cinnamon pine cones, caramel vanilla marshmallows, cherry chocolates, egg nog, chocolate milk, sugar cookies, different sugar cookies, and a gingerbread house kit."



Next we went to get some honey. While I was studying the different types of honey (bear bottle vs plain bottle) I noticed that the children were dancing in the aisle. Well, Brielle was dancing, (practicing double pirouettes) however, the boys were doing something which looked a bit more like they were being attacked by an angry swarm of bees.

Suddenly, Aaron stopped dancing and looked at the ceiling.
"DARN!" He said "I can't see any security cameras that could be filming us!"

The boys stopped dancing and we moved on to the produce department because we needed celery. I asked Aaron to get me a plastic bag.
He tore the bag off of the roll, shook it to open it, then proceeded to do an interpretive dance with the plastic bag.
It's a parachute........ it's a bird,'s a's a parachute again....

I assured him that the security cameras had probably picked up on that one.

"When we get home, can we look on to see if they've posted it there yet?

Next we got some bananas, and Aaron was thrilled because he was able to do the plastic produce bag dance again.

We continued shopping until we only had one item left on our list.

Crazy glue.

Now, logically, where do you think you would find crazy glue in Wal Mart. I assumed that it would be in the school supplies, however, after covering about half of the store, we finally found it in the craft department.
Seriously, who on earth would think of putting the glue in the craft department?

Here's a question. Why won't Wal Mart open a few more checkstands? There were three open, and each one had a long line of people waiting to get out. I chose the shortest line only to discover the lady in front of us had a cart clear full of stuff, and her daughter was still bringing more stuff.

Now, after the long wait in line, we will "eventually" be getting some king sized Reese's peanut butter cups, a moon pie, beef jerkey, Dr. Pepper flavored chapstick and an umbrella.

Aaron asked for one of those new fangled tongue cleaners. "Hey mom! It says it cures bad breath!"
"Yes, but you have to actually use it to make it get rid of the bad breath."
"Seriously? You have to use it for it to work??"

At least he is well versed in sarcasm.

Just before we finally got up to the checkstand, a new cashier came on duty. She must have just barely come on shift because she was cheerful and coherant. ( possibly just a little too cheerful)

"Hello! Welcome to Wal Mart Miss!" (yes, she called me "Miss" she should probably have her eyes checked as I am well into "M'am" territory")

Then she asked me my favorite question to be asked by a cashier.

"Didja find everything OK?

"No" I said, "We had to look really hard to find something.

"OH NO! Can I get someone to get it for you? What was it you were looking for?"

"Crazy glue, I just wasn't sure where to look for it"

"OH NO! Was there anyone around to help you? I'm so sorry! They should put it somewhere easier to find! I'm really sorry? Is there anything we can do to make it easier to find next time? They should really do something about that! I'm so, so sorry! Is there anything I can do for you right now to make the situation better?"

"No thanks" I said "We found it.............eventually."


Melissa said...

A cheerful Wal-Mart employee? I do believe you stepped into an alternate universe!

I always seem to get the cashier who has to look at everything everyone is buying and comment on each item. "Oh, look! That's on sale! I didn't know that was on sale... " or "Isn't that the prettiest purple color? And it's soft... so soft..". And yeah. those are actual quotes from the last lady I had to deal with. Fun, fun, fun!

I do love your "eventually" idea though... gonna have to use that one... often :)

Kristina P. said...

Next time, let me know when you're going, and I will be happy to take a picture of People of Walmart. While I am wearing my Snuggie and mocking you.

Brandi said...

If you're up to it, you could "eventually" have your kids use graham crackers and frosting to create their own "gingerbread" houses.

M-Cat said...

And now, eventually will become the newest word in Sissy's vocabulary. Wait - I'm the meemaw so that means I can buy her everything anyway right?

Wish I had known about it 18 years ago....

And are you SURE you were in a Walmart with the cheery cashier? I might have to call 'bluff' on that one

Bonnie the Boss said...

I might have to swap out "Later" for "eventually" in my avoidence of stuff for my kids.

marythemom said...

We were taught to say, "Someday I would like to have..." Everytime we said, "I want that." My mom would correct us.

I like it alot and use it with my kids. This way I know what they want (helps around Christmas time) and they feel heard and learn the right way to ask for things. Plus I don't have to say "No."

Mary in TX

marythemom said...

I need to remind my kids about the cameras! Maybe I'd get better behavior.

Mary in TX

Mae Rae said...

Eventually is my new favorite word. I have three and they know the walmart rule but don't abide. I think that Eventually they will understand.
especially when i start using the word eventually.

Jen said...

I always say, "Maybe some other time." I like the eventually.

Can I just say it drives me crazy when you prep a child and they do the thing you told them not to do immediately afterward? "B, do not throw dirt on your cousins." Play, play, play. "MOM! B threw dirt in Henry's eye!" GAAAAAAAAAAH!